Tangled Lives

by Stephanie Harte

  4

  Nathan

  I knew I hid my true feelings where my dad was concerned. I made out it didn’t bother me that he wasn’t in my life. That wasn’t true. Since Gemma had become pregnant, I’d become obsessed with finding him, and now that I had, I couldn’t let my fear of rejection stop me in my tracks this time. The sooner we got to England, the sooner this feeling of uncertainty would be over.

  I’d resented my dad from an early age because I hadn’t known the truth. Now I was desperate to make up for lost time. Not just for my sake, I wanted Luca to have a relationship with him too. Becoming a father had changed my life, and it now occurred to me that I wasn’t the only one who’d suffered when my dad was cut out of my life. He had also been cheated out of fulfilling his role by the experience. We were both victims.

  I went to every doctor’s appointment with Gemma. I held her hand during labour and felt utterly helpless, watching her writhing in pain. She went through hell, but she didn’t once take it out on me. She was so brave. When she finally delivered our son, and I heard his first cry, it was the best sound in the world. The time came to cut Luca’s umbilical cord. I was given the honour. I was overcome with emotion and proud to say I shed a tear. Childbirth was a humbling experience. Gemma had just given me the most incredible gift. As I held my son in my arms, I felt a renewed appreciation for women, especially my wife.

  I couldn’t wait to start our lives together as a family. But the joy was tinged with sadness as it made me realise just how much my dad and I had missed out on. It also highlighted the fact that since I’d been on bad terms with my mum, it had left a gaping hole in my life. My wife had been trying to get me to make peace with Mum since we’d found out Gemma was pregnant. Gemma wanted me to phone my mum and share our exciting news with her. She thought it was the perfect opportunity for us to try and rebuild our relationship. But I was adamant I didn’t feel ready to talk to her. I wasn’t denying Mum had invested a lot in my childhood, but if she wasn’t prepared to admit that she’d let me down, by cutting Dad out of our lives, I didn’t know where we could go from here.

  As the wronged party, I felt it was my mum’s place to make the first move. She needed to initiate the repair. That seemed like a tall order. It was easy to see where I got my stubborn streak from.

  5

  Gemma

  Three days after leaving Puerto Banús, my husband wiped the palms of his hands on his jeans as he stood outside a terraced house in Crofts Way, before he finally plucked up the courage to knock on the door.

  ‘Nathan.’ Gareth’s blue eyes widened when he saw his son standing in front of him.

  ‘Hello, Dad.’

  I sat in the front seat of the car with the window open so that I could hear their conversation while giving them some space. The two men stood in the doorway for a long time, locked in a wordless embrace.

  Gareth pulled back from Nathan and held him at arm’s length. ‘I’d given up hope that this would ever happen. All those wasted years. I’ve missed you so much.’

  ‘I’ve missed you too, Dad.’

  ‘You’d better come in. We’ve got a lot to talk about.’ Gareth opened the door wide and invited Nathan inside.

  Nathan gestured towards the black Jeep with Spanish plates that was parked opposite the house, then he signalled for me to join them. I got out of the car, opened the back passenger door and carefully manoeuvred the car seat that contained my sleeping son, through the open doorway.

  Nathan crossed the road to help me with the baby and all the paraphernalia that now accompanied our every move. He kissed my cheek with his soft lips before taking the carrycot from me.

  ‘I’m Gareth, pleased to meet you.’ Nathan’s father held out his hand, but the greeting seemed too formal, so I reached up, put my arms around his shoulders and hugged him instead.

  ‘Pleased to meet you, I’m Gemma, and that is your grandson, Luca,’ I replied, looking over my shoulder.

  ‘Luca.’ Gareth nodded. ‘That’s a nice name. It shows you’re proud of your Italian heritage. I bet your mum approves.’ Gareth smiled and as he did the skin around his eyes wrinkled.

  The corners of Nathan’s lips curved into a smile, but he didn’t reply. He obviously didn’t feel comfortable admitting that he wasn’t on speaking terms with Rosa and he looked decidedly awkward, but Gareth didn’t seem to notice. He was too busy coming to terms with the situation. He’d not only come face to face with his long-lost son, but he’d also discovered he was a grandfather. That didn’t happen every day of the week.

  ‘Come inside. This calls for a celebration.’ Gareth slapped Nathan on the back of the shoulder.

  Nathan couldn’t have hoped for a better reception, and I was delighted that for once, his gamble had paid off.

  ‘Take a seat, and I’ll fix us a drink.’ Gareth pointed towards a brown leather sofa on the far side of the minimally furnished room. ‘I haven’t got any champagne, but I’ve got a nice bottle of single malt. Will that do?’

  ‘Yes,’ Nathan and I both answered.

  ‘I wasn’t sure if you’d recognise me,’ Nathan said when Gareth handed him a tumbler containing a generous measure of whisky.

  ‘When I opened the door and saw you standing there, I knew you were my son. You’re the image of your mother.’

  Nathan did look a lot like Rosa; they had the same colouring, dark hair and dark eyes, but I could see Gareth in him too. Even at sixty-two, he was a handsome man, tall and slim with a full head of greying hair and a neatly trimmed beard. Although Nathan had Rosa’s mouth and nose, he had his father’s jawline and had also inherited his height and build.

  ‘I’d always thought Nathan looked like his mum as well – he was blessed with olive skin and Italian genes – but now that I’ve seen the two of you together, I can see you share definite similarities. He certainly didn’t get his height from his mother.’ I laughed.

  ‘That’s true,’ Gareth agreed. ‘Rosa was tiny, but she could be a little firecracker if you upset her.’ A smile spread across his face as he remembered his ex-wife with fondness. ‘So who does this little fella take after?’ Gareth asked as he looked at his blue-eyed, blond-haired grandson.

  ‘I’m not sure. I suppose time will tell,’ I replied, as the conversation carried on around me.

  ‘I still can’t believe I’ve finally met you after all these years. I often wondered how you were doing and what your life was like.’ Gareth downed the drink in his glass. ‘Do you mind me asking what made you look me up?’

  Nathan inhaled a long, slow breath. ‘Let’s just say curiosity got the better of me,’ Nathan replied. ‘But you weren’t easy to find. You seemed to have disappeared off the face of the earth. In the end, I had to get professional help.’

  Gareth raised his eyebrows and tilted his head to one side. ‘I’m sorry you had to go to so much trouble, but I like to keep a low profile. Thank God for your persistence. I hope you’re not disappointed.’

  ‘Of course I’m not,’ Nathan replied. ‘I couldn’t have hoped for a better welcome.’

  Gareth was surprised we’d travelled all the way from the Costa del Sol by car with a tiny baby. I could see his happiness was tinged with sadness. The last time Gareth saw Nathan, he wasn’t much older than Luca. He hadn’t laid eyes on his son in more than thirty years. I couldn’t begin to imagine what that must feel like. I was estranged from my family, but that was my choice. Nathan and Gareth’s separation had been forced upon them, and they couldn’t undo the past no matter how much they wanted to.

  ‘Did you know I’d been inside?’ Gareth asked before he took a sip of his drink.

  Nathan nodded. Father and son sat opposite each other in the living room, locked in eye contact. The silence in the room was palpable, and an awkward tension spread between the two men.

  ‘Do you know why I got sent down?’

  ‘Mum said you attempted to rob a Securicor van.’

  ‘So she told you the truth then. Fair play to her.’<
br />
  Nathan bit the skin on the side of his nail while he thought about how to reply. ‘To be honest, I only found out recently.’

  I was glad to see Nathan had chosen to be diplomatic. I knew he still hadn’t come to terms with Rosa’s decision to lie to him. He didn’t feel like she deserved his loyalty, and I wondered if he’d tell his father that she’d let him live his whole life believing that Gareth had left her for another woman.

  ‘It’s so good to see you, son. Now tell me all about yourself. Tell me everything I’ve missed out on,’ Gareth said, changing the subject. I couldn’t help noticing his words had a bitter edge to them.

  6

  Nathan

  I was so glad I’d finally had the opportunity to meet my dad. It had opened my eyes to lots of things. But more than anything, it made me realise the importance of honesty. Although Jethro Watson had set my mum and dad up, if she had been truthful about it, instead of hiding it from me, we may have been able to avoid this situation. Keeping secrets was never a good thing. They always came back to haunt you.

  Gemma was constantly fighting my mum’s corner. She’d worked tirelessly to try and pave the way for us to reconcile and phoned her every Sunday to keep her in the loop. Tempting as it was to blame Mum for everything that had happened, I knew that wasn’t fair. She had suffered as well and was as much a victim as the rest of us. The Watsons had well and truly deceived my parents. Mum and Dad were pawns in the game, and they had been powerless to stop the events that unfolded.

  Now that I had a son of my own, getting even with the men that kept Dad and I apart for more than thirty years seemed more important than ever. Jethro wanted to be with my mum so badly he set my dad up and destroyed our parent and child relationship before it had even begun. That was something we would never get back. The Watsons robbed me of a normal childhood. What right did they have to change the course of my life? I wouldn’t forgive or forget what they’d done to my family.

  I was slightly older than Luca when my dad was sent to prison, so I had no memories of him at all. I wouldn’t want to be in that position. I couldn’t imagine my life without Luca in it. Becoming a father was one of the best things that had ever happened to me, but Jethro had deprived my dad of that incredible experience. I would never let anybody come between myself and Luca.

  7

  Gemma

  Gareth had insisted that we stay with him instead of checking into a hotel, which was an incredibly kind offer, but if I was honest, I’d rather Nathan hadn’t accepted it. Luca still woke several times in the night, and I was worried he was going to disrupt the whole house.

  ‘When are we going to introduce Rosa to her grandson?’ I said when Nathan and I were alone in our room.

  Nathan pushed his hands into the pockets of his jeans and avoided my gaze.

  ‘Don’t you think it’s about time you put your argument behind you? Why don’t you phone her and tell her we’re staying with your dad in London?’

  Nathan pulled a face. ‘I don’t think that’s a good idea.’

  Now that we were back in England, I’d tried to persuade Nathan to make peace with his mum, but he was having none of it. So I called Rosa when I woke the next morning to see if she was free to meet up. Rosa had been like a mother to me. I wasn’t going to fall out with her even though Nathan had. I’d phoned her every week since we’d moved to Spain to keep the lines of communication open.

  ‘It’s lovely to hear from you. How is Nathan?’ The delight in Rosa’s voice was evident.

  ‘He’s fine.’ I wished I could hand the phone to my husband, but I knew what his response would be.

  ‘Why are you in London?’

  ‘Nathan’s managed to track down Gareth. He lives in Whitechapel now.’ My news was met with stony silence. ‘Are you still there, Rosa?’

  Another tense silence followed before Rosa’s reply. When she finally spoke after a lengthy pause, she raised her voice. ‘I’m begging you not to meet up with him, Gemma. He will only bring trouble your way.’

  Nathan was staring into my eyes. I didn’t want him to know what his mum had said. It would only make their strained relationship worse, and anyway, it was too late to listen to Rosa’s advice.

  ‘When are you coming home?’ Rosa asked.

  ‘I’m not sure.’ I delivered the lie as convincingly as I could. I just hoped Rosa wouldn’t suspect anything. Nathan and I never intended to return to Southend, but I couldn’t tell my mother-in-law that. She would ask too many questions. ‘We’re staying with Gareth at the moment.’

  ‘Mark my words, nothing good will come of this.’

  ‘What did she say?’ Nathan asked when I’d ended the call.

  My husband’s question gave me a glimmer of hope. If he didn’t care about his mum he wouldn’t be interested in what she had to say, would he?

  ‘She was over the moon to hear we’re in London. I’m going to introduce Luca to her later. Are you sure I can’t convince you to join me?’

  Nathan glared at me for making the suggestion. ‘I’d rather pull my teeth out with a pair of rusty pliers.’

  ‘Don’t be like that.’ I reached forward and caught hold of my husband’s hand. ‘She’d love to see you.’

  ‘I’m sorry, Gem, but I don’t want to see her.’

  Nathan was in one of his man-child moods. The spoiled brat side to his personality quite often reared its ugly head if things didn’t go the way he wanted them to. Much as I loved him, he could be exhausting, and I wasn’t sure I had the patience to deal with him right now. Being a new mother was taking its toll on me, and the sleepless nights had sapped my energy levels.

  ‘It’s a shame you’re being like this. You two used to be so close.’

  Nathan shrugged. ‘Well, we’re not any more. People change.’

  I could tell Nathan was putting on a front. I knew he missed his mum even if he wasn’t prepared to admit it. Rosa would be so disappointed that Nathan was refusing to back down. I knew she wanted to make peace with him more than anything.

  ‘You of all people should understand what it feels like to have somebody cut out of your life. I shook my head and glared at my husband. ‘I know you want to get back at your mum for hurting you, but this has got to stop. You’re being cruel, Nathan.’

  I’d arranged to meet my mother-in-law at Whitechapel station, close to where Gareth was living. I didn’t feel comfortable venturing too far without Nathan. As I approached the entrance, I saw her waiting on the pavement, wrapped up against the cold. Letting go of Luca’s pushchair with one hand, I waved over to her. I was secretly relieved that she’d arrived before me.

  ‘Gemma, it’s wonderful to see you.’ Rosa held out her arms and wrapped them around me.

  ‘It’s good to see you too.’ Nathan didn’t realise how lucky he was to have such a wonderful mother.

  ‘So this is my grandson. What a beautiful little boy. He has the face of an angel.’ Rosa leant into the pram and placed a kiss on each of Luca’s cheeks.

  Luca gave his grandmother a toothless smile.

  ‘You’ve changed your hair. You’re still a beautiful woman, but it’s a shame you cut off your long, glossy locks. They were your crowning glory.’ Rosa reached up and touched the ends of my dark brown bob.

  ‘I’ve got my hands full with Luca at the moment and it’s much easier to look after. Anyway, it’s only hair. I can always grow it back at a later stage,’ I replied, brushing off my mother-in-law’s remark. Rosa was a straight talker, and her honesty made me feel a tinge of sadness. I hadn’t wanted to chop off my hair, but my safety had to come first.

  ‘I’m sorry, Gemma, I didn’t mean to upset you,’ Rosa said, a look of concern spreading over her face as she patted my hand.

  ‘You haven’t,’ I replied. I didn’t want Rosa to know she had unintentionally knocked my confidence.

  ‘It really suits you, but you look so different with short hair. I almost didn’t recognise you for a minute.’

  ‘You’re
not the first person to say that.’ I smiled; that was music to my ears.

  ‘I was hoping Nathan would join us today.’ I saw Rosa’s eyes mist over.

  I didn’t want to hurt her feelings, so I considered making up an excuse. But my mother-in-law was no fool. Rosa had a knack of extracting the truth, so she’d see straight through it. There was no point trying to cover for him.

  ‘I hoped so too, but I’m afraid he’s still digging his heels in.’

  Rosa struggled to hold back her tears. Anyone could see she was heartbroken that she’d fallen out with her son. It was every mother’s worst nightmare. But until Nathan was ready to come round, the best thing she could do was give him some space. She knew exactly what he was like. His stubbornness was legendary.

  ‘Let’s go and get a coffee.’ –

  Rosa linked my arm as we walked along the pavement. ‘This place looks nice,’ she said, stopping outside a small independent café called Lorenzo’s. It was the perfect place for a catch-up, and thankfully there were plenty of customers for us to blend in with.

  Rosa pushed open the glass door and the heady scent of freshly ground coffee wafted towards us. I wheeled the pram to the back of the shop, and we took a seat at a round table in the corner. After unclipping Luca from the harness, I handed him to Rosa.

  ‘I’ll get this,’ I said. ‘Cappuccino and a slice of coffee and walnut cake?’

  ‘Yes, please.’

  Old habits die hard, I thought as I went to the counter to order.

  Rosa was desperate to know how long Nathan and I would be staying in England, but I couldn’t answer her question when I didn’t know myself. She was devastated that her son still wouldn’t speak to her. Rosa wanted to see him more than anything before we went back to Spain. I promised to help pave the way to their reconciliation.