by Elle James
He left just in time for the tears to spill from Leslie’s eyes and drench her cheeks.
They’d been so close to making love. Or at least, Leslie felt like they had. Then he’d changed his mind. Like a light switched off. That quickly, and that completely, leaving her in the dark for a reason why.
Had he remembered she was his best friend’s wife? Had he had an attack of guilt, being in Randy’s home, with Randy’s wife? Or had he come to his senses and realized he didn’t want to make love to her because she was a friend, not a potential lover?
Oh, but that kiss had been anything but a friend’s kiss. It had been more passionate than anything Leslie had ever experienced, including the kisses she’d shared with Randy throughout their marriage. Those had been full of love and respect, not searing passion that ignited her soul.
Leslie let the tears fall as she stripped out of her shoes, the red gown and her bra and panties. She ducked into the shower for a quick rinse and to wash the makeup from her face and the hairspray out of her hair. When she was finished, she stepped out of the shower, patted her skin dry and dressed in her unicorn pajamas. A quick trip to the kitchen to get a glass of water, and she was ready for bed.
Slipping between the sheets, she closed her eyes and imagined where the night would have gone had Tag not gone cold.
She lay for a long time, going over everything she’d said and done up to the point he’d suddenly backed away. They’d practically made love on the dance floor, fully clothed. What had stopped him when they were finally alone?
Leslie turned onto her side and punched her pillow. This was the reason she hadn’t wanted to date again. Not only did she feel guilty for having a relationship with another guy, she wasn’t even sure how to talk with men she’d never met before their first date. And thinking about her friend as a potential lover…
Why did dating have to be so hard?
She wasn’t ready. That’s all there was to it. And yet, she had a date scheduled for the next day. Thankfully, they’d be hiking. She wouldn’t have to sit across a dinner table making small talk.
She leaned over to grab her laptop and opened it. A few quick clicks and she was online in the BODS system. No new messages from Herman or Joe.
Other than watching her friends get married, it had been a disappointing day on the Leslie Lamb dating front.
She started to log off the BODS system when a message popped up from Joe Fox.
Her heart leaped and raced as she opened the email.
* * *
Tag had gone straight to his condo in downtown Austin and stripped naked, leaving a trail of tuxedo parts on the floor. A cool shower did little to douse the flames of desire eating a hole in his soul. He could have spent the night with Leslie. She’d made it clear that was what she wanted. But his conscience had cut the night short. After she’d ducked out the night before, he was afraid that if they made love, she’d have a tidal wave of regret the next morning. He didn’t want their first time together to be remembered as a mistake. He wanted her to give herself to him without regret.
With so much pent-up emotion boiling below the surface, Tag couldn’t sleep. He opened his laptop, brought up the BODS system and composed a message to Leslie that expressed his feelings without giving himself away.
Dear Leslie,
Fate has a way of putting obstacles in our path for a reason. Sometimes that reason isn’t always obvious. Sometimes, the reason is to help us change into a better version of ourselves.
When I lost my love to another, I went through the stages of grief, including denial, anger, bargaining, depression and, finally, acceptance. Once I accepted that I’d lost her, I was able to let go. Not of her, but of me, the person I was. I reasoned that if I had not been the person I was, I might not have lost her. If I wanted to be a man worthy of another woman, I had to become a better version of me. So, I let go of the old me and set out to improve and become a better person. I like myself more and hope that, if I’m ever given another chance to love again, she will love the me I’ve become.
I can’t completely regret my past because I wouldn’t be the man I am without having gone through the struggle and transformation.
I guess what I’m saying is that your past is what makes you you. You don’t have to forget it, in fact, remember it and learn. I learned not to give up on happiness, but to reach for it whenever I could. Sometimes it might mean taking it slowly, easing into it, when you want to grab and hold on. Trust your instincts and go for happiness in whatever form it presents itself. It’s worth the struggle.
Joe
Before he could overthink his words, he sent the message.
For several long minutes, he tapped his fingers on the edge of the laptop, wondering if Leslie had already gone to sleep. If not, would she log onto BODSand see his message? Part of him wanted her to, the other part of him didn’t. He didn’t usually wax poetic, but the situation called for it. As he’d written the words, he’d realized how much he’d changed from the man who’d lost Leslie to his best friend. For the better.
He hoped Leslie would see that and see him as someone other than a friend with benefits. His efforts weren’t just to get her into bed. He wanted her for life.
He’d just about given up on seeing a response when a message popped up in his BODS inbox.
His heartbeat stuttered as he opened the email and read.
Dear Joe,
Thank you for being open and frank with me about your past and your loss. You’re right that our pasts define us as individuals. When I lost my husband, I thought my world had ended. I was wrong. My husband’s life ended, but mine kept going. Four years later, I’m still going and ready to let go of the past. Not of my memories of my husband and our lives together, because that time was special and made me realize how good life could be. My expectations are high because of him, and I won’t settle for less. Though I could be happy with different.
I do have to let go of the past me and start living my life without my husband. I will always love him, because he will always be a part of me. But I have room in my heart to love again. I know this now. As my friends have all told me, I just have to be open to the possibility.
I enjoy our conversations. They make me think on a deeper level than I’ve allowed myself to go. Thank you for being you.
Leslie
Tag read the message again. And again. What did she mean that she had room in her heart to love again? Was she ready? Did she have someone in mind? Was it him as Tag Bronson, or her pen pal, Joe Fox? Or Bachelor Number One, Otis?
He didn’t know where he stood with Leslie. He thought he’d had an idea when she’d invited him into her house and her bed. But her words to Joe left him wondering if she was in love with someone, or was still looking, keeping her options open.
Could she be falling in love with Joe Fox? And only wanted sex with Tag?
Tag’s jaw hardened, a stab of jealousy ripping through him. Well, hell. He was jealous of himself. And afraid. Afraid she’d be disappointed it was him, when he finally unveiled his charade.
Chapter 11
Leslie was surprised at how well she slept after she’d read and responded to Joe Fox’s message. Something about his words resonated within her, calming her spirit and making her take a second look at her past and her current situation. It had been four years since she’d lost Randy. He’d told her to go on living, but she hadn’t. Not really. Her love for him would never die, but she wanted to love again.
And she was entirely too wound up about dating through BODS and seeing Tag on a regular basis.
She needed to calm the hell down and let life happen.
With that in mind, she slept soundly, no dreams, no tumultuous thoughts, just much-needed rest.
When she woke the next morning, she dressed for a hike, had a cup of coffee and told herself she would have fun that day, no matter what. In her message to Joe Fox, she’d said she’d be open to the possibilities. She might as well start today.
Bef
ore she set off on the two-hour drive to Enchanted Rock, she filled a water bottle full of ice and water, then texted Tag, letting him know she was leaving.
He texted back that he’d be there as soon as he and his date could get there. If she felt uncomfortable with her date, Tag said don’t get into his car and stay around other people.
Leslie smiled. That was just like Tag to worry about her. He’d always had her back, even when she’d been married to Randy.
Leslie climbed into her SUV, set the directions on her GPS and took off on the day’s adventure.
She hadn’t been back to Enchanted Rock since she, Randy and Tag had gone all those years ago. Leslie smiled at the memory. At the very least, she’d get to hike the massive pink granite dome in central Texas. The sun was shining, the temperature would be warm, but not overbearingly hot. It promised to be a good day all around.
When she arrived at exactly ten o’clock in the parking lot, she parked her car, got out and stretched, looking around for a man who looked like the photo on BODS of Herman Lansing.
A man fitting his profile jogged toward her from the visitor’s center, a smile on his face. He wore navy-blue running shorts, hiking boots and one of those red, moisture-wicking T-shirts runners loved. As well, he wore a small backpack.
He came to a stop in front of her and grinned. “You must be Leslie.” He held out his hand.
She shook it and smiled up into his handsome face. “And you must be Herman.”
“I am.” He tipped his head toward the domed rock. “Have you been here before?”
Leslie shook her head. “Once. A long time ago. I’m looking forward to hiking it again.”
“I love it. The hike isn’t too hard, and the view is amazing.”
“Yes, it is amazing,” she agreed.
“I brought some snacks for lunch.” He jerked his thumb over his shoulder, indicating the small backpack he had on his back. “I thought we’d take our time at the top. Did you bring a water bottle?”
“I did.”
“Good. I forgot to tell you to do so. They have water refill stations along the way, if you run out.” He grinned like a kid setting out on a field trip. “I’m ready if you are.”
Leslie glanced around the parking lot, wishing Tag had arrived before they started out.
Herman was ready to go, and she had no real excuse for waiting.
“I’m ready.”
“Then let’s go.” He turned and waited for her to step up alongside him before he took off at a quick walk.
“Let me know if I’m walking too fast,” he said. “It’s a habit. I like to step out and cover the ground quickly.”
So much for smelling the flowers along the way, Leslie thought. She skipped several times to keep pace with Herman. And they were still on the flat trail leading up to the base of the rock.
“So, you’re a software developer?” Herman queried.
“I am.”
“I’m a car salesman.” He named one of the large dealerships in the Austin area. “I like it because it keeps me outside and up and moving throughout the day. In my off hours, I like to run, swim and ride bicycles. I’m training for an Ironman competition.”
“I’m impressed. That takes some stamina.”
He nodded. “I got hooked on fitness after high school. I’d gained a lot of weight and was very unhappy with my life. I saw my reflection in a window one day and hated what I’d become. So, I did something about it.” He grinned. “I started running, and I haven’t stopped.”
“Apparently, it works for you,” Leslie said, practically running to keep up with him. “You look great.”
“Thanks. Are you into running?”
Leslie shrugged. “Not like you are. I work out three times a week, jogging on a track. I go two miles. I learned to swim as a kid, but other than an occasional trip to the lake, I don’t get to do much of that. As for biking…?” She shook her head. “I don’t even own one right now.”
Herman gave her a quick smile. “The nice thing about riding bicycles is that once you learn how, you never forget.”
Leslie chuckled. “That’s good, because I learned when I was in grade school, and I haven’t been on a bike since then.”
They arrived at the base of the domed rock where a variety of boulders in all sizes and shapes lay.
“This is where it gets a little harder,” he said. “Let me know if you need help.”
Leslie nodded. “Thanks.”
They started up the trail.
At the pace Herman was moving, talk was out of the question for Leslie. She tried to keep up but found him waiting at several points along the trail upward.
She’d thought herself in fairly good shape. Ha! By the time she reached the top, she was sweating, not in a pretty, glowing way, but a full-on, gonna-die-soon way.
Herman gripped her arm, a frown denting his brow. “Are you okay?”
“I’m fine,” she said between heaving breaths. “I just need to sit for a few minutes.”
“Come over here. We can have a drink and munch on our lunch.”
Lunch. Her stomach rumbled amid wanting to throw up. Leslie looked around at the dome-shaped summit, praying for a tree for a little much-needed shade.
What did she expect? Of course, there wasn’t one. Enchanted Rock was a rock. Too tired to care, she dropped where she was and lay flat on her back, dragging air into her lungs.
Herman’s eyebrows drew together as he studied her. “Are you sure you’re okay?”
Leslie shaded her eyes and stared up at the handsome man, wanting to throat punch him. The bastard hadn’t even broken a sweat and wasn’t breathing hard in the least.
“I’m fine,” she said, though her tone was a little harsh. She closed her eyes and said in a softer voice, “Really. I just need to rest for a moment. I’m not in nearly as good shape as you are.”
“It’s okay,” he said, dropping down to sit beside her. “I don’t always remember that when I’m with others. You should have said something. I would have slowed down.” He slipped the pack off his shoulders and handed her the bottle of water she’d been foresighted enough to bring. “Here, drink. You look like you could use it.”
In other words, she looked like hell. Great first impression. Leslie took the bottle, struggled to sit up and drank half of it down, nearly choking as she did.
“Hey, slow down,” Herman said. He pulled a neatly wrapped granola bar out of his backpack. “You can munch on that for energy.”
“I’d rather wait for lunch.”
He grimaced. “This is lunch. I didn’t think we’d need anything heavy while hiking.”
At that moment, Leslie could have eaten a whole bucket of fried chicken by herself. She sighed and took the offering. Instead of opening it, she uncapped her water bottle and guzzled more of the refreshing, lukewarm water.
When she felt a little more like herself, she looked around at the other hikers walking across the smooth granite summit.
When she glanced back in the direction from which they’d come, she spotted Tag and a pretty brunette coming up over the rise. The brunette was bouncy and smiling, dressed in running shorts, sneakers, a sports bra and a loose tank top. Her hair was pulled back in a long ponytail, and she looked like she was having a great time. Tag was smiling at something she said.
Bitch. Leslie glared at her, an uncontrollable anger burning away at her normally kind and gentle spirit. How could that woman be smiling and bouncing after climbing up that horrible, treacherous trail?
Tag’s gaze swept the top of the rise and found her. His grin turned downward, and a frown settled heavily on his brow. He gripped his date’s elbow and steered her toward Leslie and Herman. “Leslie?” he said. “Is that you?”
She wanted to snap back, Of course, it’s me. You knew I was coming. Instead, she bit back her immediate response and said, “Tag?”
“What an incredible coincidence to see you way out here. It’s a small world.” He turned to his date. “Chris
sy, this is a good friend of mine, Leslie Lamb. Leslie, Chrissy Trent.”
Chrissy smiled broadly and held out her hand.
Leslie struggled to her feet, the muscle in the back of her right calf screaming as she put weight on it. She would have fallen but for Herman’s hand shooting out to capture her arm. She gave him a tight smile. “Thanks. I got a little off balance.” She forced a smile to her lips and took Chrissy’s hand in hers. “Nice to meet you, Chrissy.” She turned to her date. “This is Herman Lansing, my date.”
“Nice to meet you, Chrissy.” Herman held out his hand to Chrissy, taking in her appearance head to toe, and pausing at her running shoes. “Oh, you like Hokas?”
She nodded. “I usually run in these, but thought they’d be okay for a hike.”
He nodded. “That’s my brand of choice for marathons.”
Her eyes widened along with her grin. “You run marathons?”
Herman nodded. “I do.”
“I thought I was the only nutcase who did that. I’m really glad to meet another running enthusiast.” She looked around the dome. “Is this your first time up here?”
Herman shook his head. “No, I come up often. I like to race up the trail and try to improve my time every visit.”
Leslie moaned softly.
Herman laughed and cast Leslie an amused glance. “Not that I did this time. I kept my pace slow since I wasn’t sure how much climbing you’ve done.”
Leslie sighed. “Now, you know.”
“This is my first time here. I think I’ll look around,” Chrissy said. She glanced at Tag. “You don’t have to come, if you’d like to catch up with your friend.”
“I’ll go with you,” Herman said.
Chrissy didn’t wait for Tag’s response. She walked off with Herman.
“Are you signed up for the half-marathon next weekend in Austin?” Herman was asking as they moved away.
Leslie dropped back down before she fell and rubbed at the calf muscle that had seized while she was standing. “This was a bad idea.”