When Renee remained silent, Nurse Binge said, “Where is this coming from? What’s going on in that head of yours?”
“Thinking about my life, backtracking to where it all went wrong in order to determine how to right my wrongs.”
“Yes, that seems to happen when you find yourself in the hospital. Depending on your situation, a whole lot of things run through the brain. Are you getting anywhere with all that thinking that you’re doing? Or are you allowing yourself to do nothing but think?”
“I know what will make me happy. It’s just those around me won’t like it.” Renee tapped her finger on the armrest of her wheelchair. “I’m a bad person, Nurse Binge, a really bad person.” Renee didn’t know where the words were coming from, but she didn’t stop them.
“I’ve met my share of bad people, and I’ve met my share of bad people who turned over a new leaf. So my question to you, Ms. Renee, is, What are you going to do?” Nurse Binge slowly stood up, low moans seeping out of her mouth. “Child, don’t get old.” She shuffled over to her cart. “I’ve bullshitted enough. Time to get back to business.” Nurse Binge left Renee alone with her thoughts and the food she wouldn’t eat.
Chapter 41
Renee tried to avoid hospitals at all costs. Not only was life nurtured inside the four walls of a hospital, but it was also taken away. It was a blessing and a curse, a yin and a yang, and nothing but a mere reminder of what she failed to understand most, life. She hadn’t wanted to enjoy her stay there, or admit that it had actually given her a sense of peace and awareness, but she had, and the more she’d sat in front of that window and dissected her life in her thoughts, the more confidence she’d developed in order to follow through with her decision.
“Ms. Renee, I’m going to miss you.” Arms open, Nurse Binge bent down to hug Renee, who sat in her wheelchair, a smile on her face.
Renee gave in to the warmth Nurse Binge supplied and accepted the affection. “I bet you tell that to all your patients.” She let her go and chuckled.
“Only to the ones who gained a place in my heart. Are you ready?”
“Yes. I didn’t come in with much, so I’m all packed.”
“I mean, are you ready to go back to your life? For some people, being here can be kind of a vacation, and I think you’re one of those people.” Nurse Binge clasped her hands together in front of her, displaying her perfectly manicured fingernails. The red nail polish complemented her honey-toned complexion.
Renee admired the old woman’s meticulousness and looked down at her own hands. The nails that weren’t bit down to the quick were jagged and rough. Her cuticles were raggedy. And when she looked closer, what others would have mistaken for dirt, she was sure was blood jammed underneath her nails. She couldn’t recall the last time she had got her nails done, let alone had a physical.
“Yes.”
Nurse Binge rested her hand on her shoulder. “Good luck.” She had turned to walk away when Renee spoke again.
“Nurse Binge, don’t you want to know what landed me in here?”
Nurse Binge’s respect for privacy and her control over her curiosity were applaudable. Had Renee told anyone else just a pinch of what she’d told Nurse Binge, a thunderstorm of questions would have followed, but not with Nurse Binge. She had listened to whatever Rene had to say, whenever she had to say it, and she hadn’t meddled or requested more details.
“No. All I want to know is whether you’ll stay away from what got you in here. By the way you sat by that window your entire stay, you know what you’re into is no good. You don’t need me to remind you of that.”
“How did you become so wise, Nurse B?”
“I made a lot of mistakes,” she answered honestly.
Julian stood in the doorway. His face brightened when Nurse Binge stepped aside and no longer blocked his view of Renee.
“Ooh-wee.” Nurse Binge slapped her hand against her good hip.
Renee held back her laughter and covered her face with her hands, sure of what was to come.
“Renee,” she called out.
“Yes, Nurse Binge?”
“Why didn’t I see this hunk of a man before or, better yet, have a picture?”
Renee tittered as quietly as possible, still covering her face with her hands. “You were never around when he visited, Nurse Binge, and as for the picture, I didn’t think to show it to you.”
“You didn’t think to show it, my ass.” Nurse Binge circled Julian while looking him up and down.
Unsure of what was going on or what to do, he watched her waltz around him and even tried covering his muscular arms, which his tank top revealed.
“Renee, he your man?”
Peeking between her fingers, Renee answered, “Yes.”
“Um,” Nurse Binge let out. “Little boy, you’re lucky you’re taken, or I’d teach you a thing a two.”
Julian made the mistake of taking his eyes off Nurse Binge to look over at Renee. As the nurse headed toward the door, she slapped his butt, then made her exit. Mouth open, Julian turned back around, then looked again at Renee. Renee dropped her hands and erupted in laughter, tears clouding her eyes, then trickling down her cheeks.
“I feel so violated,” Julian admitted, constantly looking behind him to ensure she was gone.
* * *
Renee couldn’t walk into her penthouse right away when the front door opened. She just stood there and gazed at the interior from the doorway, preparing for the next step she needed to take to venture back into the life she had finally come to terms, the life she needed to change. Her home now gave off a different aura. It contained the exact same furnishings and wall art, and it provided the same privacy she had enjoyed since moving in, yet it was a completely different place.
Julian watched her look at her home in a new way. “You okay?”
Renee didn’t respond right away, but when she finally processed what he had asked, she swiftly answered, “Yeah, I’m good.”
Walking over the threshold using crutches, Renee said, “I don’t know why I thought things would look different.”
“Let’s go upstairs. I prepared one of the guest rooms for you.”
That was one of the reasons Renee’s heart beat for Julian: he was considerate and knew her inside and out.
They took the penthouse’s elevator up to the second level. When she got off the elevator, Renee walked behind Julian. She needed extra time to adjust to her surroundings and look over what she was walking past. Julian came to a stop and told her to close her eyes.
“Close my eyes? Julian, can we please not prolong this?” Renee’s stomach had turned a bit from all the excitement of being home, and she wanted to rest.
He reached into his back pocket and pulled out a sleep mask. “Put this on.”
“No, I’m not putting on a mask. Let’s just get this—”
Julian slapped the mask over her head, and once it covered her eyes, he snapped it into place.
“Really? Did you mess up my hair?”
Strands of her hair stuck up. “Nah. You good.”
He led her into the guest room he had slept in many nights, when they’d argued. Renee remained silent and concentrated on whatever it was she could hear in order to ascertain what she had walked into. But the room was silent. No voices whispering or television blaring. Julian’s hands caressed her shoulders before he eased the mask off her eyes. Slowly, the darkness beneath the mask was consumed by light.
Gold balloons and streamers decorated the ceiling and the walls. Huge black balloons read WELCOME HOME in gold lettering, the balloon strings so long, they touched the bed. Teddy bears, big and small, were scattered around the room. They sat on the king-size bed, the piano bench, the windowsill, and the empty dresser. Black, gold, and white envelopes lay below the bed pillows, each and every one with her name on it. Lyfe was standing on a step stool and taping the last balloon to one of the corners of the closet doors.
“What is this?” Renee asked.
�
�Us welcoming you back,” Julian replied.
There were many things Renee hadn’t experienced before, and a miniature surprise party was one of them. There wasn’t a day in her life when she’d been given a balloon, not even when it was her birthday.
Lyfe hugged her. He didn’t ask for permission or give her a heads-up. He just did it, and his action reminded her of her father. “I’m sorry, Renee. I’ve failed you so many times. No more.”
Affection wasn’t something Renee grew up with, but with all the love she had received lately, she could see herself opening up more to it.
“I have to run downstairs for something—” Julian began. But before he could dismiss himself and leave Renee and Lyfe to talk, she pulled him in for a kiss.
“Thank you,” Renee whispered in his ear as she arranged the crutches in a more comfortable position.
Once Julian had left the room, Lyfe turned to Renee. “Do you like it? One of the girls I’m seeing thought it would be a nice gesture. I think we overdid it with the balloons.”
“You did good.” Renee made her way over to the envelopes on the bed. “What are these?”
“My friend said words of encouragement”—Lyfe used his fingers to make air quotes—“are helpful during hard times.”
Renee snorted, “What, is she a hippie or something?”
“Close. She teaches yoga.”
“Makes sense.”
Renee sat down on the bed, glad to get off the crutches, as her underarms were a little sore. She sank into the bed as if it were made of butter. She had forgotten how comfortable she had made this room. It was the opposite of her bedroom. This room was welcoming: it was decorated with soothing colors, the bedsheets and the bedspread were bright, and the walls were adorned with modern art that symbolized happiness and love. Her bedroom was nothing like this: it was decorated with dark accents, it was closed off to the world, and it was filled with hiding places, where she stashed away her liquor bottles and weapons. Her bedroom had been decorated for discomfort, as a reflection of what her life was, her reality. Her guest bedroom represented what could have been, had she been the person she should have been. It was supposed to motivate her, but it had done nothing but remind her of failures.
She scooped up the envelopes. “These are from you, Julian, and Jared?” she asked.
“Jared?”
“Yeah, Jared.”
“Shit,” Lyfe mumbled. He cleared his throat. “He died that night.”
Renee dropped the envelopes beside her. “What?”
“That night, your sister got to him. He was found downstairs, in front of the door.”
Renee stood up, limped over to the window, and glanced out. A knot formed inside her chest and sat there, taking up space, and then it traveled upward, with the goal of reaching her throat and suffocating her.
“I’m sorry, Renee.”
Renee had lived in her New York penthouse for so many years, yet it wasn’t until that very second that she noticed how far up she truly was.
He’s dead. Jared was a complicated soul, a soul that bore some resemblance to Renee’s. He had given her hell and probably would have been her downfall, yet she couldn’t ignore her feeling of loss.
“The higher they are, the farther they fall,” she whispered. Her voice cracked a bit.
“You good?” Lyfe put his hand on her shoulder.
“Yeah, yeah, I’m good.” She shook his hand off her and flopped back down on the mattress. She gestured toward the gold, black, and white envelopes. “Then who are these from?”
He sat next to her. “Me, Julian, and Carmen.” He watched her, awaiting her reaction. “I know what she did that night,” Lyfe admitted.
Eyeing the envelopes, she identified the one with unfamiliar handwriting on the shiny paper. She tossed it aside, separating it from the rest. Renee grabbed her crutches and made her way to the door.
“You know what to do, Renee. Put it all aside and thank her.”
The bass in his tone and the strength in his stance stopped Renee in her tracks. Slower than normal, she turned herself around. He was right. She had a few ideas about what she should do concerning Carmen, but the past didn’t make it easy to follow through with them. The past still hurt, and her stubbornness was still intact.
“I haven’t been out of the hospital for a full twenty-four hours, and your concern is me telling her thank you. Thanks for the support, Unc.” Renee wobbled away quickly. The crutches were not engineered to withstand the speed at which she went, and one collapsed beneath her underarm, and she lost her balance. She grabbed ahold of the closest wall in the hallway just before Julian turned the corner. He hurriedly put down the beer in his hand and helped her get back on her feet, and the crutches back under her arms.
Lyfe joined his niece and her boyfriend out in the hallway. “Welcome home, Renee. When you’re ready to read your cards, they’re on the dresser,” he told her.
He took the stairs down to the main level, the sound of his sneakers beating against the floor echoing throughout the house, every step annoying Renee.
Chapter 42
Carmen had never met anyone she despised more than Renee, who came across as a high-siddity know-it-all with Daddy issues. It took a lot of self-control for Carmen to play the part of an innocent long-lost sister in search of family, a sister who was capable of taking all the bullshit and disrespect thrown at her by Renee and her crew time and time again. These people were cold and unwavering, and Carmen felt so discouraged around them sometimes that she questioned her motives every now and then, but when she pictured the dollar signs, she knew she couldn’t give up. If she played this opportunity right, she could end up hitting the jackpot and thus gaining her independence.
Carmen was aware there was major dirt she had to play in, in order to secure the crown, but murder by her own hands, she didn’t see happening. Carmen had never killed anyone before, nor did she think she could. The most she could do was order a hit. However, that night Renee was injured, something had come over Carmen when she saw Renee in a vulnerable position, one that threatened everything she wanted. All the money and dreams had flashed before Carmen’s eyes and had pushed her beyond her capabilities. She had popped up that fatal night to have a discussion with Renee. There needed to be a breakthrough between the two of them, and there had been, just not how Carmen had expected. Things were looking up after she saved her half sister’s life, and she began celebrating this with a shopping spree.
Carmen’s heels click-clacked on the floor of the shopping mall. Her hands were filled with shopping bags, and a permanent smile was plastered on her face.
There’s no shopping like NY shopping, she thought.
She stopped in front of a store window. A display of handbags hanging on tree branches spoke to Carmen. She dropped her shopping bags at her sides and brushed the glass with her hand to see more clearly, leaving behind her handprints and smudges.
“Aren’t you gorgeous! Oh yes, you are. Oh yes, you are,” she said to the thousand-dollar purses.
A saleswoman whom Carmen remembered seeing earlier that day came into the window display and replaced a blue leather bag with what looked to be a gold-plated purse with buckles. Carmen’s jaw hung low, and saliva eased its way out the side of her mouth. The women saw her eyeing the new addition, and she smiled and pointed it at after mouthing, “She’s a beauty, isn’t she?” The women looked behind her, then quickly back at Carmen. She put her finger up and mouthed, “Stay there.”
Carmen nodded; she had fallen deep into a trance, where she could see herself holding that bag. The pencil skirt–wearing saleswoman came back into sight with the blue leather bag and matching shoes. She held the shoes next to the blue bag and nodded. Carmen read her lips when she said, “Gorgeous.” She placed herself in full view and showed Carmen that she, too, owned a pair of the newly released shoes. The shiny shoes matched her green skirt perfectly. Ever since she was a little girl, Carmen had never liked to be outdone. She prided herself on h
er style and, as sad as it sounded, she used her appearance to define who she was.
Carmen rammed her hand inside her purse, pulled out her wallet, removed something. The credit card stuck to her sweaty palm. She gathered her shopping bags and hustled inside the store. It didn’t take long for her to leave the store with both the blue leather bag and the matching shoes in hand. Life was great, and if her uncle spoiling her more than he normally did was any indication of what was in store for her, Carmen couldn’t wait for the change of pace. Carmen made it to her car and filled the backseat and the trunk with shopping bags. As she pulled out of the parking garage, a call came in through the car speakers.
“Hey, Unc. What’s going on?”
“Calling to check in.”
“All’s well,” she boasted.
“I hope you didn’t max out that card I gave you.”
Just then she reached a red light, so Carmen picked up her phone and tapped on a bank app. She looked at the balance on the credit card in question and cringed. There was only five hundred dollars left on the twenty-thousand-dollar limit.
“Don’t kill my high, Unc. You gave me that card because of my good deed. I’ma lifesaver, remember? Let me live a little.” The light turned green, and with a stretch of empty road ahead of her, Carmen slammed down on the accelerator and experienced all the horsepower and freedom the vehicle could provide. People on the sidewalks zoomed by and looked like a blur. New York was this Miami girl’s playground.
“There’s something I want to tell you.” The wind blowing inside the car competed with her uncle’s voice, but Renee heard him.
“Hit me!” she yelled.
“Renee wants to meet with you.”
Carmen slammed down on the brakes. An elderly lady in the middle of the street would have been hit had Carmen’s reflexes not been so swift. The old lady looked at Carmen, hollered words she couldn’t make out, then stuck her wrinkly, skinny middle finger up at her.
“She’s out of the hospital?” Carmen quizzed.
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