by Kaysoon Khoo
acquaintance. Come to think of it, though, he won't be the one doing the dying. Here, let me pull him out. See how he leers at the queen of the Nile?
CLEOPATRA: You keep that thing away from me, or I'll – I'll –
CHARMION: Or you'll what? Rake my face with your royal claws? You won't if you don't want more grief in your life. My claws are pretty sharp too. But why kick up such a fuss? To quote your own words, it's now or never. And it might as well be now, you old bag, because I'm sick and tired of exchanging words with you.
CLEOPATRA: Old bag? OLD BAG! You impudent hussy! How dare you talk to me like that? I'm hardly thirty –
CHAMPION: Sure! And I'm hardly out of my mother's womb! Go spin that yarn to someone else. I make up your face each morning and I scrape off all the muck from it at night! I see every line and wrinkle, so don't pull that "hardly thirty" stunt with me!
CLEOPATRA: Why, you cheap back-alley whore ... I order you to open your own veins! Right this minute! Do it now and die in my presence!
CHARMION: And if I refuse?
CLEOPATRA: REFUSE! You dare use that word when your queen gives you a command?
CHARMION: I do refuse, Cleo.
CLEOPATRA: CLEO? You have the temerity to address me by my name? I'll have the guards wrench out your tongue!
CHARMION: What guards, Cleo? There are only the two of us here. I'm no longer your slave because you'll soon be history. And let me tell you something, you poor, ignorant fool. I've no intention of ending my life and following you into the shades. You go alone. You've no longer any reason to go on living, but I have plenty. And all of them are waiting for me in Octavius' camp. Kiss your life goodbye, Cleo. It's over.
CLEOPATRA: Ingrate! Traitress! Wretch! My ka will haunt you and give you no peace for the rest of your days. I'll come get you on the seventh night after my death.
CHARMION: Oh, please, Cleo! That's Chinese superstition – and we're Egyptian! But enough of words. Here, look at this little cutie I've pulled out from under the figs! It thinks you have magnificent boobs and it wants to plant a kiss on them! There!
CLEOPATRA: Ouch! It bit me!
CHARMION: Well, what did you think it was going to do? Give you a tongue-job? Its name isn't Casear or Antony, you know.
CLEOPATRA: Oh! Oh! I feel faint! The room spins before my eyes ...
CHARMION: So soon? You're lucky. My mother died of colon cancer. You should seen how she thrashed on the floor and shrieked like a banshee during her last moments. I never saw such a show!
CLEOPATRA: You heartless bitch! Do you think I'll let you live? Here, see what I've got for you!
CHARMION: What are you doing with that knife, you crazy old sow? Don't come near me! Don't – owwww!
CLEOPATRA: There! I've sunk it in your gut. Nothing will save you now because the blade is stained with viper venom! It was meant for Octavius – in case he got here and stopped me from kicking the bucket. But now it's my parting gift to you! Get ready to come with me, bitch! We'll go together to Never-Never Land! But you'll never, never get to lay a finger on my Lord Antony when we're there! You'll only get to wash the privy!
CHARMION: What have you done, you monster? I'm too young to die! Look at all that blood – MY blood! Oh, I shall never survive it! You've killed me, royal tramp of Egypt!
CLEOPATRA: More impertinence? All right, let me work the knife in deeper! There! See how the blood really gushes out now. It makes me think of the Nile when that Moses dipped his staff in it. That was the work of his God. This is my work. And I'm so glad I'm able to do you this favour before I die! How's that for a parting gift, bitch?
CHARMION: Help! Help! I can't stand the sight of blood – especially if it's mine! Help me, someone! I die! I die!
CLEOPATRA: Well, you're not expected to climax, that's for sure ... Charmion? CHARMION! Stop lying on the floor and playing possum! Say something, trollop! Ah, she can't. She's dead. And so am I ... I think. That's crap! If I'm dead, how come I'm still muttering to myself? But death approaches fast. I feel the numbness in my limbs. I see the light at the end of the tunnel. No, it's the damned flambeaux! But everything begins to dim before my eyes. I'm stumbling in a fog. The whole room – the whole world has become hazy for me. Amazing haze, how sweet the daze as I prepare to take just a closer walk with thee, my Ra! I must lie down, and compose myself. There, I'm ready to hop over to the other side. Antony, I come to thee! Caesar, stay away from me! Get this, Julie Caesar – I've just washed my finger and I don't intend to get it soiled again! There'll be nothing more between us. I'm going to get me a knight for my nights once I reach the underworld – a real man, Caesar, the kind you would probably slobber over too. But enough of all that manure! Death approaches! He's tall, dark, handsome and he looks like a dream. I can't wait for Death to take me – it's been so long since anyone took me! Quick, someone – sing me some Egyptian lullabies! Fill the air with your mournful cries! Right this moment, Cleopatra dies ...
FINIS
AUTHOR'S NOTE :