Set Me Free

by Diana Nixon

  Back in my room, I made my bed, took a towel, and headed to the bathroom, hoping I would be able to take a shower and get ready for work before Dillon would come knocking at my door. With James around, I was behind on all of my normal obligations. I never spent a whole day working on one article, I could write a whole new issue in one day, but recently luck was not on my side. What a bitch. . .I put the towel next to the sink and stared at my reflection in the mirror. My eyes were glowing with fire; wild and dangerous. I turned the water on and splashed some on my face, but the fire didn’t go anywhere. It was still there, filling every inch of me. James was right – I didn’t have a slightest control over my body, damn it. And it was entirely his fault! As if hearing my thoughts, Mr. Collins appeared in my room.

  “What the hell do you want?” I asked from the bathroom.

  He looked at me from across the room. Then moved forward, entered the bathroom, and locked the door behind him, leaning against it. “You know the answer, Stella.”

  “If you are here for more inspiration, I’m going to disappoint you.”

  “I don’t think you will ever disappoint me.” He came to stand behind me, our gazes met in the mirror. His palm slid down my back and then around my thigh, slipping under the fabric of my panties. “Your smell, it wouldn’t let me go,” James whispered into my ear. “I can feel it everywhere.” He placed a soft kiss on my shoulder, and then pulled the strap of my nightgown down with one hand; with the other one he touched my clit, rubbing it in circles.

  I let out a low moan. “We can’t do this here.”

  “Yes, we can. And we will.”

  Chapter 11

  James

  My head was still spinning, as if I were on a fucking carousel that I couldn’t stop. I wasn’t sure if it was because of my hangover or the woman I was holding in my embrace now. She could make any man lose his mind, and I was not an exception. My common sense just turned off whenever she was around. It was like she had a switchboard to every part of my body and mind, switching pieces on and off, one by one, whenever she wished to do so. And the only part of me that was on now was not my brain.

  I looked at Stella through the mirror. Our eyes flashed pure lust, mixed with anger that neither she nor I knew how to explain or overcome. My guess was that we wanted each other too much to admit it.

  “You can’t just come and take me whenever you want,” she hissed, throwing invisible knives at me with her eyes. If they were real, I would, no doubt, be lying in a pool of my own blood right now.

  “Oh, yes, I can. And you know why?”

  “Enlighten me,” she snapped.

  My fingers slid across her clit and in between her smooth lips, right to where I could feel the wetness caused by my touch.

  “Because what I want is exactly what you expect me to give you.” I pushed two fingers inside, making her groan. Her hips pressed harder into me.

  “You are one self-assured bastard, Mr. Collins.”

  My fingers moved in and out, making more pleasurable sounds escape from her luscious lips.

  “Maybe I am. But you awake the worst in me, Stella.” I had never been sweet with women, and they liked it. But with her, my primal instincts got the best of me, I couldn’t control myself. And the worst thing was that I enjoyed it.

  “Who would have thought there was something good in you as well . . .”

  Our gazes never broke. Her every word went right through me, making my desire and need for her grow with incredible force and speed. The pain in my boxers was unbearable. My mind raced back to the first time she and I lost control. From that day on, Dillon’s kitchen had become my favorite place. Whenever I was there, I couldn’t help but smile, feeling the rush of excitement overwhelming me at the mere thought of our cooking-fucking session ever happening again.

  Her lips twisted into the most amazing devilish smile I had ever seen. “You are so insatiable, Mr. Collins. What will you do without me when you leave?”

  I froze at the question, unable to make its echo ringing in my head hush, and then let it hit the deepest depths of my soul, if I actually had one that is. It was a wrong thing to do. Now I hated myself more than ever. And she knew it . . . Damn it, she knew it all.

  “No way . . .” Slowly she said, piercing my eyes. I felt like a criminal caught at the scene of the crime. “You are hesitating . . . You don’t know what to do, don’t you?”

  “I always know what to do,” I said as firmly as I could. “And right now I want to make you come.”

  Ugh, for fuck’s sake, I was losing it. With every passing second, I felt like the walls of the room were swallowing me, reducing my world to here and now, with her.

  She glared at me. “You think you are really good at that, don’t you?”

  “You still doubt my talents?” I bit her shoulder lightly, then moved my lips up her neck line while my fingers continued their play within her.

  “Maybe just a little . . .” She let out a breath, arching her back. She was teasing me, provoking me. I could feel it with every small move her body made next to mine. And I was more than ready to show her just how much I wanted to punish her for everything she was doing to me.

  Quickly, I pushed my pants and boxers down my hips, letting them slip to the marble floor. I don’t know why, but my every dark wish felt so fucking right with her. Or maybe I just didn’t want to believe that whatever we were doing was so wrong.

  She looked too damn gorgeous, wearing those lacy panties and a matching shirt, showing her hardened nipples through the fabric. She bent down, just a little, and put her palms flat against the vanity table. Her silent invitation was more than enough to motivate me.

  I put my hands on her ass, squeezing it. Then I slid my cock deep inside of her, pausing for a moment to enjoy her tightness welcoming me within. Her strangled sounds made me smile, encouraging me even more.

  “You were right, Stella – when you are bad, you are better.”

  “I don’t want to be good with you, Mr. Writer.”

  “Ever?” I pushed into her more forcefully, drinking in every small emotion crossing her beautiful face.

  “Well, that depends . . .”

  I smirked. “On what?”

  “On your behavior.”

  I bent over and placed a kiss on her back, then another one. She had no idea how much I loved the silk of her skin beneath my lips. I could kiss her non-stop, everywhere, and I doubt I would ever tire of this. A twisted part of me couldn’t get enough of those small sounds she was emitting. She looked so freaking helpless and lost in the moment, and I couldn’t help but enjoy the thought that I was the cause of her weakness.

  With my cock deep inside her, I started moving faster, watching her gasp for air whenever my hips slammed against hers. With my lips on her ear, I whispered about how much I loved fucking her. I wanted to do it harder, rougher, if that was even possible. I had to confess that I loved the idea of her being sore because of me.

  “I want you to remember this moment with every step you take after I’m done with you,” I said with a low growl. “With every move you make I want you to remember me, inside you, thrusting deeper.”

  She would probably try to resist me, but I wouldn’t give her a chance to stop me or break free from my arms.

  “God, James . . . I’m so close . . .”

  One of the bottles on the vanity fell to the floor, spilling liquid soap all over the marble floor. I felt like I had never fucked so hard in my entire life, but I couldn’t stop; I didn’t want to stop.

  “I know, Stella, I know . . .” I kept pushing in and pulling out, watching her eyes close and her lips patter. She leaned back against my chest, resting her head on my shoulder.

  Slowing down, I took a minute to enjoy the view reflecting in the mirror. I was sure I would never be able to forget it. It was just too stunning to erase it from my memory. It was like my small, fucked-up world suddenly became boundless and full of light, it hurt my eyes to look at it. And that light had a name.
>
  “Stella . . .” I breathed into the curve of her neck. “What are you doing to me, Stella?”

  She didn’t respond, but I didn’t need to hear the answer – its silent response was blaring loudly in my head, that even without Stella saying a word, I knew exactly what was going on with me . . .

  I wanted to claim her as mine. I needed her like the air that I couldn’t breathe without. I wanted her to think about me, to feel me when she was going to bed and waking up in the morning. I selfishly wanted to punish her for awakening the feelings that I thought were long dead in my stone-cold heart. My palm slipped under her shirt and cupped one of her perfectly-shaped breasts, with its small nipple rubbing against my skin.

  I pressed her harder against me, allowing my thrusts to deepen. She fit so perfectly around me, I couldn’t get enough of that feeling. Like a greedy bastard, I kept taking as much as I could take from her, giving nothing in return. Because at that very moment, I felt like I was one step away from giving myself to her, fully and unconditionally.

  The rush of fire inside me was too overwhelming, I couldn’t suppress it any longer. I was getting closer, but I still refused to finish the game we were playing.

  “Turn around,” I said in a harsh voice.

  She did what I said, and I lifted her up, wrapping her legs around me, and glided deeper inside her wetness.

  “Look at me, Stella. I want to see your eyes when you come for me, all over me.”

  She gasped at my hard plunge, and I felt her tighten around me, her body stiffened.

  “Let it go,” I whispered, kissing her lips softly.

  She let out a desperate moan, and I came hard inside her, my orgasm joined hers, splashing all over me, and making my body quiver.

  “You were beyond amazing,” I breathed against her lips, capturing them in a kiss.

  “You were not bad yourself,” she said with a satisfied smile playing on her lips. “May I take a shower now?”

  I was still too shattered by everything that had just happened between us, letting her go just didn’t feel right.

  “Mind if I join you?”

  She brought my lips to hers, kissing them just once. “I don’t.”

  I put her down and pulled her shirt up, pushing it over her head. She stood there, so breathtakingly beautiful, with her hair a mess, swollen lips and flushed cheeks.

  Freshly fucked, I thought to myself. Yeah, this is how I wanted to see her, every morning, every night, for as long as I could let myself stay with her . . .

  We stepped into the shower, and I turned the water on, letting the hot drops fall all over us. Then I pulled Stella into my embrace again, and kissed her, needing more of her, wanting more of her.

  The familiar feeling started forming in my heart . . . But I ignored it, again.

  “I’m gonna be so late for work,” she said, giggling. “Dillon’s gonna kill me.”

  “Tell him you were with me.”

  “As if that could fix his frustration.”

  “Then tell him you need a few days off. I need more time with you, Stella.” I cupped her face in my palms, looking into her eyes. I was already missing her. And though I knew that I was not good enough for her, I wanted to be good, at least for a little while.

  “He will not be happy to hear that.”

  “And you? Would you like to spend a few days with me? Just you and me . . .”

  “Yes, I think I would.”

  I felt like I was still in the oblivion of all those amazing things that she made me feel. I couldn’t imagine taking even a small step back and losing the contact that all of a sudden became everything to me, all I ever needed and wanted to feel alive again. Wordlessly, she took a bottle of shower gel from the shelf, poured some onto her palm and ran it down my chest, making all my senses come to life once more.

  “I don’t think I’ll be able to let you out of here any time soon,” I said, feeling her palm moving down and then wrapping around my cock that was obviously ready for round two.

  “Dillon won’t fire me. So . . . I think we can spend a little more time in here.” She looked up at me, her eyes full of need, and I immediately gave in to her invitation.

  “I knew you never stopped thinking about me fucking you in the shower,” I said, pinning her to the wall behind her with my torso.

  She grinned, biting her lower lip. “I bet that makes two of us.”

  “Oh, I couldn’t agree more.” I captured her lips with mine, sliding my tongue inside. She just didn’t know how much more I wanted from her, and how little time I had to make my dreams come true. . .

  Taking a shower took a lot longer than we expected. And by the time I came to the kitchen and opened my laptop hoping to do some writing, the clock on the wall showed midday. I sat at the table and ran both hands through my hair, trying to remember exactly when it was that I made this mistake that brought me to this moment of messed-up thoughts and emotions.

  Stella had some inexplicable hold on me. First I thought I was simply imagining things. I never let a woman get too close to me, not to mention getting so fucking deep under my skin, gripping my heart and then ripping it out of my chest. My life after Melody was anything but romantic. I didn’t know how to do romance anymore. I wasn’t even sure if I ever knew how to do it in the first place. Because of the obvious reasons, I started to believe that I was not born to love and be loved. So I just stopped at fucking around; it was much easier to do. But with Stella, everything was different, and so freaking complicated.

  We could start a fight and then shut it down, in about ten seconds. Because when our eyes and lips locked, there was no way to escape the inevitable. Damn it . . .

  I never believed my soul could heal. I wasn’t even sure if I had a soul anymore. But now, regardless of how screwed-up the relationship Stella and I shared looked, it felt great, beyond description. I felt like I was free again; free from the endless nightmare that my life had been for the last ten years. Was it real? Was it possible? I didn’t know the answers to those questions. And it didn’t matter. The only thing that mattered now was the next couple of days that I was going to spend with the most amazing woman in the world.

  I smiled, shaking my head at the hopelessness of our situation. We both knew it wouldn’t last forever, but we both refused to give up on it.

  I remembered Rick mentioning the e-mails that I needed to read, so I thought I would work, at least a little, before Stella’s return.

  About an hour later, my phone rang; I looked at the screen and cursed aloud. That was my mom and I bet I knew why she was calling me today. She never called me in the middle of the week, knowing that I was probably busy working. She didn’t want to bother me, which I appreciated, considering that every time we talked it ended with her asking questions that I didn’t know how to answer, which only made me angry and upset her.

  I took a deep breath and answered the call, “Hi, mom. How are things going?”

  “Where are you, James?” She asked, ignoring my question. “I’ve been trying to get through to you for days!”

  “I’m sorry, mom. I’m on a book tour and the place I am at right now probably has a bad service.”

  She sighed into the handset. “You missed the mass, again . . . I was upset to not see you there.”

  “And I was very happy to not be there.”

  “Uh, for God’s sake, James! How long is your hatred for Ash going to last?”

  “I don’t hate him, mom. It’s just that being in the same room with him makes me want to kill myself. Does that make any sense to you?”

  “Not really. You are not kids anymore. Can’t you two just sit down and talk, like the grown men you are?”

  “I don’t think it’s possible; Ash will always blame me for Melody’s death, and I’m sick and tired of being a fall guy.”

  “Oh, James . . . I wish I could do something, anything to make those memories of Melody go away. I want you to be happy, son!”

  “I am happy, mom. Really.” I didn�
��t realize how true the words were until I said them aloud. I was happy. More than I thought I would ever be.

  “You’re happy . . . Wait, are you seeing someone?”

  Oh no, not those questions again! I groaned mentally.

  “Yes,” I said, frustrated. “Happy now?”

  “Who is she? Where’s she from? What does she do for living?”

  “Seriously, mom? Do I need to write a report about the girl I’m seeing just to make you believe she’s real?”

  “Well, it’s the first time in years that you’ve told me that you have a girlfriend, so naturally I want to know everything about her!”

  “She’s from New York, and she’s a journalist.”

  “Oh, really? So when am I going to meet her? Is she pretty?”

  The last question made me smile. “Yes, she is, very. But I don’t think you will meet her any time soon. She’s working in a different place now.”

  “So you are with her now, aren’t you?”

  There was so much hope in mom’s question, I couldn’t let myself disappoint her again. “Yes,” I said. “I’m with her now.”

  There was a pause on the other end of the line.

  “Mom, are you there?”

  She sniffled on the other end. “Yes, I’m sorry son, I’m just so happy for you . . .”

  She was either sick or crying. I think I knew she was crying. That is odd . . .

  “I need to get back to work,” I said. “She’ll be back any moment, and I need to read a few e-mails.”

  I don’t know why I lied. I guess I was simply tired of hearing my mother’s complaints about dying with no grandchildren, and having a son who would surely end up in the nut house. She somehow believed that all single men ended there. If only she knew how much some of them enjoyed their freedom. Thank God, Stella wasn’t with me now. She would probably hate me for using her as a cover. She was one of those women who men needed to love, and not use just to satisfy their stupid needs.

  “Of course, I’m not going to take any more of your time, son. I will call you later this week, okay?”