THESE ARE MY MEMORIES
AFTER GYM
THE LOCKER ROOM
MY EYES PHOTOGRAPHING
NAKED ME
MEASURES IN AT FOUR AND A HALF INCHES
THESE ARE MY MEMORIES
THESE ARE MY MEMORIES
OF ONE LONE BLACK GAY BOY I KNEW WHO CHOSE TO TURN HIS BACK ON THE LORD
ONE LONE BLACK GAY BOY I KNEW WHO CHOSE TO TURN HIS BACK ON THE LORD
GUILT AND SHAME
JESUS’ NAME
CHURCH EVERY SUNDAY
THESE ARE MY MEMORIES
THESE ARE MY MEMORIES
EAT HIS BODY
DRINK HIS BLOOD
COMMUNION BUFFET
THESE ARE MY MEMORIES
SWEET SOUR MEMORIES
AFTER CHURCH
WE’RE DRIVING HOME
TO RADIO CRACKLE
JAZZ MUZAK
OR MOTOWN BLUES
AND SKIN IS A SHACKLE
FOR ONE LONE BLACK GAY BOY I KNEW WHO CHOSE TO TURN HIS BACK ON THE LORD
ONE LONE BLACK GAY BOY I KNEW WHO CHOSE TO TURN HIS BACK ON THE LORD
THESE ARE MY MEMORIES
SWEET SOUR MEMORIES
THIS IS MY HISTORY
THIS IS MY MYSTERY
USHER, THOUGHTS 2–6:
HMM … HMM …
USHER:
MOM IS NAPPING ON THE COUCH AND DAD CUTS THE GRASS WHILE
I WATCH TV ALL DAY LONG: YOUNG AND THE RESTLESS
LIKE ONE LONE BLACK GAY BOY I KNEW WHO CHOSE TO TURN HIS BACK ON THE LORD
ONE LONE BLACK GAY BOY I KNEW WHO CHOSE TO TURN HIS BACK ON THE LORD
DAD IS DRUNK AND ON THE COUCH WHILE MOM EATS A PORK CHOP
“DAILY BREAD” MILL DAILY TREADMILL WON’T EVER STOP
ONE LONE BLACK GAY BOY I KNEW WHO CHOSE TO TURN HIS BACK ON THE LORD
ONE LONE BLACK GAY BOY I KNEW WHO CHOSE TO TURN HIS BACK ON THE LORD
I AM LYING ON THE COUCH I DREAM THAT I’M FLYING
FLAPPING BOTH MY WINGS SO HARD TO KEEP ME FROM DYING
WITH A CROWN OF GODFORSAKEN THORNS ON MY HEAD
LIKE ALL THOSE BLACK GAY BOYS I KNEW WHO CHOSE TO GO ON BACK TO THE LORD …
THOUGHTS 2–6:
LIKE ALL THOSE BLACK GAY BOYS YOU KNEW WHO CHOSE TO GO ON BACK TO THE LORD
USHER:
ALL THOSE BLACK GAY BOYS I KNEW WHO CHOSE TO GO ON BACK TO THE LORD …
THOUGHTS 2–6:
ALL THOSE BLACK GAY BOYS YOU KNEW WHO CHOSE TO GO ON BACK TO THE LORD
USHER:
ALL THOSE BLACK GAY BOYS I KNEW WHO CHOSE TO GO ON BACK TO THE LORD …
THOUGHTS 2–6:
ALL THOSE BLACK GAY BOYS YOU KNEW WHO CHOSE TO GO ON BACK TO THE LORD
USHER:
AND ONE LONE BLACK GAY BOY I KNEW WHO CHOSE TO TURN HIS BACK ON THE LORD …
THOUGHTS 2–6:
CHOSE TO TURN HIS BACK ON …
CHOSE TO TURN HIS BACK ON THE LORD …
USHER:
INSTEAD …
(Thought 1 enters and joins the other Thoughts.
Usher turns his back to us as in the beginning. He rings his chimes.)
So that’s it?
(Rings his chimes.)
That’s really how the show ends?
(Rings his chimes.)
He just turns his back?
(Rings his chimes.)
But is he okay? Does he make it? Does he get the change he wants so badly?
(Rings his chimes.)
And if he does get the change he wants, what is he facing now?
(Rings his chimes.)
Or does he not change and it just starts all over again?
(Rings his chimes.)
Or maybe …
(Rings his chimes.)
The audience can’t go home …
A STRANGE LOOP [FINALE]
USHER: Until he faces himself?
THOUGHT 1: Faces himself?
THOUGHT 2: Faces himself?
THOUGHTS 1–3: Faces himself?
THOUGHTS 1–4: Faces himself?
THOUGHTS 1–5: Faces himself?
ALL THOUGHTS: Faces himself? Faces himself?
(Usher turns to the audience and faces himself.)
USHER:
I AM THIS STORY’S WRITER
I’M BARELY SCRAPING BY
I WAKE UP EVERY MORNING
I TELL MYSELF TO TRY
I SAY NO COMPROMISES
I CLAIM TO HAVE A PLAN
WHEN I AM NOTHING MORE THAN
AN ANGSTY GAY, BLACK MAN
WHO LOOKS INTO THE MIRROR
DESPITE THE GRIEF IT BRINGS
WHO HEARS THESE SLOPPY ESSES
BETRAY HIM AS HE SINGS
SOMETIMES I FEEL SO UGLY
SOMETIMES I FEEL SO SMART
SOME PEOPLE STAND TOGETHER
ME, WELL, I STAND APART
SHOULD I GIVE UP ON HOPING
MY POINT OF VIEW WILL SHIFT
AND LET THIS AGONY
JUST BE MY GREATEST GIFT?
BUT IF THAT IS THE SECRET
THAT MAKES LIKE ZERO SENSE
I’LL NEVER CHANGE FOREVER
IF I STAY ON THE FENCE
WITH DOUBTS I LET DEFINE ME
AND LUST I CAN’T EXPRESS
AND PAIN I KEEP AVOIDING
AND RAGE THAT I REPRESS
I SHOULD STOP OVERTHINKING
AND DO THE THING THAT’S TOUGH
UNLEASH MY HUNGRY LION
’CAUSE DOROTHY’S HAD ENOUGH
OF TOXIC TYLER PERRY
AND WHITE GAY MALE TYRANNY
AND MY SECRET INNER WHITE GIRL
THOUGH SHE IS DEAR TO ME
BUT WOULD THAT BE SUFFICIENT?
OR WOULD THAT BE A SHAM?
’CAUSE EVEN WITH THOSE ACTIONS
I’M STUCK WITH WHO I AM
SOMEONE WHOSE SELF-PERCEPTION
IS BASED UPON A LIE
SOMEONE WHOSE ONLY PROBLEM
IS WITH THE PRONOUN “I”
MAYBE I DON’T NEED CHANGING
MAYBE I SHOULD REGROUP
’CAUSE CHANGE IS JUST AN ILLUSION
THOUGHTS 1 AND 2:
JUST AN ILLUSION …
THOUGHTS 3–6:
JUST AN ILLUSION …
USHER:
AND “I” IS JUST AN ILLUSION
THOUGHTS 1 AND 2:
JUST AN ILLUSION …
THOUGHTS 3–6:
JUST AN ILLUSION …
USHER (Faces his Thoughts):
IF THOUGHTS ARE JUST AN ILLUSION
THOUGHTS 1 AND 2:
JUST AN ILLUSION …
THOUGHTS 3–6:
JUST AN ILLUSION …
USHER:
THEN WHAT A STRANGE
ALL THOUGHTS:
STRANGE … STRANGE …
USHER:
STRANGE … LOOP …
(Blackout.)
BEOWULF SHEEHAN
MICHAEL R. JACKSON’s A Strange Loop, the 2020 Pulitzer Prize–and New York Drama Critics’ Circle Award–winning musical, was called “a full-on laparoscopy of the heart, soul, and loins” and a “gutsy, jubilantly anguished musical with infectious melodies” by Ben Brantley of the New York Times; and “exhilarating and wickedly funny” by Sara Holdren of New York. In the New Yorker, Vinson Cunningham wrote: “To watch this show is to enter, by some urgent, bawdy magic, an ecstatic and infinitely more colorful version of the famous surreal lithograph by M. C. Escher: the hand that lifts from the page, becoming almost real, then draws another hand, which returns the favor.” As a songwriter, Michael has seen his work performed everywhere from Joe’s Pub to National Alliance for Musical Theatre (NAMT). In addition to A Strange Loop, he also wrote book, music, and lyrics for White Girl in Danger; and lyrics and book for the musical adaptation of the 2007 horror film Teeth, with composer and co-book-writer Anna K. Jacobs. Awards and associations include: the Pulitzer Prize, a New Professional Theatre Festival Award, a Jonathan L
arson Grant, a Lincoln Center Emerging Artist Award, an ASCAP Foundation Harold Adamson Award, a Whiting Award, the Helen Merrill Award for Playwriting, a New York Drama Critics’ Circle Award, an Outer Critics Circle Award, a Drama Desk Award, an Obie Award, an Antonyo Award, the Hull-Warriner Award, the Frederick Loewe Award, and a Dramatist Guild Fellowship. He is an alum of Page 73’s Interstate 73 Writers Group. He has commissions from Grove Entertainment and Barbara Whitman Productions, and LCT3. He is a member of the Dramatists Guild Council. A Strange Loop received its world premiere in 2019 at Playwrights Horizons in association with Page 73 Productions.
Theatre Communications Group would like to offer our special thanks to the board and staff of Playwrights Horizons for their generous support of this publication of A Strange Loop by Michael R. Jackson, in recognition of outgoing Artistic Director Tim Sanford
PLAYWRIGHTS HORIZONS is a writer’s theater dedicated to the support and development of contemporary American playwrights, composers, and lyricists, and to the production of their new work.
THEATRE COMMUNICATIONS GROUP’S mission is to lead for a just and thriving theatre ecology. Through its Core Values of Activism, Artistry, Diversity, and Global Citizenship, TCG advances a better world for theatre and a better world because of theatre. TCG Books is the largest independent trade publisher of dramatic literature in North America, with 18 Pulitzer Prizes for Best Play on its book list. The book program commits to the life-long career of its playwrights, keeping all of their plays in print. TCG Books’ authors also include: Annie Baker, Nilo Cruz, Jackie Sibblies Drury, Larissa FastHorse, Athol Fugard, Jeremy O. Harris, Quiara Alegría Hudes, David Henry Hwang, Branden Jacobs-Jenkins, The Kilroys, Tony Kushner, Young Jean Lee, Tracy Letts, Lynn Nottage, Dael Orlandersmith, Suzan-Lori Parks, Sarah Ruhl, Stephen Sondheim, Paula Vogel, Anne Washburn, and August Wilson, among many others.
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