by Parker, Ali
It was a pipe dream that I needed to get over. She was authentic and real, and I was just me... America's favorite fake.
Chapter 35
Riley
I walked ahead of him, breathing through my mouth as I tried to slow my racing heart. The man had a way of making me feel a million emotions all at one time. I'd been waiting for the big break I had right in front of me for most of my life. I couldn't let something as silly as wanting Ethan's attention take anything away from that. He was as inaccessible with me standing in front of him as he was trapped behind the large movie screen as we all sat at the theater.
"You guys okay?" Deza met me at the door and backed up as I nodded and walked in.
"We both just slept like shit last night." I rolled my shoulders and moved to the center of the room.
"Maybe if you would just sleep together and get it over with, you'd both feel better." Paul turned from the coffee pot and shrugged. "Just saying. If we're keeping it real like you guys always do around here. There's sexual tension between you and the big cheese. Let it go, or give in to it."
I couldn't help but let my mouth fall open a little.
"Shut up, Paul. Jealous fucker." Ethan moved to stand in front of me and winked. "He's an idiot. You'll get used to him. His mom was a porn star and his dad a janitor with a love of anything with a pole attached to it. Brooms, mops, his mom."
I laughed and pressed my hand over my mouth.
"Good one. You get a point there, buddy." Paul laughed and crossed his free arm over his chest as he took a drink of his coffee.
"All right. Let's go, you two. Keep the emotion high. Okay?" Frank circled us and reached out and squeezed both of our shoulders. "You're in love and you're hiding it. Ethan, you're torn like a mother fucker on being with the woman you love and the one you've committed your life to in marriage."
"Got it." Ethan's warm brown eyes moved across my face, stealing another piece of my heart. "What are you thinking about when you cry on cue?"
"Lots of things." I swallowed hard and positioned myself as Frank barked out our cue to start. If I'd been honest, I would have told him that my tears were a direct correlation to knowing that he'd come close to being real with me the night before and backed off. That he'd decided to go find a whore in town to fuck throughout the night instead of sitting on the beach with me and getting to know each other better.
Nothing hurt more than rejection. At least not in my world. I'd suffered it too many times to let the wound heal. It was opened back up and made fresh far too often.
* * *
We worked through the scene several times before Frank called in a guy named Marco and a girl named Vanessa. Ethan's whole demeanor changed when the woman walked into the room.
"Fuck," he mumbled and walked back toward the snack table Deza had set up sometime during the day.
"What's up?" I moved over to stand beside him.
"That's the chick I took home with me last night. I had no clue she was an extra, but she knew." He ran his hand through his hair and glanced over his shoulder. "This is why I hate being me most days. Every decision seems like a bad one."
I couldn't help but rub salt in the wound a little. "Didn't you just tell me yesterday that sleeping with a random stranger was the quickest way to get your ass in trouble?"
"Yeah, I did." He crossed his arms over his chest as his expression darkened a little. I didn't want a fight, but there was no way in hell he was getting away with being a hypocrite and me not calling him on the floor for it.
"And then you go and do it?" I glanced over at her as she watched us. She was gorgeous with thick black hair and almond-colored skin. Her curves were thick and she had a good twenty pounds of sexiness stacked on her from where I stood. I couldn't come close to comparing. I felt like a pubescent boy with her in the room.
"You don't know what it's like to be alone, Riley. You have people in your life. Go judge someone else, all right?" He turned and walked toward Frank. "Let's do this shit. I'm ready for a nap."
"I know exactly what it's like, asshole." I moved up beside him and turned my attention on Marco. "Let's go first and show them how it's done?"
He chuckled and moved up to the center of the room. He looked like a male version of Vanessa. Charlotte would have a fucking cow if we ran into someone as good looking as him in the mall. Was everyone in the movies so well put together, and if so, did I really belong?
"Get into position," Frank barked from beside Ethan.
I winked at him and he smiled before locking his expression into surprised anger.
I pushed at his chest and let my anger for Ethan and his shitty decisions fuel me forward. "I've given you all I have to offer. My time, my money, my attention, my body, my fucking heart."
He gripped my hands and pulled me in tightly, locking my hands beside his thighs and glaring down at me. His dark features made him even more attractive, and yet he wasn't Ethan.
"And you'll keep giving it to me until I'm done using it." He leaned down and brushed his nose by mine as he took a step forward, which pressed us even closer. "You're mine. I don't care if you run a million miles from this place. You'll always be mine."
I jerked back and popped him in the face softly, trying not to overdo it. We were just rehearsing.
"You're going back to her and you expect me to stay beside you? To keep your fucking bed warm while you live another life?" I thought of my mother leaving me alone to raise myself, my father dying on us, Derick's bloody body being dropped on the front door and me finding him. Tears blurred my vision. The image of Ethan making love to the beautiful woman just behind Marco was the rest of the fuel I needed to dive into despair. I was alone. I'd always been alone. Now was no different. A sob left me that wasn't part of the script.
"You'll do what I need you to do, Stacey." He gripped the sides of my face and leaned down as tears dripped down my cheeks and I let out another soft sob.
"Because you'll force me to? To love you from the sidelines forever?" The tears rolled down my cheeks as I pressed up and closed my eyes, putting my heart into the kiss. All the broken pieces I could collect and offer.
"Cut." Ethan's voice surprised me. "We're not doing the kiss too, right?"
"No," Frank whispered and wiped at his eyes. "Shit. That was beautiful, Riley. Great job Marco. Very, very good."
I wiped at my eyes as Frank moved up and ran his hands down my shoulders. "That was beautiful. So much pain in your performance. You okay?"
I nodded as another wave of tears filled my eyes. "Yeah. Just trying to pull off the impossible."
"Well, you're doing it beautifully." He moved back and called Ethan and Vanessa up to run through the scene. I turned and walked out of the building. I knew Frank wanted me there to watch and take notes, but I needed a minute to get myself together.
I walked out to the edge of the water and slipped my hands into the back of my pockets and let out a long sigh. Ethan was so wrong about me. I knew more than anyone else what it felt like to be alone. He was a cocky bastard for thinking that he was the only one that suffered through life's tsunamis. He was one of many, and it would seem that most of his heartache was self-inflicted.
"Riley? You want to run the scene once more before we break for an hour?" Frank called down to me.
"You bet." I wiped at my eyes and jogged back up to the conference room.
Ethan and Vanessa were arguing in the corner when I walked back in, but I ignored them.
Marco moved up beside me and smiled. "You did great. So passionate."
"Thank you. Do you have a part in the movie?"
"Yeah. I play Ethan's brother." He shrugged. "It's fun. I love being on set no matter what part I have. One day I'll make it to the front of the stage."
"I think that day is coming sooner than you think." I smiled and moved toward the center of the room as he grasped my wrist and stopped me.
"Riley. You wanna maybe go out for a drink while you're here this week?" His eyes moved across my f
ace.
"Yeah. That sounds fun. Maybe after we get through the first few days of filming. I'm so new to this that I don't want to mess anything up." I gave him a sheepish smile that wasn't at all my personality.
"Sounds great. You just let me know when." He winked and moved back beside Frank.
"Let him know when what?" Ethan moved to stand in front of me. The pink stain on his cheeks and neck let me know that he was struggling. Vanessa wasn't going to let him live down whatever happened with them the night before. I almost felt sorry for him. Almost.
"He just wants to get a drink."
"Tell him no." Ethan glanced over at Frank. "Let's do this. I need a drink."
"Don't tell me what to do." I tugged at his t-shirt. "Focus and stop being an ass."
"You're not getting a drink with him." He gave me a tight, asinine smile as Frank yelled action.
We moved through it with intense anger until we reached the slap. I hit him harder than I had Marco, but not nearly as hard as I had the first time.
"You're going back to her and you expect me to stay beside you? To keep your fucking bed warm while you live another life?" I half-screamed with emotion so real it ripped open my heart.
"You'll do what I need you to do, Stacey." He gripped the sides of my face and leaned down as tears dripped down my cheeks.
"Because you'll force me to? To love you from the sidelines forever?" I searched his eyes for the truth of his answer.
He moved in like a snake, striking hard as he pressed his lips to mine. The world disappeared as I wrapped my arms around his waist and lifted up, meeting his passion with something blistering hot - my own need to belong to him.
He pressed his tongue deep into my mouth, and I turned my head and opened up, sucking hard as I dug my fingers into the top of his ass and groaned into his mouth.
He deepened the kiss and jerked me farther against him. I could almost hear Frank speaking, but nothing mattered.
His fingers brushed down the side of my neck as he broke the kiss and pressed his head to mine, panting softly.
"I want you so fucking bad," he whispered and went in for another kiss.
By the time we pulled apart, the room was empty and emotion rolled over me in a way that left me crippled.
"I'm going to my room." I turned and half-stumbled to the door as tears burned my eyes. I wanted that passion in my life more than I wanted my brother back. More than I wanted my mother to be a mother. More than I wanted my career to blossom into something that made me feel worthy.
I wanted him. Period.
Chapter 36
Ethan
She wasn't herself for the rest of the week, or at least not the girl I'd come to know in a short period of time. Her cockiness had waned, her confidence dimmed. This odd need to protect her rolled over me about halfway through the week, and I had to try hard to pull myself back. What I thought was going to be a great time together ended up being awkward and tense.
By the weekend, I was worn the hell out.
"All right buddy. You're up for this one." Frank popped me on the back as I stood beside the scene they'd recreated of a beach party. Extras milled about everywhere, looking casual as if in the throes of an actual party on the beach. Riley was beside Deza and had her arms over her chest. The faraway look in her eyes haunted me.
"Right. Watch how it's done." I wagged my eyebrows and caught a glimpse of a smile from her. Deza rolled her eyes and motioned for me to get to it. It was almost time to break for the day.
Marco walked up to the bar and glanced back at me. "You ready, boss?"
"Yeah." I patted his back. I'd been an ass for most of the week to the guy because Riley seemed to find a friend in him. I had to get over myself. We had at least ten months of working together as a team. As childish as I wanted to be over him getting her attention, I couldn't jeopardize all we had going on.
"And action!" Frank yelled from the side of the scene.
I moved through the motions, talking with Marco for a few minutes and catching the eye of a few women. The creepy-looking guy who moved along the edge of the party slipped onto the scene, and I turned, letting him know that I was onto him. His sprint off the scene, and my own in following him left us done for the day.
"Great job." Frank smiled at me before moving up to talk to the extras.
"What are you girls up to for the rest of the day?" I slipped my hands into my pants pockets and made sure to eye both Deza and Riley.
"I'm going to read a good book on the beach. You?" Deza pulled off her sunglasses and cleaned them on her t-shirt.
"I'm not sure. I don't want to be alone. I know that." I glanced toward Riley. "How about you, pretty girl?"
"I'm not sure. I think I'll walk the beach and look for seashells. Charlotte collects them, so taking a few back to her would make up for being gone."
"Charlotte, as in Jade?" I smirked as she laughed. It was the first real emotion I'd seen from her in days. "Can I come with you?"
"Yeah. It's a free beach." She was back on lockdown. "I'm going to grab a coke. You want something?"
"I'll take one too. Thanks." I waited until she left to turn my heavy stare onto Deza. "All right. Spill. What the fuck is up with her? I didn't do anything. I promise." I lifted my hands as if in surrender.
"I know. She's struggling with keeping fantasy from reality. You know how hard that is. Remember your first love scene? You were so convinced that Trish was in love with you that you started looking at rings." She gave me a cheeky grin.
"I did not." I ran my fingers through my hair and glanced over to watch her talk with the bartender. "Does she think I'm in love with her?"
"Are you?"
"Is that a joke? I don't know what love is. I'm in lust with her for sure." I shrugged. "It's acting, D. It was a hard lesson for me to learn too, but she's got to separate it or her life is going to be far more hard than it should have to be."
"I agree." She reached out and ran her hand down my arm. "Coach her and help her understand how things work. You're the only actor here. I'm not capable of even beginning to understand where she's at."
"Is she in love with me?" Butterflies danced around my stomach at the thought.
"No, but she's hurt too easily by you just being you. She's sensitive because firstly, she's a young woman in a new world and two, she wants love like the rest of us do."
"Speak for yourself." I pulled my hands from my pockets. "I'll talk with her."
"Thank you." She moved back and left me standing there with my thoughts. My eyes moved across her as she walked toward me, but kept her eyes adverted toward the water. Her short strawberry-blond hair had a girlie curl at the ends of it, and her pink lipstick had me yearning to rub it off in the most unconventional of ways.
"Here you are, Mr. Lewis." She glanced up at me and smiled.
"Thanks, madam." I took the coke as she pulled her sunglasses into place. I hadn't noticed how impersonal she looked without the expression bleeding through her eyes. I almost asked her to take them off, but it seemed stupid. "You ready to go on this grand seashell hunting adventure?"
She took a long drink of her coke before moaning and nodded. "That I am."
I moved in behind her and pressed my hand to the front of my slacks. The sound of her voice was enough to call the beast from its slumber, but her sexy little moans would make sure he stayed alert just in case there was any hope of getting petted.
"Did you like the scene? The action ones are my favorite." I moved up beside her and couldn't help but to tilt my face toward her, so I could watch her more closely. From afar, she was gorgeous, but up close, she was quite capable of stealing hearts and ruining marriages.
"I did. Are you open for a word of criticism?" She took another sip of her drink and kept her face turned toward the ground. She knelt and dug a small shell from the sand.
"From you? Of course. I don't think anyone else's opinion would be welcomed." I knelt beside her and dug out another one.
"Why
is mine welcomed?" She pulled her glasses to rest on top of her head and studied me.
"Because you're my partner in crime." I reached out and touched the tip of her nose. "And I value your opinion."
"If you stood closer to Marco during the opening of the scene, your relationship would look more plausible. It's an awkward gap at best." She shrugged. "My best friend and I always stand shoulder to shoulder. I know you're a dude, but Jace and his good friend Dane always stand side by side when they're together."
"Dane? Jace has a best friend named Dane?" I couldn't help but smirk.
"What's so funny about that?" Her defensiveness was on the rise.
"It's just cute." I shrugged, stood up and walked to the water to wash off the shell.
"Do you have something against Jace?"
"Yes. He's sleeping with the woman I want in my bed." I stood and turned, confessing without apology. I didn't care if she knew. If she didn't, she was far more dense than I imagined possible.
"What do you want from me, Ethan Lewis?" She moved to stand in front of me as her expression grew tight.
"For you to let your hair down and stop fighting against me. We're going to be doing this shit together for a long time. It doesn't have to be love, Riley. It can just be lust." I touched the side of her face, brushing my thumb over her bottom lip as my pulse quickened. I ached for a night with her. "It's not that involved. It can just be part of us taking care of each other."
"No, it can't." She gripped my hand and held on tightly as she glanced out toward the water. "Jace and I are fuck-buddies. I don't need another one in my life. He's doing the job just fine."
She was stabbing in the dark, hoping to hurt me.
I dropped my soda can and gripped the other side of her neck as I leaned in and brushed my nose by hers. "I don't doubt for a minute that he's living the high life with a beautiful woman like you in his bed, but are you? Are you sure you're not missing out on something explosive. Are you not interested at all?"