Shadows rimmed her bloodshot eyes, which felt gritty from lack of sleep. She’d have to change before the show tonight, but for now, she wore a pair of old jeans, a baggy sweater, and her hair in a bun.
While she was getting ready, she focused on work and refused to acknowledge that Julian was in her living room—or possibly still in her living room; she could have woken to discover he’d hopped a plane to California.
But if he were still here, she wouldn’t let his presence make her dress differently than she usually would on days like today. Now, she wished she’d listened to that niggling little voice telling her looking like a schoolmarm was not an excellent way to start her day. However, she could never compete with the horde of women he left behind him, and she didn’t want to.
The coffee wasn’t halfway through brewing when she pulled the carafe out and poured the liquid into her travel mug. Dripping water sizzled as it hit the burner; she shoved the carafe back into place and turned the coffee pot off. She screwed the top onto her travel mug and turned to face the others.
Ninety percent of the time, she forgot she lived with vampires. Then she would open the fridge, discover the bags of blood, and recall her life was an episode of The Addams Family.
Looking at them, she couldn’t forget they were predators as every one of them was abnormally still while focused on her. None of them would harm her, and she had no doubt Kyle and Cassidy would do everything they could to protect her. At one time, she believed the same of Julian, but now he might walk on by if she were dying in the street.
However, the way they were watching her was unnerving. The sympathy in Cassidy’s eyes was annoying; the obliviousness in Kyle’s was almost amusing, and the… well, she had no clue what was in Julian’s eyes.
It almost looked like hope or desire, but for what? Not her, he made that pretty clear last night, but he looked like he was yearning for something. Maybe he needed another blood bag and she was in his way. She could remedy that.
She lifted her travel mug in a salute to them and strolled out of the kitchen. “I’m off to work. Have a good day.”
“You too,” Cassidy said.
Kyle waved at her. “Later.”
“Bye,” Julian said as she removed her jacket from the coat rack, opened the door, and left.
Cassidy rounded on Kyle and planted her hands on her hips as she glared at him. “You are an idiot.”
He was in the middle of yawning when he stopped to blink at her. “What did I do?”
“Not every guy is constantly on the hunt for women. Some can travel to other countries and meet people and not jump into bed with them. Women aren’t playthings.”
“I don’t see women as playthings,” he protested. “But if we’re both looking for a good time, then why not have one?”
“Ugh!” Cassidy exclaimed as she threw up her hands. “I can’t deal with you today.”
Kyle frowned as she stalked out of the room. Then he turned back to Julian. “What’s the matter with her?”
Julian crossed his arms over his chest as he leaned against the counter. Only minutes ago, he’d imagined choking Kyle, but the baffled expression on his face made Julian a little more forgiving.
“She thinks I have feelings for Aida,” Julian explained.
Kyle’s eyebrows shot into his hairline. “Do you?”
Julian stared at the closed door before pushing himself away from the counter and walking over to the window. He pulled down some of the slats on the blinds as Aida walked out of the building. She sipped her coffee as she turned in the direction of the gallery and walked down the quiet street. He closed the blinds and turned back to his brother.
He’d never told anyone he had feelings for Aida, yet he found himself saying, “Yes.”
“Shit,” Kyle said as he tugged at his hair. Then he lowered his hand and pinned Julian with a stare. “Is that why you left?”
“I left because she wanted to return to the human world and escape the vampire one.”
“She got really far,” Kyle muttered sarcastically.
“She did what she had to do.”
“Did she know you had feelings for her?”
At the time, Julian thought he made it pretty clear with the kiss, but he’d come to realize a kiss could mean many things, including goodbye.
“I’m not sure,” Julian said.
“Why didn’t you tell her?”
“At the time, she wanted to get away from vampires and the reminder of what they did to her on the island. I wasn’t going to interfere with her plans.”
“And now?”
“I don’t know.”
“Have you talked to her since you left?”
“No.”
“And Cassidy called me an idiot. Even if you let her go to live her life, you could have said hello once in a while. It wouldn’t have killed you.”
“It was easier not to talk to her at all.”
Kyle lowered his head into his hands. “Oh, I’m sure she loved that for almost five years. I don’t know what happened between you two, but you were once close, so ignoring her was not the best way to ensure a warm welcome back into her life. Do you think she’s your mate?”
Julian’s jaw clenched as he looked to the window again.
Kyle’s breath hissed out. “Fuck, Julian, what did you do?”
“I put her first and gave her the freedom she asked for!” Julian snapped. “And she’s never to know she’s my mate unless I tell her. Do you understand me?”
Kyle held up his hands. “I won’t say a word.”
“To anyone else.”
“Your secret is safe with me. I won’t even talk to Cassidy about it, but after her reaction earlier, I’m guessing she already suspects what Aida is to you.”
“I’m sure she does, but this is between us.”
“And it will stay that way, but you have to win her over. You’ll die or go insane without her.”
Julian stared at the window as the city woke up. The growing hum of tires, beeping horns, and voices of others drifted through the glass.
“You didn’t come back to get her to be with you,” Kyle said. “You came back to say goodbye.”
For all of his carefree, playboy ways, Kyle was far more astute than most gave him credit for being.
“If she’s happy in her life, then I am going to leave her to it,” Julian said.
“And what, go off to die like a sick old dog?”
“I’ll do whatever has to be done to make her happy and to keep from killing.”
“What are you, Joan of Arc?”
Julian gave him the finger. “If she’s in love with someone—”
“She’s not in love with anyone else,” Kyle interrupted.
“What about Owen?”
Kyle draped his arm over the back of the sofa. “She’s not dating him, or at least they’re not currently dating. They went out a few times a couple of months ago, but it didn’t last long.”
“I saw them kissing last night.”
Kyle snorted, but he didn’t look at all amused. Instead, strain etched his face, and concern filled his eyes. “That doesn’t look good for you then. I guess they could have started dating again. We live together, and I see her most days, but we don’t exactly have heart-to-hearts about our love lives.”
“Have you ever met him?”
“A couple of times before they started dating and once during that time. They used to work together, and the showing tonight is of his work.”
“What’s he like?”
“He’s a pompous asshole, so you might have a shot if you’re not a complete moron.”
“Glad to know you have so much faith in me,” Julian muttered.
Kyle threw himself down on the sofa. “You’re the one who left and didn’t talk to her again. Girls don’t normally like that.”
Julian couldn’t argue with him. “I meant what I said; no one is to know about this.”
Kyle sat up again. “I won’t say a word, but you
better not fuck this up.”
CHAPTER 11
By noon, Aida was sure every painting in the place had been moved, rearranged, and put back in its original position. The workers were growing increasingly irritated, and Aida’s head was starting to pound from lack of sleep and irritation. It took a colossal effort to keep from lashing out at Nicolette as she sipped her coffee and downed another aspirin.
When Nicolette was finally satisfied, Aida breathed a sigh of relief as visions of her bed danced happily through her mind. She had enough time to nap before she had to return for the show tonight.
Feeling like she’d been run over by a Mac truck, Aida kept her hand on her pepper spray while she walked home. She didn’t normally hold it while she traveled, but she was so exhausted her guard was down, and even though it was the middle of the day, she wasn’t about to take any chances.
She squinted her tired eyes while she studied the faces of those trudging by her. Most of them looked harried as they rushed from one place to another, but some strolled along while they enjoyed their Saturday in the shadows of the brownstone houses and stores lining the street.
Aida turned a corner and almost let out a whoop of joy when her building came into view. An old brownstone, the five-story building was renovated in the fifties and turned into fourteen apartments. She loved the charm of the old building and the black, wrought iron railing leading up the stairs to the antique, double wood doors.
One of her neighbors, a middle-aged man with a chihuahua tucked under his arm, was coming out the door as she arrived at the top. When he spotted her, he tried to catch the door, but it had already closed.
“Sorry,” he said.
“That’s okay,” Aida assured him as he jogged down the stairs while she punched in the code for the door.
It wasn’t until she was standing inside the shadowed hallway that she realized Julian could still be in her apartment. Her heart sank, and her shoulders slumped as she gazed up the stairs in front of her. Her bed was calling her name, but the idea of running into him again made her stomach churn with dread and excitement.
She refused to let herself think about him while helping Nicolette rearrange everything, but now he was all that was on her mind. She hated the way he’d strolled back into her life and turned it upside down, yet he didn’t seem to care.
Aida grasped the wooden railing as she trudged up the gray, industrial carpet to the second floor. She felt much safer in her apartment than on the street, but she still didn’t let her guard down as she strained to hear the footfalls of anyone coming toward her.
Reaching the second floor, she glanced down the empty, shadowed hallway before continuing to the third floor. Once there, she walked past two other apartments before stopping outside her own.
Her hand trembled as she unlocked the door, turned the knob, and stepped inside. Sprawled across the couch, Kyle hadn’t bothered to pull it out as he slept with his hand over his head. He didn’t stir as she closed the door silently behind her and turned the locks before leaning against it.
The hum of the refrigerator motor was the only sound in the small apartment as she searched for, and found no sign of, Julian. She shoved aside the disappointment tugging at her heart as she pushed herself away from the door.
She started down the shadowed hall as the bathroom door opened and someone stepped out. Aida barely kept her mouth from dropping when a wave of steam followed Julian out the door. She stopped dead in her tracks as she came face-to-face with his bare chest, disheveled hair, and oh too enticing body.
Her mouth went dry, and her heart did some weird flip thing that it definitely shouldn’t do. She cursed her reaction to him, and then she cursed him for still being in the middle of her world. It was all so unfair, but she’d learned life was one big, unfair, crapshoot, and she sucked at throwing dice.
His black hair stood on end, and his blue eyes were impossibly more vibrant in the shadows of the hall. With his shirt tossed over his shoulder, he looked incredibly relaxed while she felt like a cobra facing a mongoose.
Damn it, why is he so tempting?
“I didn’t realize you were home,” he said.
His deep voice sent a shiver down her spine. “I’m going to take a nap before returning. Are you staying here?”
She couldn’t think of a worse possibility. How was she supposed to avoid him when he was in her apartment? She didn’t have the money to stay at a hotel until he left, and while she was friendly with a lot of people, she didn’t consider any of them couch-crashing friends. And why should she go? It was her place!
“I’m waiting for Kyle to wake up,” he said.
“Okay.” She had no idea what else to say. “I’m going to take a nap.”
She started to step around him, but he moved in the same direction to get out of her way, and she bounced off his chest. When her palms heated from where they connected with his flesh and her toes curled, unreasonable anger surged through her, and she yanked her hands away. She almost smacked her hand off the solid wall of muscle before her and yelled at him to get out of her way, but she didn’t dare touch him again.
If she started touching him, she wouldn’t stop, and even with being exhausted, she would give anything to trace the edges of the thick muscles ridging his abs. Her eyes dipped to follow the trail of black hair leading from his belly button to the waist of his low-slung jeans. Every part of her tingled with awareness for this man.
“Sorry,” he muttered.
“My fault,” she said as she tried to step around him again.
This time, he didn’t move too, and she was able to get around him. She ignored her disappointment as she resisted sprinting for her bedroom.
“Aida.” She had her hand on the knob when he spoke. Bracing herself, she waited for whatever was about to follow as she turned to look back at him. “Are you happy?”
That question astounded her more than seeing him last night. She expected some rude comment, a blow off, or anything else, but not this. Words failed her as she tried to figure out what game he was playing.
The look that came over her face made Julian brace himself while waiting for her answer. He couldn’t tell if she was going to punch him or cry as she stared at him like he was some ghostly apparition telling her he was taking her into the past.
“What do you care?” she asked.
Julian managed not to wince. “All I ever wanted was your happiness.”
A million different responses ran through Aida’s mind. She wanted to tell him she’d been doing great until he arrived—that everything was fantastic, she was living the dream, and better off without him.
She also wanted to tell him the truth—she missed him every day, and nothing had been the same since he left. However, she could never tell him that.
She would have revealed everything to the old Julian, but she didn’t know this man. He’d left, and so much had changed, yet it felt as if everything was the same. She was still scared, still trying to outrun the memories of her past, and still failing to do so.
If he’d never left, she would have told him how she felt about him. But then, if he never left, she’d probably be in his arms instead of longing to be anywhere but here.
“I’m ecstatic,” she said. “I’ve got everything I ever dreamed about.”
It was a lie, he could probably see straight through it, but she didn’t care. She opened the door to her room and slipped inside. She resisted slamming it behind her when she closed it and slumped against the wood.
Julian ran a hand through his hair before resting his fingers against the spot on his chest where she walked into him. He could still feel her warmth against him, and he craved more of it. With that simple touch, she made him feel more alive than he had in years.
And she was angry at him. Beneath her confusion and uncertainty, he sensed the simmering resentment inside her. He had no idea how to make it better, how to get back to where they were before, but he would do anything to earn her trust again. Not only bec
ause he wasn’t ready to die, but because he knew they would be amazing together.
He was about to return to the living room, but his feet remained rooted in place as he turned to look back at her door. He could tell she was exhausted by the slump of her shoulders and the shadows under her eyes, but he had to tell her the truth, or at least as much of it as he could give her. He couldn’t stand this awkward distance between them.
He walked down the hall and knocked on her door. From within, he heard a muffled curse, and the door opened enough to reveal her scowling face.
“What is it?” she asked.
Resting his hand against the door jamb, he gazed down at her as he absorbed the delicate beauty of her face. Even with the exhaustion clinging to her, she was exquisite. When her eyes fell to his chest, his body stiffened in reaction to the desire he sensed from her.
“I left to make you happy,” he said.
Her eyes flew back to his as her nostrils flared. “I never asked you to leave.”
“I know.”
Was he blaming her for his absence over the years? Had he told his family it was her fault when she’d never wanted him to go?
“Then why would you think it would make me happy if you left?” she demanded.
“You wanted a life without vampires in it.”
“My sister is a vampire, and I would never want Mollie out of my life!”
Julian’s fingers clamped around the doorframe; he was butchering this. “I know you wouldn’t, but you wanted to be in the mortal world and to live a normal, human life. I was trying to give that to you.”
“Again, why couldn’t I have done that if you stayed? Why did you have to take off so I could go to college and live as a human?”
CHAPTER 12
He’d dug himself in deep, and he had no idea how to get out of it. His mind spun as he tried to think of something to make her understand without giving too much away.
Aida stared expectantly at him while he gazed at her like his life was on the line and she’d asked him the question to Final Jeopardy.
“Because I wanted to be more than your friend, Aida. If I stayed, I would have followed you to Arizona and done everything I could to be with you. And if I did that, you never would have had the normal life you were after; you would have remained half in and half out of the vampire world. I left to make you happy.”
Forsaken (Vampire Awakenings, Book 10) Page 7