by Paul Bellow
“I’m new to the game,” I said. “Give me a break.”
As the undead creature approached, I recognized him.
“Hey,” I said. “That’s the guy who was making the goblins into zombies.”
“Aquarius,” Thom said. “Killer dude...literally.”
He was the only one who laughed at his attempt of a joke. The lich stopped a few feet away from us. He nodded his skull-like head at my sword.
“You can put that away,” he said then turned to Ferris. “How did you guys end up with him?”
The mage in green robes grinned and said, “Don’t worry about it. You have a problem?”
“Yes,” Aquarius said. “His name is Gord-En.”
I saw a flash of fear on Sherlock’s face.
“Who’s that?” I asked.
“A stupid rogue out to cause trouble,” Ferris said. “We’ll deal with him.”
I wondered if it was Eric, but I didn’t ask any of the others.
“He’s in the manor now?” Sherlock asked.
The lich shook his rotting head.
“No,” he said. “I ran him off. He’s hurt, but I think he might come back. I’m too busy to chase after him right now.”
“Don’t worry,” Ferris said. “We’ll find him.”
“Here, take this.” Aquarius held out a gold dagger. “It’ll help with him.”
Thom snatched it from the lich’s bony hand and said, “Cool.”
“What’s it do?” Aaron asked.
“It’s blessed with dragonbane,” the lich said. “I heard Wiley’s been giving you trouble.”
At the sound of his name, I glanced up and saw the dragon circling above.
“The dagger will also help you locate the rogue,” Aquarius said. “He grabbed it out of my armory, but he dropped it on the way out. Your magic should be able to sense him on it.”
“Nice,” Thom said, weighing the golden dagger in his hands. “Good feel.”
“And Wiley’s fine,” Ferris said. “Don’t worry about him.”
“I’m never worried,” Aquarius said.
“Gord-En didn’t get your phylactery, did he?” Sherlock asked.
“No,” the lich answered. “Luckily. I’d be after him if he did.”
He then turned to me. “Don’t I know you?” he asked.
“We met on level one-two,” I said. “Killing and raising goblins.”
“That’s right,” Aquarius said then grinned. “How’s it going?”
“Been better and been worse,” I said honestly.
“All your killing has allowed me to populate this level with zombies,” he said.
The dragon landed a few hundred feet away. He blew fire up into the air. I felt the heat on my bare skin. The lich hissed then crouched into a defensive position.
“Begone, foul reptile!” Aquarius shouted then retreated a few steps.
I glanced at Ferris, wondering what he would do.
“We’ll talk to you later,” Sherlock told the undead maker.
Thom stepped forward and held up the dagger.
Wiley roared then shot more flames above our head.
“Hold on!” Ferris shouted. “We’re your masters.”
“You’re no masters of mine,” the dragon suddenly shouted.
I watched as Wiley leapt into the air. When he flew away, I turned to look at the others. They all looked surprised at the development.
“What now?” I asked.
“Hunting the rogue,” Sherlock said. “Give me the dagger.”
After Thom handed it to him, the mage waved his hand over it.
The dagger, resting on his palm, moved to point west.
“I could’ve told you he’s in the canyons,” Aquarius said. “Do you need anything else from me? Or can I get back to work?”
“We’ll find him,” Ferris said. “Don’t worry.”
“You know where to find me,” the lich said.
He walked back to the manor, favoring his left leg. While I didn’t see a [PC] tag in front of his name, he acted too strange for a normal NPC.
“Pay attention!” Ferris shouted.
“Stupid barbarian,” Sherlock added.
I turned, getting more tired of the wizards. “Maybe I’ll go back and help Monky,” I muttered.
“Good luck finding your way,” Sherlock said.
The Four Wizards laughed, including Aaron.
“I want to buff before we go,” Ferris said.
As the wizards cast one spell after another, I stood nearby, waiting. Blue, brown, red, and orange magic poured out of the hands, wrapping itself around all of us.
You feel better!
You feel skillful.
You feel no hunger.
Your feet are light.
I picked one foot off the ground, amazed at how light it felt.
“What’s that spell?” I asked.
But Sherlock merely said, “Don’t worry about it.”
After the Four Wizards stopped casting, I looked like a gaudy Christmas tree lit up before the holidays. Who exactly was the rogue character we were hunting?
“Double-time,” Ferris said. “Barbarian out front.”
“We have a tank!” Thom shouted, fist in the air.
I shook my head then walked toward the mountains. My light feet sped me up as I speed-walked away from the lich’s manor. Everything about the wizards wasn’t bad.
They followed behind me, arguing the entire way on what to do about Wiley, their dragon. I cringed when I heard Sherlock suggest killing the fire-breathing reptile.
Would I suffer the same fate once they ran out of use for me? The Four Wizards might be powerful, but I had to slip away and out of their grasp as soon as I could.
Thanks to their spells, we double-timed our way to the canyons at the foot of the mountains. I briefly thought of Sarah, wondering what she was doing.
12
Stupid Giant Stone Trolls
Josh
Around an hour later, we arrived at the entrance to an impressive canyon. Two tall stone cliffs on either side were much too smooth for climbing.
“Everybody stop,” Ferris said.
I slowed down, amazed I still had any energy.
“What’s the plan?” I asked.
“You’ll go in first,” Sherlock said. “We’ll follow.”
“That doesn’t sound smart,” I said. “Can I kill this rogue guy?”
Sherlock laughed as if he had an advanced skill in mocking others.
“Not likely, but you’re willing to try,” he said.
“You’re the bait,” Thom said then smiled.
“Hey, that’s not right,” I protested, frowning.
Thom laughed then patted me on the arm. I turned and walked into the canyon. Would the Four Wizards protect me? Or was I just bait for them?
I pulled my sword as I continued farther, the two towering walls of natural stone on either side of me. Traces of the sun spilled down between them, but it was dark.
As I walked, I glanced up at the cliffs jutting at least a couple of hundred feet into the air. Someone on top of either side could make our lives difficult if they wanted.
I glanced over my shoulder and saw the Four Wizards keeping their distance. With every step, a rumbling in the distance got louder. Thunder? I looked up to the sky.
No clouds anywhere in sight, I kept moving forward.
The wizards will protect me.
My heart beat faster as the strange sounds grew even louder.
Up ahead, I saw the canyon narrow to a couple of dozen feet across. The spot was perfect for an ambush. I slowed my pace slightly, trying my best to be quiet.
Was someone snoring? The source of the sound popped into my head as I made it through the narrow part of the canyon. When I saw giant figures ahead, I stopped.
Snoring statues? The figures’ grey skin blended in with the nearby rocks. I turned around to face the wizards and shrugged. As I did so, I dropped my sword on a stone.
The blade hit the rock just right and rang out like a tuning fork. As the sound echoed up and down the canyon, it amplified, becoming piercing and harmful.
I clamped my hands over my ears as the Four Wizards in their colorful robes gesticulated wildly, pointing behind me. What are they going on about? I turned.
All the statues had come to life. Or they were alive the whole time.
Either way, I saw a half-dozen beings even bigger than the stone giant we had seen.
“What do you want?” one said in a thunderous voice.
I slowly bent to pick up my sword while keeping my eyes on them.
“Well?” another of the giants asked. “Why are you here?”
I glanced over my shoulder and noticed the Four Wizards hiding behind giant boulders near the path through the canyon. Why are they hiding?
Something big hit me in the chest, knocking the air from my lungs and sending me to the ground, struggling to breathe.
The Giant Stone Troll’s rock WOUNDS you for 17 damage.
You have [106/123] health remaining.
“That was a warning pebble,” one of the creatures bellowed in a gravelly voice.
One of his companions pick up an even bigger boulder. He hefted it over his head, ready to toss it at me.
“Run, you idiot!” Sherlock shouted behind me.
I turned and ran, zig-zagging back and forth like I was avoiding a tackle on the final play of a championship game. The huge rock hit the ground on my left.
As it rushed forward, I turned and headed for one of the boulders the wizards were hiding behind. Over my shoulder, I heard the giant stone trolls laughing.
“Bowling for humans time!” one of them shouted with glee.
He rolled a stone toward us. It ricocheted on the boulder I was hiding behind. Aaron and Thom stood next to me while Ferris and Sherlock hid behind another rock.
“Are you going to kill them?” I asked.
“You’re the fighter,” Thom said. “You go kill them.”
Aaron chuckled quietly. I peeked over the bounder and saw the six giant stone trolls walking toward us, rocks in their hands.
“Come out, tasty humans,” one taunted.
“Now!” Ferris shouted from a few feet away.
He and Sherlock let loose a fury of lightning spells. I wondered if they’d ever faced stone trolls before because of the ineffectiveness of their tactics.
The giants laughed as if the electricity was tickling them.
“Follow up!” Thom shouted as he and Aaron stood.
They both cast their own spells. I peeked around the side of the boulder and saw the giant stone trolls slow down considerably.
“Go kill them,” Thom ordered.
Sword in both hands, I cautiously walked around the boulder. With the giant stone trolls moving so slow, I felt as if I had super-speed or something. I ran up to one of them and swung.
Your slash HITS the stone troll for 8 damage.
Your slash INJURES the stone troll for 12 damage.
Your slash HITS the stone troll for 7 damage.
Your pierce GRAZES the stone troll for 5 damage.
Before the creature could turn, I ran to the next one and unleashed another set of attacks.
Your slash SCRATCHES the stone troll for 2 damage.
Your slash HITS the stone troll for 9 damage.
Your slash GRAZES the stone troll for 4 damage.
Your pierce GRAZES the stone troll for 5 damage.
While not doing a lot of damage, at least I was doing something. The same couldn’t be said for the Four Wizards. I glanced over and saw them conferring with each other.
“A little help would be nice!” I shouted.
“Be careful!” Thom yelled back.
As I prepared to attack again, the stone trolls returned to full speed. I ran toward a nearby rock to hide. Three of them got some good hits in before I could get away.
The stone troll MAULS you for 22 damage.
The stone troll WOUNDS you for 18 damage.
The stone troll MAULS you for 27 damage.
You have [39/123] health remaining.
I fumed at the wizards not giving me more notice about the duration of their slow spell. Luckily, they let off another round of pyrotechnics, capturing the stone trolls’ attention.
As I crouched behind the boulder, wishing I had a way to heal myself, I saw three of the giant stone trolls topple to the ground and stop moving.
That’s what I’m talking about!
My heart raced faster as the remaining three went wild, chasing after the wizards in their colorful robes. Sherlock blinked from spot to spot, driving the stone trolls even crazier.
The scene would’ve been comical if I wasn’t so close to death. I kept hiding, not ashamed of staying alive in one of the hardest games I had ever played in my entire life.
I watched as two more stone trolls fell, becoming unmoving statues. The last of their bunch appeared as strong as ever. Every time they hit him, he healed quickly.
“We’re out of mana!” Thom shouted.
He and Aaron both retreated behind a boulder. I watched in horror as the stone troll creeped closer to the other two wizards.
Ferris stood and slowed the creature, but neither him nor Sherlock followed up with any offensive spells. These were the most bumbling wizards I had ever met.
I walked out from around the boulder, thinking horrible thoughts about what Sylvar might do to Sarah. My anger boiled over, sending me into a proper rage.
Barbarian Rage Activated!
My stomach muscles clenched as my entire body shook with fury. Everything appeared red as
I ran toward the giant stone troll, hoping the combination of the wizards’ buffs, my barbarian rage, and the creature being slowed down were enough to help me win.
Critical Hit!
Your slash MAIMS the stone troll for 58 damage.
Your pierce MAULS the stone troll for 24 damage.
Your slash WOUNDS the stone troll for 19 damage.
Your pierce DECIMATES the stone troll for 32 damage.
The giant stone troll is regenerating!
I watched the wounds I had given the pockmarked troll heal.
“He’s stolen the life energy of the other trolls!” Sherlock shouted as if I understood during my barbarian rage. “We need to keep pounding him.”
The last part I understood well enough. My sword’s blade might end up ruined before I finished the stone troll off, but I had to keep trying.
Your slash INJURES the stone troll for 14 damage.
Your pierce MAULS the stone troll for 24 damage.
Your slash WOUNDS the stone troll for 19 damage.
Your pierce DECIMATES the stone troll for 32 damage.
The giant stone troll is regenerating!
I kept attacking through my rage, chopping the stone-like creature into tiny bits. As I calmed down, I noticed the pieces slowly melding back together.
Ferris walked out from behind a nearby boulder.
“Good job,” he said. “Perfect timing with the rage.”
I nodded, still feeling close to death.
“Give me Gnome Fire Oil,” Ferris said.
Thom ran forward and held out a flask, saying, “Original recipe.”
I backed up a few steps as Ferris doused the quickly reforming creature with a thick, oily liquid. When he lit it, unholy screams rang out, echoing up and down the canyon.
“Ugh,” I said, holding my forearm over my nose. “That smells terrible.”
After a few pops, the fire died down.
Combat is Over!
You get (ZERO) experience points!
“Hey!” I shouted. “What gives?”
Sherlock smiled as he rolled up the sleeves of his dirty yellow robes.
“Bracelets of Identity Theft,” he said, showing off two silver bands.
“We had to do it,” Ferris said. “A battle this large would’ve tripped the game’s sensors. You can’t level
too quickly without consequences. Believe me, we’ve tried.”
“Okay,” I said, but I was still unconvinced.
“Don’t worry,” Thom said. “You’ll level up again before this is all over.”
“Uh-huh,” I said, still not convinced. “Can someone heal me?”
“Sure,” Thom said as he walked over.
He stuffed a small, blue bottle in my hand.
“Take one of those and call me in the morning,” he said.
Nobody else laughed at the joke other than himself. I uncorked the liquid then put it to my nose. The faint smell of fish and coconut filled my nostrils.
“Yuck,” I said. “Do you have one that tastes better?”
“Quit complaining,” Sherlock said. “When I was your level…”
“Look,” Aaron interrupted, pointing further down the canyon.
I turned and saw a shadowy figure observing us.
“That’s Gord-En,” Ferris yelled. “Get him!”
I downed the contents of the potion in one gulp.
You feel better!
You have [123/123] health remaining.
“After him!” Sherlock shouted.
The Four Wizards ran forward at an amazing pace, leaving me literally in the dust. I coughed and struggled forward, grumbling to myself the entire way.
Had the game driven everyone inside it nuts? Would I suffer the same fate?
I vowed to never become as crazy as some of the others I had met in the game.
13
You Guys Aren’t Nice
Josh
I caught up to them half a mile or so away. The Four Wizards all stood in front of a cave entrance. None of them paid me any attention at first.
“He’s in there,” Sherlock said. “I’m sure of it.”
As I caught my breath, I peered into the dark interior of the cave, seeing nothing.
“We’ll send in the barbarian,” Ferris said.
“Hold on,” I said. “You guys are the powerful wizards. Why are you always having me do stuff you could do with a wave of your hands?”