Logan leaned over and kissed her lips, keeping it brief and gentle. She smiled at him, and he rather liked that.
“I’ve been wanting to do that all day,” he confessed.
“You should do it again.”
She dug her hands into his hair and pulled him in for a deeper kiss. As much as he wanted to do more of that, he didn’t want to answer the door for dinner sporting a boner. He pulled back, enjoying the content look on her face.
“I’m getting used to you,” she said.
He threaded their fingers together. “Are you?”
“Trying to, I guess, is more accurate.”
He relaxed into the plush cushion further. “I’m glad you aren’t mad at me.”
Her face did that adorable scrunched thing again. “For what?”
“Baruti?”
“Oh.” She waved her hand. “I’m over it. I thought about it, and I realize it does us no good to start infighting, you know? Like, that could be a plan or whatever. Make us all paranoid or something.”
“You think?”
She nodded.
Logan rubbed a hand over his face. “This is above my pay grade, if I’m being honest. We were hired to be the grunts. Muscle. Do only the things outside the scope of what the Task Force was able to do.”
“Do you regret it? Working with Zora, I mean?”
“No,” he replied quickly, shaking his head. “Not one bit. That was always one thing my parents tried to instill in me. Don’t regret things. Regret weighs you down. Take the chance when and where you can, never regret.”
Kelsey’s smile widened. “Your parents sound like really cool people.”
“I’m biased, but I think they’re pretty neat.”
“They’re still together, right?”
“Yup.”
Kelsey drew a circle on his hand with her thumb. “That’s nice.”
Was now the time to ask?
He’d found himself drifting throughout the day, thinking of Kelsey and what she’d said about being jealous of his connection to his family and his heritage. It got him thinking. “Hey, I was wondering, what ever happened to your sisters? The ones your dad had? They’re what? Fifteen now?”
She glanced up at him. “Oh, no. They were eleven and nine when he died. Shit, they’re nineteen and seventeen now.”
Logan’s brain skipped and replayed those words. “How...?”
She snorted. “Um, well, you see, my dad apparently really liked the ladies. I found out after they split he’d never been faithful. Mom didn’t come out and say it, but I got the feeling he married her because he got her knocked up. And she, in turn, convinced him to move, thinking that might change him.”
“Fuck,” he muttered. He didn’t want to think ill of the dead, but that was a fucked up thing to do.
“My sisters are nice. We don’t really know each other, if I’m being honest. They were just young when it happened, and I guess... I guess I resented them. My home life was never great. Lots of fighting and arguing.” Her nose did that wrinkled thing again, only this time it wasn’t cute. “Deep down, I guess part of me blamed them for my parents splitting up. Then Dad went and married their mom because he was drowning in child support payments.”
He opened and closed his mouth. What was the right thing to say?
“Still interested in someone with a fucked up family history like that?” she asked.
“You aren’t your parents.” That much was obvious. Once Kelsey committed to something, she did it. As frustrating as Logan found that quality, he also respected it.
“No, but growing up around that affected me. The truth? I’ve always been ready for every romantic relationship I’ve been in to end from the beginning. That’s why you and me...”
She had one foot out the door already, and they hadn’t truly started.
“I get it now.” Logan nodded slowly. He thought he finally understood, but he could still be wrong.
Her gaze narrowed. “You do?”
“I think so.” Her prickly personality toward him was about protecting herself.
“I’m not going to magically change, Logan. This is who I am.”
“I know.” And he was going to wear down those thorns. She’d draw blood. He knew she would. But over time, she’d learn he wasn’t going away that easily.
Her parent’s fighting had created an emotionally unstable environment. Young Kelsey had learned to protect herself, because no one else would. Not even the people charged with her safety. The very people who brought her into the world.
She would leave him. There was no doubt in his mind that fear of being left again would push her away. But there was one thing he knew about himself, he wasn’t going to give up. She’d pegged him correctly when she’d poked fun at him the other night. He was a man of commitment. If she didn’t want him, she should have never kissed him.
Logan loved her. It had happened without warning and he was in it. But before she could return that emotion, she’d have to feel truly safe with him. And he had a feeling she’d never truly felt that before.
He squeezed her hand and smiled, knowing full well this wasn’t going to be an easy road. But the best things in life often required hard work. Deep down, he knew Kelsey was worth it.
SUNDAY. KELSEY’S APARTMENT. Washington, DC.
Kelsey dunked another chip in the queso and shoved it in her mouth. Her insides were wound tight. She’d thought Logan would have something to say about her little reveal, but he’d just held her hand until the food arrived.
He hadn’t brought up her reservations again.
She’d had this conversation a few times over the years. Mostly to set the proper expectations for a friends-with-benefits situation or a no-strings-attached arrangement. No one had ever second-guessed her. So why was Logan’s easy acceptance bothering her?
Was it that he didn’t want to keep her around that long? Or was he arrogant enough to think he could change her?
Knowing him, it was probably the latter.
So where was the grand speech?
Sometimes this man made no sense to her. None at all.
“Wow.” Logan chuckled and wiped his fingers off.
She blinked at the TV, but it was too late. She’d missed whatever it was. The main character of the movie reached down and helped the love interest to her feet, then both stared into the camera as it drew away from them.
Fuck.
She’d practically missed the whole damn movie.
Kelsey leaned back and sighed, frustrated with herself. Seriously, what was wrong with her? Was there a pill she could take?
Logan picked up the tray they’d set between them for the chips, salsa and queso then placed it on the floor. He then reached over and tugged on her arm.
“Come here,” he muttered.
She let him pull her sideways toward him until he could tuck her under his arm.
“Do you want to talk about whatever you’re thinking about?” he asked.
“No.”
He rest his cheek against the top of her head. “Okay. Well... I’m assuming you’re already thinking about how this will end.”
She bit the inside of her cheek.
He peered down at her. “Neither of us know the future. Unless you’re holding out on me?”
“God, I wish,” she muttered.
“Stop worrying about how things will end. Be in the moment. What’s the point of sneaking around behind the guys’ backs if you’ve already left me in your head?”
Kelsey swallowed. Or tried to. It was hard to do with the lump lodged in her throat.
“Evan knows,” she said instead.
Logan’s lips twisted up into a wry smile. “Oh. I know. We talked about this earlier, remember? He basically said if I fuck up, he’ll kick my ass because somebody has to be willing to do that.”
“Shit, that’s right.” She rubbed the side of her face. She twisted to face him. “I’m perfectly capable of kicking ass on my own, just so you know.”
>
Logan grinned. “I’m very well aware.”
Gosh, when he smiled...
Her heart did little fluttery things in her chest.
He was different with her now. Before the last few days, she could maybe think of two or three instances when Logan had relaxed enough to show any emotion, much less a smile. There was no doubt he was more relaxed and open with her in private. Even knowing she would leave him.
She wanted to let go of her fears and just be here with him.
If it didn’t work out, oh well. But she wanted to try. To give it a shot. A real one.
“I’m not good at relationships. Not even friendships. Baruti and Samuel have been it for me the last few years. Shit. I’ve done the last two Christmases with Baruti’s family because he took pity on me. I didn’t even realize I was missing out on things like friends until the girls were just there. What I’m trying to say is that I don’t want to be focused on the end and I’m going to try to...just be. I guess.”
Logan reached over and took her hand. He lifted it to his lips and pressed a kiss to her knuckles, while she sat there watching him.
What was she supposed to do?
Sitting here felt awkward.
“That sounds great start,” he said.
“It’s not all that fair, though. To you, I mean.”
He lifted a shoulder. “Life isn’t fair.”
“Then—why?”
His gaze dipped to her lips. “Because I’m done acting like I don’t want to kiss you every time I see you. And if getting the chance to kiss, you means living with the risk of you dumping my ass, then so be it. At least I tried?”
Heat flared in her veins.
He thought that? Every time?
She never would have known from his cool exterior.
He kept talking despite her still processing his first statement. “Also, you can’t tell the future. Just because it hasn’t worked out with anyone else doesn’t mean we will be a disaster. It could be different.”
She fought the urge to press her hand to her chest, to calm her heart. It was beating away at her ribs as if it were trying to get closer to him.
“I’m not your mess to fix,” she muttered.
“You’re right.” He scrubbed a hand across his chin. The rasping sound was so very loud in the quiet apartment. “And I like to think I know I can’t change a person. But maybe I can... I can hand you the tools to change what you want about yourself.”
Kelsey needed things to be a whole lot less serious. “You’re my assistant now?”
He tipped his chin up, then nodded. “I’m okay with that.”
She’d meant the question as a joke, yet his answer made her feel exposed and vulnerable. He knew her short comings. She’d laid them out for him to try to scare him away. And he was still here.
Was it possible that he’d be there even when she melted down and tried to push him away?
Deep down she wanted the answer to be yes, even if she didn’t deserve it.
The feelings were too much. What the hell was she supposed to do with them?
Kelsey pushed up on her knees and crawled across the futon to straddle Logan’s lap. She was much better at doing things than all this talking. Still, he deserved something. A word of acknowledgement. A promise to do better.
She licked her lips as she ran her fingers along his jawline, feeling the scrape of his stubble. “I’ll try to not make you work too hard, okay?”
Logan’s hands slid up and down her thighs. He didn’t agree or even reply to her attempt to lighten the mood. Probably because he’d come back with some sort of manly, I’ll be there for you no matter what, answer that would irritate her.
Infuriating, stubborn man.
She really didn’t deserve him.
Kelsey leaned in, pressing her lips to his. She wasn’t good at this talking and being emotional stuff. Words had never been trustworthy things. But actions? Those showed you who a person truly was.
His hands slid up to her hips as his lips moved against hers. He tugged, dragging her closer until the fly of his jeans pressed against her. She sighed and slid an arm around his neck.
If they did only this, she knew things would work out. Sex was easy. It was everything else she struggled with. The talking. The compromises. Navigating friends and family. What it would be like working together. For now though, she was going to live in the moment. Nothing mattered but right now, with Logan.
She braced a hand against his shoulder and leaned in closer, shifting her hips as she moved.
That wasn’t just his fly pressing against her.
She smiled against his mouth and pressed down.
Logan groaned, a tortured sound that was music to her ears.
Kelsey kissed his cheek and ran her fingers through his hair. It was so damn soft. She curled her fingers around the strands, using them to control the tilt of his face.
His hand slid around to her ass.
Her pussy tightened, and she shifted against him as she kissed his face. He squeezed one globe, pressing her against him firmly as he groaned. His other hand snaked up her back and curled into her hair.
She grinned as he sat up, forced her head back and kissed up her neck to her lips.
Desire coursed through her. Her nipples tightened, and she knew her panties were drenched.
Okay, so a little bit of manhandling was hot.
Logan sealed his lips over hers. His tongue thrust into her mouth, then retreated. Her skin was hyper sensitized from the scrap of his stubble.
His grip on her hair tightened, and he leaned back, putting distance between them.
“Wait.” He sucked down air, proving she wasn’t the only one affected. “Is tonight a no-sex night?”
“No. That was a dumb idea last night. Let’s not do that again. Sex is definitely what we’re good at.”
“It wasn’t a dumb idea.”
“Stop talking and take your shirt off,” she said.
Logan let go of her immediately and yanked the Henley shirt off over his head. She sat back, marveling at him. There were scars. Marks that he’d gambled, risked himself and come out fine. But each one was a situation where he might not have lived.
And he’d added a new one. The wound on his shoulder was still covered. Yet another brush with death.
She had to stop worrying about how badly she could screw up an ending that hadn’t happened yet and focus on now. Making the most of what she had with him while she could.
“You’re thinking again,” he said.
Kelsey walked her fingers up his chest. “About how good you look under me.”
His eyes darkened, and he gripped her hips again. “Is that so?”
“Yup.”
He splayed his hands over her ass, pressing each finger against her, and pulled her closer to him.
She braced her hands on his shoulders and kissed him, committing herself to this moment. To do her best.
He gripped the back of her sweatshirt and pulled it up and off.
“Wow,” he muttered
Kelsey glanced down at the black, lacey bralette she’d thrown on after work. It was all she had that amounted to sexy lingerie. She hadn’t thought it was all that hot, but looking at his face? The way his lips parted, and he looked...hungry?
Yeah, she was damn pleased with herself.
Logan lifted a hand and ran a finger across the lace cup and over her nipple. She sucked in a breath as sensation zinged through her whole body, right down to her toes. He dragged his finger back across her nipple again and again, watching her reaction.
It felt different, and somehow more sensual through the lace.
She arched her back, pressing her hips firmly against his in the process.
Now it was his turn to groan.
Kelsey grinned, but it was short lived.
Logan hooked his fingers in the flimsy cup and pulled it aside. Before she could react, he ducked his head and licked the stiff nipple. At the same time, he cupped her other b
reast, teasing it exactly as he’d done before.
“Oh!” She rocked forward, holding tight to his shoulders as he tortured her. “Fuck. Who would have guessed you’re this good with your mouth?”
He chuckled, but didn’t say a word. His mouth was already occupied.
Panting with need, Kelsey fumbled between them until she found his belt.
Logan sat up, giving her the much needed space to yank his belt free and pop the button on his jeans. He pushed her hands aside when it came to the zipper and eased that down himself. His cock strained at the fabric underneath.
She shivered, and he lifted his hands, covering her breasts with his palms.
Kelsey leaned against him and stared into his eyes, so dark and warm.
She couldn’t think beyond this moment without starting to spiral again.
Be in the moment.
Here.
Now.
With him.
That was it.
She dug her hands into his hair and pulled him to her, kissing him with everything she could muster. Her hips slid forward until his erection pressed against her.
The only thing separating them was a few layers of fabric.
Kelsey pushed away from him and slid onto shaky legs.
She wished she’d worn something prettier. Something sexier. But this was her. Sweatpants and all.
Logan reached out, grasped the soft material of her pants and tugged them down. The ancient elastic didn’t stand a chance against him and fell to the floor.
Okay, so her panties were the same black lace. She was only mostly a hot mess.
He traced the waistband with a finger. It took everything she had to not shiver in anticipation.
His eyes crawled up her chest to meet her gaze. She just about swallowed her tongue then and there.
“Every time I look at you, I’m going to picture you in nothing but these,” he said.
Kelsey pulled the bra off and tossed it on the floor. “Like this?”
His voice was rough. It sounded like he was forcing his one-word answer out. “Yes.”
She grinned. She couldn’t help it.
He tugged her panties down and leaned forward to kiss the newly exposed skin just under her belly button. She shimmied her hips just enough to help get the lace down past her hips and gravity did the rest. Before she could make a move, Logan cupped her mound, pressing his fingers into her. She gasped and braced a hand on his shoulders.
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