Chapter 18
Stalling was not prepared for the oppressive presence filling the room, a mysterious energy that assaulted every sense. By the time he reached the chamber's center to stand next to Jennifer, tears were inexplicably running down his face. He turned to face his friend, hoping she would clarify the unexpected veneration with some type of scientific explanation. Instead, he was startled to see the stolid scientist suffering from the same affliction.
"It's him," she sniveled, rubbing the back of her hand across puffy eyes and snuffling nose as she nodded toward Muzar. Stalling turned to face Muzar, naked but for snug white boxer-briefs, raised face level from the submerged bay centered between the three computer towers. He was lying upward at an eighty-degree angle, securely placed in a wide, foam fitted bed. The bed was framed by the same black, biometric material used to create the mainframe's conical walls.
Who is this stranger? Stalling thought as he struggled to look directly at his unconscious childhood friend. "We have surpassed our wildest expectations! Who could resist the benevolent force emanating from this creature?" Stalling said to no one, to everything.
Jennifer rubbed his back and shared in his joyful tears for several moments before the pragmatic side gained control. "The math remains consistent, the program will kill him if we allow it to finish. We must awaken him, now."
"I have reviewed Janison's patch and believe it will enable us to save him with all his knowledge intact," Stalling replied. "We will start the procedure the second he and Antone arrive. They are only minutes behind."
"Then what? Will it all be over? Did he grow enough, despite not finishing? How crucial are those final moments?" Jennifer asked, echoing the questions all of them have asked since discovering the problem.
"It will have had to be enough," Stalling said, surprised by the resolve of his words. Addressing Muzar, Stalling said, "You have done more than any of us could have hoped old friend," impulsively grabbing the others hand.
"Yes, yes he has," Jennifer added, placing her face in front of Muzar's, gently brushing her lips across his.
The show of affection surprised but did not shock Stalling. Lorissa was right. All this time, Jennifer has been near the one person she cared for most. How that came to be, he could only guess, for the two had never met until Muzar arrived in this place ten years ago and that time was brief.
Granted, Jennifer had prepared Muzar for both the mental and physical challenges of his journey before departing. But he found it hard to imagine the two of them forging any kind of meaningful relationship over those few days. No, Stalling concluded, the bond between them must have materialized during Muzar’s absence over the years as Jennifer studied his life from afar.
Or their bond spans over many lifetimes prior to this one, Stalling thought with a fond smile.
Either way, the love he saw on Jennifer's face was real, not a simple infatuation. This much he was certain. What was not clear, a thought he was sure must be running through her mind, was if Muzar felt the same.
Confident the answers to which, and so much more, revealed with Muzar’s return. All the sacrifices his friend had made rushed to the surface of Stalling’s consciousness. Before I ever approached Muzar with my outlandish proposal, he had already sacrificed more than any of us could imagine. With vivid detail, Stalling recalled the crucial juncture in their relationship that took place over a decade ago.
The dank place chosen for their reunion was one of the many, naturally formed pockets found within the ancient limestone caverns of Blacadoma. Free of security cameras, the small space had remained hidden from the world at large. If not for the painstaking hours invested by Stalling's team to dissect every recorded movement Muzar made, they too would have never found the hidden cavern.
It was complete conjecture on their part that the cave even existed. The only form of hard evidence came from observed time lapses that occurred on more than one occasion when either Muzar or his allies traveled the otherwise nondescript stretch of hallway.
"From what we can tell by the blueprints and intel we acquired, the entire network of light fixtures down that hall has not worked for years. There must be a hidden room or passage," the elated team reported one day after months of fruitless search.
Time was pressing on many fronts and Stalling knew it was time to take a calculated risk. He went with his gut and started drilling. Ten months, the death of a crewman and several course changes later, they completed the long shaft and gained entry into the tiny cavern. It took another five weeks of waiting for one of Muzar's people to enter the room and coordinate with Stalling's agent a meeting with Muzar.
Stalling shuddered, remembering how they lowered him into the narrow shaft, lying flat on his back with arms pinned to his sides as ropes slowly pulled him down feet first. His heart raced as he recalled the hours it took to complete the descent. Alone with his fears, the morbid sound of his breath echoing off rock wall was all he had to keep him company. He feared getting stuck in the three foot wide, over four mile long shaft and dying from his heart exploding with panic. He feared not escaping, forced to live his remaining years in that hellhole. Most of all, he feared of returning empty handed, of facing the prospect of never realizing his dreams, all of which were so close to materializing.
The descent and ascent of the shaft had been the most harrowing experiences in his life to date or since. But Stalling believed deep inside that if he could convince Muzar to accept the pivotal role in his vision, it would all be worth it. Muzar is the answer, he would tell himself over and over again. He was certain the statement would manifest itself as true if he said it enough with conviction and unbridled gratitude. The thought had become his mantra, the weapon he used to keep his mounting fears at bay, providing clarity when he needed it most.
Once delivered, with that mantra fresh on his heart, Stalling squatted at the edge of the small, mirrored pool that consumed the majority of the cramped space. He waited several hours for Muzar to arrive. Calming his nerves, he had meditated on the abundant stalactites hanging from the slit ceiling, reflected on the pool by his tiny lamp. Finally, Muzar entered from the small crack leading into the room, an action that required him to turn sideways, crouch down and step like a crab.
Stalling moved to greet his old friend and was rebuffed when Muzar turned his back to him, squatted low and said in a harsh whisper: "Quite!" Muzar maintained his position for several long minutes. The silence of the man was more smothering to Stalling than the recent hours of isolation.
Satisfied none had followed, he stood back up and turned to face Stalling.
"It is good to see you Muzar," Stalling said softly.
"Yes, Stalling, it is good to see you as well. You have brought the supplies we requested, yes?"
"Yes, all that we could muster under the circumstances.” He gestured with a hand toward the six, large duffle bags piled on the low ledge near the small hole his men had bore into the room.
"You have truly done us a great service," Muzar said as he crossed the room and inspected the bags.
He studied Muzar in that moment. It had been twelve years since he had last seen his friend in person but Muzar looked like he had aged forty. The grainy camera footage had somewhat prepared Stalling for the shocking changes in the man. Now, enclosed in the room together with the dreary iridescence of his pocket lamp shedding light on the finer details, he had to stretch his memory to recognize anything familiar.
To identify the person in the room as his old friend, Stalling had to recall the subtle traits, relegated in the past as secondary behind his robust personality. Despite the loss of fifty pounds of muscle and the baggy jumpsuit he wore, Muzar still moved with feline grace and purpose, each step and gesture like an orchestrated dance.
But it was the spark in his emerald eyes, shrouded by a wild mane of dark brown locks matted to his forehead and a shaggy beard extending past his neckline that assured Stalling's doubting mind that the man in the room was Muzar. It was this enc
hanting spark, a providential sensuousness, that Stalling recognized in that moment as the source of his conviction, his belief that Muzar was indeed the missing piece.
Content with his mental inventory of the contents of the bags, Muzar stood up, turned around and acknowledged Stalling’s presence with a nod. "Thank you. The timing of these supplies could not have come at a better time. You have saved thousands."
"I only wish I could have brought more," Stalling said meekly, wondering how the meager amount of fortified food, water and essential medical supplies could have any kind of significant impact on the situation in Blacadoma.
"It’s more than anyone else would do, that is all that matters. It was your generous heart that always made me proud to call you my friend," Muzar said as he stepped down and stood before Stalling.
"You have no idea the peace it brings me to hear you still consider me a friend," Stalling said.
Muzar's face flashed with a mix of undetectable emotions in response to Stalling's words, before he forced a smile and clasped Stalling's shoulder affectionately. "Come, let us sit by the pool with the remaining time we have and you can tell me the ulterior reason you chose to risk your life to see me."
They both squatted at the edge of the pool as Muzar ripped open one of the vitamin packed protein bars he had procured from a duffle bag. He took a big bite and Stalling was content to watch Muzar chew in silence for a few moments before speaking again.
"I came for you."
"To what end? So that I can spend my remaining days on some deserted, tropical island?" Muzar replied.
Despite his intentions for Muzar being far from a reclusive hideaway, the detestable tone in his friend's voice startled Stalling. "No, that is not what I came here to propose. But what if it was? Would you accept the offer?"
Muzar looked at Stalling and allowed a genuine smile to cross his face, releasing a small flash of his remote beauty. He smiled at Stalling for several long seconds, moisture amplifying the loving warmth in the depths of his eyes, before turning his attention back to the placid water.
"I lived in this hole for months. For the first week or so, I had managed to stay ahead of the mobs bent on my capture. But the more I came to terms with my predicament, the more I knew it was only a matter of time before they would catch me. I was approaching that reality, having just mugged a man laden with food and water, tasked with transporting it to one of the many caches controlled by the Ecifricans. I ran for hours without success in losing my pursuers."
"It was then that I stumbled into the pitch black hallway outside," Muzar said with a jerk of his head toward the small opening he had used to enter the room. He gulped down the rest of his bar and washed it down with a fresh bottle of water, taking his time to savor both.
Stalling waited in silence as Muzar absently flicked a few pebbles into the pool, sending small ripples across the tranquil surface. "The darkness forced me to slow down and grope along the wall to my left in order to go forward. In what I now know to be about the mid-point of the dark tunnel, where one loses sight of the light coming from either end, my hands came across a crack in the wall just below my waist. At that same moment, I knew I was trapped when I heard the voices of my pursuers coming from both ends of the tunnel. On instinct, driven by a will to live I did not know I possessed until that instant, I lay flat on the ground and pulled myself in."
Stalling peered over Muzar to study the slit leading into the cave and tried to imagine the then two hundred and fifty pound Muzar squeezing into the tight space. It did not seem possible.
"If you were here, magically waiting for me in this place at that time so many years ago, I would have left with you in an instant. For at that time, I was a man who still refused to grow; to sacrifice what I was for what I could become, a man who would have gladly lived out his days wallowing in remorse. No remorse over the death of the three men I killed, I knew the moment after the impulsive action took place that I would do it all over again. No, the self-reproach haunting me the remaining days of my life would have stemmed from my willingness to remain ignorant. How my insatiable drive to compete, to reach the highest pinnacle of a simple barbaric game, prevented me from ever seeing the world around me."
"But the world around you was beautiful," Stalling said. "You cut a wake of love and joy through the world. One could not help but feel better when they were around you. People learned to follow their bliss by your example."
Muzar shook his head and began to laugh. Laughter not heard since they last escaped to their remote spot on top of the ridge looking down upon the lush valley they once called home. It was infectious and together, as if seventeen again, they laughed until their bellies ached and tears rolled from the corners of their eyes.
"Strange," Muzar said, taking a deep breath fluttered with emotion as he regained, while less rigid, his original composure, "how the perspective of another soul can provide a glimpse of your true self when you need it most. For it is you I would have described in such a manner. It was you, the memory of those long nights on Carter's ridge gazing at the stars, solving all the world's problems, which triggered my transformation."
"Your boundless empathy for those less fortunate; your passionate anger at the flagrant injustices in the world; your belief that, if determined enough, one man could make a significant, meaningful difference; your unwavering faith that everything happens for a reason, a resolve that only intensified after the murder of your parents. I used it all, the raw material molded together to form my new self, the catalyst for my rebirth."
"Sustained by this tiny spring and the rations I had recently stolen, I lived in this place so long, I lost track of time itself. At first, fear and self-preservation kept me here. As the long hours of darkness mounted, I began to address the voices in my head that dictated my current reality. At first, the fearful child who ran from anything unknown or foreign, then the judgmental influence of adversaries protecting their self-serving perceptions of the world and finally the opinions of respected peers and role models like you. Disconnected from emotion, I listened to the voices, patiently allowing each to exhaust and fade from consciousness. It was then, in the vastness of silence, my desire for change overpowering my fear that I began to visualize a new world in which to live in."
"What if I told you I came here today to ask you to expand your influence beyond Blacadoma?"
"Who are you to say I have not already?" Muzar coyly countered Stalling's open-ended question.
He is still the same Muzar I grew to love, the only person who truly challenged me. He had counted on Muzar, by this point, not only being aware of the influence he was having on the free world, but also motivated by the knowledge.
"You misunderstood my question. The reality you have imposed onto Blacadoma seeps into the rest of Antium as we speak. Large groups dedicated to the Stewards of the Law are cropping up everywhere, not just in Drakarle but also in every province, including Ecifrica. For the first time in over two millennia, policy-altering schisms are being formed within the C.O.S. Everything once perceived as untouchable is now up for lively debate."
Muzar nodded with understanding. "It is all the chosen point of intention."
Stalling studied Muzar for several moments, amazed by and drawn toward the contentment exuding from the man. He had to remind himself of the harsh living conditions of this place. On average, once a week, Muzar took the life of another human being. No doubt, a fierce existence but a welcome dilution compared to the average of killing another human everyday experienced during his first two years in the hellhole known as Blacadoma Caverns. Against all odds, he has managed to improve his plight. Despite his perseverance and bountiful faith, he must know deep inside it will all end poorly, and soon. Stalling decided to take a different tack.
"Alterian Enterprises has experienced phenomenal growth since last we spoke," he said in a business like tone.
"That is excellent news," Muzar replied. "I never doubted you would succeed once aligned with a product or service
you believed in. So what gift have you bestowed to the world?"
"Well, assuming we continue to maintain the same patterns of the past three years, we will have accomplished nothing short of changing how the world communicates."
"Interesting. So have you enhanced the wallscreen or telipad? Or did you focus on the infrastructure and improve the grid? That's it, you expanded the grid into the rural, less affluent provinces."
"You are close," Stalling said with a smirk, openly admiring his friend's keen mind despite being a little naive. "While my father made his fortune in real estate—just as his father, grandfather and great grandfather had done—Dad used to always say to me and others close to him: Telecommunications is a safer investment than property. Betting on where people will want to live or recreate, while not a blind guess, is a fickle thing with no guarantees. Man's desire to communicate and share information, now that is something you can take to the bank."
"Sage advice," Muzar replied half heartily. Stalling sensed the other's urgency to return to the life outside the room start to mount.
"Dad backed those words with actions and by the time he and Mom passed, he was a major stakeholder in both General Technology Company and Drakarle Telecom & Cable Corporation. Soon after we finished school—about the time your pro bladeball career started to take off—I became obsessed with learning everything possible about the industry controlled by the duopoly. Learning the technology behind it all was the easy part. It was the getting my arms around political and bureaucratic bullshit surrounding the industry that was the hardest. But once I did, it became painfully apparent that the Church had no intentions of allowing a third party into the game, at least not using the same technology."
"I may be dumb to a lot of things Stalling, but even I could have saved you a lot of time and effort."
"Well, it was not a complete waste of time. Actually, looking back at it, it was time well spent, for if I did not go through the exercise, I may have never imagined the human wireless network."
"Human...wireless? What the hell are you talking about?"
Muzar’s intrigued response pleased Stalling. "As I learned more about the industry I concluded early on, if I were ever able to somehow weasel my way in as a third provider, the capital required to lay cable was too intensive. So I started to research wireless communications. Imagine having all the video and audio features of a telipad, while moving around freely rather than staying fixed in one location. The cable grid would become obsolete.”
"This was not an original idea, the technology, at least in concept, had been around for over two decades. To my dismay, I learned, only because my shareholder status provided access to information others did not, that the incumbents had already received the exclusive rights to develop and maintain future wireless network and supporting equipment. Even worse, they had started the production of both over a decade ago and were simply sitting on the technology. It just wasn't in the interest of either's bottom line to undermine the present and very profitable status quo."
"So I am guessing you found a loophole, something within the rules of the dysfunctional game that got you in." Muzar said, enjoying his recollection of Stalling's persistent intellect.
"I did, but the source of the idea did not come from any preexisting technology. It came from a project I had started five years prior that, originally, I did not foresee providing a solution to my commercial endeavors to break into the telecommunications industry. The intention of the project was to provide a deeper insight into how the human mind operates."
"OK, I'll bite, why are you studying the brain?"
"The plasticity of the human brain is inherently designed to evolve. It never stops reconstructing itself from our continual pipeline of experiences to create a predictable memory system. This memory system, or conditioned sequence of patterns, is what I believe each person uses to project his or her personal version of the Universe."
Stalling turned from the spring to look at Muzar and gauged if the other was tracking with his attempt to explain his controversial experiment in layman's terms. Muzar met his eye with an intensity he was uncertain how to read. No turning back now, Stalling had thought, full disclosure is the only way. He must make an informed decision on his own.
"To put it in simple terms, each mind writes, produces and listens to its own symphony. Beautiful, magical mathematical equations created in response to the desire our shared Universe has to observe its own reflection. Diversity amongst all of us is the key to our universal growth. The more each mind awakens to its potential the faster we grow as a whole. Conversely, every detrimental practice imposed on our collective psyche by a culture whose only interest is in its ongoing replication, taints the well of consciousness and prohibits any meaningful growth. Do you understand?"
"I understand Stalling. You have never been content to rely on faith alone, no matter how tangible the accumulated evidence. Your joy of life is found in the elusive balance between the realist in you that requires the quantifiable and the mystic in you that cannot deny the existence of realities beyond human comprehension."
"Fair enough. But you need to take your understanding of who I am one step further and fold in my commitment to stay equally active to both sides; in my unwavering belief that, if aligned with a cause bigger than myself, my continual activity will yield results for both sides. What I have taken the long road in telling you, is that I have discovered that balance, a way to keep one foot in each dimension. A way to rid ourselves of our suffocating society and usher in a new one built on the foundation of equality and love."
The bromidic tone of his own voice irritated Stalling, but he was pleased to see that Muzar's body had relaxed in response to the sermon. "So what exactly are you proposing?" Muzar cautiously inquired. "Forcibly imposing your views and beliefs on the world? How does that make you any different?"
"It doesn't and that is not my objective. My only desire is create a beacon of hope for all life, a light that cannot be extinguished by the hands of man or any other material force."
"I share that desire and have come to believe it can be attained. Maybe not in my lifetime but if I can help spark that light, then this lifetime has not been wasted."
"What you have done here over the past four years has sparked that light but I fear it is a light that man can and will extinguish, sooner rather than later."
"How do you know this? Can you see into the future? All that matters is the present now and that which we have control, in how we choose to perceive the world around us."
"I do not disagree with you Muzar, it’s just I cannot find a way to change my perception, given what I know."
"Which is what?"
"That the same government who sentenced you to this place for defending innocent women and children, is determined to prevent your truce with the Ecifricans from ever materializing."
"They are too late, there is too much momentum to stop it from happening."
"They have ascertained the same, which is why they believe there is very little recourse outside of erasing the situation entirely."
"Erasing? How do they intend to do that?"
"Well, according to my latest intel, they had narrowed it down to poisonous gas or sending down armed troops. Most likely, it will be a combination of the two."
"What of the public outcry? Do they not broadcast the on goings of this place to the world? How do they plan on justifying their actions?"
Stalling was surprised but not shocked by Muzar's look of genuine disbelief. "This is what I came here to tell you. The movement you have started is now viewed in very black and white terms. The Church of Salvation, at least the conservative majority in charge, have concluded destroying the fledgling movement now, before it can blossom and bear fruit and consequently they lose all hope of ever stopping its growth, and oppressing the public backlash with the same vigor, is the only option. Believing that in time, with good reason based off precedent set throughout history, your martyrdom will fade from consciousness.
"
Stalling fought the guilt welling inside at forcing his friend to consider such a horrid scenario as he watched Muzar contemplate the outcome of that potential reality.
"So be it," Muzar said with determined resolve sewn into his face. "Nothing has changed; I still only have control over my thoughts and actions. Let what may come, come."
"I came here to present to you an alternative, an option that, in the short-term, can prevent the wholesale slaughter of the Blacadoma inmates."
"And in the long-term?" Muzar asked, doing little to hide the hope in his eyes.
"We create a world absent of human ignorance. A world where the inherent harmony of quantifiable science and the mysterious, but undeniable, energy called God, never ceases to evolve or influence the positive growth of man's mind, body and soul."
The two turned back to face the spring and allowed the silence of the small cavern to settle over them. Several minutes passed as each mulled over the implications behind their dialogue while enjoying the quite presence of the other.
With a determined sigh, Muzar looked back to Stalling. "Over the years of my incarceration in this place, the priorities of things I miss most about living free have changed dramatically. At first, I found myself dreaming of a perfectly aged glass of ice water or one of Patrone's hot subs, do you remember, stacked so high you could barely get your hands around it!"
Stalling nodded with a laugh at the memory.
"Those desires along with all the other basic needs soon faded the day I left this oasis. As you and the rest of the world have observed, once I created the semblance of safety, my next desire to help others was fulfilled and affirmed by the people who chose to join my crusade to improve our plight. Since, I have experienced levels of comradery and love I do not believe I would have ever attained if not for the circumstances. Now, as you find me here today deep within the hollows of the world, there is a desire deep within me, a reality, despite all I have been able to manifest up to this point, that I fear will never be slaked in this lifetime again. It is the one thought, selfishly at least, that brings me the greatest sorrow and source of long stretches of melancholy. A condition I will confess has been happening more and more frequently."
"What is it?"
"In the off season, shoot it started when we were kids, I would spend months in the wilderness alone."
"I remember. You would disappear for weeks. Your parents never seemed to worry that much, always cryptically explaining your absence as ‘he has gone to find himself’. I remember chuckling at an investigative article written about you several years ago titled 'Where on Antium is Muzar Tarcones' in attempt to explain your hiatus from the public spotlight."
"I never cared for the spotlight but that was not why I felt compelled to escape from the civilized world. It was both a genetic and spiritual need to commune with nature. To know what it means to be an equal part of a vast biological community is truly what it means to live in the hands of God. My heart aches with more desire than once imagined possible to wander the wilderness with nothing but a pack on my back and no other goal than becoming one with the world we live in."
"My hope and vision for peace will always dictate the action I take going forward. I believe in you Stalling and trust your vision is aligned with my own, making secondary the how it is accomplished and the role we each play. But I tell you now, I stand before you a broken, desperate man that can only be saved by nurturing this desire—no, the need—to commune with the divinity. If you tell me once I have fulfilled my purpose, that I will once again experience life with nature, I will follow you now."
"Muzar," Stalling said, holding his friends eye, "I promise that need will be met in ways beyond our current conception.
Known Afterlife (The Provider Trilogy: Volume I) Page 39