by Ike Hamill
Her hand found his in the darkness. He turned it over and let her slip her fingers between his own. He wasn’t afraid to blush—she wouldn’t be able to see it.
“I wish I had known you before,” she said.
“How come?”
“Because I think I really like you, and I wonder if it’s just because you’re the first person I’ve really spent time with since Hasp started to go crazy.”
“Oh,” Robby said. She hadn’t said anything negative, but it still felt like a rebuke. “Why does that matter?”
“It doesn’t,” she said with a sigh. “I guess I don’t trust my own feelings.”
“There’s time to figure that out,” he said. He had wanted to sound confident and knowledgeable. He had wanted to set her mind at east. Instead, his statement had come out like a question.
“Yeah. There’s time,” she said. Her fingers slipped out of his grip and he was certain that he had said the wrong thing. He should have stressed how short their time in the world might be. He should have done something to pull her closer instead of pushing her away.
Her arm slipped around his shoulder and she pulled him close.
Robby began to lean his head on her shoulder and then straightened up. He looped his arm around her instead. They held each other for several minutes. Robby wanted to know how old she was, but didn’t want to ask. He was afraid that it would make her ask how old he was, and then he was afraid that she would think less of him.
She yawned.
“I think I can sleep now,” she said.
“Me too.”
They went back inside, stepping over Brad carefully to not disturb his snoring sleep. With the fuzzy light coming through the window, Robby could barely see the sparkle of her eyes. She was looking at him and he at her. Eventually, her eyes drifted shut as she gave in to sleep. Robby closed his own eyes. Sometimes, at home, he had trouble trusting the darkness. After a few seconds, his eyes would snap back open to make sure that nothing was looking through the window at him. That night, with Brad snoring on one side and May’s silent shape near him, Robby didn’t have a single fear.
By the time they returned to the house, May and Robby were spending every waking moment together. She enjoyed gardening, so when she went out to help Lisa with weeding or watering, Robby was right there. When he had to go perform maintenance on the pumps or the solar panels, May came along. Together they foraged for food and hunted in the woods. Once a month, they took trips out into the world, looking for other strays who were living on their own. May was particularly good at finding them. Romie usually went along on those trips—she was good at coaxing people into joining one of the settlements.
Each time they returned to Gladstone, Robby felt the pull of disappointment. Out on the road, they would usually all sleep in the same room. When they returned to Gladstone, Robby had his own house with Gordie, and May lived with Lisa and Romie.
It was the middle of winter when he came up with his plan.
One night, after dinner, he laid out the schematics on the table as soon as he had cleared the dishes away.
“What are we looking at?” Romie asked.
“Efficiency,” Robby said.
Brad ran his hand over the big drawing and then came around the table to see it from a different angle.
Lisa was the first one to say it aloud. “You want us all to move.”
“Yes,” Robby said. “I do.”
“Ah, I get it,” Brad said. “You’re going to combine all the appliances so we can make them more efficient.”
“Yes,” Robby said. “Heat, water, and electricity will be easier to scale and maintain this way, and we can put a big greenhouse off the back in order to extend the growing season of the dirt crops. We can also be closer to the hydroponic operation without compromising safety.”
“I don’t get it,” Romie said. “We already share electricity and water. How does this help?”
Brad pointed at the lines that Robby had made between the buildings. “He’s going to connect these houses with walkways. Everything will be indoors, out of the elements. And with the square footage of this roof, we can easily heat all the water we’ll need. One big furnace will require less maintenance.”
“Oh,” Romie said.
“I like it,” May said. “It will be like our own community. Did you ever read about that apartment building that used to be in Alaska.”
“Exactly,” Robby said.
“What apartment building?” Lisa asked.
May began to explain it to her, but Robby was distracted by Romie tugging on his arm. He followed her into the kitchen. She turned him around and looked him in the eyes.
“I see what you’re doing,” she said. “It’s unnecessary, and maybe a bad idea.”
Robby raised his eyebrows.
“You want to be closer to her,” Romie said with a tilt of her head toward the dining room.
“May?”
“Yes, Martina,” Romie said. “It’s not a big deal. We all see the way you two look at each other. There’s no crime in it.”
He forced himself to take a deep breath and not look away. Romie’s eyes pinned him.
“People fall in love. It happens,” she said. “Just be aware that the first few times you fall in love, you might not be that good at it. There’s a big difference between infatuation and love and they share all the same symptoms at first.”
“Why would that…” he began to ask.
She interrupted. “Once we make this mega house, you’ll basically be living under the same roof. It’s a short leap from that to sharing a room. Then what happens if you have a fight? Will she move out? Will you?”
“Why would we…”
“She doesn’t have anyone around here except us. Neither do you. We’re basically all family. You have to be extra careful and you’re both just teenagers.”
“Are you saying…”
“I’m not going to tell you what to do, Robby. I’m just here to give you friendly advice. Take this slowly. Pretend that we’re back in a world that still makes sense. There was a reason that people didn’t get married or move in together until they were at least in their twenties, and it wasn’t just a silly social custom that arose over time. There’s a certain level of maturity and experience that’s needed before you’re equipped to deal with that stuff. Take it slow.”
Robby finally let his eyes drop away from hers.
“Okay.”
“Okay?”
“Okay.”
“So we can put these plans on the back burner for now.”
“Okay.”
When they returned to the dining room, Lisa and May were figuring out the alterations they would want to the houses in order to make the best use of the common spaces. The center house would have the kitchen and the living room of the house on the south would become where they had their movie night. Brad would take the second floor of that house and Robby and Gordie would live in the middle one.
“What’s wrong, Robby?” May asked when she saw his face.
“Nothing,” he said. “Nothing is wrong, but Romie has a good point about us living under the same roof.”
Robby glanced over to Romie and she raised her eyebrows. There was a tiny amount of surprise in her eyes—she clearly didn’t think that he was going to bring up their private conversation.
Robby turned his full attention to May and forgot about everyone else.
“We’re young,” he said, taking a step toward her. “We’re young and the world has become a strange place. Before everything changed, we might have gone out on a few dates and then maybe moved on to see what else was out there.”
“You want to talk in private?” May asked. He saw her eyes dart around at the others.
“If you want.”
May took his hand and led him into the kitchen. Brad, Lisa, and Romie were too quiet in the other room—Robby knew they were listening. May probably knew it too.
“Romie had a good point about the hous
e I was planning,” Robby said. “She said that I was probably doing it to be closer to you, and I suppose I was.”
“Is that a bad thing?”
“It’s bad if it doesn’t mean what I intended,” he said. “I can see how it might feel like we’re step brother and sister, you know? It would be like we’re living together as kids under the same roof as our parents.”
“No,” she said, shaking her head.
“Exactly,” he said. “I want to avoid that too. I want to marry you. I know that it wouldn’t mean anything, but that’s what I want to do. But we’re too young.”
“I’m not too young,” she said.
“No, I know you’re not. I don’t feel like I’m too young either,” he said.
She squeezed his hand and he reached out and took her other hand as well.
“Let’s pretend we are,” he said. “Just for now.”
“How do you mean?”
“Let’s do everything like we would have done before the world ended. Let’s go out on dates. Let’s live separately and impose curfews on ourselves.”
“Why?”
“Because…” he started. He shook his head, trying to think of the right way to say what he felt. “I can see our future. I can see it more clearly than anything I’ve ever envisioned. I know that we’re going to be together forever and we’re going to have children if Dr. Matthew can make that happen, and they’re going to be the most important thing we’ve ever done.”
She smiled.
“But we’re too young for that kind of thing,” she said. He knew that it wasn’t the way she felt—she was just completing the thought that was in the back of his head.
He nodded.
“So we’ll impose a restriction on ourselves, just to be careful,” he said.
“Because we couldn’t bear the thought of something going wrong,” she said.
“Exactly. Even though we know it won’t,” Robby said.
“How long? Until we’re both twenty-one?”
Robby swallowed. She didn’t know what she was saying—she couldn’t possibly understand how long that would be. He thought it was possible that he could wait until summer, but spring would be a major trial. She was proposing that they wait for years. They might not even live long enough for Robby to see twenty-one. The world had already tried to end several times.
“That’s a long time,” he said.
“A month is too long,” she said.
“Exactly,” he said.
“But we have to,” she said.
“We do.”
“And we did,” Robby told his children. Janelle’s eyes were wide, but Ashley looked like she was going to nod off at any moment. In the next tent, they heard Brad roll over. His snoring subsided.
“You really didn’t live together until you were twenty-one?” Jim asked. He had asked the question before—apparently never really satisfied with the answer.
“We did.”
Ashley laughed and blinked slowly.
“What?” Jim asked.
“Do the math, Jim,” she said. “How old is Dad now, and how old am I?”
“I’m not sure this conversation is appropriate for your sister,” Robby said.
“Come on, Dad,” Janelle said. “I figured it out last time you told us the story. You weren’t even twenty-one when Ashley was born. Clearly, something was going on.”
Robby shook his head. For so long, they had simply believed him. It hadn’t occurred to him that they would eventually challenge his word about such things.
“Well, your mother was twenty-one,” he said. “Remember that.”
“Relax, Dad,” Ashley said. “There aren’t any good looking boys around anyway. We don’t have the same temptation that you had.”
Robby thought about the way she had looked at Merle earlier that day and thought that she wasn’t as clever as she considered herself. Ashley had always objected to the mandate. It wasn’t like they had a rule that every woman had to be pregnant all the time. They simply wanted, as a community, to encourage more people to have kids. There had been a time when hopelessness had pervaded, and it was seen as selfish to want to bring a child into the world. A lot of effort had gone into trying to turn that attitude around.
Merle and Ashley had done more to encourage future parents than the mandate itself. The presence of infants sparked the urge to have more.
“Dad?” Jim asked. He looked down when everyone looked to him. “What if a person doesn’t want to have kids just because they don’t really want… that.”
Robby had an idea what his son was asking, but he didn’t want to presume.
“Our genetic diversity is important,” Robby said. “When you’re an adult, I would encourage you to donate even if you decide you don’t want to be a father. There are other people who will gladly accept that responsibility.”
“Okay,” Jim said, nodding.
“I’m going to have a million kids when I’m twenty-one,” Janelle said. “You guys don’t have to worry. I’m going to find a black-haired boy with dark eyes and we’re going to have a new baby each year. There will be enough of us to take care of everyone.”
Robby smiled. He wasn’t sure if she meant it, or if she was just trying to be contrary to her brother and sister. It didn’t matter. Either way, he would be happy with her decision as long as it made her happy.
“Maybe brown hair,” Janelle said, looking off like she could see through the walls of the tent.
Robby laughed.
Chapter 119: Tim
On the walk from the bunker to Donnelly, Tim had spent most of his time with Ty. Stories led to stories. Tim talked mostly of the time out in the jungle. Ty talked about how he and Dr. Matthew had dealt with the medical emergencies in the years since Tim had left.
Once they reached town again, it seemed perfectly natural for Tim to lend a hand getting the clinic back in order. Ty still wanted to live in back, behind the exam rooms. They cleaned up another bedroom where Tim and Penny could live.
“Honestly, the most I do now is dentistry, bandages, and casts,” Ty told him.
“But it’s okay if I stay for a bit?” Tim had asked.
“Of course. I wasn’t trying to…”
Ty had trailed off and then eventually moved onto some other task. There was still something unsaid between them. Tim didn’t want to bring it up. It seemed like one of those conversations where the only potential outcome was to make things worse.
The town was busy, so it was easy to get lost in all the tasks that needed to be done. A small grid of roads were repaired—wide enough for people and bikes at first, and then for two carts to pass. The community consolidated in terms of living space. Several families moved into the apartment building where Liam had once lived. The structure was still sound and several of the panels on the roof were still producing electricity.
For the folks who wanted to live in detached houses, the going was a lot harder. In most cases, they had to live without electricity and running water. Mike set up pumps that filled community tanks. Morning and evening, people would haul jugs to be filled.
Tim couldn’t live that way. He joined the team led by Sariah that scouted for any solar panels and wind turbines that were still usable. They collected batteries and tested them in Mike’s old garage. If they didn’t leak or explode, they were rotated into service, regardless of how little charge they kept.
Ty set up a garden behind the clinic. He was collecting windows in order to build a cold frame before fall. Everyone was thinking about the upcoming winter.
“Meat’s not going to be a problem,” Ty said. “There are plenty of game animals around. I’m worried that people won’t get enough vegetables this winter.”
As far as Tim could see, Ty’s fear was unfounded. There were plenty of people who were excited to work with the seeds that they had squirreled away in the bunker. Gardens were popping up everywhere.
Starting to feel superfluous again, Tim wondered if it might be time to mo
ve on. The sun was beginning to set earlier each day. He still had time, but the good weather wouldn’t hold out forever if he wanted to make another long trip. The bicycle with the trailer behind it was waiting, and he knew the route that he would take if he went back to the Outpost. They would be happy to hear news from Donnelly.
Tim started thinking about a list of everything he would take. There was packaged food left over from the bunker put aside for emergencies. He could beg some of those for his mission. Tim decided to sit down and start writing the list out when he heard the rumble of thunder. He whistled to Penny and took a candle to go sit out on the porch of the clinic to work on his list.
Ty stopped him in the hall.
“You think you could help me out?” Ty asked.
He almost never asked for favors.
“Of course.”
Ty had a flashlight. Working batteries were becoming a commodity. Tim wondered why a candle wouldn’t work until he saw where Ty was pointing. The hatch in the ceiling led up to a low attic, not big enough to even stand up in. Ty was way too big to fit up there.
“There’s a leak. I can’t find it from the outside. I was hoping…”
Ty handed him a surgical mask for the dust.
Tim nodded and put it on while Ty positioned the ladder.
He started to climb when Ty put out a hand. “Hold on.”
The big man disappeared and came back a second later with one of his giant long-sleeved shirts. He held it out and Tim slipped inside, suddenly enveloped by Ty’s scent. It was like being hugged by him.
“So the insulation doesn’t get on your skin,” Ty said.
Tim nodded and climbed.
It took a few minutes to trace the leak back to its source. The water ran down the rafter before it started dripping on the ceiling of Ty’s room. When Ty handed up a measuring tape through the hole, Tim used it to report the likely location of the hole. Below, Ty wrote it down.