She turned her back on me once more. I had to laugh. That fire inside her. Unbelievable. I was so glad Detective Jackson hadn’t managed to stamp it out of her. She was still my Delilah. When we got to school, Delilah sat sullenly and watched as kids streamed into Wheeler Hall.
“You ready?” I asked.
“They’re gonna see me coming out of your car,” she said flatly.
I waited for her to continue. When it became obvious she wasn’t going to, I said, “And?”
“They’re going to think we’re together.”
“Is that such a bad thing?”
Delilah glared at me. If looks could kill, I would be flayed and chopped into at least ten different chunks before being flung to wild animals, and honestly, I could kiss her for being such a firecracker. When she finally spoke, she said the words slowly, enunciating each syllable as though I were a complete airhead. “I do not want to be in the limelight at school. Surely you can understand that, given my circumstances.”
I took her hand, ignoring the curl of her lip when our skin touched. “Our relationship will be the perfect cover. Nobody is going to be thinking of Detective Jackson.” Then, just as an incentive, I added, “Not unless you want them to.” Damn, I felt like a total asshole, bringing that up, but I had to remind her of what a huge secret I was keeping on her behalf, what a big deal it was that I’d seen what she did and loved her in spite of it. Maybe I loved her because of it as well.
She paled, her jaw tightening. “Whatever. I’m going to be late for class.”
“I’ll see you at lunch,” I said, trying not to stare at her lips, trying not to freak her out even though they were begging to be kissed.
She paused. “We don’t sit at the same table for lunch.”
I grinned. “We do now.”
I parked the car, and we headed out into the sunshine together. I walked next to her casually, the way a friend would, and I didn’t stare at her with naked adoration the way I wanted to. I walked benignly, sexlessly, and I waved bye to Delilah when we got to the lockers. Didn’t even walk her to her class, look at that self-restraint.
Then I headed to my own class and shrugged and smiled and fielded questions until the bell rang, and how could I concentrate, when the thought of Delilah was so real, so fresh?
Someone hit the back of my head with a balled-up note.
R U and Delilah a thing?
I turned around to see Josh grinning and waggling his eyebrows at me. But then I noticed how strained his smile was, and how hard he was staring at me. Josh was one of the few people who knew what happened with Sophie, how into her I was. He’d called it “an obsession,” and he was the only student who knew about my suicide attempt after Sophie died. Everyone else thought I’d just gotten really sick and had to take some time off, but Josh knew. He was the one who found me in the glade, after I took all those pills.
And now here he was, good old Josh, worrying about me again. I gave him the world’s most casual shrug and turned back to face the board. After class, I launched into a discussion about the lesson, hoping that would distract him, and it did, for a while. But when I paused for breath, Josh said, “So, about Delilah…”
“Yeah?” I said casually.
“Um, are you guys a thing?”
I shrugged. “Sort of.”
“Cool, cool.” He scratched the back of his neck. “Only, um, I didn’t want to mention it before because it—I don’t know—seemed a bit weird or whatever, but she kind of really looks like Sophie.”
“Really? I haven’t noticed.” I put on an expression of blank curiosity.
Josh frowned. “Okay.” He didn’t look entirely convinced, but luckily he had to rush off to geography, so I was spared the rest of his concerned speech.
When the bell finally rang for lunch, I stood outside Delilah’s class waiting for her. I spotted her as soon as she came out, even with her head tucked down. Seeing her sent a burst of joy rushing through my chest. Not so for Delilah; her face soured when she saw me. I tried not to let it bother me. She’d come around. I fell easily into step next to her.
“How was class?” I asked.
She gave me a look.
“I am genuinely interested in how your day went.”
Delilah looked up at the ceiling then at me and said, “It’s been terrible. Okay? And you know why it’s been terrible? Because, as it turns out, I have a stalker who wants to ruin my life.” She was near tears, her eyes shining, her voice shrill.
This was the worst part, knowing I was doing this to her, causing distress to my girl. But it’ll pass, I reminded myself. I caught her hand and led her out of the building into the bright sunshine. “Take a deep breath,” I said kindly.
She did as I said before glaring at me. “I hope you enjoyed that. You’re even controlling my breathing now.”
I sighed. “You know it’s not like that. I just want you to give us a chance. Let’s go have lunch. You’ll like my friends.”
“I like mine just fine,” she said.
She was so stubborn, she couldn’t see that I was trying to save her. Sophie was like that too. Anyone could tell she didn’t have the right friends. Sure enough, as soon as she ran into trouble with her class, her so-called friends melted away. A couple of them stuck around long enough to watch Sophie spiral into depression and frantic desperation before posting all about it on Draycott Dirt.
“Give it a chance,” I said again. I didn’t wait for a reply before taking her hand, gently but firmly, and leading her toward the cafeteria.
Noise spilled out, almost deafening, and Delilah instinctively clutched at my hand. I gave her a reassuring squeeze and said, “Just keep walking. You’ll be okay.”
Even on normal days, the cafeteria was a lot to take in—the air boiling with students yelling, babbling, laughing over some text or picture or video on their phones, and the scent thick with the smells of hot food and last night’s dinner. Delilah was so pale, I started to worry she’d burst into tears or puke or something. But I knew her. She was strong. She’d make it. Halfway there, she stumbled and would have fallen if I hadn’t caught her. The voices around us became excited murmurs, an almost physical cloud that clung to us like a sickly mist.
“Breathe,” I whispered.
She took in a shaky breath and kept going. When we neared the center table, my friends looked up and the conversation lulled to a halt.
“Hey, guys,” I said.
Their eyes moved from my face to Delilah’s to our hands, still linked tightly together. Another flash of concern from Josh. Had I been wrong about him? Did he tell everyone about my thing for Sophie? My unfortunate incident?
Moni was the first to break the silence.
“Hey,” she said, smiling. She always was the sweetheart of the group. “I’m Moni.”
“I know,” Delilah said. “You’re in Mrs. Holston’s class too.”
“That’s right! You always have the best answers. C’mon, take a seat.” Moni slid over and patted the spot next to hers. I wanted to sag with relief. I gave her a silent nod of thanks as Delilah let go of my hand and went to sit next to her.
Moni’s invitation broke the ice. The other two girls in the group leaned across the table, and soon Delilah was swallowed up in their conversation. I took my seat next to Josh.
He leaned close and lowered his voice. “So it’s official, huh?”
We glanced at Delilah, caught up in conversation with the girls, and Josh said, carefully, “She seems…cool.”
“You have no idea.”
Chapter Eleven
Delilah
As much as I hated to admit it, lunch with Logan and his friends wasn’t actually terrible. I’d always assumed that Josh and Matt would be the worst, but they turned out to be pretty nice. And the girls were great. Despite my wariness, despite my lack of interest in becoming o
ne of them, I felt as though Moni, Hannah, and Tonya were genuinely welcoming me into their group.
“Maybe Delilah can resolve it,” Moni said when I’d settled in my seat and was comfortable enough to open my bottle of organic elderflower and apple juice. Everything at Draycott was organic. Four months in and I still wasn’t used to it.
“Resolve what?” I asked, instantly nervous. My first test.
Tonya sat up straight. She was a natural storyteller, the leader of the trio. She leaned in close enough for me to see the lack of pores on her skin and smell her perfume. Something expensive and very grown-up. She smelled like a woman, not a girl. “Hannah has a hot date this weekend with an older guy—a freshman from Stanford,” she said, solemnly.
I was impressed. Hannah didn’t strike me as the kind of girl who’d get asked out by a college guy. She was sweet and quiet, with a smooth, brown complexion that blotched red whenever she got embarrassed. “How do you know him?”
“He’s a friend of my brother’s. We met over the summer. It’s not really a date. He said they’re having a party at his frat house this weekend and invited me to go.” Her gaze flicked up for a split second, long enough for me to catch it—something I was very, very familiar with. Hannah was scared. Of what, I wasn’t sure, but I knew that look, the quiet panic of prey.
“But she doesn’t want to go.” Tonya delivered the line with triumph; the final twist in her story.
“Which is bananas,” Moni said. “I mean, it’s a college guy. From Stanford.”
“Ooh, Stanford!” Josh sang, his hands clasped under his chin.
“Shut up, Josh,” Moni said without looking at him. “C’mon, Hannah, we’re pushing you for your own good here. You need to live a little.”
Hannah sighed and slurped up a noodle with a small shrug.
“Is your brother going to be at the party?” I asked.
She shook her head, her corkscrew curls bouncing. “He’s doing a semester abroad in Paris.”
“Her brother is like, so protective over her,” Tonya said. “He’d probably microchip her if he could, so he’d know where she is all the time.”
Hannah bit her lip to stifle a laugh. “Stop, he’s really not that bad.”
“Oh, yeah, he is,” Moni said. “So now that he’s away, it’s time for lil’ sis to go out and play. Right, Delilah?”
Three pairs of eyes rested on my face. I looked at them, my mind flailing wildly. How the hell would I know? I was about to mumble something about not having a clue when I realized I did have something to say. Hannah was shy and retiring. You could tell she’d been brought up on a steady diet of “girls should be seen and not heard.” Every time she laughed, she covered her mouth, as though laughter had to be hidden.
And some guy thought it was a good idea to invite her to a frat party, a place where she’d be outmatched and alone in a house full of strangers. I didn’t even know the guy and already I wanted to punch him in the face.
“Actually, I think the party’s a terrible idea.” My voice came out like a spoon clanging on crystal—too sharp, too noticeable. Tone it down. But I couldn’t. I couldn’t tone it down after Brandon, after Logan—I glanced at him, two seats down, laughing with his buddies, and something inside me hardened. “Frat parties are basically a cesspool of horny guys drunk on privilege and booze trying to get girls dead-drunk so they can take advantage of them. I mean, sure, that’s a stereotype, and I’m sure some frat parties are nice and some frat guys respect women or whatever, but this guy is asking a high school girl to come on her own to a place where she’ll be completely surrounded by his friends. I don’t think you should go. Not without a shitload of pepper spray and a couple of Tasers.”
By the time I finished my speech, they were all staring at me with mouths open. Crap. I’d gone too far. I shouldn’t have said all those things.
Moni let out a bark. It took me a second to realize she was laughing. My face burned, until she reached out and gave me a one-armed hug.
“Delilah, that was fucking awesome!” she said.
Even Tonya was nodding, her mouth stretched into a grudging smile. “I have to admit, when you put it that way, it doesn’t seem like such a great idea.” She leaned closer to me. “Hey, anyone ever told you that you look a lot like So—”
She was quickly shushed by Moni, who glared at her. “I’m sorry,” Moni said. “Ignore her.”
I was about to ask who Tonya was about to say I looked like when Hannah said, “Thanks. I really like him, but like, I didn’t feel good about the invitation and I couldn’t put my finger on it. You said it perfectly.”
“Damn, now I feel bad for pushing you to get with him,” Tonya said.
“Aww, no, don’t feel bad!” Hannah said. She leaned into Tonya. “You just don’t want me to miss out on life experiences.”
“You can miss out on this one,” Tonya said, and the two of them laughed, and Tonya reached out and gave me a fist bump.
I couldn’t hold back my smile. I’d never wanted to join the cool crowd, never coveted a spot at this table.
But the girls’ approval gave me a surprisingly sweet burst of joy. They like me, they really do! They think I give good advice! I wanted to bite my lip and giggle and tell Aisha—
Aisha.
What with Mendez’s surprise visit and then Logan’s surprise visit and then being forced to sit with his friends for lunch, I hadn’t had a chance to think of Aisha. I twisted in my seat to look at my usual lunch table. I caught Aisha’s eye, but she turned away as soon as our eyes met.
Logan was watching me with a little smile, smug and secure in the knowledge that his friends would charm me into a false sense of acceptance. My gaze flicked to Tonya, Moni, and Hannah, now discussing their college applications. Every move they made, every hair toss, every laugh, every hand wave became suspicious. Do they know? Do they know Logan’s blackmailing me?
“Which colleges are you applying to, Delilah?” Moni said.
Like hell I would tell any of them anything. “Um, the usual. The UCs and maybe Stanford, I don’t know,” I muttered and kept my eyes on my food so no one would be interested in talking to me.
I hated them all, the fun guys and the cool girls, even sweet Hannah. They must know. They’d been his friends for years. Part of them must be aware what he was capable of. But the way they interacted with one another over lunch was so easygoing, so casual and light, like everything was sunshine and flowers…which only made it worse. They all thought Logan was a Nice Guy. They loved him, you could see it from the way they shifted their bodies to face him slightly when he sat down, the way they watched him when he talked. They were under his spell. I couldn’t blame them. Logan was fizz and fireworks. Beneath the model good looks was a brain bursting with brilliance. Delicious sharp-edged wit, an intense stare that made you feel like he was truly listening to what you were saying. Irresistible. I knew what it was like to be under his spell, to be sucked into the Logan vortex.
I stood up abruptly. Conversation around me ceased. “Sorry, I just remembered I need to um—I have this assignment for world history. Anyway, I’ll see you guys around.” Logan started to get up. “No!” I snapped. Oops. I tried again. More sugar this time. “I really need to finish my essay. Thanks for, um—thanks for this.” I gestured at the table. “Bye!”
As soon as the doors swung shut behind me, I let out my breath. The noise was sliced off, the smells of cooked meat and ripe fruit no longer as rich and cloying. Thank god. I could think clearly again. I sent Aisha a text: Hey can u come out? I need to talk to u.
I paced around for a bit outside, checking my phone every five seconds. Aisha, come on, I need to talk to u.
Still no reply. Argh. I shook my head and headed out of the building and toward Brenner Hall, where my next class was. Aisha was in world history with me, so if I got there early, I could try to ambush her before class.
I passed by the track field, where the really dedicated athletes had chosen to spend their lunch hour jogging under the blazing California sun. In between the shadows of the trees, my scalp prickled with the heat. I sifted through the events from my weekend, discarding things I couldn’t share with Aisha. Which was all of the things. Literally all of them. Crap. Somehow, I had to explain to Aisha why I’d ditched her during lunch without actually telling her anything.
The minutes crawled by as I stood outside the classroom, shuffling my feet awkwardly, trying my best to look inconspicuous as more and more students filed into the building. I pretended to be interested in the bulletin boards and a poster about Earth Day and why honeybees were so important to the ecosystem, just what I wanted to read.
I heard a muttered tsk and turned to see Aisha heading my way.
I hurried up to her and tried to look as pathetic as I knew how, which was very pathetic indeed. “Aisha, I’m sorry I couldn’t sit with you all at lunch, I—”
“You couldn’t. Really.” She cocked an eyebrow at me.
“Yes, really. I wanted to, but—”
“That’s funny, because all I saw was you hanging on to Logan and ignoring me.”
The red rage inside me leapt up. This was all Logan’s fault.
“That’s not what happened. You don’t understand. Come on, don’t be so mad at me. It was just lunch…” That was weak. You don’t ditch your best friend at lunch to sit with some guy.
Aisha snorted. “It’s not just that, okay? You were all excited about your date with Logan, and I get it, he’s a hottie. I was super excited for you too. I mean, I helped pick out your outfit and everything. And then you had your date, and it’s like, boom! Later, Aish! You didn’t even care enough to update me on how it went. I sent you messages asking you about the date and you ignored all of them.” Aisha glared at me for a few more seconds then sighed. “We can talk later.”
Relief flooded me. “Okay. Yeah. After school?” Then I remembered that I had to work after school. “Or tomorrow?”
The Obsession Page 11