by Stacy-Deanne
“I only got one thing to say to you.” He fastened his belt. “Fuck you.” He left the room.
She ran to the doorway. “Winston!”
“Go to hell!”
He disappeared down the hall.
Seconds later the front door slammed.
Lisa laid her head against the bedroom door. “Shit.”
CHAPTER FOURTEEN
The Next Day:
Dr. Guzman looked up from the desk. “Mr. Jenson?” She took off her glasses.
“Hello.” Jake wheeled into the office. “Your secretary said you had about an hour until your next patient.”
“I do. Is something wrong?”
He parked in front of her desk. “I really need to talk to you.”
“Is it about Lisa?”
“No, ma’am.” He swallowed. “I needed to talk to you. I know I’m not a patient but I just wondered if I could see you for a little bit.”
She motioned with her glasses. “Well I don’t take people who are not my patients.”
“Oh.” He looked toward the door. “Okay.”
“Hold on.” She smiled. “I can spare a few minutes.” She stood and pointed toward the couch. “Let’s go over here.”
He rolled across the rug and stopped in the middle of the room.
“Okay.” She sat on the couch. “What’s going on, Mr. Jenson?”
“Call me Jake.” He rested his hands in his lap. “I really appreciate this.”
She propped her arm on the pillow. “What is it?”
“I think I’ve lost my confidence as...as a man.”
“And why do you think that?”
“I’m scared I’ll lose Lisa, and I can’t let go of that fear. It wasn’t always like this. When we first got together I was comfortable, but then another man came into the picture.”
“Winston Lewis?” Guzman crossed her legs.
“You know about Winston?” He balled a fist. “She’s been talking to you about Winston? What has she said?”
“Jake—”
“Is she leaving me for him?”
“Jake, you know I can’t discuss what Lisa and I talk about.”
“But is she leaving me?”
“No. Lisa loves you. She hasn’t said she’s leaving you.”
He exhaled.
“But she feels the same way you do about your confidence. I know it’s hard to be normal most of your life until something happens to you and your entire world changes.”
He looked at his hands.
“You go from being this active young man who feels he’s invincible to a man who has to depend on a wheelchair for the rest of his life.”
He laid his hand on his face.
“I know that’s got to be terribly difficult, but that wheelchair does not define you, Jake. It doesn’t stop you unless you let it.”
“I’ve accepted being in this chair.” He caught a tear with his thumb. “But what I can’t accept is this fear that Lisa might leave me. I’m fine any other time, but when I think about her and Winston I know I can’t measure up.”
“Why do you think this?” Guzman gestured to him. “Is it just because you’re handicapped, or something else?”
“There...” He rested his fist on the armrest. “There are certain things I can’t do with her that he could.”
She bounced her leg. “Like what?”
“Well, go dancing.”
“Lisa says you two dance all the time.”
“Yeah, in my chair.” He rolled his eyes. “I can’t stand for even a few minutes without my legs giving out.”
“Okay. What else?”
“I can’t go out with Lisa and have drinks because I’m an alcoholic.”
“Has Lisa ever said this bothered her?”
“No, but...”
She leaned forward. “You’ve got to stop blaming Lisa and Winston for how you feel. And you need to think about it like this, if you weren’t in that chair would you still be worried about Winston taking Lisa from you?”
He glanced around. “Probably, but I don’t know if it would eat me up this much because I’d feel like I could compete.”
“But you have Lisa now.” She chuckled. “You do.”
“But what if she leaves me?”
She shrugged and sat back. “You can’t worry about the future, Jake. You can’t control what might happen. If Lisa decides to leave you, then you have to believe you’ll be able to start over with someone else.”
“But that’s just it.” He rubbed his hair. “Look, even after I had my accident I never had a problem finding a woman to date. Women flirt with me all the time.”
She smiled.
“They go out on dates and even have sex with me, but when it comes to a relationship... Lisa’s been the only one willing to take that step with me.”
“So you’re saying the other women pulled away?”
He nodded.
“And how do you know that is because of your chair and not that they just didn’t love you?”
“I—”
“You don’t know, do you? You have to get your confidence back, Jake.” She put her hands together. “Your biggest fear is losing Lisa because she’s the first woman since Katherine that you’ve been in love with, right?”
“You know about Katherine too?”
“Lisa’s told me everything about you.” She uncrossed her legs. “And the bottom line is that you feel you have to have Lisa or no one else will want you. You think that if she leaves you for whatever reason, you’ll never find another woman to love you because you’re in a wheelchair.” She pointed. “Am I right?”
“Whoa.” He batted. “You are good.”
“You have to learn to be okay with a not-so-happy ending with Lisa. You can’t fear losing her and you must realize that you’ll be okay if you do.”
“Well how do I do that?” He leaned to the side. “Thirty years from now I don’t wanna end up some old, handicapped man who’s alone because no one wants him.”
“You seal your own fate, Jake. You are the one who determines if you’ll end up alone or not.”
“So you’re saying I should accept that things might not work out?” He sat up straight. “That’s easier said than done.”
“It’s about limitations.” She stood and walked over to him. “You see your limitations as the reason why a woman would leave you.” She placed a hand on his shoulder. “You have to remember that whether a person is handicapped or not, everyone has limitations. That has nothing to do with a person’s physical capabilities.”
“That’s deep, Doc.” He rubbed the back of his neck. “So I gotta just chill and let things ride out even though it’s so scary?”
She patted his shoulder. “Life is scary but wouldn’t you rather experience the beauty it has to offer, warts and all, than to not have the chance?”
“Yes.” He kissed her hand. “I get you. Thanks so much, Doc.”
“You’re welcome.” She went back to her desk. “Is there anything else?” She swept her skirt in the back and sat.
“Well, maybe just one more thing.” Jake turned his wheelchair around when he got to the door. “Got any advice on how to get rid of Winston?”
She chuckled and pointed to the door. “Bye, Jake.”
CHAPTER FIFTEEN
The female officers glanced at Dee when she walked into the lounge, then turned back around, whispering and giggling.
Dee got a bag of jalapeño chips from the vending machine then headed for the door.
More whispers and giggles erupted.
“Okay, that’s it.” Dee stopped and turned around. “All day you guys have been whispering, giggling, and making silly faces at me. What’s going on?”
“No wonder you didn’t think I was Winston’s type.” Connie bit into her corndog. “Your plan was to keep him all for yourself.”
The women laughed and whistled.
Dee stood behind Connie’s chair. “What the hell does that mean?”
�
�Oh, you know what she means,” the light-skinned black officer with the blonde ponytail said. “Don’t play the fool, Dee.”
“I’m not playing anything.” She glanced at all of them. “I don’t know what you guys are talking about.”
“I bet you feel like the redheaded stepchild.” Connie sipped soda through a straw. “Walking around here every day and seeing the man you love drooling over your best friend. Especially seeing how he doesn’t give you the time of day.”
“Oooh.” The fat woman with the short hair waved her finger at Dee.
Dee squeezed the chips until they crumbled inside the bag.
“It has to be torture for you, Dee.” Connie turned around. “To know that the man you love doesn’t want you?”
“Not as much torture as it would be if I knocked every damn tooth out of your mouth!” Dee threw the chips at her.
“Oooh!” The women laughed and pointed.
Dee ran out of the lounge.
****
That Evening:
“Ah, jeez.” Dee stopped and turned around when she saw Winston in the station workout room.
“Hey.” He finished the sit-up then jumped to his feet. “What’s your problem, Dee?” He yanked a towel off the shelf.
She faced him. “What are you talking about?”
He grabbed his water bottle from the mat. “Why did you turn around when you saw me?” He opened the bottle and sipped.
“It’s just that I didn’t expect to see you in here.”
“And why not?” Sweat ran down the tight, black tank that hugged his scrumptious pecks.
“Oh I don’t know.” She swung her hand. “I thought you’d be somewhere running after Lisa, like always.”
He scoffed. “And why are you mean? Well, I mean today?”
“Honestly?” She straightened the towel on her shoulder. “Because you’re the last person I
wanna see right now.”
“And what did I do to you?” He dabbed his face.
“You exist.” She yanked the towel off her shoulder.
“You’re such a bitch.” He wiped his forehead. “You think you can just say whatever you want to people and that they don’t have any feelings.”
She put her hand in his face. “Did I give you any indication that I wanna hear your whining right now?”
He gaped.
“In case you’ve been living in a box somewhere, I’ve had the day from hell.” She stomped toward the exercise bike. “All day Connie-big-mouth Allison, and that fat ass Belinda have been snickering and laughing behind my back and I’ve had it.” She threw the towel on the floor and got on the bike. “I thought this was a police station and not high school.”
“So why take it out on me?”
“Because it’s because of you that they’re doing this.” She pedaled. “God, Winston, you’re a cop. You should be able to get a clue.”
“Hey, I haven’t exactly had the best day either.” He stood beside the bike. “As for Connie, I know exactly what you mean. Every time I turn around someone is giggling in my face and whispering.”
“And you brought it on yourself.” She pedaled faster. “I told you people were talking about you and Lisa but you took it as a big joke.” She gripped the handlebars. “What I can’t understand is why are they acting so weird with me?”
“Hey.” He laid his hand on hers.
She trembled from his touch but she sure as hell wouldn’t let him know it.
“We need to settle this,” he said. “What’s going on? If I did something to you please tell
me what.”
She sighed and stopped pedaling. “You didn’t do anything. I apologize for taking my frustrations out on you.”
“But why are you so frustrated? Is there something I can do?”
You can throw me down on the mat and make love to me as if we’re the last two people on earth. That’s what you can do.
“No.” She slipped her hand from under his. “I’m fine.”
“Dee.” He put his finger under her chin and turned her face until their eyes met. “I’m your friend. You know that, right?”
Friend!
“Now I know we get into it with each other from time to time, but you know I care about you.” He stroked her ponytail. “You know if you need to talk about anything then I’m here.”
She got off the bike. “Winston. I have to...” She lost herself in his stare. “I have to tell you something.”
“What?” He moved closer.
“It’s...” She stared at his chest. “It’s hard to explain.”
“I’m here for you, Dee.” He took her hand. “Just tell me.”
“Oh...” Butterflies filled her stomach.
Don’t do it, Dee.
She stared at his lips. “I...”
Don’t you dare do it.
“Oh.” She exhaled.
“Dee?” He moved closer.
“Ah, fuck it!” She grabbed his head and pushed her lips to his. “Mmm.” She moved his head left and right, sucking his lips with each turn.
“Dee,” he mumbled against her lips.
She let his head go. “Ah.”
He looked at her as if she’d run over his puppy.
Oh no.
She fell against the bike and covered her mouth.
I told you not to do it.
“Dee?” He wiped lipstick from his mouth. “What...?”
“Oh god!” She ran toward the door. “Oh god!”
“Dee!”
She ran out of the room.
CHAPTER SIXTEEN
Connie walked into the workout room. “Well, well, well.”
Winston threw his head back and exhaled. “What do you want, Connie?”
“Just came to get me a workout.” She sashayed toward him in a tight spandex jogging suit. “And imagine my surprise when I see you and Dee in here kissing.” She went to the little refrigerator in the back of the room and grabbed a water bottle. “Seems like...” She unscrewed the bottle. “Every time I walk into some room in this station...” She sipped. “You’re kissing some woman.”
“Except you, right?” He cocked his head to the side. “Or maybe that’s the problem.”
“What does that mean?” She batted her eyes.
“You can act innocent with everyone else and you can bat those little blonde eyelashes until the cows come home but I’ve had your number since the first time I got here.”
“Really?” She smirked. “I’ve had yours too.”
“No you wish you had my number.” He chuckled. “That’s the problem.” He headed to the doorway.
“For a man who is such a good cop it sure as hell takes you a long time to get a clue.” She sucked the bottle.
“Excuse me?” He turned around.
“You’re so blind.” She set the water down and got on the treadmill. “You’re too busy
running after the woman who doesn’t want you so you haven’t noticed that another woman does.”
“First off, Lisa does want me and it’s none of your damn business. Second, I don’t know what the hell else you’re talking about.”
She jogged on the treadmill. “Men are so dumb.” She shook her head. “You could put a sign on a woman’s pussy and you still wouldn’t get the hint.”
“Well enlighten me, Old Wise One.”
She stopped jogging. “Dee just kissed you and ran out of here practically in tears. What does that tell you?”
He crossed his arms. “I don’t know.”
“Jeez.” She laughed and continued jogging. “Men.”
“Just tell me what the hell you’re talking about.”
She stopped jogging once more to look at him. “Dee kissed you because she is hopelessly, desperately, and insanely in love with you.”
He jumped back. “What?”
“Dee’s in love with you.” She jogged. “She’s been all this time.”
“Wait.” He grinned. “Dee is in love with me?” He pulled at his tank top.
“That’s ridiculous.”
“She loves you.” Connie kept her eyes straight ahead. “Lisa told me.”
“Dee’s in love with me?” He stared into space. “Dee?”
****
That Night:
Someone banged on Lisa’s front door. She jerked up off the couch. “Jesus.”
“Lisa!” Dee pounded. “Open this door!”
“What the...?” Lisa put down Grayson’s Moon Day and answered the front door. “Dee? What the hell—?”
“Save it.” She stomped inside and slammed the door. “How could you?”
“I don’t know what the hell you’re talking about! And why are you banging on my door like you’ve lost your mind?”
“You know damn well why!” Dee pointed. “I can’t believe you’d betray me like this, Lisa.”
Lisa threw up her arms. “What the hell are you talking about?”
“Oh, you know what I’m talking about.” Dee crossed her arms and tilted to one side. “So we’re supposed to be best friends, huh? What a joke!”
“Dee.” Lisa grabbed her. “What the hell is going on?”
She knocked Lisa’s hands away. “You told Winston I was in love with him!”
“I...” Lisa covered her mouth. “I didn’t!”
“Bull!”
“I swear I didn’t tell him anything, Dee.”
“Then how did he find out?”
“I don’t know.” Lisa glanced around the room. “Maybe he just guessed because of how you’ve been acting lately.”
“Oh please, he’s a man.” She rolled her eyes. “He didn’t figure this out on his own.”
“Oh shit.” Lisa hit her forehead.
“What?”
“Connie must’ve told him.”
“Connie?” Dee shouted. “You told Connie?”
“She promised she wouldn’t tell!”
“Damn, you might as well have put it in the fuckin’ paper! The only secret that woman can keep is her age and her weight!”
“I don’t believe this.” Lisa got Grayson’s book off the couch and sat.
“I can’t believe you’d be dumb enough to tell Connie, the biggest gossip in the entire Baltimore Police Department!”
“I’m sorry.” She opened the book. “But maybe this is a good thing.”
“The hell it is!” Dee marched toward her. “You won’t believe the embarrassment I suffered on so many levels today.” She swung her purse. “First Connie and her friends were making fun of me all damn day, and then that tragedy in the workout room.” She turned her head away and covered her eyes. “I still can’t believe I did it.”