by Ivy James
He was sick of this. The politics, the manipulative, self-indulgent behavior Anne-Marie was displaying. If he was smart he’d walk away. So why didn’t he?
There are other jobs out there.
But if he walked, his game stayed behind. Luke dropped into his office chair and rubbed both eyes with his palms. He couldn’t walk away but if he did, where would he go? Tennessee? Nothing changed the fact that California was the hot spot for what he did. Sony had a branch office not far from where he sat.
No, even if he left, it would have to be to another company, a competitor. He couldn’t go back to Tennessee.
The saying was true. Once a person left home, they couldn’t ever go back.
LUKE WASN’T coming home that weekend. During last night’s late-night phone call, he’d broken the news to her, regret clouding his voice. She’d squelched the stab of disappointment she felt, knowing it was a warning.
Shelby settled herself in the chair at her mother’s shop and waited for her to finish up with a client, her thoughts on all the reasons why Luke had decided to stay in California.
“He might’ve told you the truth. He said he had to work on his presentation.”
“What did you say, Shelby?”
She blinked and her mother’s reflection came into focus in the station’s mirror. The bell on the door dinged as her mother’s previous client left, and Shelby refrained from rolling her eyes at her mother’s lack of smock. But how else would the guy have seen her mom’s hot-orange wrap dress that showed too much cleavage and leg? “Just talking to myself.”
Pat settled the cape around Shelby’s shoulders then turned to grab the smock she normally wore from a nearby hook. “Have you talked to Jerry?”
Shelby set aside the boatload of hurt baggage weighing her down and opted for forgiveness. Sometimes a person had to make up their mind and act accordingly. “Yeah. The job is nearly done. He’ll be home in a week or so and can start working on the mill house full-time.” Thank goodness. Finally some real progress could be made.
“Has he said anything about me?”
Shelby stilled, her thoughts flying back to her wedding day and the suspicions over her mother’s stunt. “Why do you ask?”
“Oh, it’s nothing.” Pat’s layered bracelets jingled as she sprayed Shelby’s hair to wet it.
Whatever “it” was, it was something. Shelby could tell. Oh, crap.
“Baby, I want to apologize again for not telling you. I should have when you were old enough to understand.”
Shelby plucked at the cape, glad the shop wasn’t busy because of the early hour. Only one of her mother’s station renters was there and she was waxing someone’s eyebrows on the other side of the large room, out of hearing range. “I’ve been thinking about that. In a way, I’m glad you didn’t.”
“Really?”
Her mother spun the chair around with a jerk and Shelby’s stomach whirled. “Mom.”
“Sorry. Do you mean it?”
Swallowing the quick surge of queasiness, Shelby nodded. “I can’t imagine growing up knowing that he was here, in town, and didn’t want to know me or admit he was my father. I don’t know. I guess now that I’ve had time to adjust to the thought of having a baby, I’ve been thinking about what I would’ve done. I wouldn’t want my baby to grow up thinking it wasn’t wanted and I wouldn’t have wanted to grow up thinking that about myself in regard to him.”
“Oh, baby. Thank God you don’t have to worry about that. Why, I never paid much attention to Luke before because his other brothers have always been so…well, delicious—”
“Mom.” Shelby shook her head and grabbed the station counter to turn slowly back to the mirror. She didn’t want to face her mother when she said things like that.
“But Luke looks all grown-up now. California’s been good for him. And he couldn’t seem to take his eyes off you on your wedding day. It was very sweet.” She picked up her shears and comb and set to work. “Shelby, I know you think I’m too bold and I know I’m the last person to give you advice on marriage under the circumstances.”
Shelby braced herself for the but.
“But marriages aren’t bulletproof. If you give your man the cold shoulder for too long, for whatever reason, things will fall apart.” Her passionate-pink-colored lips twisted, the wrinkles around her mouth prominent. “I pushed Jerry away time and again because he wouldn’t do what I wanted. Still, I never stopped loving him. I guess for us the timing was never right.”
She hadn’t exactly pushed Luke away, Shelby mused. At least not sexually. But wasn’t she doing that emotionally? Self-preservation, she reminded herself. “You never put Dad first. It wasn’t timing, it was immature choices.”
Her mother finished the trim and ran her fingers through Shelby’s hair, checking the length. “I suppose you’re right about that. And I should’ve put him first, after all he’d done for you and me both. I just couldn’t get over the fact that Zacharias owed us.”
“Mom, you didn’t get pregnant with me on purpose, did you?”
A sad smile tugged at her mother’s mouth. “No, Shelby. Not with you.”
Shelby stiffened. “What do you mean, not with me?”
“I miscarried once when your father and I were trying to get back together. I’d seduced him, hoping a baby might help him see what we had. When it was gone all the problems with Zacharias were still there.” Her mother’s gaze lifted to hers in the mirror. “Have you given any more thought to California?”
“No. Why would I?”
“Because when you thought no one was looking, you couldn’t take your eyes off Luke, either.”
“It’s not like that. We only married because of the baby.”
“Are you sure? I’m asking because when a man looks at a woman like that, he loves her. Jerry used to look at me like that. Maybe one day he will again.”
She blinked, her suspicions confirmed. “Five times wasn’t enough?”
“Who knows? Only time will tell.” Pat removed the cape, careful to keep the damp trimmings clinging to the plastic away from Shelby’s clothes. “Your father told me what you said about love.”
Her mother had to stop and clear her throat. The tears were back, the trembling chin, but unlike all the other times before where her mother blubbered noisily, this time the tears fell with no sound.
“I’m thinking a man like Luke might be the kind of guy to make you take a look at your life and want more. If you want the truth, I saw an awful lot of Jerry in Luke on your wedding day, and if I could go back in time…”
The bell jingled and one of her mother’s longtime, elderly clients walked in, sporting a cast on one arm. Her mother blinked away her tears and turned.
“Oh, my heavens! Oh, honey!” Her mother jogged across the room on her heels and wrapped her arms around the woman, fussing over her something fierce. “Oh, bless your heart, would you look at that? What happened, Bea?”
Watching her mother interact with the woman gave Shelby pause. Beneath the big hair and overdone makeup, beneath the flashy clothes and melodramatic persona, her mother had a heart. Sometimes it was hard to see, but it was there. She’d have to remember that when her mother was driving her nuts.
Shelby put her hands over her stomach and rubbed the bulge starting to form. Her personality might be opposite her mother’s; she might be moody and picky and controlling, but she hoped her son or daughter always remembered she had a heart, too. Broken from childhood, tattered from life, but there and beating, and wanting so desperately to trust that everything really did happen for a reason.
SHELBY PRESSED the tape onto the mill house floor and frowned. She’d talked to Luke every day. And on Friday evening when he should have boarded a plane to come see her, she couldn’t shake the anxiety she felt because he hadn’t. It was as though she had to see him, wanted to see him. Needed contact with him to know everything was okay. Was he avoiding her because she hadn’t responded when he’d told her he trusted her? Her mothe
r’s words had given her a lot to think about this week.
“Here you go. Water on the rocks. Shelby? You okay?”
She smiled at Alex and motioned toward the area now marked off by bright blue tape. “I’m fine. Just wondering how my tarts are doing at the club and if this is enough room for a dance floor. What do you think?”
“Dance floor?” Alex eyed it with a frown. “Yes, I think so. Dancing is best when it’s close quarters. As for the tarts, does Mr. Long know they’re yours?”
“He does now. He saw me bringing them in this morning. More surprisingly is that he told me he’d heard about my plans for this place.” She spun the roll of tape on her fingers and walked over to the freshly de-junked kitchen. Her appliances had been delivered earlier in the week and she and Alex had spent the evening cleaning up the packing materials. “He actually told me if I wanted him to, he’d come take a look at the layout and give me his thoughts.”
“That’s great. You wanted that job because of what you could learn from him. Having him offer up help voluntarily is fantastic.”
She nodded, pleased but wry. “Since the mill house is really close to the country club I think he wants to scope out what will be the competition. The sixth hole is through the woods behind the house. I let him off the hook by telling him I’m sticking with more traditional food. That way it’ll be totally different than the Old Coyote, and less expensive and more casual than the club.”
“Sounds like you’ve got a plan. But does that fit with a dance floor?” Alex took a drink of the water she’d carried in for herself.
“I’d like to do special occasion type stuff, too. Birthday parties and anniversaries.”
“Ah. So…Luke isn’t coming in tonight?”
Shelby finished putting the last of the tape down and smirked at Alex. “Nice transition there.”
“I thought it was subtle.” Alex grinned. “So are things okay?”
“Don’t you have to go to Rosetta’s?”
“I’m already late. A few more minutes won’t hurt. Well?”
Shelby shrugged. “They’re…fair.”
“Fair? You’re getting along? Having sex?”
“Alex!”
“Welllll? I don’t want details, just reassurance that you’re both okay. You know Gram is going to ask me since she knows I came here first.”
Just what she needed. Luke’s grandmother involved in their sex life. “Things are progressing as well as can be expected.”
“Uh-oh. That sounds ominous.”
“We need time to get used to things.”
Alex set her glass aside and grabbed her purse and keys. “Do you miss him?”
Shelby paused by the refrigerator and fingered the stainless steel front. Luke’s words to her last weekend and her lack of response could have been awkward afterward, but he’d acted like he hadn’t basically said he loved her during sex.
But now he wasn’t coming home. Bruised ego?
You think? You know it’s what he meant. Some guys might say that as often as they belch because they think it’s expected, but Luke? He wouldn’t say it unless he meant it and why did that give her the warm fuzzies? Could he really love her?
“Sometimes.” Like at night when the house grew chilly and too quiet. Or when she hung up the phone after one of their many talks in the dark and she wanted him to be there instead. She even liked the stupid songs he sang in the shower. Air Supply. Get real. But it was sweet and sexy in a really weird way.
“You know, my parents are counting on you to be the one to bring Luke home.”
She turned to face Alex. “What do you mean?”
Alex frowned. “Remember when Nick was really getting into trouble a lot in school? Skipping classes and flunking out?”
“Vaguely. I remember it happening but that was around the lead-up to divorce number four.”
“Yeah. Well, Luke would blow off classes and tests, too, to share the punishment. Anyway, long story short, Nick began to resent Luke dumbing himself down because of him and they started fighting, too. I remember once Nick said something along the lines of he hated looking at Luke because he saw himself without the brains.”
“That’s awful.”
“Yeah. Luke took it hard. They were really, really close until Nick began to struggle. Luke already felt bad enough because the schoolwork always came easy to him, but to hear Nick say he hated looking at him.” Alex grabbed a piece of Bubble Wrap and began popping the tiny bubbles.
“I thought everything was fine now.”
Alex shrugged. “It is on the surface, but deep down? I think it’s why Luke stays away.”
And why wouldn’t he? Shelby pulled the strips of tape off the drawers and containers that went into the fridge, needing something to do so that Alex wouldn’t notice how Luke’s story was affecting her. She knew drama and upset, and even though she knew Marilyn and Alan would do anything for their children, how could they not have seen the impact Nick’s problems had had on Luke? Did they even know? This was the first she was hearing about it and she’d practically lived there.
You’re not a parent yet, don’t be judgmental.
“Luke’s always felt guilty, I think. Wouldn’t you, knowing the person you shared a womb with couldn’t keep up? Anyway, that’s why everyone thinks you and the baby will bring him home. Thank God Jenn figured out what Nick’s problem was and he’s one of us again, but now we have to get Luke back.”
That was a lot of pressure. “I don’t know what you think I can do about it.”
“You can make him want to be here. If he spends more time with us and sees that things are okay now, Luke will know he can come home. You can convince him for us.”
Did she want Luke to be here? Getting along on weekends was a lot different than spending every day with someone. And it definitely put a more permanent spin on things. Still thinking short-term? Luke’s chiding voice sounded in her head.
“You’ve got the weekend off, don’t you?”
Shelby knew where this was headed. “Yeah, but I’m working here. I’m not spending my weekend off on a plane.”
“Luke does it for you.”
With the container free of tape and padding and ready to slide into place, Shelby gripped the pull bar on the fridge, her palm sweaty. “You’d better go before Rosetta sends out a search party. You’re never late.”
Alex sighed and jingled the keys in her hand. “Okay, okay, I get the hint. Think about what I said? Wouldn’t it be great if you and Luke could have a real marriage like everyone else?”
Wouldn’t it? After Alex had driven away Shelby was still asking herself that question. She locked up the mill house and set the newly wired alarm system, taking no chances that her expensive kitchen equipment would disappear. Inside her house, she seated herself at her computer and checked her e-mail, not finding anything more interesting than the usual spam. She moved the cursor to exit out and decided to check flights to California. Just to see what was available. She wasn’t going to book one but it wouldn’t hurt to know how much one would cost.
Seconds later she stared at the discount airfare listings page. “Crap.” Airlines didn’t like flying with empty seats, as was evident by the price listed in front of her. One she could afford if she wanted to go. It wasn’t a declaration of love, but it was something that might show Luke that she liked his brains and wanted him to be himself with her. She nibbled her lower lip, her hand hovering over the mouse. To go or not to go, that was the question.
Chapter 17
LUKE COULDN’T BELIEVE his eyes when he saw Shelby sitting propped up against his apartment door sound asleep. Pleasure filled him as he set his messenger bag aside and squatted down in front of her. “Shelby? Sweetheart, wake up.”
She mumbled something like, “Too tired.”
She had to be exhausted. The baby, the flight and time difference, a hard day’s work. But she was here and he couldn’t stop grinning because of it. “Let’s go inside and go to bed. Come on, up you
go.”
He scooped her up in his arms, carried her inside and laid her on the bed before he went back to the door to get her overnight bag and his computer.
Luke locked up, stripped and then set to work on making her more comfortable, hating the dark shadows he saw beneath her eyes, the way she never fully awoke because she was so drained.
He couldn’t stop kissing her, though. She’d flown to California and he knew what a concession it was on her part to come to him. Luke dropped another kiss to the soft, sensitive skin of her neck and shoulder, chuckling softly at the chill bumps that arose on her skin. Pure, soft skin. Her hives were gone?
That more than anything had him squeezing her close and burying his nose in her hair. Her hives were gone. Maybe she was getting used to him. Their marriage. The idea of being pregnant.
Snuffling softly in her sleep, Shelby rolled and flung her leg across his thighs, snuggling close to his chest. She inhaled and released a contented sigh.
Tired though he was, the feel of her made him hard and achy. His hands began to roam and before long Shelby’s head rose, her thick lashes lifting to reveal the glimmer of her eyes. “I thought I was dreaming,” she complained. “I didn’t think you were ever coming home.”
“If I had known you were here, nothing would’ve kept me away. Why didn’t you call me?”
“Knew you were busy.” She yawned and pressed her nose to his shoulder, her eyes closed. “Don’t know why I came.”
His arms tightened and drew her closer, hoping he knew why. “I’m glad you did.” He’d left her T-shirt and underwear on, but now his hands slid over her rump, pushing the material away.
Unlike the times before, this mating was slow and lazy, both of them tired but needing that intimate connection. And when it was over Shelby fell asleep on his chest, their bodies still joined.
Luke stared up at the ceiling, completely and totally exhausted but unwilling to miss the pleasure of holding her in his arms, praying he was one step closer to her heart.