by Lisa Jordan
Tucker pushed through the lump forming in his throat and forced a smile in place. “What are you guys doing here?”
The brothers exchanged glances, then Evan shrugged. “Dad called, so we came. We’re here for you, dude.”
Jake pulled Tucker into a quick hug and clapped him on the back. “We’re Holland strong, remember? We may bend, but we don’t break, right?”
He wasn’t so sure about the not breaking part...he was pretty sure a part of him had been broken beyond repair. But he forced a smile. “How many times did Dad have you guys repeating that on the way down?”
“However many times it takes for you knuckleheads to remember it.” Dad clapped a hand on Tucker’s shoulder and gave it a gentle squeeze. “How are you doing?”
If anyone else had asked that same question, Tucker would’ve faked it with a shrug and a “fine.” But his dad had the superpower of being able to zero in on the truth.
Tucker fisted his hands in the front pockets of his black cargo pants. He dropped his chin to his chest, then slowly shook his head as tears filled his eyes. His chest shuddered, and he clamped down on his bottom lip. Maybe the pain in his mouth would take away from the destruction in his chest.
Landon was going to be fine. The doctor had assured him of that several times, but seeing his son lie on the bed fighting for breath...that had dredged up memories best forgotten, and he wasn’t sure how to move forward.
Dad looped an arm around his shoulder. “Come on. Let’s take a walk.”
“Can’t. I need to get back to Landon.”
“Claudia and Tori can sit with him for a few minutes.”
They paused at a coffee cart in the lobby for two cups of strong coffee, then moved down the hall. Dad opened a door and stepped aside for Tucker to enter the room marked Chapel.
Two sections of about twenty chairs faced a narrow pulpit flanked by stained glass. Low lighting and soft instrumental hymns created a reverent atmosphere.
Tucker slid into the last row and sat on one of the padded chairs.
“So, what’s going on?”
Tucker took a sip of his coffee, then set it on the floor next to his feet. He cupped his mouth and blew out a breath. Dropping his hands between his knees, he glanced at Dad then focused on the threads in the scarlet-colored carpet. “Between Bella and Landon, I’m not sure how much more I can take.”
“You’re strong. Stronger than you think.” Dad removed the lid of his coffee and took a sip. “Good coffee. You’re a rescuer, Tuck—the first to jump in, save the day and bail others out of trouble, which is why Evan and Micah turn to you first for help. Keeping your cool is your superpower.”
“I’m not doing such a good job of that right now. It’s been tough being the strong one all the time. It’s my job, but I’m failing. Even though Landon will make a full recovery, I can’t shake this helpless feeling.”
“Disaster tends to shake your core, and son, you’ve had your share of disasters the past few years. I gotta say I’m surprised you’ve been able to keep it together as well as you have. So why do you think you need to be the strong one all the time?”
“Remember the day I turned ten and Mom had that miscarriage?”
“Yep. That was a tough day for her. For all of us.”
“You told me it was my job to stay strong.”
“You did stay strong. You called 911. You saved Mom’s life even though she’d lost the baby.” Dad rubbed a hand over his forehead. “I’m sorry if I made you feel you always had to be strong.”
“When I arrived at the hospital yesterday and saw Landon on that stretcher, I felt everything within me was crumbling and I was going to lose him the same way I’d lost Rayne. I just can’t shake this sense of panic. There’s nothing I can do for him, and I feel so helpless.” Tucker’s chest shuddered as his eyes filled.
“Tucker, you’re a fine paramedic, but you are not God. It’s not your job to save everyone. Sometimes, your job is to just trust God to show up.”
“What if He doesn’t? Like when Mom was killed? Or when Rayne died?”
“Oh, son. He was there.” Chuck thumped Tucker’s chest. “Right here. You just need to keep trusting Him no matter the outcome. No matter what life throws at us, He keeps holding on, never letting go. When we continue to find hope in the heartache, that’s what draws us closer to Him.”
“That’s what Mom used to tell us, too.”
“She was a smart woman. When feed prices dropped, milk prices rose or one of you boys was sick, she’d always remind me, ‘You have two choices, Chuck—trust God or go it alone. You can’t claim to be a Christian and lack faith. Let your faith be greater than your fear. Stop listening to the enemy’s voice and tune in to God’s.’”
Tucker smiled genuinely for the first time in a couple of days. “I can hear her saying that. Man, I miss her.”
“Me, too. As I’ve said before—I’ll always love your mother. Her death doesn’t change that. Just as I suspect you’ll always love Rayne. I remember the day we learned Lilly was pregnant with you, and she asked what was eating at me. I confessed that I loved Jacob so much that I didn’t know if I could love another child. She said the amazing thing about the heart is it grows with more and more opportunities to love. The more we exercise it, the bigger it gets. Grieving your mother was the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do, but I kept trusting God. After Dennis died and Claudia and I grew closer, God tapped me on the shoulder and said she was to be my new wife.”
“I didn’t handle things well with Bella.”
“It’s not too late to change that. Talk to her. Tell her how you feel.”
“What if she doesn’t want me? Then what? I’m supposed to just walk away?”
“You’re both worn-out and running on empty. Let God fill you up.”
“I’m scared.”
“And that’s okay. Just make sure your faith is stronger than your fear. Faith and trust go hand in hand, and it’s a choice you need to make every single day, even several times a day. So now it’s up to you to decide if you’re willing to fight for what you want. You’re a strong, brave man, but you can’t go into battle alone.” Dad stood and stretched his back. “Once Landon’s ready to go home, Claudia and I will come down and stay with him, so you can find Isabella and share your heart.”
They headed out into the hall to find Jake sitting on the bench outside the chapel.
“What are you doing here?”
Jake pushed to his feet. “Dad’s right, you know.”
Tucker scrubbed a hand over the back of his head. “Of course, but what in particular?”
“If you’d told me six months ago Tori and I would be remarried before the end of the year, I probably would’ve decked you.” Jake slugged him playfully on the shoulder, then held up his left hand, sporting a shiny new wedding ring. “But now, look how far we’ve come. Now it’s my turn to tell you, fight for what you want, because when you find that person who gets you—faults and all—then you need to hold on tight. We’ve been dealt heartaches that brought us to our knees, but like you told me over the summer when I was wrestling over what to do about Tori—God’s offering you a second chance. It’s time to close the door to the past and open the one to a future with Isabella.”
Tucker pulled his brother in for a hug and thumped him on the back. “Thanks, brother.”
He followed Jake to the elevator and pressed the button for Landon’s floor to see if the doctor was willing to discharge him yet.
Once his son was stable and settled, Tucker was going to find the courage to go after Bella, even if he had to drive back to New York to find her.
He didn’t know what he was going to say, but he was willing to fight for the woman he loved and give her the life she deserved.
Even if she didn’t realize it yet.
Chapter Sixteen
Tucker Holland
had some explaining to do. And Isabella wanted answers.
She marched up Tucker’s walk, pressed the doorbell three times and pounded on the door. “Tucker! Open up!”
Barking sounded from inside the house.
A moment later, the door flew open and Tucker stood in the doorway wearing gray sweatpants, a red Shelby Lake Lions T-shirt and bare feet. His hair looked like he’d hurriedly combed it with a garden rake.
Meno and Dory dashed out the door, jumping up on her legs.
Seeing his bleary eyes, remorse hit her. “I woke you. I’m sorry. Go back to bed. We’ll talk later.” She turned and headed down the steps.
“Oh no, you don’t.” He reached out and grabbed her arm before she could get too far. “You don’t get to wake me up from a sound sleep and then walk away.”
Isabella turned slowly and looked at him as heat scalded her cheeks. “I’m really sorry about that. I wasn’t thinking.”
Tucker dragged a hand through his hair. “How about if you come inside and tell me what has you in such an uproar?”
He held the door open and moved aside so she could pass. The dogs charged ahead of her and danced in circles as she stepped into his house. She forced herself not to think about the last time she’d visited and left.
Opening her purse, she pulled out a letter and thrust it at him. “Care to tell me what this is all about?”
He took the envelope but didn’t move to open it. He tapped it against his palm. “I paid off your dad’s loan.”
“Why?”
Tucker tossed the letter on the side table by the door. “Talk to your dad.”
“I tried. He said I needed to talk to you. Would someone tell me what’s going on?”
Tucker dragged a hand through his hair. “Did you know Landon was rushed to the hospital?”
Isabella’s eyes widened. “No, what happened?”
Now she felt even worse for waking him up.
“An allergic reaction.” He shared about Landon eating the deep-fried mushroom. “Willow acted quickly, but they called 911 just in case, especially after what had happened with Rayne.”
“You must’ve been terrified.”
“Something like that. While we were at the hospital, I talked with my dad. I gotta admit, I was a bit of a mess—not my best moment.”
“You don’t have to be the strong one all the time. Is Landon okay now?”
“Yes, after they kept him overnight for observation, he’s perfectly fine. Anyway, Dad shared some necessary truth with me. After we left the chapel, Jake reminded me God had given me a second chance and I’d be a fool to let it go. I wanted to do something to show you how serious I was about wanting to partner with you, so I went to the diner and had a long talk with Joe, including how I felt about you. I wanted to know what I could do to win you back.”
“What did he say?”
“He mentioned your desire to start a catering business through the restaurant and said you were holding off because you wanted to help pay off his loan before you accrued more debt. Then I knew what I needed to do to show you I was serious about wanting to be your partner.”
Tears pricked her eyes as she gazed at the letter on the table.
No one had offered such a grand gesture before. “Oh, Tucker. I’m...” She sighed, her hand pressed against her chest. “It’s so kind and generous, but it’s too much. I can’t pay you back for quite a while.”
He sandwiched her hands between his. “Bella, this is a gift. One given with no strings and no conditions.”
“But what about Livie and Landon? That money needs to go to them.”
“I saved their mother’s life insurance money for their futures. I’ve been saving money earned through the reserves. I promise you—no one is going without because I did this.”
“Why would you do this for me?”
“Isn’t it obvious?”
“I’m feeling a little obtuse these days, so how about you spell it out for me?”
He took a step toward her and cupped her face in his hands, his blueberry-colored eyes tangling with hers. A slow smile spread across his face. “Because I love you.”
Her heart stilled.
He spoke so softly and so gently that she must have misheard him.
Her eyes searched his. “No, you can’t love me. You love Rayne. There’s no room in your heart for me.”
He frowned, lowered his hands and took a step back. “Why would you think that?”
“Because that day during the Dinner with a Hero fund-raiser, you said you had your happily-ever-after already and you weren’t looking to fall in love again.”
Even saying the words aloud—words she’d repeated over and over in her heart—created an ache in her chest.
“And if I recall, you said falling in love only led to heartbreak. At that time, I had no intention of falling in love. With what I’d had with my late wife, I didn’t think I could find that again. But I was wrong.”
Tucker led her into the living room. He scooped up several stuffed animals and dumped them over the back of the sectional. He patted the couch for Isabella to sit.
She sat on the edge of the cushion, and Dory pawed at her leg to be picked up. She held the pregnant rescue dog in her lap and faced Tucker as he sat beside her. “What changed?”
His eyes softened as he brushed a finger along her jaw. “You.”
Her hand flew to her chest. “Me? What did I do?”
“From the time we were teenagers, you respected my relationship with my wife. And since we agreed to partner up, you’ve taken awesome care of my kids. The way you were willing to sacrifice your goals and dreams to help your dad...well, the more I was around you, the more I hated to leave you.”
“But we’re just friends.”
“Bella, I’m grateful for your friendship.” He reached for her hands. “But let’s face it. Since I’ve been spending more and more time with you, you haven’t been just a friend. Despite arguing with myself about it, I realized I wanted more than friendship from you. I come with rambunctious five-year-olds and a couple of dogs, one of which is going to have puppies soon. However, I will do whatever it takes and go wherever you want to go to be with you.”
She laughed as tears warmed her eyes. “Sounds like a perfect combination. I will never try to take Rayne’s place in their lives, but I will continue to love Livie and Landon as if they were my own. I came home as a hungry chef—not for food, but for connection and fulfillment of who I wanted to be. And you and your family gave that to me. I would love to go back to helping you care for Livie and Landon, but I don’t want to get in the way of Willow’s time with them.”
“Actually, my schedule may be changing.” Tucker told her about EMS instructor opportunity. “With everything that happened with Landon, I haven’t had time to process it. I need to pray and ask for God’s leading about my career and if continuing to pursue my counseling degree is the way to go.”
“Whatever you decide, you won’t have to face anything alone. I’m here to support you every step of the way.”
“My mom used to say the more you exercise your heart, the more it grows, giving you more opportunities for loving others.” Tucker pressed his palms against hers, then twined his fingers around hers. “I’m not gonna lie, Bella. I will always love Rayne. She was a great wife and a wonderful mother, and she’s a part of my past. But you were wrong—there is room in my heart for you. If you’ll have us, we want you to be a part of our present and, hopefully, our future.”
“I just didn’t want to be her stand-in.”
“You were never that. You’ve been the lead in your own story for a very long time. Now you just need the courage to live it. It’s your turn to be the star and stand out with the gifts God has given you.”
“And you’re the dashing hero who rescued me.”
“You’ve
got that all wrong—you’re the one who rescued me. With a two-hundred-dollar picnic basket. You resuscitated my heart and helped it to start beating again. I love you, Isabella Bradley, and I’m excited to see what plans God has in store for us.”
Isabella listened to his heart beating strong and steady against her ear. “I love you, too, Tucker Holland. I think I’ve loved you for the last fifteen years.”
“Say it again. I’ll never get tired of hearing it.” He drew her into the cradle of his embrace and brushed a kiss across her lips.
Epilogue
Fingers of sunlight parted the canopy of leaves shading her booth at the farmers market as the midmorning breeze sashayed across Isabella’s face, tangoing with the hairs that strayed from her French twist.
Content.
That’s how she felt about her life these days.
Heavy boxes sat in the beds and on tailgates of pickup trunks while vendors loaded baskets of assorted sizes with fresh fruits and vegetables. A gardener across the path from Isabella’s booth displayed cut flowers in mason jars, the blooms fragrancing the air. Behind him, kayakers floated down the river, which glistened like silver.
Children ran down the dirt path to the playground as their parents, pushing strollers, tried to keep up with them.
A sudden gust of wind stirred the display on the booth Isabella shared with her father and the Holland Family Farm’s community garden. She rescued the light blue beverage napkins and righted them next to the pamphlets and business cards promoting her new business—Bella Joe’s Catering.
She retied the strings to her blue-and-white-pinstriped apron worn over a scoop-neck white T-shirt and black pants. With the July temperatures climbing even before noon, she’d shed her chef jacket to avoid heatstroke.
While people stopped by the U-shaped booth to chat with her father, who seemed to know everyone in the community, he introduced them to Jonah and Vanessa Healy, the first family to enroll in the Fatigues to Farming program. They’d been helping him with the community garden, which had had a successful first run, based on the amount of produce on the table.