by Sherri Renee
There was a long hall upstairs with rooms on either side. George tried the knobs as we passed, finding most of them locked. One door finally opened, and George turned on the light
It looked like we might have ended up in Tony’s room. A blue comforter covered the queen sized bed and there was a football along with a few football trophies on a desk.
George closed the door and the noise from downstairs reduced by at least eighty percent. I’d gotten used to it and forgotten exactly how loud it was until now. With a smile, George took both of my hands and backed straight towards the bed. He fell back on it, attempting to pull me on top him. I maneuvered slightly so I landed by his side instead.
I know I’d told him I’d give us a chance, but I couldn’t. I felt nothing for him. No sparks. No tingles. All I felt right now was a burning curiosity about what Laurie and Matt were doing downstairs together.
“What are you doing way over there?” George grinned and tried to pull me on top of him again.
I swatted at this hands. “George, stop. We need to talk.”
His playful expression dropped. He laid his hands over his eyes. “Are you kidding me? That’s all anyone wants to do tonight is talk. Talk, talk, talk. Well, maybe I’m all talked out.”
I sat up, surprised by his rapid change in mood but not deterred. “What were you and Laurie talking about earlier?” I asked. He didn’t say anything. “Okay, what about you and Maurice? You said something that upset him.”
“Drop it, Kristen. You don’t know what you’re talking about.”
“Exactly.” I stood up too anxious to sit any longer. “That’s why I need you to tell me.”
“I said drop it!” he yelled, sitting up and glaring at me. His face twisted into an angry mask. “You need to forget you saw me talking to either of them tonight and just get through the next week.”
I licked my lips, wondering how far to push him. “What happens then,” I pushed.
His brows dipped even lower, and I expected him to yell again or do something even worse. Instead, he dropped back on the bed. “I’m in a load of trouble. I just need you to help me hold it together for a little while longer.”
He sounded scared, and that scared me more than his anger. I cautiously sat on the edge of the bed. “Is it drugs?” I asked softly.
“What?” He sat up and gave me an incredulous look. “What makes you say that?”
I threw my hands out to the side. “What am I supposed to think? You won’t tell me anything.”
He put his hand over mine where it rested on the bed. “You’re right. I won’t tell you anything because I love you. I’m not dragging you into this.”
This was getting nowhere. I raised a brow at him. “I can’t pretend that everything’s all right when I know it’s not. Just tell me what’s wrong.”
Turning my hand over in his, he absently ran his thumb across my palm. His lips tightened into a thin line and just when I’d decided he wasn’t going to say anything else he spoke, “You know how important winning state is to me, to my chances of a scholarship and going to college at all, right?”
I nodded. That was nothing new.
“Well, it’s not going to happen,” he said.
I felt my jaw drop. “Don’t say that! You guys played great tonight. I’m sure you’ll win state.”
He looked different all of a sudden. Tired. Haggard. Defeated. “Trust me, we won’t.”
He held up his hand to cut me off when I started to protest. “And they might take our house.”
“Your house?” My stomach felt sick. I couldn’t even imagine the fear of being homeless.
He nodded. His hair fell across his forehead. Out of habit, I reached over and brushed it back. “I’m sorry,” I said. “Maybe your dad will find a job soon and you won’t have to worry about it.”
He stared at me then laughed harshly. “Yeah, everything’s going to work out like some freakin’ fairy tale, right? Grow up, Kristen. Things are never that easy in real life.”
The outburst shocked me but quickly made me mad. “Look, I am sorry you’ve got so much going on, but I can’t help you. You keep saying I can, but I can’t.”
“That’s not true.” His voice softened and held a note of panic. “I love you.” He held my hand tightly in both of his. “I need you. We can work things out. I’ll change. Whatever you need me to do. I can’t live without you.”
Maybe it was an expression and he meant it to be romantic but “I can’t live without you” made my mind immediately jump to suicide. I narrowed my eyes at him. George was dealing with so much heavy stuff right now. Was it possible he was suicidal? Or even homicidal? I wasn’t sure what to do or how to react. If he was on the edge I couldn’t live with myself if I pushed him over.
“Please, Kristen.”
“Of course,” I said. I forced a smile as my mind raced. Maybe I should call one of those suicide hotlines. Or his mom. He looked so happy when I agreed. His entire body relaxed, and he looked like himself again.
I had no idea how much he’d had to drink. It could be the alcohol making him act the way he was. Or maybe the steroids, if he was taking them. Whatever the case I knew the best thing I could do was keep him calm for now.
“I told you earlier that we could try to work things out,” I said.
His grip on my hand eased. “And that’s why I love you so much. You’re such a great person. I know I don’t deserve you, but I really think you’re the one for me.”
That was much sappier than anything he’d ever said to me before. I gave him a weak smile. He laid back down and pulled me close beside him. Before I knew it he was snoring. Even though he hadn’t seemed drunk, I was going to guess he’d definitely had more than one beer tonight.
I laid still and let him sleep. How much of what he’d said was true and how much was the alcohol talking? Losing his house? Losing the game? His scholarship? Was any of that true or just stuff he was worried about?
As much as I didn’t want to accept it, he did need me right now. I could encourage him. And keep him away from alcohol. The smell of beer wafted off him, and I scrunched my nose against it. He was my friend, and he was in trouble. I strengthened my resolve to support him. Even if it meant staying in a dead relationship. At least until he’d made it through this rough time.
George let out a loud snore beside me. I rolled over and stared at the ceiling, thankful I wouldn’t have to dodge his roaming hands all night. Somewhere along the way, he’d taken up the word no as a personal challenge. The more I said it, the harder he tried to move our physical relationship to the next step.
That should have told me something right there. George and I’d been dating for seven months. Somewhere along the way, I’d realized he wasn’t the one I’d been saving myself for. I wasn’t necessarily waiting for marriage—although I wasn’t exactly opposed to the thought—but I was at least waiting for Mr. Right. And George wasn’t him. I wondered why I hadn’t realized our relationship was heading towards a dead end long ago.
If things were different, maybe Matt could be my Mr. Right. My body flushed at the thought. I didn’t know him nearly well enough to guess if he’d live up to the image I’d built of him, but it would sure be nice to find out.
Chapter 21
I watched George sleep while my thoughts bounced from Matt to football to suicide. When it became obvious he was out for the night, I carefully slipped from his arms so I wouldn’t wake him. I felt so helpless. He needed help, but not from me. I didn’t know anything about winning football games, and I sure didn’t have the money to make his parent’s mortgage payment.
I gave his sleeping form a sad smile. After everything we’d been through, I couldn’t even love him anymore.
I knew he’d planned to spend the night here so I folded the comforter over him, and left him to his dreams. Hopefully, they were happier than his life was right now.
The party was still in full swing. The music almost unbearable after the relative quiet of the bedro
om and grew louder as I headed down the stairs and towards its source. I wanted to find my coat, and then I was going to try to convince Michelle it was time to leave. I had way too much on my mind to even try to enjoy the party.
Near the bottom of the stairs I sensed someone watching me. I looked up and my eyes went straight to a pair of dark ones that made my feet falter. Matt sat on the couch where I’d left my coat and watched my decent without any kind of expression. My breath caught and I hesitated. I could only imagine what he thought seeing me come down the stairs and knowing that almost everyone who went up them was looking for a place to hook up.
Since George wasn’t with me, I hoped he’d think I’d simply gone looking for a bathroom or something. I realized his arm was around someone’s shoulder. Without looking away from me, he pulled Laurie into my line of vision and close to his side.
It felt like someone knocked the air out of me. I pressed a hand to my stomach, surprised how much pain just seeing him with another girl could cause me to feel. With a deep breath, I forced my feet to move while my dreams shattered around me.
So much for Mr. Right.
Logically I knew Matt was free to date anyone he wanted. It shouldn’t surprise me to see him with another girl. The fact that the girl was Laurie seemed strange but other than that he wasn’t doing a thing wrong. That didn’t make it hurt any less though.
I was tempted to leave my coat and beg Michelle to take me home. I knew I’d have to face Matt sometime though. The smell of sweat and alcohol and perfume turned my already upset stomach as I pushed my way through the throng of dancing bodies.
I caught a glimpse of Michelle swaying to the music in Danny’s arms and gritted my teeth. She wasn’t going to want to leave yet.
Finally making it to the couch, I tugged on the sleeve of my coat until the girl sitting on it turned to me with a nasty look before taking the hint and raising up so I could slip it out from under her.
I’d planned to ignore Matt and Laurie. What was there to say? Unfortunately, Laurie noticed me and waved hard, still snuggled against Matt’s side with a silly grin on her face.
“Hey, Kristen. You and George were upstairs forever.” She giggled at her implication. Her cheeks were rosy, and I wondered how much she’d had to drink.
My eyes were drawn to Matt’s. The hurt I saw there felt like a reflection of my own, and I hated knowing I put it there. I wanted to talk to him. Explain George needed me right now. But what good would that do? I already looked flighty and indecisive. One minute I said I was breaking up with George and the next it looked like we’d been upstairs doing who knew what.
I gave Laurie a cold look without bothering to reply to her suggestive comment and pushed my way towards the back of the house. When I got to the kitchen door I didn’t stop, just shrugged my arms into my coat and kept walking. The first breath of bitter cold hit my lungs hard, making it hard to breathe for a second, but I welcomed the stinging pain. It matched the pain in my heart.
Tears dripped down my cheeks, but I didn’t care. I kept walking until I came to a large wooden swing suspended from a giant oak tree. I sat, facing away from the house, and wrapped my arms around the chains before tucking my hands in my pockets. How had my life gotten so messed up so fast?
The moon was full in the clear sky and bathed the wooded area around Tony’s house with a cool light. I was alone. No one else was dumb enough to exchange the warmth of the house for the frigid air. I gave the ground an angry kick with my heel to move the swing and let my tears fall, appreciating the silence after all the noise inside.
No matter how unfair it was, I felt betrayed by Matt. He’d been the one who said he wasn’t giving up on me. I hadn’t forced him to say that. And now, not twenty-four hours later, he’d moved on.
I pushed the swing again sending myself higher and higher into the night’s sky. I’d made it almost eighteen years without having to deal with real-world problems, as George called them, but now I felt myself drowning in them, and I didn’t like it one little bit. Whoever said being an adult was fun was either delusional or flat out lying.
My cheeks started to feel numb and I let the swing glide to a stop. I figured I’d given Michelle enough Danny time. I was just getting ready to go in to find her when I heard footsteps rustle the fallen leaves behind me. I couldn’t make small talk with anyone right now. I was pretty sure I didn’t even have a smile in me.
The footsteps got closer, and I swiped at my tears.
“Hey.”
The word cut through the cold air, clear and sharp. And very close. I didn’t turn to look. Just the sound of Matt’s voice caused a crushing pain in my chest. When I didn’t turn around, he came closer. I kept my head tucked so he wouldn’t see I’d been crying. Maybe he’d take it as a hint that I didn’t want to talk to him. Although I really did. But what was there to say?
“Is there room for two?” He motioned to the wide plank swing on which I sat.
I hesitated a second but scooted to the far edge. He sat beside me. The wood creaked but held our combined weight easily. His arm was pressed to mine as if it belonged there. Why did he have to feel so right when he was beside me? We started to sway as he gave the swing a gentle push.
“Where’s Laurie?” I couldn’t keep the snideness from my tone. Well, maybe I could have but I didn’t even try. Right or wrong, he’d hurt me.
“Don’t worry. She gave me your message. I just wanted to make sure you were okay out here alone.”
I whipped my head to look at him with a puzzled expression. “My message?”
He glanced at me before staring straight ahead. “That you and George were back together and you want me to back off.” He gave me a sad look. “You could have told me that yourself. If I’d known you were really serious about that guy I would have stepped out of the picture. You didn’t sound very convincing yesterday so I thought we might have a chance. I told you I don’t go after other guy’s girls.”
My mind spun. I could only stare at him. “Laurie told you that?”
He shrugged, his arm rubbing against mine as he did. “Maybe not word for word, but something like that.”
I couldn’t wrap my head around his words and shook my head. “I didn’t ask her to talk to you.” I knew Laurie was up to something, but what? Was she interested in Matt?
Matt met my confused stare. “So you and George aren’t together?” His voice rose with hope and my stomach dropped.
“That’s not what I meant.” My hand burned from gripping the cold chain, but not as much as my heart did when Matt’s face fell.
“Well,” he stood up, “I guess whether you sent her or not she did you a favor, right?”
“No!” I jumped up and grabbed his arm. “I don’t want to be with George. I want to be with you. He just needs me right now. He has a lot going on.” I repeated the line I’d been telling myself, but it was wearing thin. Even to me.
Chapter 22
“I’ve got to go.” Matt removed my hand from his arm and headed towards the side of the house where the cars were parked.
“Wait!” I ran a few steps to catch up with him. “Will you give me a ride home?” I couldn’t stay outside much longer, but I was in no mood to face all the people inside.
“I don’t think that’s a good idea. What will your boyfriend think?”
His words physically stopped me and I blinked at him. How had my world gotten to be such a mess? My hands started shaking. I ducked my head, hoping when I looked up he’d be gone. I couldn’t take anymore. I couldn’t face him. He was right. I did have a boyfriend, and I wasn’t being fair to George or Matt.
Instead of leaving, his arm came around my waist before he started walking again. “I like you, Kristen. There’s no reason we can’t be friends.” He squeezed me slightly. “I’ve got to stay on your good side so you’ll puppy sit AB for me over spring break when we go visit my grandparents.”
His tone was teasing and I appreciated him trying to lighten the mood. My heart was
still heavy though. “What makes you think I don’t have plans over spring break?”
“Do you?”
“Well, no, but I could have.”
He grinned at me although his smile looked more sad than happy.
“Thanks,” I whispered.
“For what?” He unlocked his car and opened my door.
I crawled in and looked up at him. “For not turning out to be the jerk I thought you were.”
Surprise covered his face, but he laughed before closing the door.
I didn’t know what it was about Matt that had me saying things I normally wouldn’t give voice to.
He got in and started the car, turning the heat all the way to hot. I couldn’t wait for it to warm up and start blowing. I wasn’t sure how long I’d been outside, but I felt frozen to the bone. I took my phone out of my pocket and forced my numb fingers to type out a quick text to Michelle letting her know I wouldn’t need a ride home. I didn’t add how I was getting home, though.
“You thought I was a jerk, huh?” Matt drove slowly through the field around a maze of cars, making his way to the main road.
A small smile tugged at my lips. “Maybe.” It was hard to believe I’d ever thought Matt was a jerk now that I knew him. “I might have been wrong,” I joked.
“Oh, now it’s ‘might have been.’”
I bit my lip then laughed, feeling so much of my earlier stress vanish under Matt’s teasing. “I really wish I’d been right about you.” I gave a long dramatic sigh. “It’d make my life much easier.” I leaned my head back and closed my eyes. The heater started to blow. I held my hands in front of the vent. “Oh, that feels so good,” I said, rubbing my hands together.
“Can I ask you something?” Matt didn’t take his eyes off the road.
“I guess.” I liked the light banter between us and was afraid his question would bring back the more serious tone.