by Ivy James
Heart heavy and aching, Luke finished staining the last section and wrapped the brush up to clean later, then headed out onto the porch for the fresh air he needed to do what he had to do. “The fumes are getting to me,” he said as he seated himself on the steps.
After a minute or two, Shelby followed.
“Beautiful night, eh?” Fireflies danced over the grass, the sight bringing memories long buried. Smiling sadly, he got up again and stepped off the porch, headed out into the darkness of the yard that would soon be a parking lot for Shelby’s dream come true.
“What are you doing?”
Luke reached out and caught one of the fireflies in his palms, carrying it back to her. She wouldn’t take it. “You remember now.” He heard her swallow, the sound audible over the crickets and frogs and whip-poor-wills in the woods behind them. How many nights had his brothers and sister, Gram and Granddad, and Shelby spent out under the stars like this?
His grandfather had loved to tell stories and he’d told them fireflies lit up because they were promises someone had made but hadn’t kept. So many promises.
Careful of his winged friend, Luke snagged her hand in his and opened her fingers, gently pressed so that the lightning bug crawled into her palm. “I made you a promise. And I want to keep it. But day after day you won’t give me anything in return. No friendship, no thought of reconciliation. No hope. I need more.”
“I—”
“Let me finish.” Luke stared down at their hands, his chest tight. “We got close for a while. That last weekend before…It was everything we should’ve been. I know you need time to recover from the miscarriage, but I need some kind of sign or signal, something to hold on to right now. I’m tired of beating my head against the wall, Shelby. I’m tired of the way things are between us.”
“The baby is gone.”
“Yes, it is. But I married you because I love you.” Luke lifted his head and looked her square in the face, letting her see everything he felt.
She closed her eyes. “No.”
“Yes,” he countered softly. “Maybe the circumstances weren’t ideal and maybe we rushed things, but I love you. And I don’t ever want you to doubt that. Especially now when…”
“When what? Why are you saying this?”
“Because I’m tired of settling. I want a wife who loves me as much as I love her. I want to be with someone who trusts me and wants me enough to share her fears and her secrets and know I’d never deliberately do anything to hurt her. Shelby, I want a marriage like my parents have and my grandparents had. But this isn’t it.”
She tried to pull away but he wouldn’t let her. His hands tightened over hers, the bug inside lighting up every few seconds. “This is my promise,” he stated roughly. “But you have to decide right now if you’re going to keep it or throw it away. The choice is yours.”
Luke released her hands, staying close because he wouldn’t take that step unless he had to. He saw Shelby’s throat work as she swallowed, heard the rasp of her breathing and still he waited for her to speak, to say something, to fight. For them and their marriage, for herself and the future they could have if she’d only try.
But without a word she opened her hands and he watched as the lightning bug lit up and took flight, joining the others around them.
Luke watched it go, his gut in knots, his lungs burning. Then he turned and walked away from the woman he’d always loved.
Chapter 20
YOU LOOKING for something?”
Shelby turned and saw her father staring at her with a knowing glint in his eyes. Two days had passed since Luke had left. Two long, lonely, horrible days. So why was she still waiting for him to come back? “No. Just noticing the windows need cleaning.”
“Might as well wait. They’re just going to get dirty again.” He set down the wheelbarrow he pushed and began loading the last of the boxes that had accumulated from installing the many light fixtures. “Luke has an interview today. If you’re interested.”
An interview? Just like that? She feigned indifference. “Good for him.”
“I’m checking out early today.”
“Oh?”
“I got a date with your mother.”
Shelby shook her head, so lost in her thoughts she wasn’t sure she’d heard him right. “Huh?”
Jerry lifted his shoulder in a shrug. “We’re like two old shoes, I guess. One’s no good without the other.”
“But…again?”
“You think I’m a glutton for punishment.”
“Most definitely.”
“I think I’m a fool for love.” A low rumble left his stocky chest. “Your mother isn’t all that bad, Shelby.”
She shook her head, dazed. “I know that. I love Mom. She’s loud and needy and a pain in the butt, but I love her. She’s been great ever since the accident.” They’d gotten closer, like a mother and daughter should be. But a part of Shelby still held back, afraid to be burned by her mother again.
“I know.”
“So…why?”
“It hit me after all this with you and Luke. That accident you had could’ve killed you. If that airbag hadn’t deployed and your seat belt hadn’t held, you could’ve flown right through the windshield. Every day I see that tear in the ditch and the tarp covering your car out back, and I think about what could’ve happened. It’s made me realize I’ve wasted a lot of years because of stubborn pride and foolish jealousy.”
“You accused her of cheating while you were married.”
He stared at the newly waxed concrete floor beneath their feet. “I was angry.”
“So? What about trust? You know what a flirt she is. Are you going to trust her, or walk out every time you and Mom fight?”
He thought that over a moment. “I trust her. And walking out and cooling off is better than saying something else I might regret. Besides, I don’t recall seeing you let Luke off the hook when he was sticking around.”
“But he’s not sticking around now, is he? He left and you just said he had an interview. Considering the kind of work he does, it’s probably with some company in California.” Even as she said the words, even as she dared her father to answer honestly if he knew, she felt her lungs seizing up. She really wished she hadn’t been proved right, but she’d known all along that he’d leave.
You drove him away. There is a difference.
“It is. Some competitor of that place where he used to work.” Her father gave her a pitying stare. “Shelby Lynn, you can’t expect a man to go jobless when you won’t give him the time of day.” He grabbed his tool belt. “Sometimes a man has to leave to prove he’s worth wanting.”
Shelby blinked, shock ripping through her. “You told him to leave me? What kind of father does that?”
Jerry gave her his strictest look, one reserved for missed curfews and swearwords. “The kind who wants you to be better than me and your mama raised you to be. That boy is a fine man. And if you can’t be a wife, you need to let him go find someone who can. I see the love on your face when you look at him but your damn pride and fear is getting in the way, just like mine always did. You pushed him away but you want him. Be woman enough to admit it.”
He waited, then shook his head at her silence. “Shelby Lynn, I’ve picked more than my share of the fights. I was always so sure your mother would leave me for Bennington that I pushed her away. She couldn’t hurt me that way. Sound familiar?” he asked dryly. “But now Bennington is gone and I’m going to get my wife back, once and for all.”
“Let me know when the wedding is. What do you get for a sixth marriage?” Sarcasm laced her words, unearthed from deep inside. Would it be a repeat of the past?
“Stubborn as all get-out,” he complained. “Time is wasting, girl. Love doesn’t come around often and when it’s right in front of you, a person needs to hold on with both hands before they lose it for good. You really want to spend your life alone? Lock up behind you when you’re done. I don’t want to be late.”
LUKE LISTENED to the offer being made and tried to hide the surge of excitement rushing through him. Better money, the ability to build his own team, stock ownership and a vested interest in the company. Partnership after one year in a company that would go head-to-head with Anne-Marie and Galaxy Games. He couldn’t help it. There was a huge sense of satisfaction in being able to outperform her, maybe even bring John and some of the others over to his side of things.
“What do you think?”
Luke stared at Jimmy James, a former LCD like himself. Jimmy had started his own company two years ago and made a name for himself from the get-go, possibly because of his ability to predict trends. As far as companies went, Jimmy’s Doghouse Games was a great move professionally—under the right circumstances. “I think I—”
Jimmy’s cell phone vibrated against the battered wood table where they sat at the Old Coyote, cutting off Luke’s response.
“Sorry. These things are evil, aren’t they?” Jimmy picked up the phone to see the number. “It’s my wife. I left her at her parents’ house in Nashville. She misses home so much we come to visit a couple times a year. Mind if I take this?”
Luke shook his head. “No, not at all. Go ahead.”
“Be right back.” Jimmy stood and answered the call, holding a finger to his ear to block out the sound of the jukebox as he walked away.
Luke stared at the offer in front of him but jerked his head up when a chair thumped against the table.
“Do I want to know what that is?” Nick asked, straddling the chair and crossing his arms over the back.
“Don’t get comfortable. You can’t stay, I’m in an interview.”
Nick’s scowl deepened. “Didn’t recognize him. Is he from Nashville?”
“No.” Nick waited for him to elaborate and Luke sighed. “The company is in California. Look, the guy took time out of his family vacation to meet with me, and I’d appreciate it if you didn’t say anything to the family. I’ll tell them myself.”
“So you’re taking the job?”
He’d be the world’s biggest idiot if he didn’t.
“What about Shelby?”
“She wants a divorce.”
Nick released a deep sigh. “I’m sorry to hear that. But why leave? Luke, listen…I came over here because I saw the guy and guessed you had something going on. But now I have to know if you’re leaving because you still feel weird about how things were between us.”
“I’m good. You?”
Nick looked ready to knock his block off for his flippant answer. “No, I’m not. I owe you quite a few apologies.”
“You don’t owe me anything.”
Nick shook his head. “I do. Look, that day when Matt was thrown from the horse, I was…angry. You probably felt like I blamed you for the accident but I didn’t—I don’t. The horse reared, there’s nothing you could’ve done about it. I was worried about Matt, and the hospital wanted me to fill out paperwork and—I’m sorry, okay?”
Luke nodded, accepting the apology.
Nick rubbed his neck and squeezed. “I should’ve called after Jenn and I got back from Paradise Island, especially since you and your passport were the only reasons I was able to go after her.”
“It’s okay.”
Nick’s silver-blue eyes pierced him. “But it’s not. Not according to Alex. You still have hang-ups about us and all the stupid stuff I said and did as a kid.”
Luke wiped a hand over his face and propped his cheek on his fist. He didn’t want to do this now. “Alex needs to keep her mouth shut.”
“Is it true?” Nick didn’t give him a chance to answer. “I saw your gear at the apartment. I know you’ve slept there the past couple nights. But now you’re interviewing with that guy. Are you seriously thinking of going back to California?”
“Why not? Shelby and I are over.”
“What’s that got to do with you leaving town? Leaving us?”
Luke flipped the offer over until it was facedown on the table. “That’s almost funny coming from you. What’s the difference if I live here or in California?”
Nick leaned closer to him. “The difference is that I was a hotheaded kid too stupid to know better, but you’re a grown man about to walk out on everything he ever wanted. You carry that computer around like it’s surgically attached—why can’t you use the damn thing to have a life with your family? Do what you need to do here and go there every once in a while?”
“Live here—and see Shelby every day?”
“Are you really ready to let her go?”
He didn’t answer.
“Luke, if you two are through, it’s going to be rough, but we’re still here and we want you around. Especially me. I know I’m the one who drove you away.”
“I went away to college, then got a job.”
“If I did badly in school, you’d flunk a test. I couldn’t play ball worth a damn so you quit the team even though you were good.”
“I wasn’t that good.”
“You kept sacrificing your happiness for me. I know why you did it, but I didn’t like it.”
“I didn’t like it that I could do the stuff and you couldn’t.”
“Yeah, well, I can now. I couldn’t handle it as a kid, but things have changed.” A grin tugged at his mouth. “Don’t say anything to the parents, okay?” When Luke nodded, Nick glanced around and leaned toward him even more. “I’m getting my GED.”
Luke drew back in surprise. “That’s great.”
“It’s not a big deal.”
But it was. Anyone could see that. Pride was stamped across Nick’s face, and Luke knew his brother had turned a corner in his life.
“Luke, regardless of what happens with you and Shelby, I’m asking you to not take the job.”
“Sorry about that—Whoa.” Jimmy stopped in his tracks and grinned at them, then stuck out his hand. “You’ve gotta be one of Luke’s brothers.”
Nick flashed Luke an irritated glare, obviously upset that they’d been interrupted. He stood. “I’m his twin, Nick Tulane.”
“Nice to meet you, Nick. Jimmy James.”
Luke watched as Nick reluctantly shook hands.
“I’ll let you two get back to business. Luke—” Nick’s silver-blue eyes were filled with meaning “—remember what I said. Things have changed.”
Luke stared at Nick, torn. Changed? They had, obviously, but he knew what he had to do in order to be able to live with himself. Being in the same town, seeing Shelby and wanting her but not being able to be with her would kill him.
So did that mean he wasn’t ready to let go? Give up? What about his family? He’d loved getting those phone calls from his mother. But hearing the details of what his family was doing and knowing he could be a part of things if he wanted had gouged deep and made him homesick.
“So…” Jimmy waited, a wide grin on his face. “Did you tell your brother about the offer? Are we gonna celebrate tonight or what?”
Luke hesitated, then nodded. “I think we are—after we work out a detail or two.”
Glowering at him, Nick stalked away.
SHELBY SAT in her darkened living room when she heard the squeal of tires and a low thump. She set the cup of tea aside and got up to look out the window, barely catching sight of the vehicle crawling along before it took off with a rev of the motor. What had they hit? The steady rain obscured any sign of movement by the road.
It wasn’t the first time an animal had been injured in or near her yard. With all the deer, rabbits, raccoons and forest creatures, it was inevitable that something was hurt or killed. It was probably one of them. Which meant another burial. She couldn’t stand to see them lying there day after day.
Better hope it’s not Biggun.
Her stomach clenched. What if it was? She hadn’t seen him this evening when she’d filled his food bowl. He could have been on his way home. Was that the thump she’d heard?
Shelby searched for the flashlight. If nothi
ng else it would distract her from thinking about what her father said regarding Luke. What if he took the job and went back to California? It’s what you wanted.
But was it? Really? Her father’s words had hit home. She’d always known that despite their differences, her parents loved each other. Maybe with Bennington gone, they’d make it this time. Who knew? They hadn’t dated or married anyone else in all the years they were apart. Deep down, she knew they loved each other, screwups and all.
Shelby grabbed a jacket off the hook by the door, hurrying out into the rain. She dodged mud puddles as she walked around the side of the house and down the driveway. “Biggun?” She whistled softly. But the only sound she heard was the rain on her roofs and the creek rushing down the mountain.
Then she saw it. Shelby’s breath froze in her lungs when she saw the fawn lying beside the ditch where she’d wrecked. The force of the impact had knocked the baby deer clear across the divide and into her yard. It wasn’t moving.
Chest hurting, she knelt beside it and put her hand on its tiny form. Dead. Shelby gulped in air, unable to get enough. Anyone who lived in the country knew this was a fact of life. It happened all the time. But the little fawn…it was so tiny. Still spotted and soft and small. Rain swept into Shelby’s eyes and stung and even though she told herself to wait, to let her father bury the deer tomorrow morning, she couldn’t leave it there. It wasn’t more than a week old, maybe not even a few days old. She could carry it.
Shelby ignored the sickening twist of her stomach and lifted the baby deer in her arms. It was all legs, no weight, and she sludged through the mud of her yard, down to the shed in back. The coons and rabbits and feral cats were buried in the field away from the house. But the big pine tree in back of the shed already shaded Rascal, her longtime pet feline who’d had to be put down not long after she’d moved in, and it could shade one tiny deer.