Juntto

by Michael Todd

  “I see. Well, if it helps, I agree that so far Juntto seems to be working out. I’ve heard tales of him saving a bus full of elderly people, killing a giant demon, and rescuing about a dozen kids. I think that was the ice cream man situation. I heard something about that, and the song was playing in the background when I was getting the scoop.” He paused a moment, “No pun intended.”

  Katie shivered as she chuckled. “That’s creepy. As far as Juntto is concerned, I figured he would be okay, but be careful with that trust. Everything is fine until he goes ape-shit and kills everyone in a bar. Let’s not forget that.”

  “Moooom! I’m hungry,” Juntto whined.

  Angie winced as she looked at the whining Leviathan. Every movement hurt. Even breathing seemed to make her back throb. “I am kind of in pain right now. I am not an alien, nor do I have a demon inside me sending super-healing vibes my way.”

  Juntto sat up on the couch. “Oh yeah, I forgot you aren’t Damned. Did you tell Katie about getting beat up?”

  Angie grimaced. “Hell, no. She would have lost her mind and gone jumping into hell to kick someone’s ass. She’ll find out when she gets back. Right now, though, I need you to get your shit together. Here is your mission: choose a restaurant for us. I’m not cooking.”

  Twenty minutes later Juntto met Angie in the hallway. She looked at him grumpily. She was dressed but stiff, and unable to really move her head. “Did you pick a place?”

  Juntto smiled. “I want to go to the Infirmary NYC on Second Street. I already pulled it up on the GPS.”

  “Do you like spicy food?”

  He shrugged as they climbed into the elevator. “We’ll see. There’s a first time for everything. Humans season things strangely. Of course, the food is completely different as well.”

  They walked into the lobby and out to the curb, where Angie flagged down a cab. Juntto looked down the street. “You don’t want to walk?”

  Angie chuckled as she carefully got into the car. “I don’t even want to move right now, much less walk all the way there.”

  Juntto got in and gave the cabbie directions the whole ride there. When they arrived, Juntto looked around in amazement at the wooden tables, Louisiana news clippings on the wall, and the general ambiance. He loved it, right down to the jazz playing on the speakers over their heads.

  Angie looked at the menu. “Bill’s on you, so eat however much you want.”

  It was all new food to Juntto, so he ordered half the menu. He started with the baked macaroni and cheese and an order of buffalo-style oysters and followed it with a New Orleans sampler that included jambalaya, gumbo, and red beans and rice. He finished up with a catfish po’boy.

  Angie shook her head. She could smell the heat of the spices from across the table. She stuck with a watermelon salad and a side of fries, knowing what spicy food would do to her stomach. She pointed her fork at him. “You are a brave man for eating all of that. My father is a spicy food junkie, but he knows when to say when.”

  Juntto looked at her, slightly confused. “It was delicious.” He waved his hands at the remains of what had once been food. “I have confirmed that I love spicy food.”

  Angie just chuckled, knowing he had no idea what was coming. When they were done, Juntto paid the bill. This necessitated a long explanation of why he needed to tip the waitress at least fifteen percent. “I must leave more money? This is the price of the food, correct? Then why must I pay the slaves? The restaurant owner should pay his own slaves.”

  She wanted to slap him to make a point. “Juntto, they are workers. Workers who prepare your food and bring it to you. They aren’t slaves.”

  “You keep saying they aren’t slaves, but they act like slaves.”

  “This is like any other job, only they work off of tips,” Angie explained.

  He looked down and blinked at the receipt. Finally, Angie reached over and filled in the amounts for him. “There. All done. Let’s go.”

  Juntto walked warily out of the restaurant, still not getting it but not wanting to sit through another explanation.

  It felt like a tiny amount of paperwork.

  They rode back through the city in a cab, staring out the windows at the passing buildings and fall decorations being put up. Juntto didn’t say much, and Angie couldn’t help but wonder if the food was finally hitting his stomach.

  Back at the condo, Angie got out her keys. “You gonna play Halo?”

  “In a little bit. I’ll let you know.”

  He shut the door, and Angie giggled, slipping inside her condo. She put her things down and checked the mail stacked on the side table. She threw away the junk mail and grabbed a glass of wine, heading to the living room to get her dose of daily news. It was kind of her routine, although it usually happened earlier. Taking care of Juntto was absorbing more of her time than she would have liked. She was okay with that, though. Katie was counting on her to get it done.

  About five minutes later, the front door creaked open. Angie saw Juntto walk in with sweat on his forehead, holding his stomach. She clicked the mute button on the television as he entered. “You okay?”

  Juntto shook his head. His face was pale. “There are literal flames coming out of my ass.” He grimaced. “Who knew that spices could cause that?”

  Angie laughed. “I doubt you mean literally, but it definitely can feel that way. Didn’t I warn you? But no, you were dead-set on showing me your Viking stomach.”

  Juntto waved his hand in the air. “No, literally. Flames. Fire. There is a dragon in my stomach.”

  Angie sat back giggling as she watched him struggle. Suddenly there was a loud rumbling noise, and his ass practically exploded right in front of her. A flame shot out, burning a hole right through his pants. A puff of grey and black smoke rose to the ceiling.

  Her face went straight, and she sat up, eyes wide. “Did your…did your ass just explode?”

  Juntto’s face scrunched in pain as he nodded, standing very still. “I told you.” His voice was hoarse and weak. “There is a dragon or something inside me.”

  Angie slowly got up and walked around him at a distance, going into the hall closet. She pulled out a container of Tums and tossed it to him. “Take like three or four an hour until you feel better. They taste like minty chalk, but it’s better than having a flamethrower shoved up your ass and the trigger being pulled if you hiccup. I want to laugh and say it would be an awesome weapon, but… DAMN!” She shook her head. “That’s too horrific, even for demons.” She waved at the front door. “Go explode in your own condo, I don’t want you to trip the fire alarm and set the sprinklers off.”

  His look was so forlorn it was hard not to take pity on him as he shuffled back out her front door.

  Korbin walked to the board in the conference room and pointed at a list of weapons. “So, we want to make a big boom, kill their creatures, injure them, and make as big of a point as we possibly can without losing our men.”

  Katie, watching from the table, put the pen to her lips. “Right. Send a message.”

  “Good, so we need to be able to drop a quick-build set of defensive gear through a portal as fast as possible. We fill it with missiles, guns, grenades—you name it. This is going to grab their attention and piss them the fuck off.”

  Katie tilted her head. “Ok, but what is that really going to do besides handing over our weapons?”

  “None of the demons will be left to take our gear. The first part of the drop, the big deal, is going to be a large bomb with as much special metal packed in it as we can manage. When it goes off, the ball bearings will rip through all of the demons nearby, killing them instantly. It’s like a really big fucking grenade with a kick.”

  “No one will be able to be there when that happens.”

  Korbin pointed at her. “Exactly, but that’s the whole point. We don’t want the teams in there at all if we can help it. And we will make sure that the bomb is detonated remotely, so we can be positive that everyone is out before that h
appens. Hopefully, we catch Moloch standing next to the bomb. You said there are drones in there, right?”

  Katie nodded. “Yeah, a bunch of them.”

  “See if we can use one for this mission. We will be able to see who is around the bomb when we blow it. That way, we have the ability to be choosy when we press the button. We can have maximum effect with minimal hazard to the rest of the team.”

  Katie liked the idea, but she knew when it came to hell things didn’t always go as planned. Having that kind of firepower in a place where they were going to be was a really risky operation. One wrong move and all of them could be dead in a heartbeat.

  Pandora sniffed. Personally, I think it’s a badass idea. I know there are a lot of what-ifs, but we’ve been playing it safe down there, and it hasn’t gotten us anywhere. We need something that is all-out, balls-to-the-wall, flip-you-over-and-fuck-you-some-more crazy.

  She was right, but the dangerous nature of the job worried Katie. If we all die, that’s it. The world will be taken over by demons.

  Not if when we die, we take Moloch and his idiot bestie down with us. Just make sure if we go, we go all the way.

  Katie looked at Korbin. “How do we keep everyone safe on Earth while we lure these demons to the trap?”

  Korbin pointed to a picture he had drawn on the wall. Katie looked at it sideways, but it was hard to make out. He chuckled. “I’m not really an artist. I covered that too. We spread out a whole bunch of claymores below whatever portal we have. That will take care of the demons that escape. As far as luring, I thought maybe we could play a tape of Pandora egging on the demons like she is in hell.”

  Pandora asked for permission to talk, and Katie gave it. “Korbin, it’s Pandora here. I’d like to personally say welcome back. Now that that’s over, I want to be clear about one thing. You are nice and all, but I really only care that your wife is back. She is the fucking shit. Now, as far as a tape? That shit won’t work. Remember, we are what you humans call “magical beings.” We can sense one another. The demons will know it’s a tape without moving from their seats. I have to be there and let them feel my power, so they know it’s real.”

  Korbin rubbed his chin. “How about a small portal? They will be able to sense you and the portal, and when they are getting close, you drop back through. The detonation of the claymores can be your cue. You drop out and close the portal, they are sealed inside, and you are safe.”

  Pandora looked at his plans. “That might work, actually. I will want to keep in contact with the detonator. Demons could drop before they sense me so it might take me a bit longer. I really don’t want to face Moloch in hell, if I don’t have to. He’s a whiny-ass bitch, but strong as fuck.”

  “We will make sure the timing is right. You just need to make sure you’re out of there when it blows. Otherwise, you’ll be a goner.”

  Pandora grimaced. “Well, I might not die. I’m a pretty tough bitch in hell. If I get caught in the blast and end up with shrapnel in my perfect fucking tits, I will be coming back, and coming for you. You don’t want to see me mad with two sagging melons sinking toward my kneecaps.”

  Korbin choked nervously. “Right, probably not.”

  Pandora nodded astutely and let Katie take over. “I want you to understand it is vital to this war that we keep Pandora in one piece. She will come back inside of me when it’s over.”

  You care about me, you really do. And you made that whole thing sound so dirty. I like it.

  Katie covered the smile on her lips. You are too much sometimes. If you do this, you better make sure your ass gets out in one piece.

  18

  Katie and Pandora took the jet to Los Angeles. Not only did they need to pick up Calvin, but they had the opportunity to satisfy Pandora’s craving for some good food. When they landed, there was a car waiting, this time a convertible so they could have a little fun. Pandora loved it, and Katie was just happy she wasn’t bitching about it.

  They started out by having light snacks at Gjusta restaurant and bakery. Pandora oohed and ahhed over the pastry menu. Let’s do a baklava croissant, a fig and almond tart, two brownies, and the chocolate avocado mousse.

  Katie sighed. Remember that I’m going to have to drive us around until we make it back to the plane.

  Pandora scoffed. Please, bitch, I got this. You think I can’t handle some pastries? We can take them to the park. I want to concentrate.

  Katie laughed and ordered their sweets. The woman boxed them up and gave her a knowing look. It was hard for Katie to go anywhere without people recognizing her. She was just glad the woman didn’t let on too much. She wanted a quiet afternoon in California before starting her trek to hell.

  They made their way to the park and sat down at one of the tables. Katie worked through the food, absolutely in heaven. Pandora was so impressed she barely said a word. Katie knew that was a good thing. When they were done, Katie sat back and rubbed her stomach. I don’t know about going to another place.

  Pandora tsked. Oh, come on. Let me just take care of that really fast. There you go.

  Katie instantly felt better, and her stomach flattened back out. She laughed and gathered the trash, constantly impressed that Pandora was able to do that. Now where?

  Scratch Bar and Kitchen. We are going to have a six-course dinner, my friend.

  Katie’s eyes went wide, but she shrugged and made her way to the car. Inside Scratch, they were seated at a table by the window and presented with the special menu of the day. Course one was a Peruvian scallop crudo with lime, grapefruit, cilantro, and fried oysters. They paired it with a glass of brut champagne. Course two was live Maine lobster, pommes puree, caviar, and a delicious and surprisingly sweet Grand Cru Chablis. By that point Katie was just going with the flow, enjoying the lack of donuts on the menu.

  Pandora moaned as Katie bit into the lobster. Why do we not travel to Maine? We need to go there.

  I’ll put that on the list.

  When the third course of duck breast, confit duck leg, carrot, black truffle, foie gras, and lavender came out with a stout glass of cabernet, Calvin walked in the front doors. Katie waved him over, and he took a seat at the table.

  Calvin looked at the empty plate and at Katie. “Let me guess, not the first place you’ve gone today.”

  Katie shook her head. “Pandora had her way with pastries before this. She says hey.”

  Calvin smiled. “Hey there, Pandora. Full yet?”

  Pandora laughed. I’ve got room for my favorite black Superman.

  Katie looked at Calvin and shook her head. “Not repeating that.”

  “You ready for this next assignment?”

  Katie put down her fork and shrugged. “I don’t know. I mean, yes, I’m ready, but it makes me nervous. It has to be done, though. And it will make one hell of a statement.”

  Calvin and Katie sat there shooting the shit as she finished the last three courses of her meal. When they were done, Katie paid for dinner, and they headed outside. “I have a rental parked just up the street.” Katie pulled the keys from her purse.

  “Where are we going first?”

  “New York. I have to pick up my sidekick.”

  Calvin rolled his eyes. “Yes, Juntto. Forgot about him.”

  Katie shrugged. “Don’t be too hard on him. He’s been really good. For him. Strange, but good.”

  Katie and Calvin walked up beside a group of guys talking smack to each other. As Katie passed she lowered her sunglasses, flashing her red eyes at them. “Trouble, gentlemen?”

  One of the guys gave her a nasty look and reached down to grab his crotch. The guy next to him slapped his hand, hissing, “You idiot.” He turned to Katie nervously. “Sorry, ma’am.”

  Katie winked and continued walking. The crotch-grabber turned to the others. “Yo, what the fuck? You bow down to some chick on the street? Seriously? Bitch ain’t shit.”

  All of the guys went quiet, and one nervously stroked his goatee. “Dude, that’s Katie from Katie
’s Killers. That’s the bitch taking out all the fucking demons. She happens to be part angel, too.”

  All the guys made the sign of the cross on their chests.

  Another guy shook his head. “You buck to her, and she would have taken your scrawny ass out. She don’t play around. She’s got a fucking She-Ra angel-beast sword that falls from the fucking sky. Know when to shut your mouth, dude.”

  The crotch-grabber watched Katie and Calvin walk away. “She don’t look like she all that.”

  The guy with the goatee shook his head sadly. “Seriously, bro, I’ve got a date later. I don’t need to be pulling my foot out of my own ass because you dissed her. We need to have a talk about your mouth.”

  The plane touched down in New York, and Katie let out a deep breath. “Damn, it’s good to be back home. It’s funny how hard a time I had adjusting to the base.”

  Calvin grabbed his bag. “Nah, you get used to a place. I’m used to my girl’s house now. It feels like home there. It feels weird leaving.”

  Katie smiled at the love in his eyes and followed him off the plane. There were two SUVs waiting for them. “I got you your own ride. Pandora and I are going to hit up our local Krispy Kreme before we go back.”

  Calvin chuckled. “You are some serious fucking eaters. Okay, I’m along for the ride. Besides, I could use some cream-filled donuts right now. Let’s do this.”

  They piled into one SUV, and the driver drove them to Madison Square Garden. As they went, Calvin looked out at fall coming to New York. “It’s crazy. Out in California, it’s constantly spring or summer. You don’t even think about the changing of the leaves. It’s like I flew into the future, coming out here. I have to admit, though, I do miss this time of year. It’s the best feeling. Warm, inviting, and everyone is a little nicer to each other.”

  Pandora laughed. Has he ever been to New York? I am pretty sure there are more homicides out here during the holidays than any other time.