by Nick Poff
As Doug let out a shaky sigh Ed sat next to him and leaned his head against Doug’s. “I probably shouldn’t ask,” he said tentatively, “but do you have any idea…”
“No,” Doug said flatly. “And I don’t want to. I don’t want to be able to blame anyone but myself.”
“Well, when you’re done blaming yourself, it will be time to begin taking care of yourself,” Rick said briskly. “I’m going to call Paul Klarn tomorrow and get him over here. He’s been following every aspect of this damn thing. He’ll be honest with you, and you’ll have us to prop you up when he’s finished.”
“I can’t ask…”
“You didn’t. You don’t have to. You’re family. Period. We’ll take care of you, no matter what.”
Ed nodded and pulled Doug closer to him. “You are not alone. Don’t you ever forget that. Remember this afternoon when you said this was home? Well, it is. Always. If…well, if something happens, this is where you need to be.”
“Oh, I can’t burden you guys with this!”
Rick shook his head. “I don’t know if we ever told you, but Mrs. Penfield left us a long letter to read after she died. We keep in in the room at the front of the house we’ve dedicated to her and the rest of the Penfields. You can read it if you want. Anyway, she told us the best way we could thank her was to help guys like us. She looked ahead and feared what was going to happen with AIDS. I doubt she ever thought about one of us being in trouble, but you have to know, if she were here, that she would insist on you being with us if the worst happens.”
“And Effie Maude?” Doug asked wryly.
“Don’t sell her short,” Ed told him. “Even if she believed some of the bullshit out there about this, she’d still want you here where she can take care of you. She’d be offended if anyone but her was allowed to watch over her Dougie.”
Doug reached for their hands. “What did I ever do to deserve friends like you?”
“You’re a good, decent man, Douglas, despite your dirty mind and your horn-dogginess,” Rick said with the hint of a smile. “You just happened to have the misfortune of hooking up with the wrong guy. What’s done is done. Now we, especially you, have to move forward. Ed and I are here for you. Accept it. End of lecture.”
They discussed it for a few more minutes, but Ed, who felt everyone could do with a change of subject, suggested a game of three hand bid euchre. Doug yawned and said he wanted to go to bed. He hadn’t slept all that much lately, he explained, and thought maybe now he could actually get some rest.
He received no argument from Ed and Rick, who walked him upstairs to his room. “You guys don’t have to tuck me in,” he teased.
“And we’re not going to,” Rick smiled. “We just want you to know we’re here.”
Doug gave them both a hug. “Thanks, guys.”
“You’re welcome,” Ed said. “Now get some sleep.”
Rick closed the door softly, and hand in hand, he and Ed descended the stairs. They both paused at the bottom, looking at each other solemnly. “Do you get the feeling,” Rick said, “that this summer will never come to an end?”
Ed put his arms around Rick and sighed. “Yeah.”
###
Ed and Rick saw no reason to share Doug’s revelation with the boys, but felt Effie Maude needed to know. One morning when Doug was sleeping in, Ed sat Effie Maude down at the kitchen table and gently told her Doug was HIV positive.
Effie Maude seemed to age ten years before Ed’s eyes. “I was hopin’ it wouldn’t come here. I was so relieved when I found out all you boys were okay. I thought maybe we could keep it away, but it snuck in, didn’t it? Poor Doug!”
She looked at Ed. “Is he going to die?”
Ed shook his head. “No. HIV is the virus that causes AIDS, but Doug’s okay now. He could carry it around for years with no effect, but if something happens to trigger it…” He trailed off.
“He’ll come right here where we can take care of him, right?” Effie Maude looked at Ed as if she were challenging him to say no.
“Of course he’ll be here. He’s family.”
Effie Maude heaved a sigh that seemed to come from the bottom of her soul. “Well, that’s good.” She grabbed a dust cloth and left the room, not to get busy cleaning, Ed knew, but so he couldn’t see her cry.
Paul Klarn came over that evening. The four of them sat in the front parlor with Mrs. Penfield graciously smiling upon them from above the mantle. Ed and Rick wanted both Paul and Doug to read her last letter to them to assure them they were completely on board for anything Doug might need.
Paul spoke frankly with Doug, promised to find him the perfect doctor in Santa Fe, and encouraged him to see Rick’s brother-in-law Matt before he left town. “Too many men don’t get the legal advice they need to make the decisions they need to make before it’s too late,” Paul said grimly.
Doug managed a smile. “Hey, remember where I work? I’ve seen it, more times than I want to think about.”
“Matt just got back from Wisconsin,” Rick said. “I’ll make sure he has time for Doug.”
Ed reached for something he had placed on one of the antique tables earlier. He had not discussed this with Rick, but he was sure Rick would support what he was about do.
“We want you to have this,” Ed said, placing a yellowed envelope in Doug’s hand.
Doug glanced inside and then looked at them in surprise. “Money? Ed, I can’t…”
“You can and you will,” Ed said firmly. “Listen, this was found money, six hundred seventeen dollars to be exact. I found it in the house we’re working on. It’s a long story and I’ll tell you the whole thing someday, but for right now you need to take this with you and keep it in a safe place.”
Ed folded Doug’s fingers over the envelope. “If something, anything, happens, this is your return ticket to us. Got it?”
Rick smiled at Ed and reached for his hand. “Brilliant, baby,” he whispered.
Doug looked at the envelope, and then looked at his two friends and a doctor he barely knew, all of whom were prepared to do whatever they needed to do for him. “Wow,” he said softly. “How can a guy facing a possible death sentence get so lucky?”
###
Ed and Rick did their best to make the rest of Doug’s visit as relaxing and enjoyable as possible. Doug insisted on taking the Camaro to the P & J drive-in on several occasions, claiming there wasn’t any place with food quite so unhealthy and delicious in New Mexico. He stopped by Reimer and Bayless Funeral Home to visit with his old coworkers and to catch up on the local gossip. Neal and Rex, who had a serious board game craze going, involved all of them in rounds of Trivial Pursuit, Clue, and others. And there was plenty of time for just hanging out, enjoying Effie Maude’s cooking, and allowing Doug a chance to get the rest he had needed for a long time.
The closest Doug came to mentioning what had been unspoken between them since Paul’s visit was when he said he wanted to go to Fort Wayne alone to see Gordy. Ed was pretty sure he knew why, and offered to let him drive the convertible.
Rex and Neal were both indignant. “How come,” Rex demanded, “He can borrow the car and we can’t?”
“Yeah,” Neal said.
“Cause we trust him and we don’t trust you,” Ed smirked.
“We are still nurturing relationships with you two,” Rick said, frowning. “Crashing a classic car would interfere with that process.”
“Guess I’m already nurtured,” Doug taunted the boys.
Ed tossed Doug the car keys. “No, you’re fertilized, and you know what with, asshole. Drive carefully or else!”
###
There was still more drama in store for them that week. It happened on Doug’s last night with them. Everyone had been up late playing cards, and it was after midnight before each of them had shuffled off to bed. Ed was on the verge of falling asleep when there was a soft but frantic banging on the bedroom door.
“Guys!” Rex hissed. “Get up!”
“Oh, shit,” Rick groaned. “Now what?”
Rex stuck his head in the door. “I was just going outside to smoke when I saw a fat woman in the garden pouring something on the flowers.”
“Harriet!” Ed said in disgust. “We should have known she’d try something like this.” He quickly got out of bed and grabbed a pair of shorts out from under Arnie on the easy chair. “Rick, you got film in your camera?”
“Think so.”
“Good! Follow me. I’ve got an idea.”
Apparently neither Neal or Doug had managed to fall asleep as they were both in the hall with confused looks on their faces, Neal pulling on a shirt and Doug in just his boxers. “C’mon, guys,” Ed gestured as he hit the stairs. “You can help.”
Once he’d whispered his plan to everyone, Ed opened the back door and crept out as quietly as possible with Rick right behind him. Sure enough, there was just enough illumination from the street lights to see a vaguely feminine figure in the garden. Rick dropped to a crouch and got as close as possible, focusing his camera.
“Now!” Ed hissed to Doug, who flipped on the backyard lights. The woman gasped and almost dropped the plastic bottle she was holding.
“Why, Harriet!” Ed shouted. “How nice of you to come over and water our garden. Kind of late, though, isn’t it?”
Harriet Drinkwater was about to turn away and make a break for it when the flash of Rick’s camera blinded her. She stumbled and fell down in the impatiens bed.
Ed sniffed the air and inhaled the acrid stench of bleach. His heart sank as he realized Harriet was determined to eliminate Josh from the garden competition and ruin his hard work at the same time. He watched her wallow about in the flowers, mashing most of them in the process. He wasn’t much in the mood to be a gentleman, but he went and helped her up before she destroyed the entire bed.
“I knew you were a petty, vindictive old bat, but I didn’t know you’d stoop to criminal mischief to get your way,” Ed said quietly. “I wonder what the Porterfield Posies, not to mention the Porterfield police, will say about this.”
Harriet clamped her lips shut, apparently unwilling to incriminate herself any more than she already had.
Rick joined them next to the impatiens. “Nikon,” he said, indicating his camera. “Takes great pictures. I’ll bet they’ll get a kick out of these at One Hour Photo, huh, Harriet?”
“You can’t!” She cried, grabbing uselessly for Rick’s camera. “My reputation will be ruined!”
“What!” Ed exclaimed. “You trespass on our property, pour bleach on our garden, destroy the season’s work of a dedicated fifteen-year-old boy, and you have the nerve to say ‘you can’t’?”
“I’m sure we can come to some sort of arrangement,” she said with her most ingratiating smile, which began to melt when she realized Neal, Rex, and Doug – still clad only in his boxers – had entered the yard.
“Well, perhaps we can, Harriet,” Rick said pleasantly. “After all, Ed and I know quite a bit about ruined reputations, thanks to bigots such as you.”
“Well, I certainly didn’t mean…”
“Can it, Harriet,” Ed said in disgust. “We know what you mean, what you meant, and what you’ll probably do in the future. Here’s the thing; after you’ve bullied and pushed people around in this town for years, do you honestly expect us to pretend this didn’t happen?”
“You don’t understand,” she whispered.
“I think we understand enough,” Ed said, staring down at her.
“Now, Ed,” said Rick, obviously playing good cop to his bad, “it seems to me that Mrs. Drinkwater may be in the mood for some deal making. Am I right?”
Harriet nodded eagerly.
“So if she’s willing to do as we say, perhaps we could see our way toward leaving this film undeveloped. Mind you,” he said, smiling at Harriet, “we won’t throw it away, but we won’t make any prints as long we’re all in agreement.”
Harriet turned dubious eyes on Rick; silent, but willing to listen.
“Now, you’ve probably destroyed any chance Josh has of being in the garden contest, so I would say it’s only fair if you remove yourself from the running, too.”
She nodded grudgingly.
“You will resign your membership from the Porterfield Posies.”
Harriet signed and nodded again.
“And you will refrain from bulldozing your way into any other civic organization for a period of no less than one year.”
“That’s ridiculous,” she huffed. “I certainly…”
“Take it or leave it,” Ed said with a scowl.
“Be grateful, Harriet,” said Rick. “Be very, very grateful I am not asking for a written letter of apology to Josh. In the long run it would only prove to him how low a supposed adult is willing to go to win a silly contest. His opinion of the human race isn’t too high as it is, and I don’t want to do anything to bring it even lower.”
“If I must,” she grumbled.
“You must,” Rick said.
“One more thing,” Ed said, taking advantage of the situation. “You could get in big trouble if we turned you in, so you’re getting off easy. I want you to say ‘pretty please, Ed and Rick’.”
There were muffled snorts of laughter from the trio by the back door as Harriet shot Ed a look of pure outrage. “Pretty please, Harriet,” Ed cajoled. “It will only hurt for a little bit.”
“Pretty please, Ed and Rick,” she muttered through clenched teeth.
“That was nice, Harriet, but a little louder, please, so our witnesses can hear, too.”
“Pretty please, Ed and Rick,” she said slightly louder, her teeth still clenched.
“Could you hear that, fellas?” Ed asked.
“Yeah,” Doug called, shaking with suppressed laughter.
“Very good, Harriet,” Ed said kindly. “Let’s call it a night.”
She turned to leave but Ed stopped her. “One more thing,” he said, prying the bleach bottle from her gloved hands. “We’ll keep this. Evidence,” he explained.
Thoroughly beaten, Harriet Drinkwater slunk out of the yard and down Race Street into the shadows.
Once she was out of sight all five of them burst into joyous laughter. “Finally,” Ed gloated. “Harriet Drinkwater has been put in her place!”
“Just for a year,” Rick reminded him, wiping his eyes. “Then I’m sure she’ll rise from her ashes like some vengeful phoenix.”
“Maybe,” Ed conceded. “But no matter what she does, she won’t ever cross us or our family ever again.”
Rick’s eyes scanned the garden. “Yeah, and we’re stuck with withered plants for the rest of the season. Kind of figures, somehow. Poor Josh.”
“Poor Josh,” Ed agreed. “He’ll be upset, but I bet you within a week he’ll be out ripping this all up and planting a zillion mums that will bloom like crazy in October.”
“If we make it to October,” Rick sighed.
“We’ll make it, darlin’,” Ed chuckled. “Come hell or high bleach, we’ll make it.”
Doug was clutching his sides, recovering from his spasms of laughter. “You guys are incredible! I hate to leave, I really do. It’s going to be so boring once I get back to New Mexico.”
“Yeah?” Rick sat on the back steps and wound the film in his camera. “Count your blessings,” he grumbled.
CHAPTER FOURTEEN
Ed and Rick remained at home the next morning in order to have a farewell breakfast as part of a proper sendoff for Doug. Once he was finally seat-belted into his mother’s car for the journey back to Chicago, he leaned out the window, smiling. “I can’t think how to thank you guys for everything, so I’ll just thank you for a great visit.”
“Don’t worry about it,” Ed said, straight-faced. “Our bill will be waiting for you when you get home.”
Doug smirked, put the car in gear, and flipped him the bird. With a toot of the horn he sped off. Ed and Rick waved until he was out of sight.
Ed heaved
a sigh. “Well, I hope we don’t see him back here again for a long, long time.”
“Me too, baby.” Rick grabbed his hand as they walked through the garden, already showing signs of Harriet Drinkwater’s machinations. “Now onto the next disaster,” he said, wrinkling his nose. The smell of bleach hung in the humid air.
“How am I going to explain this to Josh?” Ed fretted. “I mean, the whole thing is really my fault. If I hadn’t cooked up the harebrained scheme to topple Harriet Drinkwater from her imaginary throne, we’d still have a beautiful backyard.”
Rick shrugged. “Don’t waste time blaming yourself. You didn’t see me trying to stop you, did you? I can’t stand that hag any more than you can. Who had any idea she’d stoop to something so nasty to get her way?”
“I guess I’d better call him,” Ed said slowly, dragging his feet toward the house. “I don’t want him to see this without a warning.”
Much to Ed’s surprise, Josh took the news calmly. “I bet Henrietta Hippo Drinkwater did this,” he said in disgust.
“You sound like you were expecting something like this to happen.”
“I wasn’t, but Tess was. She wanted to lay some sort of trap for her, but I talked her out of it.”
“Why was Tess convinced Harriet would do something so awful?” Ed asked curiously.
“Oh, she said people like Harriet don’t play by the rules, and the best way she could get back at me would be to destroy the garden. Guess I should have listened to her, huh?”
“Really,” Ed said in wonderment. “I think I may have underestimated Tess.”
“She’s great,” Josh said with genuine enthusiasm. “She’s really got it goin’ on compared to those airheads at Porterfield High. I didn’t think I’d find a girl who thinks the way I do until I got to college.”
“How ‘bout that?” Ed held back a chuckle, thinking they all should have known Josh would instinctively be more interested in brain power as opposed to bra size. “Well, I’m glad you’re enjoying your friendship with her. Maybe it will help make up for the damage Harriet did.”