by Miley Maine
I sipped my whiskey and looked out the window with a feeling of total dread and uneasiness coursing through me. I missed my beautiful angel, and I would stop at nothing to get her back. I could only imagine how frightened she might be. But I knew she was a tough fighter. She would fight hard to stay free.
But she was just all alone in this. And I had no idea how many people might be looking for her which was worrying me. Saul had a far reach, but I had that too. It was really just a matter of who was going to find her first.
I stood up and walked around the empty front room of my silent house. It was so empty without her around. I missed her being there with me. She was so lively, so bubbly and beautiful. Her spirit shined in everything she did and everywhere she was. I felt like a dagger was thrust into my heart every single second that I was away from her.
When would my angel return to me? When?
12
Julie
“Ok, you’ve got the cash register figured out. Now, let me show you how to do our promo tags.”
I listened to Rachel Sharp as she finished explaining the basics of the new job to me. It was all pretty menial stuff and it reminded me of some jobs I’d had the summer after my freshman year of college. It was kind of fun going back to familiar territory, but it was not what I wanted to do with my life and it also didn’t make me feel much safer about anything. But it was a job. It was some place to go to get a paycheck.
I wasn’t sure how long I was going to be staying in the town of Medford, Arizona. But it was a quaint little place which offered the feel to that old town. I kind of imagined I was living back in the nineteen sixties and the world was a much simpler place. I wished my life was simple. But I had a feeling that it would never be until Saul was six feet under. If it came right down to it, I might have to kill him. Would I be able to do that? I… I just didn’t know. I’d have to be staring down death itself for me to make that decision, but it was very possible that I would have to do it. I was prepared.
Or at least I thought I was.
Billings Used Bookstore seemed like the ticket to a lifetime of boredom for a lot of people, but for a book nerd like me I believed I was actually going to have a bit of fun in the place working there. It was simple, easy work, the customers were friendly, and I could really be myself without any fear that the wrong person would somehow get the word back to Saul.
For a while I’d actually convinced myself that Saul had moved on and stopped looking for me. But no. He still wanted me. He didn’t want me because he loved me; he wanted me because I didn’t want him. He felt he owned me. He would teach me the lesson that I would never forget, and he would make sure that I never left him again. He might even kill me. I wouldn’t put it past him to kill me. He’d killed a lot of other people. I was sure of it.
I tried to block those thoughts out of my mind as I followed Rachel to the back of the store where she was showing me the new shipment of inventory. There were several bins full of books that were being delivered, and in the small box sitting on top of that stack of totes were a handful of stickers.
“You look at the bin number and then you just match it,” Rachel said. “These go up every single Sunday. It’s important that we try to get to them as early as we can, but sometimes it’s tough because so many customers come in on Sundays.”
“Ok,” I said. “I think I can manage that.”
“Great. Stick a wad of those stickers in your pocket and grab a tote. Let’s go out back to the mystery section and start putting these ones away. We sold a lot of stuff last week since we had that big Agatha Christie sale, so now we have a lot of replenishing stock.”
“Where do all these used books come from?” I asked. I bent down and lifted a tote. It was far heavier than I thought. I felt a catch in my back accompanied by a little bit of pain, but I engaged my legs and core and didn’t even flinch as I followed Rachel out of the storeroom towards the front.
“Oh, mostly donations. Some of them are overstock from bookstores and they can’t get rid of the supply, or maybe there is some misprint or mistake on the cover—that happens way more often than you think-so they send them over here. That’s why sometimes you will stumble across a new book, but it has a few flaws in its printing so it is sold as used.”
“That’s interesting,” I said. I wasn’t knowing that at all. I was starting to wonder if I had oversold this job to myself at first. I wasn’t going to be that happy here, after all. I’d be bored. Bored, but safe. That was the important thing. I just had to keep remembering that.
We arrived at the Mystery section and sat our totes down. I observed Rachel matching the tags with the right books. She placed the small red tags on the book’s spine trying not to obscure too much of the title or the author’s name. I followed suit and Rachel smiled at me clearly pleased.
I settled into the routine of the work. It felt good to just get my mind off things for a while. I was almost tempted to start whistling but thought better of it. The silence was good while it lasted. But Rachel was in a chatty mood.
“So, where are you from again?” she asked me.
“Fresno,” I lied.
“Ah, never been there. I’ve only been to California a few times now. I went to Los Angeles to that Universal Studios place. That was so neat. It was like taking a trip inside the most famous movies I love. I love movies. I love books. But movies are amazing to see everything right there in front of you, right?”
I sighed. I was already getting a headache. Why did she have to talk so damn much?
But I tried to be polite to my new coworker. I had a feeling I was going to be spending a lot of time with her. And she was nice. I could tell she meant well. She was probably pretty lonely, and it was a very small boring town where nothing ever happened. I was probably considered big news in her little world. So, I tried to be understanding. An image of the town sign flashed into my head just then. I’d passed it on the way into town and thought it was interesting to note. The town’s population was only eight thousand. I’d definitely driven through smaller towns, but the town at least had the basics of life. Plus, if I really wanted to do something fun, Tucson was only about eighty miles away.
“Yeah, it’s fun. I love movies, too. But I love books better because in a book the sky is the limit, whatever you want to think about or imagine can be in that story. In a movie you are still limited by what the technology can put together, but I do think we are encroaching on the level that they can make anything appear to happen on screen. So, maybe that isn’t true anymore. What do you think?”
Rachel scrunched up her face and rubbed her forehead. I might have stumped her.
“I think you’re right,” Rachel said.
She smiled widely at me and I smiled back. She might be a good friend to have around. She was sweet.
We put the books away for a while until we got a customer. I said I’d take it and I went up front to do that. The customer, an older woman with a big black hat bought several romance novels. She seemed almost embarrassed to be buying them for some reason. I thought it was fun that she wanted to keep romance alive at her age. I saw the wedding ring and wondered if the books gave her ideas? The thought then struck me as funny and I had to bite my lip to keep from laughing.
She paid and left the store. I stood there watching after her for a few seconds as I embraced my new life and wished that I had the romance back. But Tony would probably never find me. I needed to reach out to him and let him know I was ok. But I couldn’t. He’d most likely figured out by now all about Saul. He might be totally pissed that I didn’t tell him anything about it. I was avoiding that awkward conversation at all cost.
Or maybe he was just worried and would try to find me. I hoped he did find me on his own. I was afraid of reaching out to him. He would try to get involved and possibly get himself hurt. Saul was crazy and he would gun down anyone in his way. I couldn’t stand the thought of anything happening to Tony.
I loved him. I knew I did. It had been so hard
for me to admit that before, but now that he was gone, and I found myself thinking about him constantly I knew that he was the love of my life. I should have said it back that night. I should have kissed him and embraced him and told him that he was the one for me.
And now it was too late.
Three Months Later
I finished off my burger and then began eating my fries, marveling at the strange crunchy sound they made and how every single restaurant somehow found a way to make their French fries taste just a little bit different. How did that happen? How many different ways were there to make fucking French fries?
I sighed. “I need help. I’ve been in this town way too long,” I said out loud.
“You and me both,” the voice from behind me spoke up.
I wasn’t even aware that someone was sitting that close to me. It was late and the place was mostly deserted. I was surprised they were even open this late and I hadn’t even seen anyone else come in.
I turned around and smiled. “Sorry. I didn’t know you were there.”
The voice belonged to a young woman about my age. She was pretty but a little tired looking with dark circles under her eyes, a pale, lightly freckled complexion, and a sweet smiled that said she was just ordinary enough to get you into any trouble.
“It’s fine. I’m grateful for the lack of silence,” she said. “I’m Skylar.”
“Hi, I’m Julie.”
“You must be new,” Skylar said. “I’m pretty sure I know everyone in this town.”
“Yeah, I’ve been here just about three months. It’s a nice place, but I have to admit I’m starting to adjust way too much to small town life. I suppose I should move on, but so far, I just haven’t. I don’t know why.”
Skyler stood up and walked around my table and slid into the booth across from me. She was bold. I could admire that in someone.
“Yeah, a small town like this one has that way of making you ok with being idle, if that makes sense. It’s like you become entrapped in the place so much so that you are actually a part of it. If you did do something crazy and venture outside the city limits, you’d find yourself lost and utterly alone in this crazy assed world.”
“You have a very cheery disposition,” I said. “I can dig that.”
“You work at the used bookstore, don’t you? That’s where I’ve seen you. Sorry if I was staring, but you got one of those faces. I just knew I’d seen you somewhere before.”
“Ah, yeah. I guess I do. You come in there much?”
“Not too often anymore,” she said. “I ran out of space for my books. I don’t like to donate them back either; I like to collect them and read them again from time to time. I can find something new and interesting each time I delve into one, you know?”
I wasn’t sure why I was fascinated by this woman’s introspection and her diatribe on every single thing under the sun, but she was a talker, and I was happy to just let her ramble on and on. I was tired; it had been a long day at the bookstore. There was a crazy sale, and everyone was asking a million questions. On top of that Rachel was sick (I was starting to suspect she had problem with pills), and I was left all alone to fend off the howling wolves as they descended upon the store in droves.
“That’s interesting,” I said. “What do you do?”
“Oh, I’m a student.”
“I don’t think there are any colleges close by. You must be doing online.”
“Yeah, I’m a distance learner. I am halfway through my communications associate degree. I have to drive into Tucson about once every three weeks for a seminar, but otherwise it is all online.”
“Ah, ok.”
I chatted with Skylar for about half an hour. We had a lot in common as far as music, movies, and even our thoughts on fashion. She was fun and easy to talk to. It was nice to make a new friend besides just Rachel. I’d hung out with Rachel a few times, but she never had anything really interesting to talk about. It was like she had no interests whatsoever. Her life must have been so boring. I felt a bit sorry for her.
But Skylar was different. This was by far the most stimulating conversation I’d had with anyone for the past few months. I wanted my old life back so badly. I had not been found by Saul so far, so that was a good thing. I was safe for now. And safety was more important right now than anything.
Still, I felt stupid for waiting around. Was I just going to keep going this way? What was I waiting for? I felt like I was just waiting to be found, waiting to be taken away back to being a prisoner. Or maybe I would end up dead.
What if I just took the fight to him? What if I reached out to Tony to see if maybe he could help me? I knew he could, but I was afraid he might get himself too deeply involved. I couldn’t stand having him in danger. What if something happened to him? I’d never forgive myself. But I needed him. I thought of him always and I cursed myself for not telling him the truth about things. I was trying to protect him, but what if was just putting myself in danger and destroying my heart in the process?
Had he moved on already? Was he over me?
I tried not to dwell too much on this, but it constantly tugged at my heart strings.
I finished my dinner and my conversation with Skylar. We exchanged contact information and agreed to hang out sometime soon.
I went home feeling better about things. At least I’d made a friend and I didn’t feel as alone anymore. That was important to my morale at least.
I was just heading up to my apartment which was around the side of my landlord’s house. It was small, but it worked for now. I started up the steps when I heard a voice calling me.
I stopped instantly. The fear leapt into my throat. Who was there? I’d been found. My first instinct was to run and flee. But I couldn’t run upstairs. I’d be trapped. And I didn’t have time to turn and run. They were behind me. I’d be caught for sure. My brain felt like it was short-circuiting with the thoughts bouncing around inside of me.
“Julie.”
The voice came again. This time it was softer and more familiar. In the darkness, I could see a figure approaching slowly. As the person came into the light, I began to see the familiar outline of a guy. And then there he was standing before me as clear as could be.
“Tony!” I exclaimed.
He was there. He’d come for me. Before rational thought consumed me, I leapt off the step straight into his arms. He hugged me tightly to his body. It was him. Yes! It was really him. But how? How did he get here? I decided I didn’t really care. I was so happy to see him. He was really there for me. I couldn’t believe it. It had to be a dream. It had to be.
But no. He was real. His strong arms were holding me tightly and pressing his warmth close to me. His broad chest against mine, his face nuzzled into my neck, his mouth kissing my skin and tasting me. Oh, I needed him so badly. Three long months of missing him had been pent up so badly. It was ready to be released now. I found myself just melting into him.
“Baby,” Tony said. “Oh, it’s really you.”
He stared into my eyes and rubbed my face with his large, muscular hands. His touch felt orgasmic over my entire body. He stared into my eyes disbelieving, shaking his head and then he pressed his sweet lips to mine and took me into him.
I closed my eyes and let him melt with me. The kiss was full of love and passion. It had been too long. All that mattered in that moment was that we were there together. He’d come for me. I wasn’t sure how he’d found me, and I didn’t really care at the moment. His touch was all I needed.
His mouth was warm and soft, but powerful. His jaws massaged my mouth with his lips, and he kissed me moving from the top to the bottom, then to my chin for a quick peck, my cheek for a taste and then back to my lips for a deep passionate kiss. His tongue invaded my mouth and I let him wiggle it against mine, awakening me finally after this long slumber.
“How?” I asked when the kiss had ended. “How did you find me?”
“It wasn’t easy, but I was able to have one of our tech guys
trace your IP address when you logged into your email. We had to wait until you logged onto it.”
I shook my head. “I knew it was a bad idea, but I had to see if anyone I loved was trying to contact me that way. I went to the library and used their computer hoping that would mask it.”
“My tech guys are the best,” he said.
“Well, I’m glad you found me. Come inside.”
I led him into my apartment. He didn’t pay any attention to how I was living. The size of my little place seemed lost on him. He was far too focused on me. And that was beautiful to me, the way he could only see me. I saw the love in his eyes. And I felt the same for him. Why had I ever denied it? I was afraid. I was just afraid, and now I saw I had no reason to be. I was with the only man who could protect me in this world and I never wanted to leave his side.
I sat him down on the couch and he told me how he knew everything about Saul. He’d still been unable to locate him. The guy was doing everything he could to stay under the radar. He’d even tried faking his death, but the cops had discovered he wasn’t really dead.
“I’m so scared,” I said. “I just had to run. I’m so sorry I did that to you. I knew it would hurt you, but I was too scared to say anything.” I wiped the tears from my eyes.
Tony was understanding. He wrapped his arm around my shoulder and looked into my face. “You should have told me. I could have helped.”
“I didn’t want you getting mixed up in this. I hate that you are now. But I’m glad you found me. We can’t go to the police. Saul has too many of them on his payroll.”
“There are a few I trust,” Tony said. “They are old friends of mine, but I’m starting to question whether even trusting them is a good idea. Saul has these cops on a tight leash and pays them well. That sort of money is hard to pass up. It becomes addictive.”