by E. J. Noyes
I was afraid of what I knew would come after when I was at the hospital.
Don’t think about that.
My tomb didn’t seem overly dark, making me think I was maybe only two or three feet under the surface. Hopefully my skis and poles were close and visible to give them a narrowed-down search area. When I moved my right hand, the snow shifted slightly. The skin of my bare left hand was freezing, the pain in my wrist sharp and unrelenting. I waited and watched but no more snow caved down into the space. Time to dig.
Pointless really, but I had to try something. I paddled my right hand slightly and scooped out a handful of snow. It’d packed like soft set concrete and was incredibly hard to shift. Stacey had to be at the bottom. The way she’d carved down the mountain was poetic. The kid was going to get golds, I’d see to it. Snow in my scarf, cold and wet against my neck. I shivered.
Scrape and scoop. Scrape. Scoop.
The problem was physics. I wanted to laugh. It was always physics. It made me win and it made me fall and ruin my body, and now it was keeping me encased in a freezing cocoon. The snow I excavated from in front and above had nowhere to go except down and it was packing in around my chest. Not only did the compression make it hard to breathe, but eventually it would rise back up to where I’d taken it from. Told you it was pointless, Aspen.
Red in the white. The stinging on my chin? It didn’t matter, there was nothing I could do about it. In the scheme of things, it was nothing. I twisted my torso to funnel snow down around my waist so I could breathe again. Then I waited. Be calm, they always say when there’s an emergency. I was so calm I was nearly asleep. No, don’t sleep. I forced my eyes open. The snow wasn’t so much white as a diffuse kind of blue-gray. Cate’s eyes. Cate in the pure white snow. Cate in flowing white. Dun-dun-dun-dun…me in a tux.
A low, far-off droning nudged me back into consciousness. Idiot. Do not sleep. The droning stopped. Muted sound. Talking? The smooth shushing of a probe pushing into snow. Shush-uck. Pause. Shush-uck. Repeat. Something poked my hip. Asshole, ow. Muffled voices. Then scraping and digging. Snow cleared around my head. I craned my neck, looked up and finally I could see sky. And stubble with a smile in the middle of it. “Hey, you okay?”
“Yeah.” My voice cracked up. I swallowed and coughed, grimacing.
The guy let out a loud breath. “Thank Christ. I’m Liam. I’ll have you out ASAP.”
“Aspen,” I muttered around chattering teeth.
He disappeared and I could hear radio chatter, then, “Liam to Base.”
Crackling static. “This is Base.”
“I’ve got one. She’s okay. Digging her out now.”
The disjointed voice came back. “Copy. Do you need a second?”
“Nah, I’m good. But we’re going to need the paramedics when we get back down.”
“Already on their way.”
When he came back, the first thing I asked was, “Teenage girl with orange he-helmet?”
He resumed digging, talking the whole time. “She’s okay. Everyone but you and one other accounted for but I think they’ve just beeped him. I’ve got you. Are you injured?”
“My arm hurts real bad. And I’m c-cold.”
“I know. I’m working on it. Gimme another couple of minutes and I’ll have you outta there.” He dug like a dog at the beach, scooping snow with his short shovel and tossing it aside quickly.
As soon as my arms were free and I had room to move, I grabbed my left wrist to support the joint. There was a strange grate and slip, looseness in the muscles and ligaments. I’d broken enough things to know my wrist was a goner. Ruined joint number sixteen.
My rescuer was panting, his movement slowing. “Almost there, just gotta get the last bit ’round your legs. Still okay?”
I nodded, shifting my legs to get some purchase. As he dug, I watched him work, focusing on breathing slowly in the hope it would help with the pain. It didn’t. After a few more scoops, he knelt down, bear-hugged me and dragged me out of the hole. I clamped my teeth on a scream. The pain in my arm was like a knife boring into my bone. Holding my wrist, I sank down into the snow, legs folded back awkwardly with my ski boots digging me in the butt.
Liam knelt beside me, holding my shoulders. “Look at me. Sure you’re okay?” His eyes searched mine and when I nodded he continued, “Can you walk? Just a few steps then you can lie down.”
“’S’okay. I can walk.” Keeping my left arm jammed against my breasts, I unwound my scarf one-handed and shook the snow out of it. Cate’s scarf. It was wet and cold, and as much as I wanted to put it back on, it would do more harm than good. I passed it to him. “Please don’t lose that.”
“I won’t. Come sit down and start getting warm.”
He supported me while I wobbled to the snowmobile. Leaned against it were my skis. I laughed, then dissolved into another coughing fit. When I’d settled, I managed to push out, “Those pieces of shit keep trying but they haven’t killed me yet.”
Liam glanced at them, grinning awkwardly because he clearly didn’t quite get the joke. “Oh, yeah? Maybe you should lend ’em out as lucky skis. They’re excellent avalanche victim markers.”
“Mmm. What time is it?”
“A little after half past twelve.” It’d only been forty minutes or so since I was swallowed. The radio crackled and a voice reported that the other guy was responsive and being dug out.
“You sure the girl with the orange helmet is okay?” Legs still weak and trembling, I dropped down on the sled hitched to the snowmobile, and closed my eyes on the glare bouncing from the snow. Dammit, I loved those goggles.
“Yeah. I passed her down by the bottom lift station.”
Way to go, Stacey. Gold medal.
Liam dug around in the first aid kit and pulled out a woolen mitten and a bunch of hand warmers, which he activated and passed to me. I slid them down the front of my jacket. He gestured at my left hand. “Show me that bare hand.” I held it up and he leaned closer, nodding. “Think it’s just a little nipped. Here.” Liam slipped the mitten carefully over my hand, apologizing when I gasped. “You’ve got a cut on your chin, not bleeding much but it might need stitches.”
Ah, the stinging from earlier. I couldn’t even feel it now. I nodded dumbly.
Liam snatched up the radio. “Liam to Base.”
“Base here.”
“I have Aspen…” He looked to me.
“Archer,” I supplied helpfully.
“…Archer. Conscious and responsive. Left wrist injury, frostnip left hand and a few cuts and contusions. We’ll be down in about fifteen.”
There was a pause, then, “Roger that. We’re ready.”
Liam hooked the radio back onto the holder then turned to stare at me. “Aspen Archer. No shit. So it is.” He made a sound that was half-laugh, half-disbelief. “Right, let’s get you bundled up and strapped down.”
“Sounds fun.” I glanced back up the mountain. The sky was a malevolent gray, the snow covered in uniform shadow. Looked like I’d come to rest where the run flattened out before dropping away sharply again. It would have only been ten seconds. Felt like an eternity. Could have been much worse. Really could have gone a lot better though.
He helped me wrap myself in a gray blanket then supported me as I lay down. Once I’d settled myself in the sled, it only took a few moments to get me strapped me in. Hello, old friend. The pain in my arm hadn’t subsided, but had intensified like someone was trying to saw my hand off. Hello, other old friend.
Liam doubled-checked everything before hooking my skis in the rack on the side of the snowmobile. “You good?” At my confirmatory mumble, he waved down the hill and made a couple of gestures I didn’t recognize. “Okay, we’re set.” Liam climbed on the snowmobile, revved the engine a few times and we began our trek back down the mountain. When we passed the other snowmobile, they were loading a guy onto a sled. He gave me a thumbs-up. I smiled shakily and after carefully extracting my right hand from under the blanket, l
ifted my thumb in his direction.
Chapter Twenty-Seven
The bumpy ride down was as uncomfortable as I remembered, with wind whipping my face and the engine noise making thought impossible. There was so much pain—my hand, my ribs. So sweaty and shaky.
Liam cut the engine and was magically kneeling beside the sled. He quickly released me and helped me sit up, draping the blanket around my shoulders. A supporting hand on my shoulder kept me upright. I glanced around but couldn’t see Cate or Gemma or Stacey, and a niggle of concern took root in my belly. He’d said Stacey had made it to the bottom safely, and there was no reason for Cate or Gem to have been anywhere near the slip. Chill, Aspen. I inhaled a shaky breath. “Can you take my helmet off please?”
Carefully he unbuckled it and the moment he lifted it from my head, his bushy eyebrows slowly rose above his goggles. “Uhhhh.”
“I know,” I muttered. “Einstein, or Robert Smith?”
“Not quite that bad.” Liam laughed. Staff members, recognizable in their matching jackets, were making their way toward us, but none of my girls were with them. Likely, they were just waiting inside out of the cold. I couldn’t make my legs stand up. So I sat and waited.
Liam touched my shoulder. “You sure you’re good?”
“Yeah,” I mumbled. “Thanks for the rescue.”
He flicked his fingers against his forehead. “Pleasure.”
“Aspen!” Cate’s cry carried on the wind as she ran awkwardly in ski boots across the slush. She crashed to her knees in front of me, both hands out as though she didn’t know what to do. Until a little choked sob escaped my mouth and she engulfed me in a tight, needy hug. As her arms came around me I flinched and inhaled sharply against the stabbing pain in my wrist and had to lean on her, fighting waves of dizziness. She released her hold, aghast. “Oh, God, are you all right?”
“Mhmm.” I scrabbled with the fingertips of my right hand for purchase on her jacket to pull her back to me. “Just don’t let me go.” My throat was so tight I could barely get the words out.
Cate’s arms tightened around me again, though more carefully this time. “I won’t. I won’t,” she murmured thickly, tears hot against my cheek. She was whispering against my ear, fingers stroking the back of my neck. “I love you so much.”
Cate held me, murmuring softly, kissing my jaw, stroking my back. Time was meaningless again, long and short all at once, but as she held me, I felt some of my strength slowly returning. When the tremor in my gut and muscles had eased a little, I managed to ask, “Where’s Stacey?”
“With Gem. She’s all right, the first aid station checked her out.” Cate took my face in her warm and steady hands, tilting my chin up. “Honey, you’ve got a nasty cut on your chin. And you’ve hurt your arm.”
My eyes dropped to my hand, still held against my breast. “Think I broke something. But I’ve been icing it for the past forty minutes or so.”
Cate didn’t laugh at my awful joke, but lifted my arm carefully, her fingers hovering over my hand and wrist. “Can you relax your grip for me?”
I did and felt the wrongness immediately, like I had to hold onto it or everything would just fall out of place and leave me boneless. Cate carefully moved my jacket cuff and the borrowed mitten out of the way, grimacing. “Oh, darling, your wrist is broken. Doesn’t look too displaced though.” Her touch was light, gently probing.
I closed my grip again, sucking in a sharp breath against the pain. Cold air against the sweat on my face made me shiver, contrasting with Cate’s warm palm caressing my cheek. “I heard someone say the paramedics are down in the lower parking lot. They’ll be here any moment. What else hurts?”
“Something hit my back, and it hurts a little to breathe deep but I don’t think I broke any ribs. Can you take my jacket off, don’t want them to cut it.” I’d already lost my favorite goggles, letting them shred my jacket on an ER floor was too much. Cate looked set to argue but I insisted, “Just unfasten the cuff, please and I can slip it off.”
Lips set in a thin line, she did as I asked. A bunch of warmers fell onto the snow as she unzipped the jacket. If not for the pain I would have laughed at the way they all leapt out like rats abandoning ship. I had to let go of my wrist again and the coming apart feeling was even worse than before as she carefully pulled the sleeve over my hand. Leaning on her, I waited until the tide of nausea receded.
Cate’s gentle hands traced over my torso, her eyebrow crease firmly in place. I couldn’t help hissing as her fingers played over my ribs before she lifted my shirt. “You’ve got some bruising but I can’t feel any movement in your ribs. You’ll need scans to be sure.” She draped my jacket over my shoulders, twitching it into place, then covered me with the blanket again.
Cate slid her arm around my waist to support me and I let myself relax against her, taking strength from the comfort of her warm body. “Love you,” I mumbled.
“Love you too.”
Gemma and Stacey hurried over, weaving around the group of people who were rubbernecking at the two avalanche casualties. Gem careened to a halt in front of me, her mouth open and eyes wide with concern. She knelt and grabbed my arm. I grimaced at the spear of pain but didn’t pull away. I couldn’t. “It’s okay, honey. We’re both okay.”
Gem let out a little cry, leaning into me, and I rested my elbow on her shoulder in an awkward impersonation of a hug, murmuring softly that everything was fine and reminding her that I loved her. Hot tears rolled out of my eyes, cooling as they slid down my cheeks. Cate stood, draping her arm around Stacey’s shoulders. I looked up at them. “You sure you’re okay, Stace?” I asked.
She nodded tearfully. “Yep.”
I flashed her a wobbly grin. “Best run ever. I’m so proud of you.”
Sniffing, Stacey palmed her nose. “I was so scared.”
“I know. But you did it anyway and kicked its ass. I’d fist bump you, but…”
Stacey huffed out a laugh and I winked at her. Gem gave me another squeeze, and after I’d kissed her forehead, pushed herself to her feet. Cate took her place, kneeling again with a light arm around me.
An ambulance, lights flashing, raced up the road and came to a stop next to the resort building eighty feet away. No sirens. A tiny childish part of me was disappointed. The other guy was seen to first while I waited for a second ambulance to pull in beside the first.
Gemma and Stacey moved to stand a little way off, leaning close and talking quietly. Cate was gently massaging my shoulders, and saying something that I couldn’t quite decipher. So tired and so damned dizzy I felt like I was on a Tilt-A-Whirl. I closed my eyes, just for a moment.
Something nudged me, and I opened my eyes a fraction, surprised to see a pair of gentle brown eyes looking at me instead of Cate’s blue-gray. “Hi, Aspen. I’m Adam, this is my partner, Brianna. I’m just going to check you out then we’ll get you to the hospital.”
“Mhmm.”
Cate remained by my side, her hand resting lightly on my shoulder as the paramedic asked me some questions, looked me over, made notes, and asked more questions. “Are you allergic to anything, Aspen?”
“Bees. And shellfish make me really itchy.”
Adam nodded seriously, the edges of his mouth twitching. “Good to know. I meant, are you allergic to any drugs or medication?”
“Allergic? No, but…” I paused, collecting my jumbled thoughts. As clearly as I could, I told them I didn’t want any drugs. Adam faltered and glanced at Cate. I peered up at her too. “I don’t want drugs,” I repeated.
Cate’s eyebrows came together. “Honey, it’s your call but it’ll make it easier to splint your wrist to get you to the hospital. It’s going to be very painful.”
It already was very painful. What she was saying made sense, but the thought of having that in my body made me feel almost dirty. “I just…I can’t.” Squinting, I looked up to the paramedic. “I’m a recovering drug addict. Oxycodone.”
His face didn’t change at a
ll, showing no disgust or annoyance. Instead, he simply nodded and asked, “What would you like to do?” When I didn’t answer, he offered, “We have another option if you’d like. An inhaler, non-opioid. It’s actually a type of anesthetic.”
“Will it be…like a high?” The heat of embarrassment warmed my ears.
“Not really, no. Usually makes people act like they’re a bit drunk.”
A bit drunk was a feeling I could handle. I looked from Cate, whose expression was totally neutral, then back to Adam. He raised both hands, palms out. “We’ll do whatever you want to, Aspen. It’s totally up to you.”
“It just really hurts.” Fresh, raw pain. Different to the constant dull ache that I’d had for years. Now, having finally managed to get my pain under control, its reappearance was uncomfortable and unwelcome. I swiped my cheek on my shoulder and finally managed to vocalize the thing that’d been nudging at me since I’d first been trapped in the snow. “So we fix the now, but what about later, Cate? What about when they want to give me a prescription at the hospital?” My voice rose at the end, cracking on a sob.
She lowered her voice, her thumbs tracing my cheekbones. “We won’t take anything home with us from the hospital if you don’t want to. We’ll figure this out, I promise. I’ll take care of you. Trust me?”
She smoothed my hair, running her fingers over my scalp and I relaxed. Looking into her eyes, I knew she’d never let me be hurt. The second realization was swift and almost painful. Trust. I hadn’t trusted her, not completely.
Ever since our reconnection, some small part of me had been waiting for her to renege and push me away again. Then there was her meeting with Lisa, where that same small part of me thought she might leave to go back to the familiar. But she’d done nothing like that. She’d opened herself up, placed all her faith in me and I had to do the same.
It took a minute or so with my eyes closed and Cate’s steady, loving hand rubbing my back to calm me. I opened my eyes again and put all my trust in her. “Okay. I’ll take the inhaler. Thanks.”