Probably wants to call her dealer to help her escape. I keep my thoughts to myself, but I’m sure Harley is thinking something along the same lines.
“What can I do to help?”
“Visit her. As often as you can. I think being around someone she’s familiar with, someone she trusts, will help alleviate some of the issues with feeling trapped. Even if she won’t talk to you, having someone here she’s comfortable with may help her settle in better and calm her fears.”
“That would be great if she trusted me,” I quip before I can stop myself.
“And why wouldn’t she trust you?”
Lie, Alex. Lie. You do it so well. Keep it up. Don’t let this woman break you.
“Because I had to trick her into coming here. I didn’t exactly tell her I was checking her into rehab. She blames me for everything.”
Good. Half the truth. Now stop talking before you get caught up in your lies.
8
Harley
* * *
Daphne is a hot mess. She was progressing so nicely, too nicely. I’ve learned more about her in a short amount of time than I learn about most patients over the first month. I knew it was only a matter of time before she blew, but I didn’t think it would be this soon. I figured it’d take at least a few more sessions before she tossed my office looking for her phone.
Not that it wasn’t already fucked from the patient before her.
Everyone wants their cell phones. Their lifeline to the outside world. To the life they used to lead. The very life we’re trying to help them distance themselves from so they don’t fall back into their old habits.
If they were thinking clearly, they would know the last place I’d keep their phones would be in my office. They’re welcome here anytime. I generally meet with patients at least twice a week, here, behind closed doors. Why would I keep their phone somewhere that’s accessible to them? I wouldn’t, yet it’s the first place they always look.
Alex doesn’t provide me any new insight into Daphne’s anger issues, which is what I was hoping for. She blames him, okay. He abandoned her when she needed him. I get it. He tricked her into coming here. Again, something for her to be pissed about. She has to blame someone.
All patients eventually see the truth. Their downfall was of their own doing. They allowed themselves to get where they are. Could have chosen a different path but they either didn’t want to or someone was influencing them to continue along the one they were on.
It’ll be a long while before Daphne admits her truth. To herself and to the rest of us. It’s one of the hardest goals for them to achieve, but they have to in order to completely recover from their addiction. To be able to leave here without the fear of relapsing.
“Can I see her still? Or is it a bad idea?” Alex asks, uncertainty filling his voice.
“It’ll actually be good for her. And for you too. She needs someone to blame, but she also needs someone to lean on. She may not trust you right now, but you’re family. You’re all she has,” I explain, hoping to instill some confidence in him.
“Right,” he states, his voice taking on a tone I can’t quite decipher.
Is he unsure of his answer?
Trying to convince himself it would be good to see her? That I know what I’m talking about? Because I take offense to that. I’ve been where he is, only I wasn’t able to get my mother the help she needed. I was too young, and we wouldn’t have been able to afford it even if I had been able to seek the help of a professional.
“Shall we?” I ask, motioning toward the hall.
Standing, Alex walks toward the door, but instead of leaving my office, he shuts it, trapping us. Alone. The one thing I was trying to avoid since he walked in.
I mentally prepared to see him today on my run this morning. I walked myself through every step of our meeting. Noted we needed to keep physical distance between us. Him on one side of my desk, me on the other, hiding from him. My goal was to keep things as professional as possible.
When he first came in, he left the door open. Normally, I would close the door behind a patient’s family, wanting privacy to speak with them. People stroll the halls all hours of the day. I’d hate for someone to overhear something they weren’t supposed to, especially the patient whose family I’m speaking with. If they were to hear something they didn’t like, they could suffer a setback.
When it comes to Alex, closing the door feels dangerous.
Though I’m trying not to think about that right now. I’m trying to focus on his sister and maintain a level of professionalism. I’m keeping as much distance between us as possible, but I’ve already slipped once. I let him get close to me and it was hard to hide my physical reaction to his proximity.
“Can I ask you something?” He leans against the door, crossing his arms over his chest. Blocking my escape.
His mannerisms mimic his sisters. Or is it the opposite? Is she like him? Maybe like one of their parents?
Not important.
I stare in awe as the fabric of his t-shirt attempts to stretch to accommodate his muscles. It’s pulled taught, accentuating everything I wish I could trace with my finger. Or my tongue. Wishing the fabric would give away and fall from his body, revealing all it’s hiding.
“Of course,” I say, raising my eyes to meet his. The smirk on his face tells me he caught me staring at him, and I don’t care. As long as I don’t touch…
“This thing between us,” he begins, his smirk growing with each word. “How do you see it going?”
“What thing?” I can’t hide my surprise.
Play stupid, Harley. Don’t let him get inside your head.
Two long strides and we’re standing chest to chest. He’s a full head taller than me, which only compounds my thoughts. How nicely I’d fit beneath his chin, tucked against his body. Under the covers, naked. Nothing between us, stopping him from—
“You know what thing. The way your body’s humming right now, begging to be touched, tells me more than words ever could. So how do you want this to go?” His voice is dripping with lust. Desire.
“Um…” My voice trails off when I realize his words are spot on. I’m practically shaking and turned on, and he’s not even touching me.
“I’d like to see you tonight.”
“Okay,” I hear myself saying. It’s as if I’m having an out-of-body experience. I can see everything going on, the way I’m responding, but I have no control. I’m watching the events between us unfold, shoving popcorn in my face as I wait to see what happens next.
Then it hits me.
So much for acting professional and keeping things strictly business between us.
I can’t do this. I can’t get close to him. It’s a bad idea for multiple reasons, mainly Phoenix. Everything I’ve ever done has been for him. Since before he was born. I can’t forget that. If I do, it’ll all come crashing down on me in a heartbeat.
“Wait,” I find the strength to say. “I can’t. It’s not a good idea. I’d hate for Phoenix to get attached to you when you won’t be here in a few months.”
“Who says I won’t be?” he counters.
“We both know you’ll eventually leave, Alex. It’s not a question of if, it’s when. Daphne will complete the program, and the best thing for her after that will be to go back home. To get into a routine. To see her friends. It’ll be hard for her, and you’ll need to be there to monitor her and make sure she doesn’t slip. So, yes. You will leave, and if I let you in, you’ll break Phoenix’s heart. I’ll be the one left to pick up the pieces.”
My words surprise me.
No mention of a professional conflict. No mention of my heart breaking.
I used my little brother, my son, as an excuse. A cock block. It feels wrong.
All he does is stare at me as if he’s memorizing my face. The look in my eyes, which probably appears pleading considering how desperate I feel right now. Desperate for him to let go of whatever hold he already has on me. Desperate for him
to accept my excuse not to cross the line in the sand I’ve drawn for him.
The line I’m convinced I’ll never be able to dig deep enough to keep me from wanting him. From trying to jump over the line and into his arms.
“I’ll make you a deal,” he says after a few long minutes of silence.
“I’m not sure—”
“One night, Harley. That’s all I’m asking for.” Now he’s pleading.
“So you want a quick fuck, that’s it?”
My hand flies to my mouth, covering it when I realize what I accused him of. Not that I don’t believe the words I’ve spoken, but I just shouldn’t have said them aloud.
“No, that’s not all. I want dinner and dessert. Conversation. To get to know you. If you want to jump in my bed and go for a ride, I won’t tell you no, but that’s not what I’m asking for.”
And now I feel like a total bitch.
A bitch who’s thinking about what it would be like to take a roll in the sheets with the Adonis of a man standing before me. Wondering what his body looks like beneath his clothing. Are his abs as firm as his arms and shoulders? Does he have the cuts in the hips that tease women, making them wonder where the glorious V leads to?
Will he be a gentle giant or want to play rough? Passionate?
Thoughts I shouldn’t be having. Not here and not now. Not ever. For the sake of all I’m trying to protect.
“One night,” he repeats when I don’t respond.
“Okay. Tomorrow night. I’ll make something that isn’t from a box. You bring dessert. But you have to promise me something.” My words come out rushed. I need to get out of this room, to put distance between us.
“Can my dessert be from a box?”
“Phoenix will eat anything sweet.”
“What about you?”
“I’m not a big fan of dessert, but this isn’t about me. I need you to promise me that you won’t leave him without saying goodbye.” It’s a demand and he knows it. I won’t compromise on this topic. I can’t.
“I can do that.”
“Promise me, Alex. This is a mistake, I know it, but I also know Phoenix would invite you over for dinner anyway. You’re going to get what you want, so I need you to promise me you’ll take every precaution not to hurt him.”
“I promise,” he says, his voice taking on a softer, caring tone. The same tone I heard him take with Daphne that first day when she begged him to take her back home.
It sent a shiver up my spine that day the same way it’s doing now.
Sidestepping him, I open the door and then walk out. I don’t need to look back to know he’s following me. I can feel his presence. He’s close. So close that if I came to an abrupt halt, he might run into me. His body would be pressed against mine for a split second.
I keep walking.
My eyes remain focused on the hall ahead of me.
When I turn the corner, Alex falls in step next to me.
“How do you know where she’ll be?” he asks.
“Call it a hunch. Everyone congregates in the common room on Fridays. A lot of families come to visit, and there’s enough room for everyone to have a little privacy. If they don’t have family visiting, the patients either watch TV or play ping pong. If she’s not in there, she’ll be in her room.”
Out of the corner of my eye, I see him nod his head in acceptance. Our hands brush against each other when we take the next corner, sparking a fire inside me.
Damn it.
I should relieve myself as his sister’s counselor. The thought makes me sad. We were just starting to make progress. I feel like she was on the verge of trusting me. Maybe. Soon. After a few more sessions.
But this is the best option because I can already see what’s about to go down. Having dinner together is no big deal as long as Phoenix is there as a buffer. But that’s not all that’s going to happen between us.
Meaning I’d cross a professional line. I’m not willing to risk my career because I want to get laid. Which is all I can think about. There’s a fire burning inside me. The only person who can douse the flames is Alex. He’s offered. He’s willing. He wants the chance to get burned.
Now… how am I going to explain this to Vivian without sounding like a horny teenager with a puddle in her panties?
I can’t. Not today anyway.
Eventually, the conversation needs to happen. Sooner rather than later. I’m going to have to man up and confess my sins. It’s the only way I’ll be able to save my job.
9
Alex
* * *
Daphne was a firecracker today. Not that I was surprised after listening to her rant in Harley’s office or the look on her face as she stormed out. I knew what to expect, but still, this is a side of my sister I’m not used to.
Which makes me wonder if this is a side effect of the drugs? Or who she really is now? I’m hoping it’s the former and not the latter.
We found her in a corner, staring out the window of the common room. She didn’t even notice Harley and I approach. It was as if she was in her own world. So when I touched her shoulder to get her attention, she practically flew out of the chair, fists raised, ready to beat my ass.
It shocked me.
This wasn’t the girl I grew up with. The sweet, innocent girl I used to video chat with every Sunday while I was in college.
Before leaving us alone to visit, Harley assured me she was still in there, somewhere. Fighting to get out. Fighting to figure out who she was, who she wanted to be. She will never be the same person she once was, but she’ll find her way back to a better version of the person she is now. That I’ll eventually see glimpses of my sister before the drugs took over her life.
Daphne didn’t want to talk to me. Didn’t want to play checkers or ping pong. Didn’t even want to look in my direction. So I talked and forced her to listen for over an hour. I told her about my apartment, the beach. I made up stories of the places I’d visited because I wasn’t about to tell her I had befriended a little boy whose mother was her counselor.
Or that I had propositioned said counselor.
Though, that would have gotten her attention. More than my made-up stories did anyway. If nothing else, she may have at least spoken up and given me her opinion. She’s never been shy about that a day in her life. No matter if you wanted to know or not, Daphne was going to tell you what she thought about whatever it was and why she thought that.
The walk back to my apartment was solemn, to say the least. Seeing Daphne like that was eye-opening. Painful. She was pushing me away. Shutting me out. I couldn’t help but wonder if I had made the right decision. To steal her from my parents. To bring her here to get the help I thought she needed.
It was clear when I made the decision. There was no doubt in my mind that I needed to do something. That she was on a downward spiral and, if I did nothing, would certainly overdose again. There was no guarantee I wouldn’t lose her for good next time.
So I did what I thought was best for her. She can blame me for whatever she wants, hate me for years if she has to, but one day she’ll see I did it because I care. Because I love her. Because if I didn’t, she would have continued down a dark path that led to places she didn’t belong.
Not my sister.
I’ve already seen how the drugs have destroyed her sparkle. I won’t let them destroy what’s left of her vibrant personality. Not if I can help it.
Powering up the PlayStation, I sneak a peek at the clock and a smile begins to form on my face. Phoenix should be home from school anytime now. Hanging out with him and playing video games will be a great distraction from my thoughts.
After opening my apartment door so I can hear him when he comes up the stairs, I load up Netflix and figure out what I’m going to watch tonight while I eat my pizza rolls and feel sorry for myself. That’s not really the plan, but I can see my night going that way. With no one to distract me, every doubt and insecurity will invade my thoughts and kill my mood.
T
omorrow though… tomorrow I’m having dinner with Phoenix and Harley. It’s a date.
I’ve never had to work that hard to get a woman to agree to have dinner with me. And she thought I was propositioning her, which was cute as hell. The look of astonishment on her face that quickly morphed into shame when she realized what she had said.
I mean, if I thought she would’ve let me take her in her office this afternoon, I might have. Propositioned her that is, not had sex with her. It’s not my style to engage in sex just anywhere, especially in such an inappropriate place, but this woman has me doing and thinking things that are out of character.
First, I shouldn’t be trying to pursue her knowing she’s Daphne’s counselor. I’ve known that from day one when her gorgeous ass captured my attention. Yet here I am. Hitting on her every time I see her. Finding ways to get close enough to touch her.
Then, as if the universe wanted to tease me some more, I moved in across the hall from her, befriending her son before I even knew who he was. That he belonged to the woman I’d been jacking off to.
Lastly, I’ve started testing her boundaries, saying things I shouldn’t, to see her reaction. She wears her emotions like a veil. I can always tell what she’s thinking, how she feels. I can see it on her face and hear it in her voice.
It’s sexy as fuck.
I’m aware there’s a conflict of interest, but there’s something about her that I can’t resist. A magnetic pull. Sure, she has a great ass and nice legs, but the pull is more than sexual desire. It’s the mystery that surrounds her. I want to know her, really know her, if she’ll let me.
The ringing of my phone interrupts my thoughts. Flipping it over, I see my lawyer is calling me. Again. He called this morning, and I sent him to voicemail, knowing I haven’t set up my voicemail yet. Not that I would have listened to his messages had he been able to leave them. Ignorance is bliss in this situation.
Half Truths: An Opposites Attract Romance Page 6