“We are supposed to meet and spend the day together,” he admitted, glancing at his watch. “And yes, I was trying to impress her. Mom, I think I love her.”
“I’m happy for you, sweetie -but you didn’t tell her that last night, did you?”
“No, I didn’t breathe a word. I mean, I know it’s too soon and we’ve only just really met but I feel like I know who she is on the inside, the real Lily.”
“Doesn’t matter,” she interrupted. “Word of advice: be yourself. Don’t mention love or she’ll hightail it out of there. Have fun, laugh with her, hold her hand and enjoy the fact that you are there building a relationship with a woman you care for. This isn’t an attack or a raid, you aren’t in Afghanistan anymore. You are in another foreign territory that can hurt you worse if you love her already. Be patient – remember your scripture and draw guidance from it: love is patient, love is kind.”
“You’re the best. Have I told you I love you, Ma?”
“Not today, but a mother never tires of hearing it. I love you too, sweetheart. Now, have fun with Lily today. Be yourself, John, and let her fall in love with who you are.” John murmured his thanks and reassured her that he would call again soon. Hanging up the phone, he texted Lily a simple message to tell her he would bring coffee and be there soon. He hurried and got into the shower, dressing casually for the day. She mentioned the parade, football game and that she’d cook something, so he assumed it would be the two of them only.
Be yourself, his mother had said. If he was himself over the last few years he would be laying in a bunk, in camo, and steeling his heart against the pain of missing out on life. He wanted a normal life more than anything in the world right now and he could see that when he looked at Lily. It was crazy, insane and beautiful at the same time. He could see walking the mall with her, opening Christmas presents with her, sitting beside her at church or coaching some sport for…
John felt hot tears of thankfulness spring to his eyes and let out a massive sigh staring up at the ceiling. Radar licked his hand and shoved her cold nose against his arm; she knew he was overwhelmed. He’d never dreamed of children before, but now, he felt like he was being gifted a second chance at life. He honestly yearned to hold a baby, knowing that it had some small part of him inside that would carry on. He’d fought for so long against even thinking of something so emotional, that he could barely fathom being someone’s father, much less part of a family. He wanted to build a life and create a home – a home with the woman that had reached deep into his soul and reminded him what life was like, what it could be like if he chose to pursue it. Please God, don’t let me mess this up, he prayed silently.
Stopping at the grocery on his way to Lily’s home, he ignored the chaos of people getting last minute things swirling around him. He focused on his goal: he wanted to surprise his girl with flowers and coffee. He saw several holiday bouquets staged in empty pumpkins to be used as a centerpiece, but it just wasn’t it. He found a bright coral bouquet of roses and smiled. It reminded him of her, vibrant and wonderful. Grabbing two cups of coffee, he drove to the older part of town and saw the quaint tiny houses that had so much character. Beautiful, little homes that had personality.
Her house was at the end of the road and he knew it immediately. It was dotted with English ivy along the stone wall and a massive climbing rose that encapsulated an arbor beside the house. It looked like an entrance to heaven with the red brick path that had aged over the years. Her home was perfect, just like her. Some people might see it as needing updating or overgrown, but to him it was just as God intended, creating a haven or sanctuary of beauty.
Pulling into the driveway, he saw that the front door was opened, the screen allowing a breeze through the home. He could smell cinnamon sweetness as he stepped forward to the stoop. Spicy cinnamon apples, he thought and felt his mouth water at the thought of them. Rations were edible, occasionally they’d get something really tasty – but this smelled divine. She’d mentioned waffles and he was picturing them covered in cinnamon apples with melted butter in place of a sticky syrup. He gave a small rap on the screen door with his knuckles and felt his heart surge at seeing her.
Lily’s hair was in a ponytail and she was dressed very simply. A large football t-shirt came to mid-thigh and he saw she’d worn leggings. He marveled at the shapely form and found his heart hammering as the thought of instantly holding her or touching her burst forth in his mind. Slow it down, he thought, listen to your mom and be yourself! Don’t go charging in and push her if she isn’t ready.
“Good morning,” she told him happily and spotted the roses. She accepted them with a shy smile. He loved the faint blush that tinted her cheeks and would give anything at that moment to read her mind. “C’mon in, I just turned the TV on and waffles are almost ready. Are you hungry?”
“I wasn’t until I got a whiff of whatever you are cooking. Is that apples?”
“Oh yes, my mother and grandmother loved fried buttery apples on waffles – have you ever tried it? It’s quite a treat and takes a bit of time, but when they are cooked up just right? They are spectacular and better than any of that canned stuff,” she said confidently and walked back to the kitchen. He found himself staring as she walked and squeezed his eyes shut, willing himself to be on his best behavior. He knew he loved her but lusting after her, would not win her heart.
“I remember having waffles with apples at IHOP when I was a kid. I don’t think I’ve had them since. I can’t wait to try them,” he told her truthfully and brushed his shoes off on the entryway rug. “I brought you some coffee.”
“Perfect. I’m glad you decided to spend the day. No one should be alone on a holiday, don’t you agree? Kick off your shoes and get comfy. I’ll finish up and if you want, Radar can play out back. I had bought a few dog toys to mail out, but then…well you’re here now,” her voice dropped off and he instantly kicked himself, knowing it must have been hard for her as well to have no word.
“I’m so sorry, I should have called,” he began and walked behind her to the kitchen, only to see her lovely face wince, just before she turned away. He felt a burning sickness in his stomach suddenly knew what had been wrong last night, what she’d been holding back. “Lily?” he began and reached out to touch her shoulder, only to see her duck away.
“Breakfast is almost ready, just a moment more.” John felt his heart hammer as her voice didn’t have the same enthusiasm as before; he’d messed up and she was hurting. He’d hurt her by not calling.
“Lily?”
“Have a seat and I’ll bring it to you,” she mumbled, making him feel like a complete louse. He grasped her on both shoulders and turned her around, his face cupping her chin as he looked at her. Sure enough, he saw the surprise in her eyes and the hurt, the betrayal, the simmering temper boiling just under the surface. Good, he wanted that passion. That meant she cared.
“You’re right,” she burst out bluntly, a fat tear slid down her cheek. “You should have called and I didn’t intend to spend the day being upset with you after such a beautiful, perfect evening but you could at least sound like you cared, like you missed me or regretted hurting me. I thought you might have died when I didn’t hear from you for weeks on end. The silence was killing me,” she stormed, getting onto her bare tiptoes and poking him in the chest. “You called as much as possible -and then suddenly nothing! What was I supposed to think?”
“I had so much to do to get my life in order, to come home…” he began and was interrupted quickly, almost making him grin at the spirited fury that made her eyes crackle with rage.
“I was part of your life, wasn’t I? I could have helped you prepare to come back or you could have trusted me with at least knowing you were okay.”
“You’re right.”
“I know I am, because that is what friends do! They talk, they help…”
“You’re more than a friend to me,” he blurted out, touching her cheek only to have her push his hand away. He did chuckle
then, she was in a rare mood.
“And you are more than a friend to me,” she snapped. “My word, to think how many nights I cried thinking I’d lost the man I love before I even had a chan –“ she stopped immediately as if she’d just realized what she’d said. “Wait, I…”
“Don’t you say a word,” he breathed fiercely and pulled her to him. His lips swooped down on hers, eager to taste the words he’d longed to hear on her lips. She loved him! He felt her push against his chest and broke the kiss. “I never meant to hurt you.”
“I know that now after that show you put on last night. I’ve never seen anyone go out of their way to make me feel so very special but saying ‘you should have called’ just cheapened it all and brought up the raw memories of how empty I felt thinking that I might have lost you before I met you. I was so afraid, and you seem so casual. Didn’t you realize what so much silence all of a sudden would do to me?”
“No, I didn’t know,” he murmured and smelled the waffle burning behind her. “I would never want to hurt you intentionally, nor will I ever do so again.”
“No, you won’t because a sweet kiss won’t make me forget. Know this, John Griffin. Just because I’ve made it to thirty-two years old and single, doesn’t mean I’ll fall for the first gorgeous guy. I love myself more than that and will put myself first always before ever letting someone hurt me again. I may love you, but that doesn’t mean we’ll work well together and I think that is why-“Lily suddenly grew silent and he knew. His hands dropped to his sides, releasing her.
“That’s why you’ve been holding back,” he said instinctively, finishing her sentence. He’d seen it and knew something had been lurking between them. Now it was here, out in the open and he could begin to fight the true battle for her heart. Lily needed to feel secure in him, trust him. He’d damaged that trust thinking he’d done the right thing when instead he’d hurt her.
“Yes,” she breathed, and the surprise on her face was palpable. She was amazed he comprehended and realized she’d been holding back her heart.
“Can I be honest with you? No more secrets or mysteries?” John asked nervously. He shoved his hands in his jean pockets to keep from hugging her or showing how bad he was trembling with fear. Things were moving fast, and he was afraid to run her off. At her guarded nod and wary gaze, he knew she was expecting the worst from him.
“Lily, I came home with the full intent to come here and try to sweep you off your feet. I fell in love with you a long time ago and the more I spoke with you? The harder I fell. I’ve not said a word because everyone told me this was insane, but I know deep down inside that there’s nothing more perfect or sacred in this world than the spark between us. I love you and I’d scream it from the rooftops but part of me is scared to death that you’ll run.” John took a deep breath and looked at her, and he hoped she knew he was bearing his soul to her and afraid.
“I’m a stranger, someone you don’t yet trust to not hurt you and I’ve done just that. Just please, don’t push me away. Let me be in your life and try to earn your trust back, let me try to win not just a part of that beautiful heart…but all of it. I’ve never felt like this about anyone and if you want me to leave right now, I will, but I’d rather stay and get to know the woman I fell in love with on paper – and again last night by candlelight. It’s up to you and always will be.”
Her wary eyes watched him for several moments, and he knew the exact second that she’d decided. She pursed her lips and wrinkled her nose, turning back to the waffle maker that was smoking. “Sit down and I’ll fix another waffle. This one’s ruined and I’ll need to start again. Fresh starts sometimes are best, don’t you think?”
“I do,” John breathed and hesitated for the briefest moment before kissing her cheek. “I’m far from perfect but I will never deliberately try to hurt you.”
“Part of me knows that,” she admitted, pouring the batter onto the waffle iron. He watched as she poured a golden concoction atop the crisp waffle in the plate. “If I thought it was deliberate you’d be out the door in two seconds flat and I’d just spend my day alone.”
“Strong, beautiful, smart, sexy and can cook,” he told her with a smile, feeling a bit of relief knowing he’d not ruined things between them. “A lethal combination.”
“Be yourself and quit trying so hard,” she ordered with a soft smile, spraying dairy whip on top of the stack of waffles drizzled with cinnamon apples. “I like you for you.” She grabbed her own plate and sat down beside him. He grabbed her hand and bowed his head.
“Lord, thank you for the blessings you’ve given me in my life and thank you for leading my path here, so I can annoy my favorite girl in person,” he heard her soft exclamation and felt her tug her hand away, yet held fast to it. “If you’ll continue to teach me how to make her happy and keep her patient with me, I know I can be the man she needs. I mean, look at this breakfast – how could I not absolutely love her? In Jesus name we pray, amen.”
“You know you really should say it properly.”
“It was every bit proper – as it was straight from the heart and beyond truthful,” he teased, seeing a glint of humor in her eyes.
“You’re incorrigible.”
“You’re darn right,” he agreed, kissing her knuckles softly. “Now, if you want to pray for me or include me in your prayers -it’s completely welcomed. Maybe you should say, ‘give me the strength to love my strong handsome man’ or better yet; ‘help me realize how much he loves me’. Feel free to adlib or throw in a few things. I’m okay with that, like I mentioned? I’m a flawed man in love.”
“You’re something alright,” she choked out and he saw her shoulders shaking as she looked at him. He’d do or say anything to keep that loving look in her eyes. Oh yes, he was on the right path now and knew just how to win her over.
13
Lily was completely aware she was fully under siege now. John had put it in high gear to win over her heart even more than before. She adored him, but part of her was leery that he could turn his emotions off and on like a switch. They’d spent every moment together possible and she’d been stunned by the tenderness of the man, as well as the outrageous side of him. She’d not realized how free and light his heart was when he was in the military. Now that he was here, he was simply astonishing and keeping her smiling all the time.
For instance, they’d attended church together on Sunday. John had this twinkle in his eyes and she hadn’t realized it was mischievousness until the very moment it hit her. The offering plate had come around and she’d quietly put her dollar bills inside, passing it to him. John had taken the plate from her, held up a small piece of paper that read “Lily wants my body, pray for her.” He then tossed it in the plate, along with a few bills. It took her a moment to realize it before she lunged for the plate, spilling the contents everywhere. The pastor stopped talking and several astonished heads turned towards them.
“There was a spider,” John said casually and waved at them to continue. “My apologies. It won’t scare anyone else and we’ll pick this up. Please, continue sir.” Lily stared at him in shock and John said not another word, simply picking up the coins and money dutifully and putting it all back in the plate. He handed it to the parishioner and gave Lily the note, wadding it into her hand secretly. She’d been so mortified, that she’d not spoken to him until they got to the car.
Another time, they’d been at the grocery store picking up some things for dinner when John disappeared. She searched several aisles and heard his voice over the intercom suddenly crooning a love song, dedicating it to her. She’d marched straight to the front of the store, to see him holding the microphone to his face and pointing at her. They’d been escorted out immediately. They’d grabbed drive thru instead and Lily went to another grocery store from there on out.
John definitely had a creative streak in him a mile wide. She’d been pulled over ten times over the last five days, and each time an officer gave her a message from John in a seale
d envelope. The first one was sweet, the fifth time it was frustrating and by the time she called him, she was in an uproar. The messages varied from ‘I love you’ to passages in the bible reminding her again that ‘love was patient’.
Lily was at school when word came that she’d had a package delivered to the school. Instantly wary, she walked down to the office and saw it was a beautiful bento box tied with a large red ribbon. Pulling off the card, she expected it to have itching powder or explode in her hands, but instead it simply said, “Lunch is served, love John.”
She’d been incredibly grateful since she’d forgotten her lunch at home on the counter. It had been sweet of him to swing by when she’d texted him. She took the box straight to the teacher’s lounge and put it in the fridge to keep it cold. At lunch, she pulled the ribbon off and stared in shock at the golden Twinkie nestled against the California sushi roll. She took a photo of it and texted him.
You’re the best!
I’m a horrible cook, so I thought I’d get you something else…
It’s perfect.
YOU’RE perfect <3
You’re insane
I’m crazy for you, sweetheart.
Lily began to notice a pattern with him. John was outrageous because he was happy and wanted her to pay attention to him. How had he gotten through before? She marveled, thinking of him serenading her at the gas station in his police cruiser. Radar happily barked along the entire length of the song, as John sang off-key.
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