“You’re everything and I’m nothing. And the worst thing about that is…you know it.”
He revved the engine, but locked his hand over the brake and mud spewed out from under the back wheel. It splattered over me and I screamed in alarm, holding my hands out to try and stop it. He kept revving until I was covered, filthy, frozen, then released the throttle and tore away up the hill, leaving me in the mud to rot.
I yawned widely as Mr Helix talked us through some epically boring speech on micro climates in our geography class and I tried to marry up the world’s dullest teacher with the guy I’d seen swinging a textbook with the intention to brain people during the break in. There he sat in his tweed suit with the elbow patches like some douchebag wearing a professor costume from the nineties looking as innocent as fuck. In fact, give him a pipe and a flat cap and we’d have ourselves a regular Sherlock Holmes. It was certainly a choice. And not one I would have made.
I zoned him out and let my attention wander around the rest of the class as I searched for something to take my attention. Of course, my gaze lingered on Tatum more than once. She was sitting in front of me with Mila at her side as they not-so-subtly whispered to each other and giggled.
There was something in her laughter that was so real and pure that it set an ache raging in my soul.
My eyes fell closed for a moment as I thought of my mom. She used to text me every day about some asinine thing or another. I’d ignore her as often as not. No, I didn’t have an opinion on the colour she had the dining room redecorated. No, I didn’t watch whatever show she’d been binging. No, I didn’t listen to any of the music she’d added to our family playlist… I listened to it now though. I listened to it and wished I could have told her that I loved it. That I shouldn’t have assumed our tastes would be so different just because I was older now and didn’t need her help in finding music to listen to. I wished I could have sat and listened to some of it with her while we lounged out on the patio behind our house in the summer and let the sun set around us like we used to. I wished growing up didn’t make me think I had to grow so far away from her that I’d wasted the time I hadn’t realised was precious.
I swiped a hand down my face and tried not to wallow. But some days it was harder than others.
As I opened my eyes again, I found Squits looking at me with a soft frown and I bared my teeth at him like a beast.
I couldn’t say for sure if he shit himself again, but I was pretty fucking hopeful. My heart spiked with the little hit of power I got as he hurriedly dropped my gaze and turned away from me.
I was in need of a distraction, and he’d just given me a damn good idea.
I lifted my pen to my mouth as I thought about it with a smirk curling up the corners of my lips, the plastic clacking against my teeth.
“Stop,” Saint snarled, his hand slamming down on my desk and drawing the focus of the entire class.
My smile widened and I clacked the pen across my teeth again, my gaze meeting Saint’s with a challenge.
“Do you want to explain why you just interrupted my class, Mr Memphis?” Mr Helix called out, but Saint didn’t so much as shoot him a glance.
He lunged for me suddenly, ripping the pen from my fingers before snapping it in half and striding to the front of the room where he could throw it in the trash.
But in his haste to shut me up, he hadn’t noticed the ink which splattered up the front of his pristine shirt as he broke the pen and as he turned back towards us and everyone spotted it, the class gave a collective inhale of anticipation.
Saint’s gaze fell to the ink, his hand curled into a fist, his jaw locked and he suddenly turned and stalked toward the door.
As he passed Freeloader’s desk, he upended her pencil case then snatched Bait’s workbook from his desk before ripping it cleanly in two. He smacked him around the side of his head with one half, making the white mask covering the top of his face shift and Bait cried out in pain as it tugged at his skin where the glue still secured it.
“Mr Memphis!” Helix shouted in shock, pushing himself to his feet like he intended to do something further to reprimand Saint. But before he could even finish that sentence, Saint strode from the room with one half of Bait’s workbook clutched in his fist while dropping the other to the floor like it meant nothing to him.
The door slammed behind him and Kyan snorted a laugh as Helix tried to get the tittering class under control again.
Squits shot a nervous look over his shoulder at me like he could tell I was on the hunt today and I smiled to myself.
The bell rang to mark the end of class and I pushed to my feet without bothering to grab any of my crap. Squits was shovelling his books and pens back into his bag as fast as he could, but it wasn’t quick enough to stop me from reaching him before he could leave.
I clamped a hand on his shoulder and he whimpered as he looked up at me. And I knew it made me a total fucking asshole, but it felt so fucking good to know I wielded power like that. Especially over the Unspeakables. Their crimes had bought them this treatment, so I didn’t even have to feel a modicum of guilt over my actions when I needed an outlet for my inner vindictive asshole.
I looked over at Tatum, catching her eye. “Be a lamb, Cinders, and grab mine and Saint’s stuff to take back to The Temple,” I asked sweetly.
“Seriously?” she huffed, though she knew that commands from any of us were always serious.
I hadn’t really been doling out commands since the night we’d all killed for her. Or if I was being totally honest, I hadn’t been doing it much since I’d dragged her out to an unmarked grave and pointed a gun at her.
My chest tightened up into a knot as I thought of that night, of the fear in her eyes and the awful feeling of being entirely out of control which had consumed me. I’d fucked up. Seriously, utterly, beyond all reason of a doubt, fucked up. And I wanted to use the excuse that I’d been out of my mind with grief, that I’d been drowning in it, lost and hurting so much that I’d barely even realised what I was doing until I was out there, standing over her with that fucking gun in my hand. But it was no excuse. I was just glad that suddenly it had become so clear. Looking into her eyes and seeing the fear I’d caused her had been this insane wake up call. And thank fuck it had been. I just wished I’d come to my senses sooner. Before I’d put her through that shit. So now, there wasn’t any way I was planning on putting her through any more.
“I’m sure Kyan will help you carry it. He likes to play the knight in shining armour,” I teased, wondering if she’d notice I’d just pretty much given her an out for the job I’d set.
“Sure thing, baby,” Kyan agreed. “I’ll carry all of your shit for you, so long as you suck my dick to thank me for it.”
“I’d sooner choke on my own vomit,” she hissed back at him and he laughed darkly.
“How’s this then? I’ll carry all of this shit back to The Temple, but tonight, you have to give me one, genuine compliment.”
Tatum’s face twisted like the idea of doing that caused her actual pain, but she glanced at Mila then agreed with a huff. “Fine. I’m going for my study time in the library now. I’ll be back in time for pizza night.”
“Looking forward to it,” Kyan replied with a smirk which said he thought he’d won a point against her.
“Perfect,” Tatum agreed before sweeping everything from mine and Saint’s desks onto the floor and striding out of the room with a shocked Mila at her side. “Have fun picking that up,” she called, her laughter sailing back to us from the corridor as most of the class disappeared.
Mr Helix cast a look my way as I still sat immobilising Squits but as our eyes met, I arched a questioning brow at him and he left too, offering Squits an apologetic look before abandoning him to the sinner in me.
“Pick all of that shit up,” I commanded him as Kyan lazed in his chair without a care in the world. I guessed Tatum hadn’t really thought her cunning plan through – obviously Kyan wouldn’t get down on the floor g
rabbing all that crap himself.
Squits rushed to obey, crawling around on the floor as he scrambled to collect everything.
I stood and moved to Helix’s desk, retrieving the remains of his coffee which had gone cold in his mug, instant coffee granules still floating in it.
A few of the football team were lingering to watch the show and Deepthroat was hesitating by the door, watching Squits with fearful eyes as he hurried to stack all of mine and Saint’s stuff together before placing them in our bags and handing them to Kyan.
“Drop your pants, Squits,” I instructed lazily.
The little dude with his lanky black hair only hesitated a moment before unbuckling his belt and dropping his trousers to his ankles. I could actually see him shaking and I sighed in disappointment. This was too easy. Like shooting fish in a barrel. It was so much less satisfying goading someone with no backbone.
Luckily for me, he had a pair of crisp, tighty whities on so at least my plan wouldn’t be thwarted by dark underwear.
I strode towards him, circling around until I stood behind him where I yanked the waistband of his underwear wide and was gifted a view of his pasty ass crack before I dumped the cold coffee down the back of them.
Squits whimpered as the brown liquid soaked through his white underwear and ran down the backs of his legs, staining them with a wide, brown mark.
The footballers whooped and laughed at the sight of him, but even this prank didn’t really do anything to lessen the emptiness in me. I mean, yeah, it was fucking hilarious, but it just didn’t matter somehow.
I sighed again and decided to give up on this route of medicine.
“You’re going to walk back to your dorm with your pants around your ankles,” I commanded as I circled around to look him in the eye again. “And if anyone asks what happened to you, what will you say?”
Squits started to say something then stopped himself as he seemed to realise what answer I was looking for. “That I…I did it again. I shit my pants…”
Kyan roared with laughter along with the footballers and I smirked for effect too.
“Run along then,” I encouraged and Kyan shoved himself to his feet as well.
“I’m gonna get a video of this shit for Saint,” he announced.
Deepthroat moved to Squits’ side as he shuffled from the room with his pants around his ankles and a look on his face that said he might cry. It should have made my fucking day but I just kinda felt…nothing. Even when he stumbled and fell to the floor with his ass in the air and Danny Harper made a perfectly timed farting noise which was all caught on camera.
Yeah, that shit was funny, but it didn’t touch me. I huffed irritably as Deepthroat helped Squits up, shooting a doe eyed look at Kyan which said she still had the hots for him even after all the shit he’d put her through. That girl was fucking twisted. And though I knew Kyan wanted her dealt with his way, sometimes I wished he’d just reported the bitch to the police and had her carted off to juvie.
“Don’t fucking look at me, you herpes riddled gash,” Kyan snarled at her and she quickly looked away again.
I followed the others out as Squits made his walk of shame across campus, the laughter of all the students who caught sight of him bringing a smile to my face even if it wasn’t enough to banish my grief today.
Kyan took off back to The Temple when he’d had enough of the show, but I lingered, wanting some other kind of escape while not knowing what.
“Hey, man,” Danny said, moving to stand before me and casting a look at the three other members of the football team who were standing with him. I noticed Punch - Toby – lingering at the back of the group as he worked to fit back in too.
“Hey,” I replied, wondering what he wanted and whether or not I gave a shit.
“So, err, toilet paper supplies are still pretty low in the dorms and I was wondering if there was anything we could trade or maybe do to earn a roll or two…”
The world really has gone to shit, millionaire kids with trust funds big enough to keep them in luxury for life are begging for scraps of fucking toilet paper. Who ever could have predicted this was the way the world would end? Not with a bang but with a hoard of dirty asses…
“Maybe,” I said thoughtfully. Technically Saint was in charge of TP distribution, but if I could make them jump through enough hoops I was sure he’d agree to paying them with a square or two.
“Awesome,” Danny said, way too enthusiastically for some fucking toilet paper but that was okay. “What do we need to do?”
I glanced between him and the others, wondering how far I could push them for this. “Something…dangerous,” I said slowly, the idea appealing to the reckless side of me as I wondered if there might be something in this offer that could help banish my grief for a while too.
The four of them looked between each other as they tried to come up with something that would fit the bill.
“We could go on a run down to Murkwell and fuck with the people living there?” Chad McCormack suggested and I huffed irritably.
“I said dangerous not fucking stupid. I don’t want to put everyone here at risk from the Hades Virus for some stupid prank,” I snapped and he quickly dropped his head as he apologised.
“We could steal some of the school golf carts and race them?” Punch suggested tentatively. Not Punch, dammit, Toby now. That was going to take some adjusting to.
“Maybe…”
“Or we could go cliff diving?” Danny said, pointing out towards the lake, though from here the trees hid it from view.
“We have a winner,” I declared as my heart beat faster at that suggestion.
Cliff diving over on the east side of the lake was banned because it was dumb as fuck. There were as many rocks as deep pockets of water beneath them and within the shadow of the cliff, it was pretty much impossible to figure out where they were. Rumour was that a kid had died jumping there once. But I liked my chances well enough to give it a shot. I’d always been a winner.
I turned towards the path and set a fast pace as the sheep fell in behind me, flocking after the wolf they feared rather than risk invoking my wrath.
The guys following me were excitable, joking around and making bets on who would pussy out once we got up there. I didn’t really care either way. I just wanted something to drag me away from this pit of emptiness and longing which I could feel closing in on me. Days like this were the worst. When it was hard to even get out of bed and face the world. When the smile on my face felt like a mask that I was desperately fighting to keep pinned in place. And I didn’t even know why. Why did I give a shit if everyone saw how deeply this wound had cut me? The answer was, I didn’t. I didn’t give a single shit if all of these fuckers saw me curled up in a ball sobbing. I’d still be their king when I pulled myself together again.
No, it wasn’t about that. It was about me. About the way I didn’t want to give in to that despair. I didn’t want to feel the full weight of what I’d lost. I didn’t want to face the crushing pressure of it meaning the end of so many things. And maybe that was a betrayal to my mom and the love I held for her. Or maybe it was an acknowledgement of the fact that this grief had cut too deeply and I knew the wound was fatal.
Surviving it would take a miracle. And those weren’t usually offered out to rich boys with black hearts and empty souls.
We took the winding path through the thick woodland right up onto the cliff and headed out towards the edge just as the sun drew low in the sky and gilded the waves with the onset of sunset.
“Why doesn’t this seem like a good idea anymore?” Punch muttered and I tossed a scathing look his way as I shrugged out of my blazer.
“Because being an Unspeakable basically castrated you,” I deadpanned. “And now you’re such a pussy that I can probably make you shit yourself with a raised eyebrow.”
The other guys all fell about laughing, shifting towards me and putting distance between them and Toby as his neck flushed red and he fought to hold my eye. I
half wondered if I’d be able to goad him into punching me again. There would be something really fucking poetic in that.
“I’m not a pussy,” he grunted.
“No?” I lunged towards him, clapping my hands right in his face and he flinched backwards, tripping on a branch hidden in the grass and falling on his butt as the rest of the guys howled with laughter.
Still didn’t really make me feel any better but it made my point.
I turned away from him dismissively and continued to shed my clothes until I was wearing nothing but my boxers.
I rolled my shoulders back as I approached the edge, looking down at the enormous drop below and the way the water lapped around the huge rocks which jutted up out of the lake.
As I looked down at what could very well be my death, I had to wonder if that was even the worst thing in the world? It would at least mean an end to all this heartache. Not that I’d ever really considered ending it all, but what if that was the only solution? What if living with this grief didn’t get any easier? It just got harder. What if more people I loved caught that fucking virus that Tatum’s father had released and were stolen from me? There was real fear in that. In living in a world where something so unpredictable could take away the few people who really made my life worth living in the blink of an eye.
And as I thought of them. Of my family and of Saint and Kyan, I knew I wasn’t really considering leaving them. But sometimes it almost felt like I already had. Like I was living a life wrapped in cotton wool with the sound deadened and everything muted. So maybe doing something reckless would jolt me back into feeling like myself again.
I backed away from the edge with determined strides, but before I could jump, Punch hurtled past me, fully dressed and screaming defiantly as he charged for the cliff yelling, “I’m not a pussy!” as he leapt over the edge.
I scrambled forward between the others, a laugh falling from my lips as we watched him hit the water far below with an enormous splash.
I held my breath as he disappeared beneath the surface, the waves hiding him from view as he sank out of sight. And we waited. And waited. And waited.
Kings of Lockdown: A Dark High School Bully Romance (Brutal Boys of Everlake Prep Book 2) Page 20