by Lynn Stevens
“Yeah.” He ducked his head and ran a hand through his thick blond hair. The sun bounced off the red stone of his class ring. “Can we get a slushie or something and sit?”
“Wait? They have slushies here?” I glanced around and really looked at the driving range. It had been a long time since I’d been here. Behind the main building where the range was, there was a larger arcade with a concession stand. Batting cages and a go-cart track were on the left. How had I not noticed that when I pulled in? Oh, right. I was trying to figure out how I was going to deal with Erik.
“Yeah, come on. They make smoothies, too.” He nodded toward the red and white sign that read “Order Here” in block letters.
I fell in step beside Erik. “I haven’t been here in forever.”
“Really? As good as you are at golf, I figured you came out here every day.”
I laughed and stumbled on a large rock. Erik’s hand shot out, stopping me from faceplanting in the gravel lot.
“You okay?” he asked.
“Yeah, thanks,” I said, heat rushing to my cheeks. “That was the first I’d played the course at the club in a long time. And I haven’t played eighteen holes since we left for the class trip. A couple of times we hit the link and played nine, but not much. Since I’ve been back, I haven’t played much.”
“I don’t believe that,” Erik said, bumping his shoulder into mine. “You played like you play every day.”
“My back nine sucked.” I pointed out. I’d bogeyed on two holes and double bogeyed on another two. “I need to work on my core strength before the tournament.”
“What tournament?”
“The father son tourney at the club,” I said. Erik’s eyebrows furrowed, and then so did mine. “What’s wrong?”
“I ... your dad said Brendan was his partner.”
We stopped at the concessions and each ordered a slushie. When the girl handed them over, Erik paid and I didn’t think twice about it. I was more worried about where he got that information. Then again, maybe it was just old news. We walked over to a concrete round picnic table and sat with our backs to it. A wide white and red striped umbrella kept the summer sun off of us.
I looked out at the parking lot. Several families walked toward the arcade. The sounds of go-karts echoed around the building. Kid screeched in delight. There were quite a few people here, but it felt like it was just us.
“Brendan was going to play, but Dad tried to set him up with the mayor’s daughter. He went back to Chicago.”
Erik snorted and almost spit out his cola slushie. “Brendan’s gay. Everybody knows that.”
“Even my father.” I pulled the straw out slowly with my finger on the top to hold the cold cherry mix inside. I put the tip of the straw on my tongue then lifted my other finger. The slushie slid down my throat. That was the only way to truly enjoy a slushie. When I glanced at Erik, his face was frozen. “What?”
“I haven’t seen anyone drink a slushie like that since we were like ten.” Then he copied me. A splash of cola landed on his perfect pale green polo. “Tastes better this way.”
A laugh bubbled up and I let it out. It had been a while since I found something truly funny. I pointed to the spot on his shoulder. “You got a little...”
“Crap.” Erik dabbed off the melting ice. It wasn’t a big spot, but it spread pretty fast. He closed his eyes and dropped his head back. Even though I couldn’t hear him, his lips moved. Then he opened his eyes and met my gaze. “Sorry. It ... helps.”
I shook my head. “What?”
He turned and set his slushie on the table and straddled the bench. “One of the things my therapist wants me to work on is being more open with people.” He pressed his lips together for a moment. I stared back into his blue eyes, then turned and matched his position. His shoulders relaxed. “Okay?”
I nodded once. “Okay.”
“I have father issues,” he said.
It was so hard not to laugh, because he had no idea what father issues really were. He needed to hang with my Dad. Then again, he’s a guy so it wouldn’t be so bad for him. Erik never had to hear “be a perfect little lady” or “she was a pretty girl but...” or “she’d be pretty if she tried.” All things my father had said about me or other girls at some point. Because apparently my value was only about my external appearance.
“You’re laughing at me.” He swallowed hard and clenched his hands together in his lap.
“No, I’m sorry. It’s just...” I glanced away and watched a golf ball arc in the air from the range. It landed near the one-fifty mark. Then I said the most obvious thing in the world to me. “I have issues with my dad, too.”
“Really? He seems so great.” Erik sounded genuinely surprised.
I turned my head back toward him “Looks can be deceiving, right?”
Erik’s eyebrows furrowed, but he nodded slowly. We stared at each other for several seconds. It was like I was seeing this guy for the first time. He listened to me and actually cared about what I had to say. That wasn’t normal in my world. The only guy who’d ever listened to me was Brendan. I came into this meeting or whatever it was with a closed mind, then I promised myself to give him a chance. That’s what I was going to do.
“Anyway, you were saying?” I stirred the melting slush in my cup with the straw.
“Right.” He picked his cup and sucked down the rest of the slushie until all I could hear were the bubbles against the waxy paper. He tossed the empty cup into a trashcan then sighed. “This obviously goes much farther back than this summer, but after I hit Vicky with the ball, Mom put me in therapy for my anger issues. Whenever I feel like I’m going to be a complete dick, I say this poem by Jonathan Pendley. My therapist asked me to memorize it. It’s the only thing that actually calms me down. All counting did was make me angrier.”
“My therapist says I’m passive because it’s easier than being aggressive.” I snorted, but saying it out loud made me wonder if she had a point.
“How long have you ... been seeing a therapist?” he asked quietly. He glanced around the outdoor seating, but we were the only ones withing hearing distance. “If you don’t mind my asking.”
“Since I hit puberty.” I shrugged and finished my slushie. It was empty so I only sucked in air. I set the plastic cup behind me on the table and leaned back against the hard concrete. “Mom decided it was a good idea for me to have someone to talk to that wasn’t a friend and wasn’t a family member. I think it was just easier for her. Then she didn’t have to listen to anything I had to say.”
Erik put his hand over mine. “I’m sorry.”
I bit my lip and slid my hand out from under his. “It is what it is, you know? I think that’s why Brendan enjoys Chicago so much. He’s not here to deal with their issues. Dad wants him to be a manly man and not gay. Mom ... I have no idea how she actually feels about him.”
“Must be tough,” he said. “Mom stands up to Dad for me sometimes, but it’s like she’s making it worse. I asked her to stop last week after he screamed at me for not parking right in the garage. It’s been ... rougher than usual.”
I shifted on the bench. This was some pretty deep stuff and Erik and I weren’t friends. Not yet. I was still up in the air about how this should play out. Vicky hated him for good reason, and she’d been my best friend forever. Still, Erik understood this. Yeah, his issues were different, but they weren’t either. It seemed like neither one of us was good enough for our dads.
“Let’s hit some balls,” he said, his tone changing on a dime. All the seriousness had disappeared. Cocky Erik Perday was back at full strength. “I don’t feel like putting. Get some aggression out and maybe you can help me drive the ball better.”
“I don’t know if anyone can fix your swing,” I teased.
Erik pressed his hand over his heart. “You wound me.”
I shook my head and stood, tossing my empty cup in the trash. Maybe this wouldn’t be so bad after all.
Chapter Six
The sun
barely crested the horizon as I stretched through the Sun Salutation yoga poses. The tension eased from my muscles. My shoulders ached. My arms felt like overcooked noodles. Yoga helped, but a good run would clear my head.
I thought about going to the gym instead, but I really didn’t want to be stuck inside. I set a slow pace as my music kicked in. My running play lists were paced to my speed. The first few songs were slowish as I warmed up, then fast-paced guitars and drums kept me going through the rest of the run. I wasn’t sure if I actually liked the music or just the beat.
Each step pounded the pavement. My thoughts drifted to my time with Erik the day before. Were we becoming actual friends? Did he want to? Did I want to? Or was this some part of his therapy? That thought sunk me a bit. I didn’t want to be used. Then again, if the Erik I saw yesterday was the one I’d see every day, it would be worth it. Not the asshole or jackass or anything name we had used for him in the past. He was nice, sweet even. And he actually understood where I was coming from. That was hard around Vicky. She was always right; and if you disagreed with her, it wasn’t pretty. Erik listened to me, too. I couldn’t remember anyone doing that for me other than my brother.
I thought back, before the incident with Vicky. What had Erik been like before we decided to hate him?
He wasn’t a jerk. He was just Erik. Sure, he’d been a little cocky and self assured. Or he acted like it anyway. But he hadn’t been so mean. It wasn’t until he and Vicky had sex that he became public enemy number one.
But was he? Really?
She’d been good friends with him up until sophomore year. Erik liked her. Everyone at Xavier knew that. I replayed the days after the party. Vicky had been embarrassed by her actions, but she hadn’t gone around telling everyone in the school. All she had told me was they had sex, it was terrible, and she wished she could take it back. She made me promise not to tell anyone, and I didn’t tell a soul.
By Monday, everyone at school seemed to know about it. She assumed Erik had bragged about his triumph. I wasn’t so sure now. He’d come up to her and put his arms around her, kissing her cheek. And she went off on him. Somebody could have seen them go into a bedroom together or wherever it happened. How did everyone find out? Did it really matter now? That was forever ago. Vicky had Daniel. Erik had... hope?
I turned around at the midpoint of my run and picked up speed. Thoughts of Erik and Vicky weren’t doing anything to help me clear my head. All they did was jumble it worse. I concentrated on breathing, counting my steps, and before I knew it was a block from home. My smartwatch read that I’d shaved ten seconds off my usual time. I slowed my pace to even my breathe as I walked along the overgrown hedge of our property.
I stepped onto the driveway expecting the same thing I saw after every run; the brick two-story house with white trim, the bushes sprouting from each side of the door, and the small semi-circle drive. Inside, I saw Brendan’s car parked in front of a moving van. I watched as he came around the corner with a box marked bedroom, followed by the hot guy in the picture who also had a stack of photo frames.
“What’s going on?” I asked when I got closer.
Brendan beamed and pulled me into a hug. “Ew, you’re all sweaty.”
“That happens when you run five miles in the humidity.” I hugged him back then let go. “What’s going on?”
“You asked that already.”
“It bears repeating when you haven’t answered.” I crossed my arms and stared at my brother, ignoring the hot guy shifting awkwardly behind him.
“I’m just picking up the rest of my stuff.” He glanced over his shoulder and motioned the other guy to come forward. “Andrea, this is Ethan. My boyfriend.”
Ethan blushed a pretty pink. He was pale with a million freckles and thick red hair. “Hi.”
“Hey,” I said. Then I took the stance of protective sister, the same shit Brendan had pulled on my first boyfriend. “What’re your intentions with my brother?”
“Andrea—”
“No, Brendan, as your sister, I have a right to ask and make sure his heart is pure.” I fought the smile.
Brendan rolled his eyes and threw his hand in the air. “You have got to be kidding me.”
“I only have your best interests at heart.” I reached out and put my hand on his shoulder. “He’s the first boy you’ve brought home. I don’t want to see you get hurt.”
“Are you serious?” Ethan asked, his eyes lit up his face, but he wasn’t looking at me. Oh yeah, he had it bad for my brother. It was sweet. And pissed me off that no guy had every looked at me like that.
Brendan shrugged, but I could tell they would discuss this later. Ethan stepped closer to my brother and kissed him on the cheek.
“Ew, get a room. I don’t want to see that PDA.” I shoved between them and Brendan grabbed me around the waist, lifting me upside down. Laughter erupted from my gut as he started tickling me. “Put me down.”
“Not until you apologize for making a bad first impression,” Brendan said. Then he dug his knuckle into my knee.
“I’m... so... sorry,” I said between bursts of laughter. “Now... help... me... He’s... brutal.”
Brendan set me down and I slapped him on the arm, which only made him laugh more.
“Do you guys act like this all the time?” Ethan asked, glancing between us like we had alien heads.
“Yes,” we said at the same time. “Jinx, star jinx.”
I threw my arms around my brother and hugged him again. “I missed you.”
“I’ve only been gone a couple of weeks,” he said.
My mood shifted down as I let go and pointed to the truck. “But you won’t be back for a long time.”
“I know. You get it, don’t you?”
Ethan shifted again, and I smiled at him sadly. “Sorry, he’s like my best friend so this isn’t easy for me.”
“I’m only a phone call away,” Brendan said, putting his arm around my shoulders and pulling me toward the house.
“Does Dad know you’re here? Mom?” I asked as we stepped into the blessed air conditioning. My skin prickled at the icy wave. I went straight to the fridge and pulled out three bottles of water, setting them on the counter. I opened mine and took a long drink.
“Mom does. Dad does not.” Brendan sat at one of the stools at the counter. Ethan sat beside him and took my brother’s hand. “She told me I could take whatever I wanted out of my bedroom and she’d put the rest in the attic or storage. I’m just... I’m just taking it all.”
I raised my eyebrow.
“It’s easier on her. She won’t have to do anything.” He stared toward the front door, his expressions blank.
“Except deal with her only son moving to Chicago for good and never coming back,” I pointed out then I drained my water bottle and put it in the sink. “Thanks for leaving me to the nuclear fallout.”
“If I could stop that, I would,” he said. “You know why I have to make the break.”
I stared at my brother with his boyfriend’s hand in his own. Yeah, I understood it. Dad was never going to accept Brendan for who he was. He’d always have hope that my brother would change his mind and become straight, be the man he wanted Brendan to be.
“Sorry, but not sorry?” he said. His mouth drew down in a worried frown.
“I get it, Bren. I really do.” I glanced at Ethan who just watched us. “Sorry for the family drama, but you might as well know his dirty little secrets if you’re going to date my brother.”
Ethan simply smiled.
“You know what this means for me, right?” I asked my brother. Brendan nodded, but I wasn’t about to let him not hear it. “I’m more under the microscope than ever. Everything I do will be judged as whether it’s appropriate for a girl to do. He’d probably shit a brick if he knew I wasn’t a virgin.”
“Excuse me?” Brendan snapped as Ethan choked on his water.
“Oh get over it. You’re not a virgin either.” I point at his chest. “And you h
aven’t been since you were fifteen. Perv.”
“I’m a guy. It’s different.” Brendan crossed his arms and glared at me.
“Gee, wonder who you sound like?” I matched his pose. “Didn’t realize the sexism ran deep in your veins, but it comes from a good source.”
“That’s crap and you know it.” He still looked pissed, but that deflated him a bit.
“Dad’s a sexist pig. He’s been so focused on you that he’s only patted me on the head and called me a good girl.” I took a breath and let my arms fall to my sides. “This year is going to suck.”
“I get it, sis, but I can’t take it anymore either.” Brendan stood and tugged Ethan to his feet. “You know you can always call me. Anytime. Even two in the morning. I’ll always be here for you.”
I nodded. There wasn’t anything I could do about it. Brendan needed to move on. He couldn’t stay behind just for me. Not when he had a life in Chicago. A life he loved. Change was inevitable. I just didn’t know how to deal with so much at once.
“Yeah, I know.” I walked around the counter. If I only had him around for a few more hours, I was going to make the most of them. “Let’s go pack the rest of your room. Or is that where you’re finding all the dishes Mom said you could have?”
“Ha ha,” Brendan said, throwing his arm around me and leading me toward the stairs.
I was going to miss this.
Chapter Seven
I sat in the pew, not listening, for our monthly trip to church. Mom and Dad stared at the pastor, but I didn’t think they were listening either. The last Sunday before school and we sat in the overcrowded church that clearly needed new air conditioning. Either that or they were preparing us for our eternal damnation. Maybe it was a little bit of both.
My legs ached from my early morning workout. I went to the gym, ran three miles uphill on the treadmill, and lifted weights. I pushed myself harder, and I was paying for it now. My golf game would probably suck this afternoon. Since Mom insisted on church, Dad scheduled a later than usual tee time.