by E. L. Todd
The garage door opened, and Finn stepped into the kitchen a moment later. In his scrubs and stethoscope, he walked inside and put his thermos on the counter. Soldier bolted for him and pawed at his legs. “Hey, boy.” Finn leaned down and patted him down while Soldier got in a few wet kisses.
He rose to his feet and looked at me, his demeanor immediately changing when his eyes settled on my face. “Hey, baby.” His arms circled my waist, and he brought his face close to mine. “I just got licked by a dog, but do you still want a kiss?”
I grabbed the front of his shirt and pulled him toward me, giving him a big kiss on the mouth. “Couldn’t care less.”
He squeezed my ass in my jeans then pulled away. “That’s my girl.” He carried his thermos to the sink then pulled out his keys and wallet and left them on the counter. “How was work?”
I shrugged. “Boring. You?”
He mimicked my movements and shrugged. “Boring.”
“How was your meeting?”
He opened the fridge and took a peek inside before he shut the door. “Also boring.”
“What was it about?”
“Just hospital stuff.” He came back to me, most of his chest revealed in the deep V-neck shirt. His tattoos only made him sexier when he was dressed in scrubs like that. “So, I was thinking you would move all your stuff out of your apartment.”
“You want me to move in with you?”
“You think I’m gonna let my fiancée live alone?” He raised an eyebrow. “Sleep alone? I gave you a diamond ring. I want sex every night for the rest of my life. So yes, I want your ass over here now.”
He made something so crass sound so romantic. “Alright, you convinced me.”
“There’s not a lot of space for you to put your stuff, so I was going to suggest getting rid of it.”
“Everything?” I asked.
“Yeah. Unless there’s something you really want to keep. I guess we could put your bedroom set in the spare bedroom…even though no one will sleep in there.”
Maybe bringing everything over here wouldn’t make any sense. His place was already furnished because I’d helped him pick everything out. And my stuff wouldn’t match anything anyway. It was all just generic things I got from IKEA after the divorce. “No, you’re right. I should just get rid of it. I’ll gather up all my clothes and essentials.”
“We can donate the rest.”
“Not a bad idea.”
He leaned in and gave me a quick kiss on the lips. “I’m gonna take a shower then start dinner.”
“I can make something.”
“You mean, order a pizza?” he teased.
“No. I bought some stuff to make pot roast.”
“Wow, you’re going to be a great wife, huh?”
Wife. I never thought I’d want someone to call me that ever again. But that term fit me like a second skin—at least when he said it. This reality seemed too beautiful to be real. I wanted to pinch myself because it was too perfect. It had to be a dream. “I try.”
“Well, if you don’t like to cook, that’s fine with me. As long as you keep giving me those amazing blow jobs.” He shot me a handsome smile before he headed upstairs and into the hallway.
I watched him all the way, admiring that sexy man and every inch he possessed. That man would be my husband, the father of my children. I would live happily ever after with him, finding happiness in a way I never had before.
His phone vibrated on the counter.
He’d left it behind with his keys and wallet because he must have forgotten it.
An email popped up the unlocked screen. It looked like it was from his superior, the chief of the ER.
I knew I shouldn’t look. I didn’t want to have that kind of relationship, where we checked each other’s phones and emails. When we had the level of trust we possessed, there was no need to look.
But the subject caught my eye.
Great to have you on board, Dr. Burke!
I couldn’t read the rest of the email unless I opened it, but if I did that, he would know I’d read it.
I told myself to mind my own business and forget about it. If there were something he wanted to share with me, he would tell me. He wouldn’t ask me to be his wife then keep a secret from me.
I let it go.
He kissed the valley between my tits, his tongue moving over the military tags that were engraved with his name. Every time he moved, the chain shifted across my skin, the cold metal touching me in different ways.
I loved it.
I loved feeling the warmth of his tongue then the coldness of the metal.
“You look so sexy wearing this.” He sucked my left nipple hard, getting it between his teeth before swiping his tongue across it. “And this.” He grabbed my left hand and placed it between my legs, the engagement ring visible.
My fingers rubbed my clit as he continued to suck my nipples. He’d already made love to me so many times that night, but I could always take more. I could always take another load, another kiss.
His mouth moved up my neck, and he kissed me on the mouth. “Beautiful.” He sucked my bottom lip as his hand moved up my thigh. “You make me feel like a teenager getting laid for the first time.”
“And you’re so big, you make me feel like it’s my first time.”
He moaned against my mouth then sank his fingers inside me, feeling my come as well as his. “You want more, baby?”
“Always.”
He spread my legs and shoved himself inside me again. Instead of making love to me good and slow like he did earlier, he fucked me hard, making the headboard tap against the wall over and over.
His arms moved behind my knees, and he pounded me into an orgasm, making my toes curl and my pussy drip with arousal and his seed. My hand pressed against his chest, and the ring caught the limited lighting, reminding me that I was, that he made me his.
He fucked me until he climaxed, giving a masculine moan as his dick twitched inside me. He released with an explosion, providing me with another pile of come to keep me warm for the night. His mouth trailed kisses along my jawline as he softened. When he was finished, he pulled out of me then rolled over. “I can fuck that pussy for the rest of my life.”
“Good. Because you’re going to.” I kissed him on the lips before I got out of bed. “I’m going to shower.”
“Why? I’m just going to fuck you again when you’re finished.” With his hand propped behind his head, he grinned like the cocky man he was.
“Be that as it may, I’ve got to shower sometime.” I left the bedroom and walked into the bathroom. There were usually a few towels hanging on the rack or in the cabinet, but they must all have been in the laundry. I walked out and prepared to take the trip downstairs to where the fresh laundry was sitting on the table.
Finn was gone.
He must have left the second I entered the bathroom.
I left the bedroom and made my way downstairs.
He was sitting on the couch, his phone pressed to his ear. “No, it’s not too late, Scott. You know me, I don’t sleep much anyway.” He listened to whatever Scott had to say.
I kept moving down the stairs. Since I was behind him, he didn’t notice me creep across the tile floor to the pile of folded towels that I’d left behind.
“I haven’t decided on a departure date. Still talking it over with my fiancée. We’ve got to get our affairs in order.”
Buck naked, I stopped in the kitchen, hearing what he said without processing it. The weight of his words slowly sank in. Departure? Affairs? He hadn’t talked about anything with his fiancée, because I was her, and I had no recollection of a conversation.
“I appreciate the opportunity. I understand what an honor it is. I’ll get back to you tomorrow.” He hung up. He tossed the phone on the coffee table then dragged his hand down his face, clearly conflicted with the commitment he’d just made and the pending conversation he needed to have with me.
I stayed behind him and consid
ered what I might say. I could feel my blood boil even though I wasn’t certain what he was talking about. Before losing my cool, I told myself to be calm. Maybe the situation wasn’t as it seemed. “Are we going somewhere?”
His back stiffened as he leaned forward, shocked that I was standing behind him. He rubbed his hand across his jawline then rose to his feet. He slowly turned around, displaying the canvas of tattoos on his frame. He was just in sweatpants, the kind that hung so low on his hips that the V along his torso was more noticeable. He stopped when he faced me, the couch between us.
I forgot that I was naked. All I concentrated on was the tense moment between us, the way his eyes burned with hesitation. He wasn’t the confident man who could move mountains with the snap of a finger. Now he was guarded, holding his cards close to his vest so I couldn’t anticipate his next move.
“What was that about?” I pressed him again when he didn’t speak.
He rubbed the back of his neck, the same movement he always made when he was stressed about something. He sighed as he lowered his hand then made his way around the couch toward me.
“Get our affairs in order? Decide on a departure date? Finn, correct me if I’m wrong, but it sounds like we’re going somewhere—and not on a vacation.” I crossed my arms over my chest, keeping my tone in check and not making assumptions. Would Finn really think about leaving right after he proposed to me?
He finally addressed my questions. “We just got engaged, so I wanted to enjoy that for a while before having this heavy conversation.”
That didn’t sound good.
“When I went to the meeting, I thought it was going to be like all the others. A group of doctors sitting around the table eating bagels from Panera. But after I walked in, I realized I was the only person coming. Scott is the chief of the ER, and he told me there was a special position available for me through Doctors Without Borders. Apparently, they asked for me personally…”
“Doctors Without Borders? Isn’t that where healthcare professionals go to third world countries and stuff?”
He nodded. “Exactly.”
How could Finn be enticed by that? “Finn, you just went to Florida for an entire month. You don’t need to make any more sacrifices. You still help people every single day right here in Seattle.”
“I know,” he said with a sigh. “Normally, I would have said no. But they offered me something I couldn’t turn down.”
“What?” I asked incredulously. “What could possibly make you want to go to the other side of the world for god knows how long?”
He slid his hands into his pockets. “They offered me the lead position. I would be the chief of medicine for the organization. The program was founded by the Mayo Clinic, so when my tenure there is finished, I would have a position at the best hospital in the nation… It’s an honor. There’s no higher level of medicine. It’s a dream come true.”
Maybe all of that was true. Maybe it was a great opportunity for him. But all I could think about was us. “Finn, I understand why that would be hard to turn down, but what about us? You asked me to be your wife. That means nothing to you?”
His eyes narrowed. “Of course it does. You’re the only woman in the world I would have asked to be my wife.”
“Then how is this going to work? Where will you be going? How long will you be gone?”
“Uganda,” he answered. “Eastern Africa.”
It was even worse than I feared.
“And I would be gone for a year.”
A year? “You’ve got to be kidding me…”
“Baby, you would come with me. I can arrange all of that for you.”
“Come with you?” I snapped. “And do what?”
“You could stay in Kenya while I work in the villages in Uganda. Or could come with me and help with medical supplies. We could always use more volunteers. These people don’t even have clean water.”
I pressed my hands over my face and sighed as I closed my eyes. “And you think I’d want to go somewhere without clean water? Maybe you don’t know me as well as you think you do, but I’m not a sporty, outdoorsy kind of girl. I like to order a pizza and sit on the couch all night. It’s great that you’re passionate about this kind of stuff, but that’s not me.”
His eyes filled with disappointment.
“And what about Soldier? Where would he go?”
“My parents’.” He blurted out the answer like he’d already thought it through. “And I assumed you would want to come with me. Where I go, you go. Colton said I can live the life I want with someone. I just have to share it with them. You were okay with me going to Florida, so I assumed you would be okay with this. When you were supportive about that, I realized I could make this work. I could marry someone without giving up the life I want.”
My heart immediately dropped as the sadness entered my veins. “That was the only reason you asked me to marry you? Because you thought you could do whatever you wanted with me in tow?”
“No, that’s not what—”
“Marriage is about compromise. You’re asking me to completely give up my life so you can have what you want. I own a business, Finn. I have a life here in Seattle. I have absolutely nothing in Kenya. While you’re in the jungle helping people, I’m stuck in some apartment watching TV all day, waiting for you to get home.”
His hands moved to his hips, and he bowed his head. “Fine. Then I’ll go, and you stay here.”
Now my jaw was on the floor. “For a year? You expect us to live apart for an entire year?”
“We made it work with Florida.”
I wanted to slam my hands down on the table because I was losing my mind. “That was a month, Finn. And remember how miserable we were? Remember how much we fought? We barely lasted a month, and you think we can last a year?”
“You need to give us more credit.”
“No. You’re really going to be faithful to me for a year?”
When his eyes narrowed, he looked hostile. “Yes. And you would be faithful to me. Our love is stronger than that.”
I rolled my eyes. “A year is a long time, Finn. If you believe in us so much, then you shouldn’t go. You should stay here and honor the commitment you made to me.”
“I would still be honoring it while doing what I want. Pepper, the reason I never wanted to get married was because I didn’t want to settle for a boring life. I didn’t want to stop living when I have so much time left. I’m only thirty. You know how many more miles I have on this engine?”
“What does it matter when you’re spending those miles on strangers? Those aren’t real relationships, Finn. They are people you’ll see for a short period of time before you’re gone again. Is that what I am to you? Another pit stop?”
“You think I would have asked you to marry me if that were the case?” Now, his temper was skyrocketing like a sports car flooring it on the freeway. The vein in his forehead started to become more pronounced, and his skin tinted with the blood pounding in his veins. “I asked you to marry me because I love you and want to be with you for the rest of my life. I asked you to be my wife because you’re the only woman I actually give a damn about. Jesus Christ, you’re the love of my life.”
It was one of the most beautiful things he’d ever said, but it was empty in that moment. “Then why would you even consider doing this? If you want to do short trips here and there, we can make that work. If you want to do humanitarian work in Uganda for a month, that’s fine. I can deal with you coming and going from time to time. But you just got back from Florida a month ago, and now you want to take off again.”
“That’s not how it is. I was given a huge opportunity. What if I wanted to move to Minnesota so I could be a physician at the Mayo Clinic? What if I ever want to relocate? That’s out of the question? We have to live in Seattle forever? What kind of life that?”
I would be able to stay in Seattle forever. My friends lived here. Colton lived here. But I would always compromise. “That’s a completely diffe
rent scenario. Of course, I would move with you. Honestly, I do want to stay in Seattle for the rest of my life, but I would make that sacrifice if it was important to you.”
“How is it any different?”
“Because Minnesota is in America. I can live a normal life there. I can fly back and forth to see Colton when you’re working all weekend. I can’t fly to Seattle from Uganda all the time. Finn, it’s completely different, and you know it.”
He stepped back and rubbed the back of his neck. “I thought this conversation would go much differently.”
“Then why did you hide it from me?”
He dropped his hand and looked at me with coldness. “I didn’t hide it. I just wanted to have this conversation at the right time. I knew you wouldn’t be thrilled by Uganda, but I didn’t think you would be this opposed to it.”
“Then you don’t know me very well.” It was a hard thing to admit, but it came rolling out.
His eyes darkened. “Yes, I do. I know you want me to do what I want.”
“But I also expect you to compromise. I’m not going to give up my life so you can work in the jungle. If you want to keep doing humanitarian work, I will always support you. We can make it work. Even if we have kids, we can make it work. But if you want to marry me, I want a real marriage. I want us to live in this house together. I want to see you more often than not. I want to have a somehow boring life where we watch TV on the couch and go to bed. You need to give me that.”
“I am giving you that. It’s only a year.”
“That’s an eternity, Finn. Then what? You just went to Florida a month ago, and now you’re running off again. It’ll never end with you. Colton was right…you can never stay in one place too long.” Now I felt stupid for not taking his warning seriously. I’d assumed Finn was here to settle down, but he was anxious to keep moving. Florida was just a taste, and now he wanted more. He was a wild animal that couldn’t sit in a cage. He had to be free…and always be free. “After Uganda, we move to Minnesota so you can work there until the next big offer comes along?”