“It’s okay. It can be fun in big groups.” Daniel shrugs.
During one of his google sprees, Todd’s learned that there’s a decently famous DJ who’s deaf, so his surprise that Daniel kind of likes dancing is because he’s Daniel. Todd can’t imagine him pulling off any smooth moves whatsoever.
“Thanks for letting me stay.” He clears his throat. “Stay over. Here. That’s really nice.”
“You’ve already thanked me.”
“Well, yeah, but still.”
Daniel clasps his shoulder, and it’s so different from when Jesse does it. Todd’s never felt as though Jesse’s hand is burning through his clothes, but right now the skin on his shoulder is a little tender. “It’s no problem. I invited you to go out with us and I’m glad you could make it.”
They get ready while they wait for Mela and Jesse. It’s strangely quiet. Todd’s alone in the guestroom and Daniel is in his.
He lingers in the room after putting on his clothes and dealing with his hair—it looks good for once. Actually, he looks good too, in black jeans and a navy shirt. The color brings out the stark contrasts in his left eye, making the brown darker and the blue clearer. But this also means that he doesn’t have any excuses left to not seek out Daniel.
Daniel’s standing by his bed pulling a shirt over his head when Todd knocks on the open door, and there’s an awkward moment when there’s no reaction. His next urge is to bang his head against the wall. Of course there isn’t. Todd wonders when he'll finally learn.
When he takes a couple of steps into the room, Daniel looks up.
“Is it okay if I come in?” Todd asks.
“Sure, I’m just getting ready.”
Todd looks around the room. It’s less sterile and smaller than he expected. There are photos on the matte, gray walls. Most of them show places and people. If he could spend an hour inspecting every single one of them, he’d learn so much about Daniel, he’s sure of that. On the far wall, below the impressive, arched window a white desk is buried under a chaos of papers, pencils, notes, and textbooks. The mess is like Todd’s desk without the drawings and doodles. Against the opposite wall is a wide dresser, and on top of it are piles of neatly folded clothes. Todd has to clasp his hands behind his back to keep himself from reaching out to touch them, just to see how soft the fabrics are. The bed is wide enough for two, covered in soft, blue linen and a folded knit blanket. Next to it is a cluttered bedside table on one side and a butterfly armchair in worn-looking leather on the other. Sinking down in it, he meets Daniel’s gaze.
“This is nice,” he comments, gesturing around.
“Thanks. It’s all right, since I have the floor to myself.”
Nodding, Todd looks at the book on the nightstand. It seems to be a textbook from one of Daniel’s classes, unless Daniel reads books about strategies for national security for fun, which wouldn’t be too surprising. “That makes sense.”
“Do you want anything to drink?” Daniel asks him as he digs through a drawer.
Todd is about to say yes when he hears someone stomping up the stairs. He points toward the door when Daniel looks up at him expectantly.
The next moment a girl enters the room. She must be Daniel’s sister, because she has the same hair color and eyes. However, where Daniel is mostly sharp angles, she’s softer: rounder cheeks and an upturned nose—definitely younger.
She opens her mouth to say something, clearly annoyed, when she spots Todd.
“Hi,” she says.
“Hi,” he replies, getting to his feet and offering his hand. She eyes him silently before she shakes it.
“I’m Todd,” he says.
“Ava.”
“This is my sister,” Daniel explains, completely unnecessarily. “And this is Todd.”
“Uh-huh,” Ava says in a tone that makes Todd suspect that she might know something about his behavior in the past.
“Nice to meet you,” he tries.
Great. Todd is sure that Daniel’s entire family hates him.
“Todd is staying over,” Daniel explains quickly, as though he doesn’t want Ava to reply.
Her expression slowly changes into one that makes Todd uncomfortable for a completely different reason.
“In here?”
Daniel rolls his eyes. “In the guestroom across the hall.”
She turns to Todd, signing as she speaks. “That’s what he always says.”
“Did you want something?” Daniel asks, voice sharp suddenly.
“Yes. Your new Netflix password.”
Judging by the look on Daniel’s face, this isn’t the first time she’s asked for it.
“There’s a reason I changed it.”
“Well, there’s either the new password or I’m going to stay here and talk to Todd.”
“Oh, for god’s sake,” Daniel mutters and then turns toward Todd. “Sorry. I’ll be right back.”
“That’s fine.”
The moment they’re out of the door, they start signing in a flurry. Todd watches, mesmerized, for the ten seconds it takes them to disappear.
He seizes the opportunity to look at the photos on the wall and immediately spots one of Ava and Daniel. They’re a lot younger in the picture. Daniel might’ve just started high school and he has braces. Todd smiles and continues to the team photo and the one of Daniel and Jesse.
When he hears Daniel’s steps on the stairs, he quickly moves away from the photos.
“Sorry about that” is the first thing Daniel says when he walks through the door.
“No need to apologize.”
“There definitely is,” Daniel objects. “Sometimes I don’t know if our parents ever taught her manners or if they gave up when she was five.”
“Well, she did shake my hand.”
“While being super rude,” Daniel sighs.
“In her defense, she probably acted that way because I was rude to you.” Rude is not exactly the right word for his behavior, but Daniel seems to get the picture, because he waves in dismissal.
“We already sorted that out.”
Todd knows that he needs to drop this, but his guilt has etched itself into his ribs. Daniel acts as if it’s no big deal, and Todd doesn’t ask how Ava found out about it.
“You look nice,” Daniel says then. Maybe he’s just trying to change the subject, but it’s working.
“So do you.”
“Did you want something to drink?” Daniel asks, as though he just now remembers what they talked about before Ava interrupted.
They end up sitting at the kitchen counter, and Todd has a glass of wine. It’s cold and dry, and grown up in a way that he isn’t used to. Watching Daniel holding a glass of his own, his stomach clenches so hard that he has to look away. The wine is so cold that a drop of condensation is running down the foot. He catches it with his fingertip. What if things were different? Maybe they wouldn’t have so much space between them. Maybe he’d have Daniel’s hand on his thigh like that first night.
“So, did you find more artists for your gallery?”
The question takes Todd by surprise, and suspicion swirls in his belly until he tears his gaze from his glass and sees the earnest look on Daniel’s face.
“Not really,” he confesses and mentally repeats to himself that the gallery’s financial trouble is not Daniel’s fault.
“No? How come?”
“Well, we used to have a big group of patrons, but they’re all getting old and there aren’t that many left and the ones that are don’t buy a lot of art these days. I think we exhibit the wrong artists to attract a younger crowd too.”
“You think what?”
“I think we have the wrong kind of artists right now. They don’t attract a younger crowd.”
Daniel nods, diverting his gaze as he takes a swig from his glass. When h
e looks back at Todd, he adds, “It’s difficult to make the place work like that. I think having students exhibit could be a way, but no one really knows that we exist anymore, so it’s not enough.”
“Of course. Basically, you’d need someone who can bring a big crowd and with that, revenue, so that it would benefit the newcomers.”
Todd has never thought about it like that, like a strategy. It does make a lot of sense.
“I guess, yeah.” He hesitates. “I’ve never really… considered that.”
“You could possibly promote it as some kind of responsibility thing,” Daniel suggests. “Giving back to the community, so to speak. If you managed to get someone more famous, they could bring a new, younger crowd and by that help get the newcomers recognized. Plus, your gallery would be back on the map as something a little different, maybe?”
“Huh.” Todd blinks. “Even better if they were alumni from my school.”
“Oh, yes.” Daniel’s eyes light up, and Todd’s belly flips over. He’s excited now. “That would definitely give you a reason to reach out to media as well. I’m sure lots of local sites would find that interesting.”
A familiar spark ignites behind Todd’s ribs, and he can’t help but smile. A moment later, he can’t stop the small voice at the back of his mind asking why Daniel is so eager to help.
“Why are you helping me? You don’t want us to make it.” He winces at how harsh the last part sounds. “I mean, for your club. That you want the space for.” Heaving a sigh, he resists the urge to face-plant into the marble countertop. “Sorry, I guess I’m back at being accidentally rude.”
Daniel’s lips quirk upward. “You know, if you lose the gallery, I’ll be happy to take over the space. But if you can save it, I’d be just as happy to find some other place to be. It’s not my only option.” He pauses. “And it’s obviously important to you.”
Todd shifts in his seat, trying to get rid of the weird swelling in his chest. “Yeah, it is.” He decides to steer the subject away from himself. “But it’s really far from where you live. Wouldn’t it take away a lot of time from practice and school? Especially if you’re planning on going to Harvard.”
“Remember that I told you that this is a project I’m working on with a few friends?” Daniel scoots his barstool closer to the counter. When Todd nods, he continues, “They all live in Brooklyn and they’ve been part of Deaf culture for a long time, and I’m still just learning.”
Daniel falls silent, gaze averted and a crease between his eyebrows, as if he’s debating something with himself.
“I want to try and make a difference where I can,” Daniel says. “I wanted to be a part of this project, which is entirely my friends’ idea and not mine, because I feel like I haven’t … contributed.”
“Contributed to what?” Todd puts his glass on the counter. When Daniel looks at him, he smiles slightly, hoping that it comes off as encouraging.
Daniel gives him a tiny smile back. “To anything. This is the first thing I’m doing that I feel is important to someone other than me.”
Todd wants to squeeze his hand, offer some kind of comfort now that Daniel is so vulnerable, but there’s an entire counter between them.
“It’s a balancing act, I guess. When you grow up like this—” Daniel gestures around and smiles again, but this time it’s bitter, self-deprecating “—it’s kind of hard to keep a concept of what’s normal and where you should take the backseat. We tend to think that we need to save people with money. So I’m letting my friends make all the decisions, because they’re the ones with the knowledge, you know? I’m backstage, helping out where I can and where I’m wanted.”
“Thank you for sharing that,” Todd says, tentatively, because this is new territory for them.
Daniel opens his mouth, and the doorbell rings and a light flashes.
Todd startles, but Daniel gets to his feet and heads toward the front door. Todd realizes that of course this is a visual sign for the doorbell.
He recognizes Jesse’s voice, and a moment later Mela is in the kitchen with a bag of Korean takeout.
“You okay?” she asks.
Frowning, Todd gets up from the chair to help with the food. “Yeah, why?”
“Just making sure that it wasn’t too awkward.”
Shrugging, Todd takes out the containers and places them on the counter. “No, it was fine. We talked about stuff.”
“And had wine,” Mela points out, with a nod to Todd’s glass.
“And had wine,” Todd confirms.
She squeezes his hand but lets him go when Daniel and Jesse come back.
Dinner is pretty great, and Jesse interprets for Daniel. Sometimes they have to pause and make sure that Jesse can keep up or clear confusion where he’s missed something and to give Daniel room for questions. If Todd didn’t know better, he’d think of it as a double date. But he does know better.
He’s buzzed and filled with energy when they leave for Mick’s house. It’s not as crowded as Todd assumed that it would be, nowhere near the number of people who were at the frat party. He gets introduced to some. Jesse’s the one doing it, though, which makes it simple and just This is Todd, my newest friend. It sounds nice, put like that, as if it’s an honor to be Jesse’s newest friend. If there was a badge, Todd would wear it.
Once again, Todd’s taken by surprise by how nice everyone is. But why wouldn’t they be? He knows he has to stop expecting the worst of people.
Somewhere between a game of beer pong and a surprise delivery of pizza, Daniel slides his arm across Todd’s shoulders. It’s heavy and warm and it fits, as if it belongs there.
“Hey,” he says.
“Hi.” Todd turns toward him and sticks his hands in his pockets to stop himself from touching back. “Are you having a good time?”
“I was just going to ask you the same thing.” Daniel smirks, and Todd gets flashbacks from when they met. “But yes, I’m having a good time.”
“Me too.” He is. If anyone asks he’s going to deny it, but beer pong is kind of fun.
“Glad to hear that.” Daniel’s arm squeezes him slightly. “Are you ready to go dancing?”
Todd snorts. “Question is, are you ready for my dancing?”
Did that just come out, like, out loud? Todd puts his glass down and looks around for water.
The laugh Daniel lets out is such a great reward, though.
“I guess we’ll just have to find out.”
Todd has no clue how he got in. One second they were in line, and the next he was handing his coat to the coat checker. Maybe they hid him in their group of people, but no one has asked for his ID. The place is packed, and the music is too terrible and too loud for him to be able to think clearly. The melody is lost to him, but the bass vibrates through his body with every beat.
It’s perfect.
He looks around, finding familiar faces at a couple of couches and heads over. It’d be just like him to get lost. Sitting next to a guy he thinks that he shook hands with at Mick’s place—Todd still doesn’t know who Mick is—he looks around.
Mela is already dancing close to Jesse, and they’re smiling at each other as if there aren’t a hundred, sweaty people nearby. Todd would bet anything that it won’t take long before they decide to leave. He keeps searching, finding Daniel a little farther away, and he’s dancing as well, with a girl Todd doesn’t recognize. While Daniel said that he enjoys dancing, he’s not the most graceful person Todd’s ever seen, and he’s seen himself. Daniel is seriously terrible. He’s stiff and awkward, and despite keeping the beat unlike some of the other guys around him, and Todd too probably, he isn’t in tune with his limbs at all. For someone who’s so in control of his own body when he’s swimming, they seem to have different lives with no connection whatsoever right now. Todd smiles to himself, the inside of his chest suddenly tender like a bruise.
Watching Daniel now though, how he laughs and smiles and leans in closer when the girl he’s dancing with shows him something on his phone—Todd burns.
The guy he sat next to—Joey or Jim—is talking to him. He evidently has been talking for a couple of minutes. Todd hasn’t registered a word.
“You live in Brooklyn, right?” he asks, and Todd’s pretty sure that he’s said this before.
“Yep.”
“How are you getting home?”
“I’m not. I’m staying with Daniel.” He easily finds Daniel’s hair in the crowd. He’s still dancing with the girl, and Todd thinks that maybe she didn’t come with them, because she isn’t familiar.
“Wow, that’s gonna be awkward,” Joey-Jim says.
For a second, Todd wonders if even this guy knows about his asshole tendencies. No, that’s not likely. He has to ask. “Why?”
“Are you gonna be three sharing that bed, or what?”
Todd hasn’t considered that at all, that Daniel would take someone home with him.
“I sleep in the guestroom,” Todd says, intending to add we’re just friends, but the words get stuck in his throat, and he hopes that it’s enough to end this particular topic.
Joey-Jim starts talking about football. Todd doesn’t know jack about football, so he just hums and hopes that it’s enough.
When a girl, sitting opposite of him, catches his gaze and rolls her eyes he sees an out.
“Wanna dance?” he mouths, and she nods eagerly. Todd grabs her hand without hesitation, and they make it through the sea of people to the group they came with.
“Thank you,” she shouts over the music.
“No, thank you.”
“You’re Todd, right? I’m Gemma.”
He doesn’t remember her, but he doesn’t say so. Instead, he gets into his dancing. Soon, he’s warm and sweaty at the neck, and his hair probably looks nothing like it did when he left Daniel’s place. But he’s having fun and he’s laughing. Gemma’s got some ugly dancing skills that Todd’s never seen, and he has to pull out all his aces to keep up with her.
Todd doesn’t know how long they dance—maybe hours. His legs and arms protest his every move, and he’s out of breath. But it’s as if the bass has migrated into his body, vibrating through his limbs, and he’s having the best time he can remember having in a while. When Daniel comes up beside him, he’s pulled back to reality. The girl Daniel danced with is nowhere in sight.
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