by C. Gockel
“Colonel Halliwell, this is Commander Gaedon of the Gadi Federation.” His voice was calm, but Sara thought she heard a sigh in it.
So he was smart. Good to know.
Chapter Twelve
The fighter screen didn’t return to mom until she was back in position above Kikk. The Gadi would be sending a small delegation—in a small ship—to confer with them, in a few days. When they withdrew from Gadi space, Sara’s last act was to restore all the Gadi weapons systems. She and Hawkins got to be first in the hawk circle, so she was already out of her bird and out of her zoombag when she saw Fyn clamber out of one of the ships.
Her heart leapt, then steadied. Just because he was back on the ship didn’t mean he was back in her life. He still had a wife down on Kikk. And Colonel Halliwell was waiting to debrief them. She only had time to meet his gaze, before she had to follow the Old Man out of the bay.
Outside his wardroom, Sara stopped, flushing a bit. “Can I hit the head first, sir?” She was way over due for a pee.
He looked amused, but nodded permission, signaling for Hawkins to go in with him. When Sara joined them, Hawkins was almost at the end of his report. Sara waited quietly and when he finished, Halliwell said, “Glad you made it back. Colonel Emerson wants you back on board the Patton a-sap.”
He saluted, giving Sara a look of regret before going out. Sara was glad to be alone with the Colonel. No way she could give her report in front of anyone.
“Have a seat, Donovan.” He looked at her for a long moment. “Bad luck the Gadi happened to be in the way of your hop.”
“Yes, sir.”
“Did they ever say what they were doing there?”
“No, sir.”
“I’m guessing he made the same connections that the Dusan did?”
“That would be when it went south.”
“Who knew you’d have the face that would launch a thousand ships.”
Sara grinned a bit wryly. “I’m not getting delusions of prettiness, sir.”
His eyes widened a bit, he hesitated. “When I was picking crew for this expedition, I almost pulled you from the list.”
Sara didn’t know what to say. She had the most hours in a Dauntless. “Why, sir?”
“I knew we’d be gone a long time. No one likes to talk about it, but on a trip like this, in such close quarters, stuff happens. You’re not pretty, Donovan, you’ve got something more.”
Sara jerked in surprise and arched her brows in disbelief.
“I watched you interact with your squadron and decided it would be all right. You’d found a way to fade into the background. But I remember thinking, if anyone ever noticed you, things could get interesting. I’m not thrilled to be right.”
“I don’t know what to say. I—”
“You really didn’t know, did you? I thought you knew and just kept it down, but you didn’t know.”
She still didn’t know. She kind of shrugged.
He looked almost impatient. “Think about it. Miri started a war in this galaxy and you look like her.”
Now Sara knew what to say. “Who a person is, it isn’t just about how they look. It’s what inside them, sir. Maybe she was so special they didn’t notice she was homely.”
Sara knew she’d been a scientist, a smart one. The only skill Sara had, that she was sure was hers alone, was flying. All the other stuff came from the nanites.
He looked at her like he wanted to say more, but he just shook his head. “Let’s get to your report. You had some lucky breaks after things went south. Their systems suddenly going down. Their weapons not working.”
Sara sighed. “It wasn’t luck, sir.”
He blinked a few times. “I’d like to say I’m surprised, but some pretty weird ass things have happened around you recently.”
Sara flushed. “Yes, sir.”
“Was it the AI?”
“No, sir.”
He frowned. “Park it and explain it to me. Please.”
Sara parked it. “There are things about me...”
“Things?”
“Weird things.” Sara rubbed between her brows. “Like—I can heal, sir.”
“We all heal, Captain.”
She pulled up her sleeves and held out her unscarred wrists. “Not like I can heal.”
He grabbed one arm, then the other. Even with the weird things, he was looking at her like she was nuts.
“How is that possible?”
“My parents died before they could explain it to me.”
“Do you get sick? Colds?”
Sara shook her head. He looked almost annoyed by that.
“Sorry, sir.”
“Not even the flu?”
“No—I did die twice. And I do feel pain. If that helps…”
He kind of gave himself a shake. “Right. Okay. Let’s see you grew up in foster care, didn’t you?”
Sara nodded. “It was easy to hide it. I got real good at it.”
“Is that all you had to hide?”
She shook her head again. “I also realized that I learned fast, really fast. When you’re already different, and hiding it, well, I learned to hide that, too. I got real good at staying in the middle of the curve. Getting enough wrong answers to not stand out.”
It wasn’t just about standing out, though. It felt wrong to get ahead on knowledge she didn’t earn. It felt like a cheat. The only time she’d used it was to get into the Air Force, to get through college faster, and then with great care. There was that big microscope she was always trying to avoid. She looked down, realized her hands were tightly clenched and stretched the fingers out. Her chest hurt and her throat felt tight and dry.
“It wasn’t until I was in high school and had access to computers that I realized I could interface with them.”
“Interface? I don’t understand…”
“I can connect to them, just by thinking, like I’m a wireless network or something.”
“You never told anyone and no one noticed?” He sounded winded and still a bit disbelieving.
“Evie, my last foster mother, she noticed the healing. But I never told her about the other thing.”
“Why not?”
Sara looked at him then. “I watched the Sci-fi channel. I saw what happened to people who didn’t fit in. I just wanted to be normal.” She looked down for a moment, then back up. “Foster care is a kind of prison. I felt powerless, out of control. Joining the Air Force helped me get my power back.”
“But you still hid.”
She looked down again. “Yes, sir. By that time, it was as natural to me as breathing. This is the first time in my life I’ve told anyone what I can do.”
“That include Fyn?”
“I didn’t tell him anything. He did notice that I healed. I hit my head pretty badly when I crashed. And I think he noticed I respond to alerts fast, but we’ve never talked about it. And he was with me when I fixed the shields during Adin’s attack with the Gadi ship.”
The Old Man’s eyes widened. “You did that?”
“I’m afraid so.”
“And you have no clue why you’re like this?”
“I didn’t.” She took a deep breath. “When I was exploring the city, just before, well, before the outpost incident I found this lab in that same building. From what I could tell, it was a nanite research lab. Microscopic computers. I think that’s what’s in my blood. I think they heal me and help me do things.”
“You’re under the influence of these nanites?” His gaze narrowed sharply.
“No, sir. I control them. When I killed myself, I stopped them from healing me. They just extend my reach. And they give me information. Enhance my own abilities, I think.”
“So you are, somehow, connected to this Miri?”
“That was her lab, down in the city. And I’ve learned more about her. I’ve been connected to the city, but I couldn’t understand what it was trying to tell me.”
“And now you do?” He still looked a bit winded.
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“I don’t know everything, but I do know that there was someone she loved. She was pregnant. And I know she left because she didn’t love the Gadi man who wanted to marry her.”
“Left. How?”
“Through that portal. Something about folding or warping space. I don’t understand it. Even with the nanites, I’m no geek. I just know that’s how she left. She came to Earth.”
“And the baby is your what?”
Sara hesitated. “It’s me, sir.”
He jerked back. “That’s not possible.”
“If the Garradians could bend space, why couldn’t they have mastered time travel? Think about it. Could she leave this and go live in a past without any technology? Particularly if she had a baby on the way? And what better place to hide than in the future? She just didn’t plan on dying in a car accident.”
And she probably never figured on Sara wandering into her old galaxy.
“I can seriously say my mind is boggled, Donovan.”
“I know, sir. I’m sorry.” She sighed again. “There’s more.”
“More?”
“My arrival here has triggered something. Miri was the keeper of the key the Dusan and the Gadi both want.”
“So you have the key?”
“I am the key.”
“You’re the key?”
She nodded. “The city has been contacting me. It keeps asking me to turn the key.”
He blinked a few times. “And how are you supposed to do that?”
“I wish I knew. Ruby’s a bit cryptic.”
“Ruby?”
“That’s what I call it, the AI or whatever it is that contacts me.”
“The AI that defended this ship?”
Sara nodded. “It was Ruby who hijacked me that first time. And helped me when I was on the outpost.”
“Did Ruby trigger the self-destruct?”
“No, sir. That was me. I did it before I died. Ruby must have modified it to a fake self-destruct. Since I was dead.”
His eye looked like it twitched. Sara thought one of her eyes did, too. It was pretty weird.
He looked at her, his expression sober and worried.
She rubbed her face again. “There is a feeling of urgency about it that worries me. I was talking to Hawkins last night and something he said made me wonder if turning the key wouldn’t widen our view. If you look at the map of the outposts, they are woven into the entire galaxy. Maybe there is something out there that we need to see.”
“You haven’t tried to turn the key?”
Sara shook her head. “No, sir. Not without talking to you about it. My first loyalty is to this ship and to you.”
“If I didn’t already know that, you’d be in the brig, Captain.” His voice was stern, but his eyes were worried. “You’ve had a lot to deal with.”
“Yes, sir.”
“I need time to think about all this, Captain. And I’m sorry, but I’m going to have to ground you again.”
She bit her lip, but nodded. “I understand.”
“I don’t think you do. You were captured by the Gadi, who may have a better idea of how useful you could be than we do. You’re a damn fine pilot and I hate to lose you right now, but your value at the moment doesn’t lie in the cockpit of a Dauntless.”
Sara struggled for control. She had to bite her lips hard to keep them from trembling. If she couldn’t fly, she might as well die.
“I understand, sir,” Sara said, her voice wooden. “I’m a useful freak.” She couldn’t look at him.
“Donovan.” The tone of his voice commanded her attention. “You trusted me enough to tell me this. Trust me to figure out the best thing to do about it.”
The knot in her chest eased some. “Yes, sir.”
“Don’t tell anyone, and I mean anyone, what you told me.”
She managed a wry smile. “That won’t be a problem sir.”
She started to leave.
“Donovan, what did you do to the Gadi systems?”
She grinned. “Just gooned them up a bit. I owed ‘em for shooting me with that freaking stun gun. Most of them are already back online. I did blow up their security system in their holding cells.”
He grinned. “You impressed the hell out of Hawkins.”
“It wasn’t all me, sir. He pulled his weight and then some.”
He nodded. “Write a report, leaving out the FM parts, and send it to me. Dismissed.”
“Thank you, sir.” With a lighter heart, Sara snapped off a salute, turned and left.
It was scary, but also a bit of relief. A burden shared and all that.
As she made her way to her quarters, Sara mentally wrote the report, checked for FM’s—freaking magic—and emailed it to the Colonel, wondering if he’d noticed how timely it was. When the door to her quarters opened, Sara was surprised to find Fyn waiting for her. With all that happened, she’d actually forgotten he was back. For a long moment, Sara just stared at him. Still half shocked, she stepped in, feeling the door slide past her back. He looked like he was going to say something, but then he reached for her.
Sara reached back. And there was some kissing. Lots of it, actually. It was both a relief and a delight. When they were both in dire need of air, he lifted his head. His green eyes were hot and smoky.
“I didn’t mean to do that until I explained,” he said.
Sara managed a sort of smile. “Talking isn’t really your thing.”
He smiled then and sighed. And he finally let her go.
Now that Fiona was in the room, it was really crowded. Sara eased past him and dropped down on the bed.
“How’s Fiona?”
He sank down on her stool. “She wants to go back to them, to him.”
Sara felt nausea roil in her very empty stomach. She almost couldn’t stand to hear this.
“I’m sorry.” She looked down, only keeping her hands from clenching by gripping her knees.
“I’m sorry she can’t find her way back. I never did see her.”
He was lucky. Sara still had nightmares about Fiona’s dead eyes.
“He had a long time to work on her.” She took a shaky breath. “We call it brain washing. It’s a process of breaking down the will to resist. Even the strongest person gets disoriented and vulnerable. Then he just put her back together the way he wanted.”
“You would have resisted.”
She bit her lip. She wished she were as sure as he was. She could still feel Adin’s mouth on hers, could still feel how expertly he used his practiced skill against her. She could still remember her horror as she tried to find a way out, but he’d seen all the moves, except the one she finally chose. That was it, she realized, that was the problem, the reason she couldn’t completely get Adin out of her head. Even at her most helpless in foster care, she’d been able to find ways to get out, to get away, to change the situation. She’d been helpless, felt helpless, but never ever really been without help. She’d never been pushed so completely to the wall.
Who she was, she’d always been able to hide, to protect, to keep alive, even when things got really grim. It still felt like a cop out to die and she hadn’t even been able to take him with her. She’d been afraid to try too soon, for fear he’d be able to stop her. Afraid. She’d done things with a high pucker factor, but they’d all been her choice, her decision. He’d hit her where she lived, released her demons—what she’d hated most about foster care, that feeling of being in others’ control, her fear of losing herself in the mindlessness of it all. She wasn’t just fighting Adin, she was fighting herself, fighting the pieces of her past that still wanted to trip her up, still wanted to steal her future.
Fyn gripped her hands, pulling her out of her thoughts. “You beat him.”
“No, I just got away from him. I didn’t beat him.” She took a deep, shaky breath. “But I will. I have to.” She looked at him now. “Or he still wins. I won’t let him control me here. I won’t let him live inside my head forever.”
Fyn touched her cheek, stroking the curve, his touch so gentle it made her want to cry.
“You’re having trouble sleeping, aren’t you?”
“Sleeping I can do. It’s waking up that seems to be hard.” She gave a shaky sigh, then managed a smile. “But I’ll get past it.”
“I know you will.”
His confidence helped. Even more, the way he looked at her warmed all her cold, scared places.
“Do you know you’re the only person who looks at me like that?”
“Like what?”
“Like you see me. You make me real.” Her hand settled on the curve of his cheek. “The only other person who did that was Evie.”
He looked pleased, then he looked down and asked, his voice almost too casual, “So that guy who was your wingman, he seemed to see you.”
Sara felt her mouth curving in delight. He almost sounded jealous. It was so cute.
“He says he likes my six,” Sara said, carefully casual. “But I don’t know that he saw me. We shared a cuppa. I thought I should move on, since you were married.”
“And did you move on?” Fyn looked worried.
Sara looked at him. Was he really unsure? She slid her arms around his neck and pulled his mouth down to hers. When her toes were curled in her boots and her brain thoroughly scrambled, she eased back.
“Yeah, I moved on. Sorry.” She grinned at him.
He looked a bit rueful, but also amused. “In my world, if one mate revokes the bond, then it is ended.”
“That’s pretty convenient,” Sara said. “It’s more complicated in my country.” She looked down. “So, does this mean you’re free to date again?”
His grabbed her hands. “And to bond again what you called marry?”
“Marry. Marriage.”
“And if someone from your world wished to marry, how would they go about it?”
“Well, there are lots of different ways to marry in my country, and in my world, actually. But in the military, it’s more complicated.” Particularly if the person in question was, say a freak. Would the Old Man consent to anything right now? “A military puke needs permission from their commanding officer.”
Fyn pulled her close again. She felt warm and safe. She leaned her head on his chest, listening to his heart beating.