by Angel Lawson
21
George
Jasper Williams isn’t an idiot. Sure, he may be a baseball player and a catcher, which means he’s most likely taken a few pitches to the head, but I refuse to think he’s dumb enough to make a move on my girl.
Except, as he sits next to Starlee in the truck, talking about the New Year’s Eve party in Mammoth Lake, I get the feeling he’s awful damn close to asking her to be his date.
“Oh, my mom told me about that party. She says it’s always been really fun,” Starlee says, oblivious to what’s going on.
“Maybe I’ll see you there. We can hang out.”
I cough, wanting to say she’s going with me or one of my brothers, but I can’t. We’re not allowed to even go out in public with her. At this very moment I’m violating a crap-ton of rules we set up to get things straightened out. I’d even been outright rude to Sierra.
I have no regrets.
Thankfully a sign directing us to the little town of Murphy’s shows up on the side of the road. “Oh look,” I say, hoping to cut the chit-chat about New Year's Eve to a close, “there’s the farm.”
I turn the truck into the dirt road and find a place in the parking lot. I back in, knowing we’ll need to load the trees in the back, which gives me the chance to toss my arm around the back of the bench seat and curl it over Starlee’s shoulder. The tires dip in a rut, and she jostles into me, grabbing my thigh to keep from falling. I grit my teeth. It’s been a long time since she’s touched me there—anywhere—and my body is ramped up at the slightest interaction.
I lock the brake and shift into park and she still hasn’t moved her hand yet. I glance from her to Jasper and notice him noticing. A smirk of curiosity twists his lips.
“Well, let’s go get some trees,” I say, regretfully opening the door and escaping the cab that smells like coffee and Starlee’s shampoo.
“Oh my god, are those goats?” she asks in a high-pitched squeal. Sure enough, there’s a pen with baby goats frolicking around bales of hay. She leaves me and Jasper to lean over the fence.
“Look man, I’m sorry if I crossed the line talking to her about New Year’s. I didn’t know you were dating. I mean, I’d heard she and Jake were a thing, but they barely spoke today, so I figured—”
“We’re not dating,” I say. I hate it, but if he tells Christina or anyone else that we may still be together, that’s not going to help Sierra. “We’re just good friends.”
“Oh,” he says, his face relaxing. “Cool. I wasn’t trying to be a dick or anything. She’s just really hot, you know?”
“Yeah, I know.” I follow his gaze to see Starlee’s stepped up on the first beam of the fence so she can lean closer to the goats. Her ass looks good in the tight gray and black leggings. The sun is shining and the sky is a wide, clear blue, making her hair look redder than normal. There’s a smile on her face—something carefree I haven’t seen in a while. I know the situation with the four of us has worn on her. Hell, it’s worn on all of us. There’s a lightness to her today that I just can’t place. Maybe she’s glad to be here with another guy. That thought sends me to a foul place.
“Hey, Starlee, I’m going to go find the manager. He’s knows we’re coming to get the tree for the school.”
“I’ll come with you,” she says, hopping off the fence.
“I guess I’ll go pick out the trees for the resort.”
“Meet you back here in a little while?” she says, walking toward the little office. Jasper definitely watches her go.
Once there’s a bit of distance between us, I grab Jasper by the arm. “Look, I may not be dating Starlee, but I’m not kidding when I say she’s a good friend. She’s new here and comes from a background that makes her a little naïve. She’s not looking for a boyfriend.”
His eyes shift between me and Starlee, who is already at the office door. “No one said anything about a boyfriend, Evans.” He jerks his arm away. “I just thought she may be fun to hang with. It’s not my problem if you’re too chicken to make a move.”
He’s lucky it’s me that he said that to and not Dexter, or he’d be picking his teeth off the ground. He doesn’t wait for me to reply, which is fine; anything I say will get me in trouble. As much as I trust Starlee, there’s the slightest bit of worry that maybe she’d rather have a guy that can take her on dates and hold her hand in public and kiss her at midnight on New Year’s Eve.
Those are the things bothering me as I venture through the tree farm alone, looking for trees that fit the height and width specifications given to me by my dad. I’m getting fifty bucks for this job, which made him pretty happy. He likes to see us work. I still haven’t told him about applying for art school. I’d done all that on my own. I figure I’ll tell him once I’m accepted. If I’m accepted. Charlie and I both get the appeal of keeping some things from him now and not fighting everything. It all goes smoother if we play by my dad’s rules.
A staff member helps me with my trees, since I need so many of them and they’re larger than average. It still takes longer than Starlee and Jasper, who are inside the fence playing with the goats. I watch them from a far, Jasper holding out his hand filled with hay to feed the goats. Starlee laughs, her smile bright and wide and I don’t like the jealousy blooming in my chest.
“That little one keeps getting away from me,” she cries, pointing to a tiny black and white goat.
“He’s just scared, how about this one?” Jasper points to a larger, fluffier brown goat chewing on a rubber ball.
I enter the gate and slowly walk to the little goat. He’s skittish, bouncing away whenever I get too close, but I’m able to pin him just inside the red barn and pick him up.
“You got him!” Starlee says, walking over. She pets his head and scratches behind his ears. “He’s so cute.”
“You seem happy today,” I tell her. “Something’s different.”
She shrugs and focuses on the goat.
After wallowing in my jealousy for the last hour I can’t help but ask, “Is it him? Is it because it’s easier? Because I understand that, Star. This whole thing sucks.”
“What?” She looks up at me with those brilliant green eyes. “You think I’m in a good mood because of Jasper?”
“I don’t know,” I whisper, feeling dumb. “I’d say it was the goats but you’ve had a glow about you since I saw you walk in the shop with him this morning.” I lower the goat to the ground and pull off my gloves so I can grab her hand. We’re inside the barn where no one can see us.
She tilts her head. “I’m in a good mood because I hung out with Jake last night.”
I frown. Well that explains the smug, satisfied look on his face this morning. “You did?”
“Yeah, in secret, of course.” She reaches for my cheek. “This may be hard but it’s not the end of the world. I can wait and when I can’t…” She pushes up on her toes and presses her lips to mine. “I’ve learned to find a way around it.”
I take her face in my hands, feeling the cold of her cheeks. I kiss her again, longer this time, harder. I don’t stop until I feel a tug on my pants leg. Looking down, I find that tiny goat is back, this time trying to eat my jeans. “Shoo, little guy,” I say, shaking my leg.
He persists.
Starlee laughs, reaching for the goat, but that makes it run off again.
“Thank you for coming today,” she says. “I didn’t mind going with Jasper alone but it was better getting to spend the day with you.”
“It was. I’ve missed this.” I graze her lower back as we walk out of the barn. Jasper’s over by the water trough, flirting with one of the girls that works here.
“How’s everything at home?” she asks.
“Manageable.”
“Charlie?” There’s worry in her eyes when she asks about him.
“He’s okay. Bored at the new job but making the most of it. He misses you too.”
“I’m hoping we can figure out a way to get together for Christmas.”
/> I smile down at her. I’m not that optimistic but I’m not going to burst her bubble. “If anyone can make that happen, it’s you.”
We load up the trees and hop back on the road, taking the amazing drive back through Yosemite. I drop them both back in Lee Vines, feeling Starlee’s warmth next to me in the truck, hating that I don’t have the time to get out to see everyone again and the loss hits me hard. She’s right about being able to wait. We can, and we can work our way around it, too. Life hasn’t stopped because the adults around us can’t get their shit together. We’ll have to figure it out on our own.
22
Starlee
“I have to admit,” Christina says a few days later as we sort mittens together in the cafeteria after school, “this really was a pretty good idea.”
I can’t pretend I’m not shocked by the compliment. I glance around looking for the hidden cameras, but just see the rest of the committee working at different tables. “Uh, thanks.”
She rolls her eyes under the fluffy white fur of the Santa hat she’s been wearing all week. It looks adorable on her, along with the red T-shirt that says, “Naughty or Nice” across her chest. “Don’t look so surprised. I can be nice.”
“Sure,” I say, not understanding this conversation. I’ve tried my best to stay away from her since Thanksgiving. “Well, thank you. I saw this back home and thought maybe it would be a good fit for the club.”
She holds up her list and makes a check next to the pile we’re making for each family. If we can, we add a pair of gloves, a hat and scarf for each person. “How was getting the tree with Jasper?”
I shrug and glance at him across the room. He’s stacking boxes with a few other boys. “He’s nice.”
“I heard he had a good time.”
I pause. “From who?”
“Him.” She folds a pink and purple scarf with shaggy fringe. “We’re good friends.”
“Ah, of course you are.” Did that mean he told her George drove us?
As if reading my mind, she says, “Don’t worry. I won’t tell Jake that you went with two boys that aren’t him.”
“Jake? Why would he care?”
“Are you pretending like you’re not still seeing him?”
“I’m not. We’ve barely spoken in the last few weeks.” I’m not sure what game Christina is playing but I don’t like feeling like prey in her trap.
“Huh, I thought I heard you were at the movies the other night.”
Nosy bitch.
“You heard wrong.” Claire happens to walk by. “Hey Claire, tell Christina who my date for the movie was on Friday night.”
She smiles. “I was the lucky girl.”
Christina scowls at her former friend. I wrinkle my nose and once Claire walks away, I remark, “Watch out, your homophobia is showing.”
“If I’m homophobic, then you’re a slut,” she hisses under her breath. “Don’t think I don’t know what you’re up to with those boys. With Jake one day then George the next. I’m sure the others are in the mix, too.”
I want to flat out deny it but there’s too much truth in there. I don’t want to deny any of them. “Jealousy doesn’t suit you, Christina, especially when you’re out of line.”
“How? By calling you a whore?”
“No, by calling the police on me and the guys when nothing was going on. We were stuck and making the best of it and you totally fucked up their lives.”
She steps back but doesn’t say anything, surprised I guess that I’m actually calling her on it. “You don’t get to ruin people because you’re petty. Karma’s a bitch and one day she’s gonna come knocking and you won’t be able to outrun her.”
“You’re all just trash. A bunch of homeless, juvenile delinquents. You deserve one another.” she says. “One day they’ll realize that your little innocent act is all that—a game. They know nothing about you. Who you really are. Where you’re from. That you’ll run away from them like you ran away from your other life.”
“You’re crazy. You don’t know anything about me.”
Claire walks up behind me and touches my arm. “Is everything okay here?”
“Christina was just going to take her meds and settle down.”
“Ouch,” Claire says as the girl’s lips turn into a nasty grin.
“You’re probably screwing her too.”
“Shut up,” Claire snaps.
“What if I am?” I say, feeling frazzled by all the accusations. What is her problem? I turn and face Claire and grip her face, pulling her to me and planting a big kiss on her mouth.
“You’re pathetic,” Christina says storming out of the room.
I release Claire. “Sorry about that. She just—”
“She’s the literal worst.” She watches her ex-friend go. “Honestly, I’m surprised she’s messing with you. Jake told me he’d handled her.”
“Oh really?” I’m curious as to how, but at the same time I’m not sure I want to know.
“Guess it didn’t stick.”
We both laugh and then notice the rest of the room has grown silent. Margaret, Jasper, and all the other kids are watching the two of us.
“We were waiting for a new rumor to take over the old one. I guess we handled that.” She laughs.
“Is it wrong for me to say that as awesome as that was, I think I’m still into guys.” Four guys in particular.
“Nope. And really, it’s probably best that we never discuss this again. Mona is coming home for the break and I don’t need your drama to filter into my life.”
“Good luck with that,” I mutter, but I feel a hundred pounds lighter just telling Christina off. She’s had it coming for a long time. I just hope for once she doesn’t try to swing back.
The last days of school before Christmas break come with so much energy and excitement, all the drama and gossip from the past two weeks gets pushed aside. I’d almost forgotten about the kiss with Claire until Dexter cornered me in a small alcove outside my Spanish class and says, “There’s a rumor going around that you kissed Claire at the Helping Hands meeting. If Christina is spreading gossip again—”
“She’s not,” I confess. “It happened. As a joke, but yeah, it happened.”
His gray eyes scorch into me and I can’t tell if he’s upset or not, but he just says through a clenched jaw, “The next lips you kiss better be mine.”
I nod and watch him walk away, feeling like I may need a cold shower.
Things are fever pitch the Friday before break. Teachers were smart enough not to give any tests, thank goodness. My mind is not on academics, especially after finding the package on my window that morning.
I didn’t see it at first, mostly because it was still dark out. I had a habit of checking out the window every morning, like back in the summer. Back then I was checking to see if Jake was ready for our walk down for the sunset. With that off the table, I now just look up to catch a glimpse of him. Most mornings I find him waiting at the glass for a heartbeat. It’s the little things to get through the day.
Today, though, I see the flash of red on the sill and push open the window. The package is rectangular and wrapped in shiny red paper. A white mangled bow on the top. I look up and see Jake in his window—a smile on his face.
My phone buzzes on the bed behind me.
J: Merry Christmas
S: It’s too early!
J: I don’t want to wait. Open it.
I put down the phone and slowly slide a finger under the tape. The paper falls away and I’m holding a small box in my hands. I lift the lid and see it’s a deck of cards. I recognize the design and glance up at Jake. He smiles broadly.
The cards are from my favorite book series, Red Rising. The first book we read together when I started helping Jake with his reading. Each one a different character, their attributes and little details. I run my finger down the card and the texture surprises me. I pick up my phone.
I don’t text. I call.
Jake picks up on the
first ring. His voice is low. “Do you like them?”
“They’re beautiful. I love them so much. Where did you get them?”
I touch the top one of Darrow and his long blond hair. I have a such a fan-crush on all these characters.
“George made them for me—well, you. It’s really a gift from both of us.”
“George?” I pick up the cards again. The texture I felt was colored pencils. He hand drew each one. “You’re kidding. They’re so good.”
“They came out perfect.”
I look up at him. “Thank you.”
“You’re welcome.”
The gifts didn’t end there and I should have known the boys would conspire. On the way to school, I receive a video. It’s snippets of the five of us from last summer. At Star Falls, in Yosemite, hiking through the ghost town in Bodie. At the end, there’s a note that lingers on the screen.
Merry Christmas, Starlee, the only girl that can drag me into nature.
I watch the video three more times during school and Claire finally snatches the phone from me to look. “What’s this?”
“Something Charlie made for me.” Overall, it’s pretty PG and at this point I’m not really worried about what Claire knows about us.
She pauses the video on Jake hanging out at the falls with his shirt off and holds it up. “Look, I’m not into guys, at all, but even I want to touch his chest.”
I laugh. “It’s pretty impressive, right?”
She shakes her head and hands me back the phone. At the end of class, she says, “Oh, I almost forgot. I was instructed to give this to you before lunch and to make sure you read it before lunch.”
It’s a little box and when I open it, I find a tiny pie that fits in the palm of my hand. The scent of sugar hits my nose. There’s a slip of paper inside that says, “Art Room, A Lunch.”
“Did Dexter give you this?”
She shrugs. “Just go before I eat that pie myself.”