Hour 19: 1 a.m.
I should have brought some damn flats. My sparkly heels dangle heavy from my fingertips as we all scurry toward Rice Avenue. The balls of my feet burn like the sidewalk is made of hot coals, while my ankles ache at the stretch of being angled normally again. Every step feels a little bit like penance, but it doesn’t make the guilt lessen at all.
“Can y’all slow down?” Roger complains. He’s lagging half a block behind me, which doesn’t seem right since he’s the athlete and the one wearing shoes. Jayden hangs back with him, while Dodge strides almost a full block ahead, hands shoved in their pockets and head tucked to the ground.
“At least she didn’t head toward the freeway,” Jayla huffs, tugging Dodge’s rolled-up sleeve. Dodge slows down and nods gratefully when Jayla puts a hand on their elbow.
“I think we should call a Lyft,” Roger says for the twentieth time. “This doesn’t make any sense. And didn’t you want to make it to afterprom?”
“Shut up, Roger,” Jayla calls. “This is more important.”
I frown over my shoulder until my eyes meet Jayden’s. He shakes his head and rolls his eyes, then lengthens his stride to leave Roger behind.
“What’s his problem?” I ask when Jayden falls in step with me. I’m more annoyed than I need to be, just because it feels good to be mad at someone besides myself. “Nobody forced him to come with us.”
“Right?” Jayden snorts and suddenly my chest doesn’t feel so tight. “I was just about to give him the brotherly seal of approval too.” He shakes his head.
“I don’t think Jayla particularly wants to date him anyway, she just picked the most photogenic person she could tolerate for the night.”
“Well, still, he’s acting like complete . . .”
“Basura,” we say in unison, sharing an our people were colonized by the same assholes smile.
“I guess you can’t trust someone just because they’re fun at a party.” Jayden sighs.
“Yeah, you should withhold approval until you really know how someone will react to a crisis,” I say. “Like, for example, will they panic and hide under a blanket instead of helping their friend babysit their crying infant sister?”
Jayden laughs at the memory and bumps my shoulder with his. “Janelle is almost eight now; you have to let that go. I did apologize, several times. And she was so loud.” I snort and shake my head. “And by the way, I am an excellent babysitter these days. How do you think I paid for this sweet suit?”
“Clearance aisle?” I guess, earning another shoulder bump. “What? That’s where I got my dress. Are you being classist about savvy shopping?”
“I’m just trying to point out that I’m not an incompetent man-baby in a domestic crisis,” Jayden says. “. . . Anymore.”
“Good to know.”
“Hey so about earlier,” Jayden starts, but then I step on a twig and double over in pain. I hop on one foot for a minute and lean on Jayden to put my horrible shoes back on. Whatever he was going to say gets lost as he instead points to Roger. “I think he’s calling that Lyft.” Roger has stopped walking, and his phone screen illuminates his furrowed brow. “Should we tell Jayla?”
“Nah,” I shrug, “bigger worries.” Jayla is talking softly to Dodge, rubbing small circles into their back. I gulp. “This is all my fault.”
“Don’t,” he says. “You didn’t do anything wrong.”
I did several things wrong, actually, starting this morning when I put serious evil eye vibes on Dodge Jenkins and ending when I endangered their dog and ruined their night. Why isn’t Jayden mad at me? Why is he walking back here with me while Jayla comforts his date? All I wanted was to spend this night with Jayden, and now the bite of guilt is ruining it.
“You okay in those heels?” Jayden asks. “We can switch shoes.”
“I’m fine,” I reply. And to prove this obvious lie, I set off quickly and confidently, leaving Roger behind and closing the gap with Jayla and Dodge. Jayden follows, and politely stays quiet when I trip on a sidewalk seam and have to grab him to keep myself from pitching forward.
Hour 20: 2 a.m.
Walking is so much slower than driving. Texas was not designed with pedestrians in mind. I’m tired and thirsty and it’s been ages since we last spotted Suka.
Dodge stops at the end of the block. “We could be getting farther away,” they groan. “There’s no guarantee she headed straight.” They snort a choked-up laugh. “You wouldn’t really expect her to, considering her owner.”
Jayla bites a perfectly painted nail. “Do you want to split up?” She holds her phone in her hand, which buzzes with text messages every twenty seconds or so. “We can keep going straight, and Jayden and Noemi can look down side streets.”
My heart does a somersault, but Dodge is already saying, “No, no. It’s hopeless.” They pat their pockets absently. “I should have brought treats with me—I always bring treats. And she should never have pulled away like that.”
“There was a cat or something,” I say. Guilt forms a lump in my throat.
“Oh my god,” Jayla grumbles as her phone buzzes again. I see a screen full of texts from Roger asking her to come to the house party, sending Brandon’s address and strings of emojis that I interpret to mean “B-Dog’s (dog emoji) house party (house and confetti popper) is number one! (gold medals and more party poppers).”
Dodge buries their face in their hands.
“It’s going to be okay,” Jayden says. “If we don’t find her tonight, we can try again in the morning. Put up signs, post on that neighborhood app for old racist busybodies. Somebody will find her.”
“She’s not wearing a tag,” Dodge whispers. “I thought the bowtie was cute and I didn’t want to mess up the aesthetic and—I’m the worst. I’m the worst and she’s lost and I’m sorry I ruined y’all’s night. I knew this was too much for her. But you invited the emotional support animal kid, so I assumed you wanted the emotional support animal.”
“Shh,” Jayla tries to stop Dodge’s spiraling. “Hang on a second. Breathe.”
Jayden steps forward. “I didn’t invite ‘the emotional support animal kid.’ I invited you because you’re cool.”
I recognize an anxiety attack when I see one, but I’m too busy drowning in my own thoughts to throw out lifelines to anyone else. It’s strange. I always thought of Dodge Jenkins as cool and alternative, and it’s surprising to see them self-conscious, beating themselves up for making decisions based on what other people will think. Acting like me.
“It’s okay,” Jayla croons.
“It was an accident,” Jayden says.
They both look at me, waiting for me to say something, and all that comes out is, “I let go of the leash.”
Dodge Jenkins goes through a whole face journey starting at surprise, taking a long pitstop in blazing anger, and ending somewhere alongside resignation. It’s kind of like a time-lapse recording of my day.
“I’m so sorry,” I whisper.
Dodge nods at the ground. I don’t know how I can hope for forgiveness when I’ve been hanging onto my grudge for a lot longer with less provocation.
Jayla cuts the silence. “Let’s go home. I’ll call a ride.”
“I’ll do it,” Jayden says. “Babysitting money.”
Before they can work it out, Jayla’s phone rings. She taps the screen with a frustrated sigh.
“Hello?” Roger asks over speakerphone. “Is that you? Are you coming?”
Jayla sighs. “Actually, I think we’re going to get a ride . . .”
“Yes!” Roger shouts. “Okay good, how far away are you? I think you can find it, but I’ll wait outside so you won’t miss it—” Jayla taps the screen again. “Oops,” she deadpans. “My finger slipped.”
Jayden looks at his phone. “Huh. We’re actually walking distance from Brandon’s house.”
“We should go,” Dodge says. We all protest, but they shake their head. “If we’re not finding Suka until tomorrow anyway . . .” Jayla puts a hand on their shoulder. They smile crookedly. “Thank you for trying. Really. You missed afterprom for me . . . Uh, all of you. Y’all didn’t have to do that.”
“Obviously we did,” Jayla says, and I tilt my head at her because I know why I had to help Dodge and I know why Jayden had to, but Jayla has basically no reason to drop her plans like this.
Dodge shrugs. “We should go to the party.”
We start walking, quiet and tired. I fall behind in my heels, and to my surprise Dodge hangs back with me. I wait for them to say something, but they don’t, and pretty soon I’m too uncomfortable to maintain the silence.
“You can scream at me if you want. I deserve it.”
“Oh, ha, no.” Dodge fiddles with the cuff of their sleeve. “I was going to see if . . . uh, you seemed kind of upset earlier. At me? I know I kind of showed up out of nowhere, but—”
“God, no,” I stop them. “You’re good. You’re awesome, actually. I’m . . .” I suck in a breath. “I’m kind of jealous of you.” Dodge’s eyebrows jump, and I quickly change my mind about being brave and honest. “I mean, jealous of how you’re just out here doing the ‘be yourself’ thing like it’s no big deal. I’ve been ruining my own life with overthinking since I left the womb.”
Dodge snorts. “Noemi, I am the royal sovereign of overthinking. That’s why I don’t talk to anyone! That’s why it takes me three years to so much as interact tangentially with my crush!”
I blink. “But . . . you have blue hair.” Which is a ridiculous response, but how does an overthinker work up the nerve to dye their hair blue?
“I also bring a badly trained therapy dog to school. Does that say ‘stable’ to you?”
“I mean . . . I guess it just says Dodge?”
It’s their turn to blink at me. “Well. Um. Thanks for that.”
I take another deep breath. “Listen,” I say as fast as I can, “it’s not my business but if you have a crush on Jayden I’m happy for you and—”
“I don’t have a crush on Jayden,” Dodge says with a slight smile. “You can drop the jealousy hackles.”
“Wait, what?” My heart pounds in my ears. I’m probably going through a whole face journey.
“Dodge!” Jayla’s voice, half a block ahead, squeaks, and then there’s a loud yap, and then Dodge has forgotten about me because they’re booking it toward the front yard of what must be Brandon’s house, where Roger stands, one arm waving above his head and the other holding a very familiar leash.
I do my best to catch up while Dodge sinks to the ground and Suka licks their face and hands.
“What took y’all so long?” Roger asks. “I’ve been texting you that I found her! I told you it made more sense to search in a car!”
Jayden groans something about ambiguous emojis, and Jayla laughs hysterically and throws her arms around Dodge, who might be crying as they stand up, but they play it off as dog slobber. I stand on the sidewalk, relief hitting so hard I’m afraid I might collapse if I try to take a single step.
I didn’t ruin everything. I messed up, but my mistakes aren’t permanent. And, Dodge Jenkins and I might actually get along?
Roger gestures toward the house, and Dodge slings an arm around him and another around Jayla and they all head inside, Suka tangling them up in her leash.
Jayden walks over to me on the sidewalk. “You good?”
“I’m . . .” About to faint. So goddamn happy that dog is okay. In love with you. “. . . Sorry. It’s been a weird night.”
“Tell me about it,” he says.
I smile. “At least Jayla got her pictures before things got all sweaty and teary.”
“I hate to admit she was right, but . . .” He shrugs. “Well, it worked out in the end. Everything can go back to normal now.”
I turn to meet his eyes, which is always dangerous territory. “Is that what you want?” God, where did that come from? It sounded way too dramatic. “I mean, uh, is the goal for everything to stay the way it is?”
“Yeah, why wouldn’t it be?” His head tilts and his eyes bore into mine and he’s so goddamn cute, but his response crushes me. He wants things to stay the same. He doesn’t have heart-eyes feelings for me.
“We should go in,” I mutter. I spin and run up the walkway toward the music and the light and hope no one notices my suddenly sniffling nose and red eyes.
There’s a huge pile of shoes just inside the door, mostly heels. I happily kick mine off and then wander farther inside before Jayden can catch up with me. Brandon’s house is big, a mix of dark polished wood and beige fabric. The kind of house that screams, “We love to entertain and we never leave our dirty dishes in the sink for a week and a half.” The vibe inside isn’t that different from prom, just a larger percentage of folks I recognize in a smaller area. There’s music but no dancing. There are people in the pool outside and people dozing on couches in their prom clothes or in towels and T-shirts. There’s a TV set up for Mario Kart, and a ping-pong table that’s being used for actual ping-pong (I guess Brandon’s parents really are supervising).
I want to find my people. Jayla. And I guess Dodge now, too. I check the living room and kitchen with no luck, but I catch sight of turquoise hair winking from the end of an empty hallway. When I get closer I also see the midnight of Jayla’s dress. Then I notice that their faces are really close together. Then a second later the gap closes as they kiss, and like a second after that they’re making out, which, okay, that escalated quickly.
Well, Dodge said they didn’t have a crush on Jayden.
Suka barks and jumps to join in the fun, breaking the kiss into a mess of giggles and red faces, and then of course they both see me.
“Glahhhh sorry,” I mumble, “I was just . . .”
“Called it!” Roger’s voice behind me is loud and triumphant. “Called it like six hours ago! I am so good.” He pushes past me and high-fives both startled parties. Then he points over my shoulder. “You owe me Takis on Monday.”
I glance behind me. Jayden stands looking slightly bewildered, eyes darting from me to the clump of people and dog.
Jayla cocks a hand on her hip. “You bet against me?” she asks indignantly.
“He also got me in position to make my move, so give him some credit,” Dodge says softly. Jayla smiles a bright goofy smile. If Dodge makes her lose her ability to scold, I firmly approve this pairing.
We all pour back out into the main body of the party, congregating around a table of chips and dips. Jayla gets close enough to whisper “perfect prom” in my ear, her hand tangled with Dodge’s.
“I’m happy for you, but don’t pretend this was your vision all along,” I tease.
Jayla shrugs. “I’m not saying I was wrong, but I might be saying that Austin Kim was right.”
Dodge rolls their eyes and whispers something I miss, but it makes Jayla laugh. My heart twists with love and just a tinge of wistful jealousy.
“Noemi!” Helene from chem appears holding a bottle of water, their eyes a little less glassy now. “You made it! Isn’t this so fun?”
“Yeah it’s been quite a night,” I say. “I love your dress by the way. I don’t know if I said that.”
“Thanks.” They bite their lip and smile. “I wanted to try something dramatic. And speaking of which, I’m in love with your haircut.”
“Yeah?” I touch my head, eyes finding my reflection in the dark window across the room. The curls have long escaped their prison of holding cream, but they’re sticking together better than they do when I panic and run a brush through them. Now that it’s not such a shock to see my earlobes, the cut actually looks . . . kind of good. It looks like me.
Maybe I should trust myself a little more.
> “I’ll be right back,” I say. Helene has already turned back to the chips anyway. I adjust my dress, shake out my curls, and then muster every drop of confidence I have. I need to find Jayden.
Hour 21: 3 a.m.
He’s sitting on the edge of the pool next to his shoes and socks, pants rolled up and feet distorted in the green-tinged water.
“Hey.” I hike up my skirt and sink down next to him. It’s quiet out here, and the water feels amazing on my poor feet. But my blood pounds like ocean waves.
“Hey.” He dips a finger into the pool to make a current that sends a tiny leaf floating toward me. “Hectic night. I feel like I keep missing things.”
Oh. Of course. I’m so focused on making my confession, I totally forgot his sister just made out with his prom date. “I’m sorry. Are you really upset?”
“About Dodge? No! That’s the whole reason I invited them.”
“Oh.” I try not to feel too pleased by this information. “Then what . . . ?”
“I don’t know. Never mind.” He kicks his feet and rubs the back of his neck.
“I came out here to tell you . . .” I start.
Jayden’s voice overlaps mine. “Earlier at the dance, you came up and it seemed like you wanted to . . .”
I need him to stop talking. I can’t focus when he’s talking. I want to listen when he’s talking, because he always has something interesting or funny or nice to tell me, and I can’t handle that right now because I need to stay focused on what I came here to say.
“No, don’t worry about that,” I interrupt him. “Whatever that was it wasn’t . . . it was nothing. You were saying before how you want things to go back to normal. But we’re all going to college, so . . .” Jayden is staring at me. Of course he’s staring at me; I’m making zero sense. “It could easily be, you know, another four years of the same thing, but that’s not what I want.”
“Oh.” Jayden looks into the pool. I can’t read his closed-off expression as anything other than discomfort. I’m making him uncomfortable. “Yeah, sorry, I didn’t mean it like that,” he says after a long pause. “You can obviously reinvent yourself in college if you want to. I won’t cramp your style. I just meant that things could go back to normal for tonight. For the rest of the year or whatever.”
Up All Night Page 18