Tangled Lives

by Stephanie Harte

  ‘If anyone can get my son to see sense it’s you, Gemma. He adores you,’ Rosa said. She reached across the table and covered my hands with hers.

  I looked into her pleading eyes for the longest moment before I replied. ‘I’ll do everything I can.’ I tried to reassure my mother-in-law but we both knew what Nathan was like. He had a stubborn streak that was a mile wide. Putting things right between them was going to be an uphill battle.

  ‘I bet Gareth has tried to poison Nathan against me.’ Rosa bowed her head so that I wouldn’t see the tears in her eyes, but they were impossible to hide.

  ‘You might not believe this, but your ex-husband has only had good things to say about you. He’s been encouraging Nathan to make up with you.’

  Rosa’s lips curved into a smile, and she tilted her head to one side. ‘Now that does surprise me.’

  I knew if Rosa slagged off his dad in front of Nathan, it would drive a deeper wedge between them. ‘I honestly think being on good terms with Gareth would help you build bridges with Nathan.

  I could see Rosa considering my suggestion, but she didn’t reply, instead, we spent the next couple of hours chatting about Nathan and Luca and the joys of motherhood. Rosa had waited a long time for this moment, so she was going to make every second count. It was such a pity Nathan wasn’t here with us.

  ‘Children are the greatest gift in life,’ Rosa said, planting several kisses on Luca’s cheek. He giggled in delight. ‘The sound of this baby’s laughter has made my day. Enjoy every minute you have with him because, in the blink of an eye, he’ll be a grown man.’

  Rosa passed Luca back to me, and I couldn’t help noticing that her eyes had misted over again, so I leant towards her and placed my hand on hers to offer some comfort. Not being on speaking terms with Nathan was breaking her heart. I was doing what I could to help them repair their relationship. I was sure it was possible, but it would take time and patience for them to get there. Rosa attempted to smile as a tear rolled down her cheek. My heart bled for her. She looked distraught. I wished I could do more to help.

  ‘You have to make a lot of sacrifices when you’re a mother, but the joys far outweigh all the difficulties.’ Rosa’s lip quivered.

  Rosa spoke from experience; if anyone knew how hard it was to raise a child, it was her. She’d had to bring up Nathan on her own since he was Luca’s age. The thought of being a single mother terrified me, but she’d done an incredible job. I was embarrassed that this was how my husband repaid her. Even though she hadn’t said anything, I could tell she was devastated that he hadn’t bothered to come and see her today.

  8

  Nathan

  Gemma knew how I felt about my mum at the moment. She’d lied to me, and I still didn’t feel ready to forgive her. The fact that my wife had ignored my feelings and taken our son to see her anyway was hard for me to swallow. Talk about double standards. I would never try to influence Gemma the other way around. She hadn’t spoken to her family for over a decade, but that was her decision, and I’d never interfered. It wasn’t my place to. I wish she’d show me the same respect.

  The idea of Gemma and my mum conspiring against me had added more stress to an already-stressful situation. I never thought I’d be in this situation. Mum and I had always been so close. It was us against the world while I was growing up. I’d adored her. But she’d betrayed me, and now I wasn’t sure I wanted to have a relationship with a person who could hurt me that badly. Even if we did manage to come back from this, you couldn’t rush these things. Hurt took time to heal. An estrangement was messy and emotional for everyone involved. The fact that our relationship had changed suddenly and unexpectedly only added to the problem.

  In an ideal world, both my parents would be in my life at the same time. Knowing how my mum felt about my dad, I couldn’t see that ever being a possibility. But if I had to choose between them, at this moment in time, I would definitely choose my dad. There was no contest.

  9

  Nathan

  Dad put his mug down on the pine table. He pushed his chair back, stood up and went to switch the kettle on. ‘Do you want a cup of tea?’

  ‘No, thanks,’ I replied.

  ‘Why didn’t you go with Gemma to see your mum?’ Dad asked.

  I shrugged my shoulders and let out a long sigh. ‘I didn’t fancy it.’

  ‘I would have thought you’d have been desperate to see her after all this time. Is everything all right between the two of you?’

  ‘Things have been better.’

  ‘Don’t be too hard on her, Nathan,’ Dad said, and his expression softened.

  ‘It’s hard not to feel bitter. She cut you out of my life.’

  ‘I know she did, but that doesn’t mean you should do the same thing to her. If I can forgive your mother, you should be able to.’ Dad leant back in his chair and folded his arms across his chest.

  I let out a loud sigh before I changed the subject. ‘Mum didn’t like talking about what had happened between the two of you. That’s one of the reasons I started trying to trace you. I wanted to hear your side of the story.’ I didn’t want to have to admit that, up until now, I’d had no time for the father I thought had abandoned us, so I decided not to mention it. The man sitting opposite me was nothing like the person my mother had described.

  Dad clasped his hands together at the back of his neck. ‘It all happened such a long time ago, I don’t know where to start.’

  ‘Mum said that when the guard refused to hand over the money, you shot him. Is that true?’

  Dad placed his elbows on the table, interlinked his fingers and let out a long breath. ‘Yes, it’s true. It’s not something I’m proud of, but it happened, so there’s no point trying to deny it. One stupid decision cost me my wife, my child and my freedom. I’ll regret that day for the rest of my life.’

  This was the first time I had given any thought to how much my father had suffered being behind bars for all those years. I knew how difficult life had been for myself and Mum; she’d struggled to bring me up alone, and for that I respected her. But she should have told me the truth instead of letting me believe a lie. If Mum had let me visit my father while he was inside, life might have been easier for all of them.

  ‘Prison life is hard, and I didn’t adapt well to it. Being locked up took its toll on me.’ Dad locked eyes with me, and I noticed that his face suddenly appeared drawn.

  ‘I know, Dad; this hasn’t been easy for any of us.’ My shoulders slumped as if I was carrying the weight of the world on them.

  ‘Everything changed in the blink of an eye after I got sent down. My life was on a downward spiral. I’d unintentionally hit the self-destruct button.’

  I listened while Dad relived his past. It was interesting to hear his side of the story; the devastation my father had felt being parted from us mirrored Mum’s and my experience.

  ‘It took me a long time to accept what I’d done.’ Dad’s voice cracked with emotion as he continued to talk. ‘I was young and stupid, and I’ll regret it for the rest of my life.’ What I did to you and your mum will hurt me forever.’ Dad ran his thumb and forefinger back and forth along his beard-covered jawline.

  Growing up thinking one of my parents had abandoned me had a powerful effect on me. It had filled me with insecurity and shaped my character. I hadn’t realised until now that Dad felt we had abandoned him too. Knowing that Mum could have prevented the situation by letting me have contact with my father, while he was locked up, was something I would never be able to understand. How could you do that to your child? She had no right to come between a father and his son. Even though my mother had explained her reasons for cutting Dad out of my life, I couldn’t get my head around them, and I felt fresh resentment for her rise within me.

  ‘I used to lie in my cell, feeling like I was suffocating. I can’t begin to describe how awful it is to be locked in a confined space, trying to kill time. I couldn’t make sense of what my life had become. The worst part of
it was, I’d created this situation myself, and that tormented me day and night.’

  I looked into Dad’s hollow eyes and saw how much he had suffered. If Mum hadn’t been forced into coming clean, we might never have met. Secrets destroyed relationships. But even after what she’d done, my mother was still playing the victim. People like Mum were experts in blame-shifting and denial. No matter what the circumstance was, you would never hear them say they were sorry for their words or actions. The more my father spoke, the more complicated the story became and I struggled to process all the different emotions that were swirling in the air around me.

  ‘Time passes slowly when you’re inside, but eventually the days do turn into weeks, weeks turn into months, months turn into years, and years turn into decades.’

  I didn’t know what to say as Dad continued to paint the grim picture of life behind bars.

  ‘When you’re in prison, you have to find ways to occupy yourself. It’s boring sitting for hours on end with nothing to do. You spend a lot of time thinking about why you’re in there in the first place. I should never have agreed to do the job for Jethro Watson.’ Dad’s eyes misted over as he spoke.

  Mum had never told me what drove my father to attempt the robbery. He must have been pretty desperate to do something so reckless with so much at stake. But I didn’t like to ask. I just hoped in time he would feel comfortable enough to tell me.

  10

  Gemma

  After seeing Rosa onto the train, I began making the short walk back to Crofts Way, where Gareth’s house was situated. I was only metres from the front door when a black Mercedes with tinted windows turned into the road and pulled up at the side of the kerb. The sight of the car sent my pulse into overdrive, and a sudden sensation of fear washed over me. The car was exactly the same as the one Alfie used to drive. But it couldn’t be Alfie behind the wheel. He was in prison, wasn’t he?

  When the electric window slowly dropped, my heart skipped a beat. The urge to run was so strong, but I stood frozen on the spot. My legs wouldn’t move no matter how much my brain willed them to. I looked in the pram at my baby peacefully sleeping, blissfully unaware of the danger we were in. The back passenger door opened, and a tall, fair-haired man, dressed in a dark grey suit stepped out onto the pavement. I wished I hadn’t ventured out without my husband now. As he stood next to me, I gripped the handle of the pushchair so tightly, my knuckles turned white. My heart pounded against my ribcage as I waited for him to make a move. I stared into his blue eyes, wondering what he was going to do.

  After what seemed like an eternity, he spoke. ‘Hello, Gemma.’ The man’s voice was exactly like Alfie’s and the sound of it made my heartbeat go into overdrive.

  I’d never seen this man before in my life, but I knew it was Jethro Watson. As illogical thoughts filled my head, I felt panic rise within me. I struggled to concentrate. I didn’t know what to do. I’d had a bad feeling about this trip before we left Spain, but Nathan had convinced me that everything would be OK. Now I was questioning my decision to come back to England. If we’d stayed in the Costa del Sol, this wouldn’t be happening.

  I knew I needed to face my fear and stay strong, but my strength seemed to have deserted me when I needed it the most. I was like a deer caught in the headlights, paralysed by fear. It was the kind of moment that although you knew you’d witnessed it, your brain rejected it. My mind wouldn’t allow me to believe what I’d just seen. Without saying a word, I began pacing towards Gareth’s front door. Surely Jethro wouldn’t try to harm us in broad daylight, would he? As I hurried away, Alfie’s dad’s laughter echoed in the street around me.

  Outside the front door, I glanced over my shoulder to check that he hadn’t followed me, then with trembling hands, I tried to locate the key in my handbag. I rifled through the contents, but couldn’t put my hand on it until finally, my fumbling fingers found it buried at the bottom. I put the key in the lock, but it wouldn’t turn. Tears sprang into my eyes when I heard footsteps on the pavement. To my relief, Nathan opened the door. I burst into the hall and slammed the door behind me.

  ‘What’s going on, Gemma? You look like you’ve seen a ghost.’

  I was too shocked to speak. There was a difference between thinking you were being watched and being confronted in the street by a stranger. I stood shaking in the hallway with tears streaming down my cheeks. Nathan peeled my fingers from the handle of the pram and pushed it down the narrow hall and into the living room. I followed behind him sobbing as I walked.

  ‘I could have told you this would happen.’ Nathan shook his head. ‘I knew it was a bad idea to go and see my mum. That’s why I didn’t want to go with you.’ Nathan couldn’t hide the irritation in his voice.

  I took a seat on the sofa and tried to compose myself before I spoke. ‘This has nothing to do with Rosa.’ I took a tissue out of my pocket and dried my eyes on it.

  Nathan sat down beside me and draped his arm around my shoulder. ‘So why are you crying?’

  ‘I’ve just seen Jethro Watson. He was outside the house in a black Mercedes,’ I blurted out.

  Anger flashed across my husband’s face at the mention of his name. Nathan didn’t think twice. He’d always been fiercely protective of me. He leapt off the sofa and charged towards the front door. When he flung it open, the street was deserted. So he ran down the middle of the road, then turned onto the high street looking for the car, but there was no sign of it anywhere.

  The minute I saw that Mercedes pull into the road, it triggered a memory within me, and even before Jethro stepped out onto the pavement, I sensed something awful was about to happen. The sight of the car had reminded me of a time I’d rather forget. While we’d been working for Alfie, we’d been travelling in a Mercedes just like Jethro’s when we’d been involved in an accident. The Swiss police had stopped us at a checkpoint because they wanted to search the car before they’d allow us to pass into Germany, so Tommy – Alfie’s driver – had sped away. He’d been trying to shake off the wailing sirens after the police gave chase, but he rounded a sharp corner too quickly, and the car swerved and almost tipped over.

  I’d had constant nightmares about that journey and would often wake in a cold sweat, imagining the car spinning out of control. Nathan and I were lucky neither of us had been killed.

  *

  When Nathan returned a few moments later, he closed the door behind him and attached the safety chain. He walked back down the hallway and into the living room. His footsteps were heavy on the laminate flooring.

  ‘Are you sure it was him? I know you said you thought you’d seen Jethro but how can you be certain?’ Nathan’s dark eyes scanned my face.

  ‘I’m positive it was him.’

  ‘But you’ve never even met him before.’

  ‘I’m not making this up, Nathan.’

  ‘I never said you were. It’s just I don’t understand why you’re so convinced you’ve seen somebody you’ve never met.’

  ‘Alfie is the image of him, only a younger version.’ I felt a shiver run down my spine, and I fixed my husband with a panicked stare.

  Nathan reached forward and took hold of my hand. It didn’t matter how much he tried to reassure me that Jethro didn’t know what I looked like – the man spoke to me by name. So he was wasting his breath.

  Nathan held me at arm’s length and studied my face. ‘Start at the beginning and tell me exactly what happened.’

  ‘I was walking home after I dropped your mum off at the station.’ My eyes began to well up again, so I dabbed at them with the crumpled tissue.

  Nathan caught hold of my trembling hand when I’d finished drying my eyes. ‘Everything’s going to be OK. Do you think you can continue?’

  I nodded my head and took a deep breath. ‘I’d just turned into Crofts Way when a black Mercedes, like the one Alfie used to drive, came around the corner and stopped right near me. Jethro got out of the car and came over to where I was standing.’ Nathan threw his arms around me and h
eld me close. I buried my face in his chest and began to sob. ‘We should never have come back; it was too dangerous.’ I pulled away from my husband and looked up at him with a tear-stained face.

  ‘Don’t cry, Gemma, everything will be OK,’ Nathan soothed.

  ‘Do you think we should go and stay in a hotel?’ I asked.

  Nathan shook his head at my suggestion.

  ‘Why not?’

  Nathan pulled me towards him and wrapped his arms around me, so I buried my face into his chest and gripped the fabric of his T-shirt.

  ‘Please don’t cry.’ Nathan kissed the top of my head before he continued speaking. ‘There’s nothing to be scared of.’

  ‘But Jethro’s stalking me. Please can we go and stay somewhere else?’

  ‘Honestly, Gem, there’s no need. You’ll be safe here. Dad and I will see to that.’

  A vision of Alfie’s burly henchmen breaking into Gareth’s house in the middle of the night sprang into my mind. I pulled back from my husband and looked at him with puffy, bloodshot eyes. ‘Well, I don’t feel safe, not now that Jethro knows we’re staying with your dad. I feel like a sitting duck.’

  11

  Gemma

  I’d thought I was going insane imagining someone was watching me, but I wasn’t delusional after all. Nathan was convinced I couldn’t separate fact from fiction and was suffering from paranoia. Knowing my husband didn’t believe me, only made matters worse. But this situation was real. I now had evidence that justified why I’d felt this way. It wasn’t all in my mind.

  My fears and secrets had spun a web around me, and I was trapped at the centre with no way out. I was all over the place. It was fair to say, I’d been off-kilter for some time now. I felt stressed, and that was having an adverse effect on my emotional stability.

  Motherhood wasn’t as easy as it was cracked up to be. I’d read too many glossy magazines while I was pregnant, featuring new celebrity mums. They made the process look effortless, so I’d developed a rose-tinted view of what it was going to be like. The reality was, I was tired to the point of exhaustion, and my body was depleted of energy. That had affected my mood. I didn’t like to admit it, but I was struggling to cope.