by steve higgs
No one was watching for his return though. ‘You two keep looking,’ I called as I took up post in the front of the shop. Hillary and his wife were being as tidy as thorough and as fast as they could as they scanned the shelves and picked up boxes to inspect.
‘I found Diazepam,’ shouted Anthea. Then two seconds later, ‘I have the Ketamine as well.’
‘Get more than one. I don’t know how much we will need, and we need some kind of spring-loaded syringe to deliver it.’ I continued to watch for Alice and Jagjit returning with the pharmacist, my heartrate booming in my chest as the clock ticked away.
‘There’s nothing here,’ Hilary called through.
I called back, ‘There’s still time. Keep looking, please.’ A spring-loaded syringe. Basically, I wanted them to find a tranquiliser dart. Why would a pharmacist stock those? I had failed to think this all the way through. How was I going to get the drugs into the animal if I couldn’t shoot them from a safe distance? Maybe it is a lady Yeti, I thought, in which case I can just get Big Ben to seduce it and we can jab it in the bum when it’s not looking. Grinning at my own joke, my heart stopped as I heard the pharmacist’s voice behind me.
They were coming through the back door!
The dogs spun around and barked loudly, doing their best to alert me to the presence of a person as they always did. Alice saw my panicked expression and was bright enough to understand what it meant. She had been following behind the man but snagged his arm now and looped hers through it in a flirtatious way. He stopped talking as, surprised, he looked down at her arm touching his and then glanced at Jagjit; the man clearly wearing a gold ring that matched hers.
Alice was using her arm, looped through the other man’s as it was, to steer him around the shop. I couldn’t translate what she was saying fast enough but she seemed to be asking him questions about his life and his skiing prowess. I heard him telling her that he preferred snowboarding, but I could still hear the Clintons opening drawers and cupboards in their search and clearly he could too as he kept swinging his head across to look in the direction of his back room.
I saw his facial expression change as he reached a decision and tried to pull away. He was going to catch Hilary and Anthea raiding his shop and that was going to be hard to explain.
Then two things happened. I guess Hilary heard voices because he poked his head out just as Alice got the pharmacist’s attention. I watched his eyes flare before he ducked back into the small room out of sight. The second thing was that Alice distracted the pharmacist by grabbing his chin to pull it around to look at her and then stuck her tongue in his mouth as she proceeded to snog him.
The noise from the backroom stopped but I guess they didn’t know what to do because they didn’t come out and Jagjit did a very passable impression of a volcano about to erupt as his new wife kissed another man two-feet in front of him.
Alice broke off the kiss and let her arms fall to her sides. I hoped the tactic had given Hilary and Anthea enough time to put things straight because the moment the pharmacist’s senses caught up to him, he dashed across the shop and into the back room from whence we then heard an explosion of inventive French swearwords and a tirade of abuse in return from Anthea.
I was stunned, rooted to the spot and unable to think up a reasonable lie to explain any of what was happening. I didn’t need to though. The next second, Anthea came out of the back room, her clothes all askew and what looked like her knickers in her hand, dragging Hilary along behind her as with one hand he tried to pull his trousers back up.
They had been pretending to have sex! Or maybe they had actually been having sex. I couldn’t tell but it was clear the pharmacist bought it as he yelled abuse from the doorway of his back room. Some of the abuse was aimed at Jagjit and Alice, who he labelled in turn as a sex-mad slut and a weirdo that liked to watch his wife with other men.
It very much felt like time to leave and I doubted we would be welcomed back if we realised we needed something else. I was nearest the door, so I held it open for Anthea and Hilary to waltz straight out of without breaking stride. They were followed closely by Alice who looked thoroughly embarrassed and by Jagjit whose expression was mostly set to murderous.
‘She did the right thing,’ I whispered as he went by.
The door swung shut behind me as we escaped across the snow with our drugs and our picture. I was at the back of the group which was moving slow and all looking at one another nervously. At my feet, the dogs were bouncing along quite happily and completely unaware of the tension sparking between the two couples.
Then Anthea burst out laughing. ‘Oh, my God. I thought we were busted when we heard your voices in the shop.’ She fixed me with an accusing look. ‘I thought you were standing watch at the door to warn us.’
‘We came in through the backdoor,’ supplied Alice before I had to defend myself. Then she asked unabashed, ‘Were you two really doing it?’
Anthea’s cheeks coloured as she shook her head, but it was Hilary that spoke, ‘I didn’t know what else to do. I just thought: if he thinks we are back here having sex he’ll be too horrified to question whether we were doing anything else.’
Everyone was laughing with relief except Jagjit. ‘Are you okay, sweetie?’ asked Alice. ‘You know I needed to distract him. I couldn’t think of anything else that would do it.’
‘Mmm-Hmmm,’ he replied. Alice had her arm looped through his now and as they walked, she leaned in to whisper something in his ear that made his eyes dilate and his rigid defensive posture wilt. Whatever she had just told him looked likely to mean we didn’t see them for an hour when we got back to the hotel.
It transpired that both couples abandoned me to continue my investigation, each making a separate excuse for needing to return to their room. Momentarily, I was glad Amanda wasn’t with me because then I too would be getting nothing done. I closed my room door behind me and settled in front of the laptop on my desk as the dogs scampered to their water bowl and then back to me to demand a treat.
With a sigh, I put the envelope with the photograph down again to fetch the dogs a gravy bone. Failing to do so would have escalated their insistence until, ten minutes from now, they started barking their disappointment at me. Instead, they contentedly crunched the biscuits to dust and slipped into the covers of my bed.
As my laptop came to life, I pulled the picture from its sleeve and set about the next stage of my research.
The Power of Jane. Thursday, December 1st 1712hrs
An hour had slipped by when I got the call from Jane. I had sent her the photograph in an email by taking a picture on my phone. I hoped the quality was enough to work with. Having sent the email, I called her to pass on several research tasks as I continued trying to work out a drug delivery method that didn’t involve me holding the tranquiliser while the Yeti swallowed my arm.
Now she was calling me back. ‘Jane, hi. What have you got for me?’ I knew it was Jane because we had spoken today already. She would be sitting at her desk in the Blue Moon office on Rochester High Street wearing Ugg boots because it was cold and the stuffed bra she had taken to recently. I often found myself wondering why I didn’t think it was weird that the man I hired was a girl more often than not.
‘Hi, boss. Which bit do you want first, the good news or the bad news?’ she asked.
I shot back instantly, ‘I’m a dessert first kind of guy.’ I wasn’t of course, I didn’t eat dessert, but it was just a thing to say.
‘Well, there is no good news so…’
I sighed, ‘Go on, tell me what it is.’ Task number one had been to use the microscope picture of the hair to identify the creature it came from. I had been rolling the question around in my head for a day and had decided that I already knew what it was even though it no longer looked like it should. The height, sheer size and the size of its mouth were clues that when added to the white fur covering its body eliminated every creature on the planet except for a polar bear.
‘It�
�s a squirrel,’ said Jane.
‘Wait, what now?’ I was certain I hadn’t heard her right or that she was pulling my leg. It was nine feet tall, it had huge paws and I had googled polar bear prints to discover they looked just like the ones in the snow here.
‘It’s a squirrel,’ she repeated. ‘The Sciurus arctos carolinensis to be exact, which is a squirrel native to the Alpine region of Italy, France, and Switzerland. Most noted for its ability to change the colour of its coat when the snow thaws. That’s not what you were expecting to hear, was it?’
I had found squirrel fur in the bark of the tree. Damn I felt stupid. All that subterfuge and it was a squirrel. It didn’t matter. I still had a giant animal to capture without causing it harm and I was ninety-nine percent certain it was a polar bear. Well, ninety-five percent. Maybe ninety, but the point was that it wasn’t a Yeti. The annoying voice at the back of my head was laughingly asking how it was that my polar bear had horns and tusks and had wandered about three thousand miles south.
‘Boss, are you still there?’ Jane asked, breaking my reverie.
‘Yes. Yeah, sorry. No, I wasn’t expecting to hear that the fur came from a squirrel. What about the other information I asked about?’
‘I am nearly there with that, but I have a file I can send you now. The short answer is that both the Carons and the Chevaliers own a number of other buildings in and around Harvarti. The ski-lifts that run up and down the mountains carrying skiers to the top of the runs were almost exclusively owned by Hubert Caron until about five years ago. It would seem he had been offering the tickets to his guests for free but anyone staying at the Chevaliers hotel was charged a high premium to use the service. Monsieur Caron continued to raise the price until Gerard Chevalier took him to court and got an injunction. After that, Gerard had some of his own ski-lifts built so now both men own maintenance sheds and the like and there is at least one on each ski-lift run. There are also, I want to call them lifeguard towers, but I know that’s not right, but whatever the safety guy equivalent is on a ski slope? Well, they each own some of them. I am sending you a list of buildings with grid references so you can find them.’
‘Okay,’ I said as I checked my emails. As I looked, it popped in. I opened it and saw the list. There were twenty-seven locations to check. Too many to tackle by myself when the ski-lifts were all closed. I would have to narrow it down some yet. ‘Thanks for this as always, Jane. How’s it going back there? All quiet?’
‘Um, it’s okay, I guess.’ Jane’s reply was tentative as if there was something to tell me that she had chosen not to tell me yet. I trusted her enough that I didn’t press her to come clean. I promised to let her know how the case went and told her Amanda had found herself stuck in Tignes when she asked whether the two of us were getting any time off to spend with each other. When I heard a knock at the door, I bid her goodbye and disconnected the call. I had little choice because I couldn’t hear her over the noise the dogs were making.
‘Open up, loser,’ called Big Ben removing any need to ask who it was. The dogs were still barking until I got the door open and showed them who it was.
‘How’d you get on?’ I asked as he came in, the two dogs following on his heels.
He thunked into an armchair with a satisfied grin. ‘Just finished shagging Claudia.’
‘Who’s Claudia?’
He gave me a confused look. ‘The superhot ski instructor chick from this morning? Have you forgotten her already?’ Of course, he had already had sex with her. It had been hours since they were introduced after all.
‘I thought you were watching for the police chief to return with the bodies so we would know where they are.’ I pointed out while trying to keep the exasperation I felt from my voice.
‘Yeah, I got lucky with that. He turned up with them on a sled covered in blankets about three minutes after I got outside to watch for his return. He has them stashed in the cold room of the Chevalier’s Hotel. That’s how I bumped into Claudia again. I followed them at a safe distance to see where they were going, then, when I saw them put the sled inside the cold store, I slipped away again but met Claudia as she was going into the hotel. You can probably guess the rest.’
‘Let me guess; you smiled at her, and her knickers fell off.’
‘More or less,’ he conceded. ‘So, how’s the weapon manufacture going?’
‘I have a machine that will fire a projectile using compressed gas. I tried it with a bar of soap I formed into a ball. That’s how I got the dent in the wall over there.’ His eyes tracked where I was pointing to a very obvious indentation in the plaster. ‘I haven’t worked out what I can use that will dispense the drug once I shoot the Yeti though.’
‘Did you get the drugs already?’
‘Yup. Anthea and Hilary found everything we need at the pharmacy across the road.’
‘Well done them. Where are they all anyway?’
‘Engaged in marital activities, I think. They all seemed to get quite a buzz out of the subterfuge required to obtain the drugs and get the fur sample analysed. Interesting result from the fur sample though.’
‘Oh?’
While Big Ben listened, I explained about the ferocious squirrel we had to catch. He laughed so hard he almost wet himself. Then we settled down with a map and Jane’s list of buildings to see if we could piece together some more of the puzzle.
Autopsy. Thursday, December 1st 2021hrs
As arranged, after dinner Jagjit and I set off to check on the bodies of the two young men. Big Ben had said there was no guard on the cold store when he was there, but he came with us just in case there was one now. Of course, when Big Ben said he was coming, so did Hilary because he didn’t want to be the only man that stayed at home nice and safe. Then the two ladies had asked if the men thought it was too dangerous for girls and I backed away from that conversation fast I can tell you.
So now, my surreptitious night excursion was a full-on group outing. I should probably be glad the ladies hadn’t brought drinks and nibbles. The new plan, which I hastily concocted on the go was for us to have a couple of drinks in the bar at the Imperial hotel. Jagjit and I would then slip downstairs to the cold store located in the Imperial’s underground car park under the pretence that we were looking for the gent’s toilet should anyone discover us.
The plan went sideways about eight seconds after arriving in the bar.
Gils was there and he hadn’t forgotten or forgiven Big Ben for dumping him on his butt earlier. He rose as we crossed the room to order drinks and find a table that would seat the six of us. The bar was busy, much busier than the bar in Hubert’s hotel, the hubbub of conversation making the music being played barely audible. Then it lulled as half the women in the room spotted Big Ben as he walked in, their heads turning and their conversation faltering as they observed and assessed. He was used to it because it happened everywhere he went, so ahead of me, he paused and gave the room a top level, knicker-melting smoulder.
As I caught up to him, he whispered, ‘Look at all these cherries to pick.’ He meant women of course and he was right in that the ladies in the bar outnumbered the men by what must have been close to two to one. ‘There’s a cherry, and there’s a cherry, ooh, there’s a nice juicy one.’ He was already heading in a different direction when he said, ‘I’m off to pick it. Won’t be long.’
I muttered a few choice words as I followed the marrieds to the bar. That was when I spotted Gils moving across the room on an intercept course for Big Ben. Instinct altered my course, not that I thought Big Ben would need my help dealing with Gils if he planned to start a fight. My intention was to ensure Big Ben only hit him once. In some instances, you are not given the option to avoid the fight, but only hitting a person once, if that is all it takes, is a very defensible position. The prosecution cannot argue that you were enraged or intending harm. One is a non-divisible number. You cannot hit a person less times than once.
I didn’t have to worry about Gils though because someon
e else got to Big Ben first and there was nothing I could do about his first attacker. He had reached the table at which his juicy cherry was sitting. She was sitting at a table for four with two other lady friends. I was too far away to hear him, but as I closed the distance, I watched him smile and introduce himself and take the spare seat.
Then, a woman sitting at the table next to him rose to her feet, picked up her drink and threw it in his face. My feet, or perhaps common sense took over and brought me to a halt before I got too close.
‘Who the heck do you think you are?’ she demanded.
Big Ben wiped the liquid from his face and looked up. ‘Do I know you?’
I heard her take a sharp intake of breath. The rest of the room had turned to watch, all conversation paused to enjoy the scene. ‘You… you utter… how could you treat me like this? We had sex less than three hours ago and now you are in here chatting up another woman. Will you not remember her name either?’
‘Claudia?’ he hazarded.
‘Yes!’ she shrieked in response. ‘You said you would call me.’
‘Babe, I have honestly never said those words to a woman in my entire life.’ He held up a finger to beg a moment’s pause as he turned his head to the juicy cherry. ‘This won’t take a minute, babe. Big Ben will be all yours soon.’ Then he locked eyes with the two other women sat at his table and said with a wink, ‘And yours too.’
‘Oh, my God. You are such a pig,’ raged Claudia. Behind Big Ben the three women got up and left.
‘Okay, I didn’t recognise you, but in my defence, you were facing the other way most of the time.’ He delivered the line coolly, but it just added fuel to the fire. Her jaw fell and her cheeks flushed as the crowd tittered. Then she shut her mouth, spun on a heel and stormed off. It was then, as Big Ben inspected his drenched white shirt that Gils stepped in.