by Joni Bing
Night was near when I woke up before and had to down the nasty gas drink, but when I woke up those hours later, a darker night surrounded me.
“Re-”
I threw myself over the bed and the strong gas smell filled the room again. My eyes stared down in disgust at the thrown up drink, and I scurried away from the mess that dripped down the side of the bed that hadn't made it to the floor.
“Bleu-”
I freaked out. Finally, after two days, I freaked. My heart beat fast, I had no breath, and tears burned my already scorched cheeks. No A/C caressed my shriveled body, which I believe caused the small episodes of convulsions that surged through me. Lary sat at the bottom of the bed and stared at me until I calmed myself down. He touched my hand with one of his and wiped my face dry with the other. That's when the convulsions completely ceased. I thanked the stars for his timely comfort. He touched my hand. “You done?”
I nodded, feeling nothing but thankfulness fill my painful insides.
“Here.”
I noticed his gift on the bed before I noticed him. It was the first thing my eyes saw when darkness no longer clouded my vision. The gift was a bag that reminded me of the kind people had when they climbed mountains in Old Nation movies. The kind for adventure.
“Mine?” was all I could say to ask. This time it wasn't because of the bloody spit or that I couldn't think up the words to say. I just...never really got anything before; not without someone wanting something from me in return. Somehow, without asking, I just knew Lary didn't want anything. He may never know how his taking in of me saved my life. In more ways than capturing me.
“You earned it. Usually, I have my recruits go out late at night and try to survive on the outskirts of our commune with the supplies in this bag...you earned it. You took...a lot.”
“Thank you,” barely escaped my lips.
He patted my bag one time than stood to leave. I called out to him just before he left for the sitting room.
“How did you know what to give me? How did you save me?”
He reached for the arm sleeve of his shirt, he touched it, but never lifted it. “Sleep. You'll know in three hours.”
“That's so long from now,” I frowned.
“I'm proud of you for knowing that.”
He walked out. I almost called out to him again, but-
“Screw it,” I muttered before I slipped back to sleep.
It turns out Lary was from a big family of examiners. He said way back when-during ON times-they were called docters or doctrons. Something like that. Anyway, his father was one and his father-Lary said he called him grandfather-was one and his grandfather's father was one too. Lary said his grandfather's father was his great grandfather. I remember thinking how nice it was of him to think that. He did sound awful great. In fact, Lary's great grandfather served for Central Union's army when they were warring with the East Nations. You've gotta be great to be that brave.
I found all this out because the next day, we all sat in the sitting room after b-fast and talked about our lives and what we knew about our families. Reno told me they did this every time they took in someone new, but he never got tired of the stories.
“Okay, new girl goes first,” Mar said.
I looked up from where Reno placed me in the room after carrying me in his arms-on the couch seat next to him because Mar took Reno's seat and wouldn't get up-and sat up, finally not feeling a twinge of pain. “Why?”
Z put his face in his hand. “Because you're new.”
“That Q didn't need an A, thank you.”
He looked up from his hand and I felt myself wanting to hide, but at the same time wanting to stand up and hit him . Maybe then he wouldn't be such a jerk. Of course, everyone pays for their actions.
“Well, I'm even sick of my backstory and you're newer than Reno's so you have to go, Bleu,” Lary laughed.
His laugh sounded pleasant to the ears of the hearer. I wished I heard it more often.
“Fine,” I replied, giving in. “Well, my name is Bleu and-”
“Last name?” Lary interrupted.
“It's between Dalton and Stephens now. My mother became a Mutual before I left-well, got captured-and you-”
“Why do you think that?” Mar asked as he crossed his legs.
I noticed that everyone sat the same in that chair. Legs apart, one arm on the arm piece, the other on their cheek as if anything said that wasn't coming from their own mouth was a total bore. It was like the chair took life from them.
“My mom said his name a lot--Dalton. I think she might've actually known him longer than a day.”
“A likely story,” Reno said as he stretched.
I thought he would try that move I saw in a lot Old Nation movies-that one Josh tried on me while we were watching one of them-but he just rested back in his place on the couch with hands folded together on his knees.
“So, all our moms were wild whores. Great.”
“Mar!” Lary yelled the way he always did.
“Whatever, man,” he said as he shrugged and rolled his eyes.
“Bleu Dalton is the one on your record?”
“It's just Bleu P.E., I think. Unwed births happen so much in Cali that no one really has a last name. For all we know, we're all related.”
“Ah, incest,” Reno smirked.
I remembered hearing that word before. It was nice to finally know what it meant.
“Don't feel bad, Bleu. Cali is bad, but where I'm from isn't any better,” Lary said.
“In the marriage respect, it can't be,” Reno said as he put his arm on the couch top in the space between us.
“What do you mean?” I asked him.
“He's referring to the Revelation Laws,” Lary replied.
“Wha-” “It's-”
“I'm done.”
Mar got up from the chair and walked out the front door without another word to anyone. No one said goodbye or even called him back.
“What was that about?” I asked.
“He gets like that sometimes. It's hard to explain, but you'll know the cycle soon enough.”
“If you survive long enough,” Reno laughed.
I shrunk my face as I mimicked Reno with my funny voice and he stuck out his tongue. Then, I fell quiet, unsure how to take the atmosphere set in the room, and wondering whether to laugh or cry.
“Anyway now that Mar has decided to be done,” Lary began as we laughed. “Revelation Laws are basically the new laws of the UIP. One of the newer ones is the official banning of marriage in Borealia.”
“No surprise there,” I replied.
“Tell me about it,” Reno muttered under his breath.
“ You know about Carl-”
“Yeah, I know about that jerk,” I rolled my eyes.
“...How much?” Lary asked.
“Like his stupid theories from his books and stuff. It's pretty much how Central Union is run now.”
“By force or by subject?”
“...What?”
Lary's face grew cold. It felt horrendous to feel stupid.
“Because his theories are law now or because people want to Follow them?”
“The second one, but a lot of people are becoming Members once they're legal. Thinking about it now Lary, you were right about CU being taken over. Why else would the NR centers exist. I feel so dumb for not noticing.”
Lary put his head in his hands. “Don't beat yourself up about it, Bleu. This is worse than I thought.”
“CU's screwed,” Reno whispered.
I looked around. “How? What?”
“Okay...” Lary sighed.
That was the moment I found out the whole truth. I found out everything. About Carl Dickens. The Gov. Everything. It turns out that Carl Dickens's “theories” are actually theories that the Gov planned to make law, and Carl who public went by Carl to distract prospectors from researching his earlier history, was their poster child. Lary used some big word to explain it. Um...genesis...or genemix...Jenny
is a name so I doubt it was....genocide! Right! Genocide! Not exactly a word normally seen next to an exclamation point, but I have good reason.
Anyway, it was this plan that the Gov had to kill off the living who couldn't fend for themselves. People of lower class, people with no Xi who live off the scum of the Earth in order to survive. The Gov's goal was to make the Perfect Man and a Perfect World for man to live in; one in which they could do the once incapable. One they could control. That's what Lary thought and...I believed him more than I believed the thoughts that ran through my own mind. Suddenly, my whole life was explained.
“Their plan is to turn people like you and me, all of us with Xi, into Requesters.”
“You used that word before when Revolta was here.”
“Requesters are...what happened to you before I brought you here?”
I thought back immediately. Three days ago felt like almost a month in pastime, but I still remembered every detail.
“When I woke up...there was...blood, my blood...I looked over and slits were on my fingers like someone had cut them with a precision knife...and there was this huge machine over me...”
“She's one of them for sure,” Reno said.
“One of us. You're one too, Reno,” Lary said.
“One of who?! A Xi? I know that-”
“No, Bleu, more than that. Xis are way more than that. Do you know what a professional is?”
Professional. That word again. It made me think of my mother. I thought back to that same convo we had so many times prior to my capturing.
An examiner, a lier, and a professional. They have more than we'll ever know. She said that all the time, but she never explained it really. I knew what an examiner was-that someone who checks you if you're sick. A lier was obviously someone who helped you after you committed a crime against the law-they actually started disappearing after the Gov quietly removed our judicial branch to “modify our legislation”.
“Requesters are a little something like that, only not.”
“Well, who are they?”
Anger rose to my throat. I wanted him to tell me already so that I could do something about it. I didn't know exactly what, but I wanted to be a part of the fight.
“They're commonly referred to as NRs because they work for The Gov's NR center.”
“They're the guys that the scientists send to capture escapees?” I asked matter-of-factly.
Lary nodded. “They're skinned Xis. The hosts of the Future.”
“Hosts?”
“Their structures are used as the prototypes for future replicates.”
“...”
“Basically, their form and genes are used to make skeleton copies like them,” Z explained.
“Oohh...”
“Yeah,” he rolled his eyes.
“So, is that what Requesters are? Just original copies who sometimes kill?”
“No, if that were case, the Gov would just kill them off after.”
“They kill off non-Xis too, but their most important mission is to find escapees on their list and harass Xis not on the list that they find into Following. They're like the polar opposite of the WWIII soldiers back in the day. Remember them?” Reno asked.
“Oh, yeah. Really?” I asked with a tilt of my head.
Faded tethers of childhood memories during the war swam through my mind as I tried to recollect them and piece them together. Our world was truly a definitely different place to live back then. It was hard to really pinpoint the end of time as we once knew it and the start of time as we grew accustom to for most of our lives. Reno's explanation of the professionals shocked me though. Paid to kill. I never even knew that existed.
“Killing used to be done privately by a paid professional in the ON times-”
“Contract killers,” Z cut Reno off.
“Yeah, but now it's legal. Now, you're rewarded for killing a non-Xi, and being a Xi if you're captured and don't comply to their rules, they kill you.”
“Well...”
I dropped my question, thinking that maybe it wasn't in my best interest to know.
“What, Bleu?” Lary asked as he folded his hands in front of his knees.
“It's just...why do we have to hide in here then? We're Xis. We could take them together, right?”
“Didn't you just get saved from being skinned after you broke out like three days ago?” Z asked.
“Yeah, but-”
“Question answered,” Lary said with that voice of his.
I took a breath, trying not to burn up inside. Yelling would get me kicked out or worse killed for reward.
“So, Requesters are professionals. Never forget that, and never let someone tell you otherwise,” Reno said.
Quiet.
“So, you have a boyfriend back in Central Union?”
“Reno,” Lary warned him.
“Who knows. It could be important to know,” Reno winked.
I rolled my eyes playfully. Why me, sometimes?
“I, uh...never had a real boyfriend. Just a close one.”
“Name?”
“Josh.”
“Last?”
“It's...just Josh. He's undeclared.”
“Really?”
He didn't believe me. Why didn't he believe me?
“Yeah.”
Lary sat back in the middle couch facing me and cleared his throat. “Anything Xi about him?”
“He was...a good kisser.”
Good kisser, good storyteller, good rebel, good student...good everything. Without trying.
Lary laughed, Z held whatever he felt in, and Reno looked like I spoke a different language. I didn't know if he was thinking about kissing me or if I just sounded dumb. I hate sounding dumb.
“Yeah, I could've gone forever without knowing that. Reno, no more pitching.”
“Agreed,” Z said as he eyed Reno.
Reno relaxed on the couch. He wasn't scared of Z and I didn't blame him for showing that. Jerk.
“How was school?”
I used to hate that question. It was mainly because half the time I couldn't tell my mom how it was the day she decided to randomly ask. Sometimes, I felt bad about that.
“I was one out of the maybe twenty kids that stayed after EMFH made the news.”
“They've gotten that far into the process already?” Z exclaimed, looking at Lary.
Lary didn't speak a word. Maybe he didn't even hear Z because he was too busy smiling like he was proud of what I said. It would be awhile after that day until I would see that look or anything similar from anyone.
“Reno, you're next to Bleu here. Why don't you go next?”
“Why me? Your right hand wanna be seems ready over there beside you,” Reno snorted.
Z glared at him and their eye transaction appeared like Z was taking Reno's life with his eyes. “You're turning into dust, Reno.”
Reno wholly paled over.
“Right before my eyes,” Z finished.
Reno sat quiet for once. Well, until Lary told him to confess.
“I, uh,...was born um...” he looked over at me and I smiled. That's all he ever needed from me. I could never be like him. I needed more than voiceless acceptance. “I was Reno Cornelius-David-Franz-Venti-P.E. for like six years. Then, I was Reno Cornelius, but now I'm just Reno.”
“Why?” Lary asked for me.
“My mom became a Follower super early. Like, I was maybe three. And, like Bleu's mom, my mom got our files after registering and I found out my father's information, my real father, and decided I didn't like him very much based on his criminal record. It's funny how both our moms kind of knew who we belonged to and put their last names first,” Reno smirked as he looked over at me again.
I agreed and thought about how similar we were in comparison. Both of us had P.E. (possibilities endless) on our non-registered documents, going off of what else Reno said, both of our mothers started “Tri-ing life” at a young age, and started Following certain Dickens theories u
ntil they finally just gave in. I stopped him when he said he was captured at his own school.
“I was too!” I broke in.
“How?” Lary asked.
“They called me down to discipline like usual and...”
I thought back. No, they hadn't. They sent Tenter Uriah down to get me. That always meant my meeting with Muller was pretty imperative. Like, I had done something wrong. Something like “forgetting my PocketDroid in my next class whenever there was a test to listen to a smart Xi type in their answers. Sometime during my first term in YA school, I discovered that I could hear the difference in the pings for each keystroke.When I bragged about my ability, I found that no one else could do it, not even Josh. I figured that was another Xi gift of mine, and couldn't imagine how my grades would've turned out at the end of each year without it.
Anyway, I told the boys all that plus about my talk with Josh once I found out he was there—minus our half kiss—and even what Tenter said before he sent me to Muller. I told them about Marty, and the bags, and almost dying. They just sat there at first.
“Why was your boyfriend there though?” Reno asked.
“Josh...”
Why was Josh there? I was so ready to give them this exciting explanation because Josh would have one. Bringing up Old Nation government in class, selling Old Nation memorabilia to our mates during class. He was the reason why all of us knew about any of that stuff existing because we were too young to remember when it did before everything changed. He was part of the reason why I can even write! Because after year one in pre-YA school, if you didn't get it, you were screwed. You were better off a cutter with a job in Steppes.
“He...never said.”
I found that weird to say out loud, but he never did explain why he saw Muller. As I gave the moment more thought, it became more clear to me that he had been avoiding telling me why when I asked him. He just kept saying that I didn't have to worry. Like everything would be fine like always because he would protect me. He was partly right though. I was fine.
“What about your mom?” Lary asked.
“Nothing Xi about her, far as I know.”
I didn't know anything about my mom. I didn't know that until the moment Lary asked me about her. I found out in that moment that my mom and I weren't close like I thought. I did still love and miss her and I wished I knew if she loved or missed me. I wished I knew she was alive.
“So, Lary?” I started. He looked at me. “What about you?”
“Sometime later. Maybe tomorrow. My time's up here.”
“What's going on? You never leave this early,” Reno asked.
“I have an obligation.”
“Where ya going?”
I looked over and Mar was back with a cig loose in his mouth.
“Don't worry about it,” Lary walked over quick, like he was upset but didn't want to cause a dramatic uproar. He took Mar's cig, crushed it in his palm, and slammed his foot atop it when it hit the ground. “Get me a white shirt.”
“Yes, your majesty.”
I watched Mar go into that same room it appeared all of the the boys shared and then at Lary while he waited.
“Why a white shirt?”
“The cameras that survelliance our commune are light sensitive. The white blinds the view.”
“But...you're Black.”
“So, I've been told,” Lary snorted.
Mar lagged out of the room holding the long sleeved shirt on the tips of his fingers. I felt stupid in that moment as other questions raced in my head. What about his face? His hands? His feet that were covered by black old shoes? I kept my mouth shut though. He obviously got away with it all this time...maybe Reno would tell me.
“I'll be back at three. Protect her.”
He put the white shirt on over the black one he was already wearing and walked out. Like always, I never heard the door.
“The camera-”
“They're only on during the day. Six to six.”
“Oh...so, that's why Lary comes in late?”
“Yeah,” Reno said like there was more to it.
“What?”
He shook his head, refusing to give up the information he held.
“You should change. You smell,” Z advised me bitterly.
“Same to you.” I bit back.
He stared me down and looked away as Reno threw back his head in senseless laughter and Mar...was nowhere to be found yet again. I rolled my eyes at the chaos of the moment and left the room for my own, locking the door behind me. Protect her. That kept running in my head, playing on repeat until I punched the wall beside the doorway to shut off my thoughts. Protect me? Please. I'd have to protect myself. That was clear from the start.
For the first time since my arrival, I stepped inside my room's bathroom. For days, I had no clue it existed. I just thought the door parallel to the entrance door on the south wall was a closet full of nothing. I didn't even think to fix myself up, and blamed that on the manic anxiety of being in a new place.
It looked nothing like the bathroom I shared with my mother. Peeling rust infected the exterior of every metallic bathroom part, molded discoloration-the kind I saw in my YA school's bathrooms-lined the area where the floor met the wall, and a thin water stained curtain hid the grimy walls of the shower area, accessorized with a crusted shower head barely hanging onto its installation screws inside of the wall.
The door, splattered with brown spots scaling up and down its pale painted wood, opened inward by a loose doorknob that I caressed with both hands to leave the door cracked and avoid future complications of entrance. My bathroom was a lot nicer. No reddish brown anything defamed it, no squeaky faucets, there was actually hot water, and water that didn't smell like sewer spitting down on my body.
I didn't know what my mother did to get what we survived on until a while back and I'm still unsure whether I respect/forgive her. I don't know if I would've gone that far, but I appreciate her allowing me the opportunity to experience the finer things in life.
Suddenly, I heard a knock.
“You okay?”
“I'm okay. Just...leave me alone,” I replied low to Reno's interrogation.
No reply. I didn't know how I felt about that. I didn't know how I felt about anything after that moment in time.