I was skilled at picking up his not so subtle hints by now, so he didn’t need to undress me with his eyes. Tempting as it was to give him a piece of my mind, I knew that would be a stupid thing to do. I’d have to tread carefully. I couldn’t afford to bruise his ego at this stage. I needed to make sure I didn’t forget my manners.
Alfie was an expert at coercing an unwilling person into doing what he wanted when he wanted. Playing mind games was one of his favourite pastimes, so if I was going to compete with him, I’d need to learn everything there was to know about manipulation. Alfie was a master of exercising dominance and control, and in my present emotionally wrecked state, I was no match for him. My strength had deserted me when I needed it most, but Alfie didn’t need to know that. He’d prey on my weakness if he had the slightest idea.
‘How’s your sex life these days?’ Alfie asked out of the blue.
His question startled me. ‘I don’t think that’s any of your business.’ I tried to get the words out as fast as possible before my nervousness gave me away. I could feel heat spreading across my face.
‘I can tell by the way you replied that it’s non-existent.’ Alfie laughed. ‘I thought as much.’
I attempted to stare him down, but the intensity of his eyes made me feel too uncomfortable, so I decided to look away. I was too flustered to put him in his place.
34
Gemma
On the journey home, I could feel an argument brewing. Nathan had been given a rare day off, so the whole family had taken a trip to Asda of all places. The fact that we hadn’t gone on a day out somewhere had got my back up to start with, and then I’d had to listen to my husband prattling on to his dad about anything and everything. I knew they had a lot of catching up to do, but trying to summarise the events of the last thirty-plus years in a couple of hours was impossible. Nathan had barely come up for air since we’d left the house and his verbal diarrhoea was winding me up.
As I sat in the back of the car next to Luca, tension began building up inside me. I could feel my blood pressure rising by the minute. The closer we got to Crofts Way, the more agitated I was becoming. Once we were back at Gareth’s place, I decided to leave Nathan and his dad to it. Maybe if I had some space, I might be able to calm down a bit.
‘I’m going to put Luca to bed,’ I said, making an excuse to take myself off.
About ten minutes later, I heard footsteps climbing the stairs, and I let out an audible sigh. It was bound to be Nathan. He’d never been good at reading signs. Even when I spelt it out to him and told him I needed some me time, he couldn’t seem to help himself; he wouldn’t leave me on my own for more than a couple of minutes. Just because we were married, it didn’t mean we needed to be constantly glued to each other’s side. I had always been a very independent person, and that wasn’t about to change any time soon.
I suppose it was my own fault for not being direct enough, but you would have thought he would have detected the frosty tone in my voice when I spoke to him in the kitchen. I didn’t bother to try and hide the fact that I was pissed off with him. This was Nathan’s first day off in ages, and instead of taking our son somewhere nice we’d trawled the aisles in the supermarket. It was a riveting way to spend time. Gareth deserved a gold medal for his enthusiasm as Nathan pointed out all of his favourite things as we passed them on the shelves.
Nathan poked his head around the door, and our eyes met. I felt ready to explode at the sight of him; his presence suddenly made me feel claustrophobic.
‘Are you OK?’
I nodded. Considering we’d been together all our adult lives, my husband still couldn’t read me. Right now, the fact that I needed some space had gone completely over his head.
‘What are you doing?’ he asked, leaning against the doorframe with his hands stuffed in the front pockets of his jeans.
‘What does it look like? I’m changing Luca’s nappy,’ I snapped as I stated the obvious.
‘Don’t speak to me like that.’ Nathan folded his arms across his chest and gave me his well-honed wounded look. The one he’d perfected over the years. He’d taken my barbed comment to heart. ‘You’ve been in a funny mood all day. You’re obviously spoiling for a fight. You keep trying to start an argument with me for no reason.’
Leaving my son dozing in the centre of the bed, I stood up and glared at my husband. ‘So let me get this straight, you don’t think there’s a reason why I’m annoyed with you?’ I shook my head.
‘I can’t think of anything off the top of my head.’ Nathan shrugged his shoulders then his face lit up as if a light bulb had gone off in his brain. ‘Time of the month, is it?’ His words had a sarcastic edge to them.
I felt my blood boil. I took a deep breath and tried to control my temper, but it was impossible. ‘Don’t come out with a stupid comment like that when you can see I’m stressed out of my mind. Go away, Nathan. I came up here so I could be alone. You’re suffocating me.’
‘What the hell have I done?’ Nathan put his hands on his hips and stared at me. Then he began chewing the inside of his bottom lip. ‘I can’t win, can I? If I didn’t come to see if you were all right, you’d accuse me of not caring. But when I check up on you, I get told I’m smothering you.’
We’d been trying to speak in hushed tones, so as not to disturb Gareth or Luca, but it’s difficult to argue with somebody and whisper at the same time. The more heated our debate became, the more the volume rose until we were interrupted by knocking on the bedroom door. Nathan walked across the floor and opened it.
‘That’s enough, you two. This isn’t achieving anything,’ Gareth said as if Nathan and I were a couple of children fighting over the last scoop of ice cream.
I was mortified. Our escalating voices had made Gareth feel the need to step in to try and prevent an unresolvable standoff developing between us.
‘Neither of you are in the right frame of mind to be having this discussion. Why don’t you sleep on it, and talk it over in the morning instead?’ Gareth said, hoping to nip the pointless argument in the bud.
My father-in-law had done a good job attempting to be the mediator, and now he looked incredibly awkward as he stood in the doorway, caught in the middle, waiting for one of us to respond.
‘I’m sorry we disturbed you,’ I said, feeling guilty that an innocent person had needed to get involved in our heated interaction.
I was embarrassed that Gareth had to intervene and be the voice of reason. He was trying to be diplomatic and defuse the volatile situation with the skill of a bomb disposal expert. Only a brave man would take on that heroic responsibility.
‘It’s OK, but do me a favour and let it go for now.’ Gareth closed the door behind him.
My father-in-law was right; we needed to let things calm down. If we didn’t, we’d run the risk of reigniting the argument. Inside I was still raging, and my emotions were out of control, threatening to erupt at any minute. I wished I could snap out of my bad mood and go back to normality. But it wasn’t as simple as that. I was stubborn, and once I’d lost my temper, it would take time for me to let go of my anger.
I lifted Luca off of the bed and placed him in his cot. Thankfully, he’d slept through the whole slanging match. When I turned around, Nathan had stripped down to his boxer shorts. Without making eye contact with me, he pulled back the quilt with a theatrical flourish and disappeared under the covers. He’d burrowed so far down only the tips of his dark brown hair were visible on the pillow. I had to stifle a laugh. He could be so dramatic at times.
I couldn’t get tonight’s events out of my head, so I waited as long as I could before I got into bed beside my husband, making sure I stayed on my side of the imaginary line that had been drawn down the middle of the mattress. I hated going to bed on an argument, but neither of us wanted to be the one to make the first move and apologise. We weren’t at the stage of calling a truce and extending an olive branch yet. That wasn’t something either of us was prepared to do. But we were stayi
ng in Gareth’s house, so for tonight, I was prepared to put our disagreement on hold. I’d have to try and keep a lid on my pent-up anger. It wasn’t fair of us to make Gareth feel uncomfortable in his own home.
Nathan lay on his side with his back towards me, pretending to be asleep, but I knew he was as awake as I was. I had a horrible feeling that with Alfie back in our lives, our relationship might begin to fester again. I knew fretting about that wouldn’t help the situation, but I was guaranteed to lose sleep over it. It would keep me awake tonight.
At some point, I must have drifted off, but I woke with a start after I experienced a terrifying nightmare. I’d had a flashback to the dangerous world I thought we’d left behind, and now the back of my hair was coated with sweat as it clung to my skin, like seaweed on a rock after the tide goes out.
Fearing for my son’s safety, I looked over at the cot. Luca was lying on his back with his arms above his head in a peaceful slumber. I let out a slow breath. It was going to be another long night. In an attempt to calm my troubled mind, I focused on Nathan’s steady breathing. I closed my eyes again, but now I was too frightened to go to sleep. The stress was taking its toll on my mental, emotional and physical health. I hated the way Alfie had appeared back in our lives and was dictating the path we had to walk down. I knew we would never be able to clear the debt because Alfie didn’t actually want his money back, he just wanted to control us.
35
Gemma
While Nathan was accompanying him on company business, Alfie insisted Luca and I wait for them at Darkwood Manor. I complained bitterly and tried to dig my heels in, but he wouldn’t take no for an answer.
‘Nora had the most beautiful red hair and blue eyes,’ Jethro said with a wistful look on his clean-shaven face. ‘She was like a little doll, tiny and petite, with skin like porcelain. Alfie and my girls adored her. She was a fantastic mum.’
I wondered what else Jethro was about to divulge, so I bit down hard on the side of my lip, while I waited for him to continue. Alfie had always maintained that Jethro didn’t love his mum. He’d told me Jethro never gave a shit about Nora the whole time they were married because he was in love with Rosa, but that wasn’t coming across. He was talking about Nora with such fondness.
The blond-haired, blue-eyed man looked good for his age. I’d say he must be about sixty but looked considerably younger. He was just starting to go grey. Several silvery strands were visible at his temples and judging by the condition of his skin, he was definitely a man who moisturised.
He’d been given the job of entertaining me while the others were out. I didn’t have any complaints so far. Jethro was being a charming host. I was sitting on a high stool in front of the blue pearl breakfast bar while he made us coffee, with the skill of a barista, from a stainless steel machine that wouldn’t have looked out of place in Starbucks. I sat mesmerised as he poured coffee beans into the machine and watched as it effortlessly ground them into a fine powder. The aroma was heavenly. Jethro selected the coffee from the touch screen, pressed a button and produced a café-quality drink in a matter of seconds. He handed me the clear glass mug containing a layered latte.
‘Thank you,’ I said. I was seriously impressed. It was almost too nice to drink.
Jethro smiled when he saw the look on my face.
‘Nora was a cracking girl, really,’ Jethro continued in his softly spoken tone. ‘But unfortunately, we weren’t well-suited. She was kind and gentle, but she was weak-willed. That was her downfall. Nobody finds a doormat attractive, do they?’ Jethro sighed.
I would have thought the egotistic, self-centred Watson men would have been first in the queue to dominate their partners as they both loved to have complete control over situations. But I was wrong. Jethro and Alfie both liked a strong woman who would stand up to them. I found that surprising really because in the male-dominant world that gangsters inhabit, most of the men still thought they lived in the Dark Ages. They treated their women like possessions.
In a way, I could understand why they would do that. Their partners had been acquired through material means and not because of the things they had in common. These men selected gold-digging trophy wives. The women weren’t looking for a genuine romantic connection either. They wanted the best that life could offer them without having to lift a manicured finger, so that suited them down to the ground. In return, the kingpins ensured their wives always felt inferior to them. They were only good for bearing children, satisfying their man’s every whim and turning a blind eye to their indiscretions, of which there were many.
I couldn’t imagine having a partner like that. Nathan was a modern man and treated me with respect and as an equal, not a slave. Whereas the alpha males of the underworld thought it was acceptable to metaphorically drag their woman around by the hair while beating her with a club, caveman style, if she dared to be disobedient. The sacrifice the suffragettes had made when they chained themselves to railings had been lost on this particular sector of the population.
The sound of Jethro’s voice broke my train of thought. ‘Nora lacked the qualities I looked for in a partner. She was too predictable, and when something’s predictable, it bores me. I love a bit of mystery.’
Jethro and Alfie were like two peas in a pod. Not just in looks, but also in personality.
‘There was no doubt in my mind that Nora loved me, but that didn’t stop me resenting her. When she was stupid enough to get herself pregnant, my dad forced me to marry her.’
What a sexist thing to say, I thought. Alfie didn’t magically appear in Nora’s womb without any intervention from Jethro. He got her pregnant. I was tempted to point that out but stopped myself at the last minute in an act of self-preservation. Although I hadn’t witnessed it first-hand, I was pretty certain Jethro had the same explosive temper as Alfie. It probably wasn’t the right time to tell him some home truths.
‘It’s no wonder I resented her. Nora and I weren’t exclusive. Well, not as far as I was concerned. I was happily sowing my wild oats.’ Jethro smiled, and his blue eyes twinkled at the memory. ‘I was a young man and only interested in one thing. I wanted to have sex with as many women as possible, until she tried to clip my wings and trapped me.’ The thought of that made his smile fade.
I looked at Jethro with a puzzled expression on my face. Why did he resent Nora so much? She hadn’t insisted he married her; his father had.
‘Nora might have forced me to put a ring on her finger, but I promised myself the day we got wed, that was the only thing of mine she was going to have. She would never have my heart. Nora knew I was never going to be faithful to her. I made no secret of my extramarital activities.’
As Jethro rambled on, I had to stifle a yawn. Not because I wasn’t interested in hearing his life story, but the lack of sleep was catching up with me, and it was so warm in the kitchen I had to battle to keep my eyes open. The Aga was pumping out heat at a furious rate. Even the shot of caffeine I’d had wasn’t keeping the tiredness at bay.
Attempting to shake away the drowsiness, I got up from my stool and walked across the marble tiles to where Luca lay sleeping in his carrycot over by the full-length windows, that overlooked the vast gardens. It was all I could do to stop myself pressing my face against the cold windowpane as I pretended to check on my son. I couldn’t help wondering why Jethro was telling me all this. Before I even had a chance to sit back down, the details of his married life continued to spill out of his mouth like the final confession of a man on death row.
‘Nora had a miserable life with me. I put the poor girl through hell. She drank to escape from her problems. Back then, I was a womaniser. I’m ashamed to admit, I was with one of my whores on the night Nora died. Alfie was only fifteen, and the poor little sod was left to deal with everything because I was out with some slag.’ Jethro’s eyes glazed over as he talked about his wife’s death.
I straightened my posture. Now Jethro had my undivided attention. I couldn’t hide the look of surprise on m
y face. Up until this moment, I hadn’t realised Nora was dead. I presumed they were divorced. Alfie hadn’t mentioned that his mum had died when he’d told me about his family. I suppose it wasn’t the sort of thing you dropped into everyday conversation though.
Despite Alfie being hell on two legs, all of a sudden, I unexpectedly found myself feeling sorry for him. Losing his mother at a young age was bound to have had a profound effect on him. Not that I was making excuses for his behaviour, and I wasn’t claiming to be a psychiatrist, but some of Alfie’s issues must have stemmed from the things he’d experienced in his childhood.
‘Oh my God, that’s awful. What happened?’
‘Nora collapsed at home while I was out. Alfie phoned for an ambulance, and she was taken to the hospital, but she died shortly afterwards.’
‘I’m so sorry to hear that.’ I genuinely meant what I’d just said. that. ‘The loss of a parent is a great blow to anyone, but it’s especially hard for a child to come to terms with,’ Jethro said. ‘It’s something that stays with them for the rest of their life.’
Jethro looked gutted, and if the circumstances had been different, I would have walked around the island and given him a hug.
‘Initially, the doctors thought Nora had suffered a heart attack, but a post-mortem found that she’d died from liver disease as a result of her excessive drinking. What a waste of a young life. She was only thirty-three.’ Jethro shook his head. ‘The outcome of the autopsy shouldn’t have surprised me; Nora used to drink vodka out of a mug for breakfast!’
My eyes widened. The story was becoming more tragic by the minute, and thanks to my overactive hormones, I felt tears prick at my eyes. It wasn’t my place to cry, but this was a real tear-jerker, and I was having trouble holding the sadness inside.
Nora was thirty-three when she’d died; she was a year older than me. My thoughts turned to Luca. I couldn’t imagine being in her position. I wouldn’t want somebody else raising my baby and taking on the role of his mother.
Tangled Lives Page 11