Skin Nation

by Joni Bing

  ****

  It was just like any other tavern I'd ever gone to, but there was something about Murry's that reminded you of home. It could just be the memories flooding back in that has me thinking that way. When Josh and I were barely legal, nothing could've stopped us from going on a tavern adventure around town, and if it really was Josh, I knew exactly what would happened tonight.

  We sat on the creakiest wooden seats Murry or whoever owned the den could've possibly found to furnish the place. Still, the sound only reminded me of home. That was one of the unfortunate memories that came to mind.

  “So, what'll it be?”

  I looked up and almost fell out of my seat until Josh pushed me straight up by a hand to my back.

  “We haven't even ordered yet, and you're randomly slipping out of chairs.”

  “Sorry, I thought I saw something.”

  He chuckled. “Some things never change.”

  I instantly rejected that statement with a shake of my head. That so wasn't true. Things changed all the time; what clothes were trending, what drink everyone was trying, hot places to party. The only thing that remained constant was the cycle of life. What once occurred always repeated itself in time. I wondered then if that was some theory I learned in YA school. What was the name of it? Newton's Law of...Time? Something like that.

  “You keep on with your Bleu ways and I'll go find us a table with a decent Musix.”

  Josh left the open bar area and I was left to conjure up an even better plan.

  “Bleu, huh?” she smirked as she continued cleaning the shot glasses lined on the bar table.

  “That's the name I gave him. You know it's Lady.”

  “Right, and my name's really Gyn. C'mon,” she replied with a roll of her eyes.

  “Think you can help me? I got this info I need from him.”

  She smirked. “Alcohol pills.”

  I scrunched my face. I knew what they were because my mom loved to take them for a temporary buzz when she was too lazy to make herself a drink. I just didn't see how it would help me out.

  “'Scuse me?”

  “It's simple. You'll stay sober, get him liquored up, have control, get what you want.”

  “That sounds risky. Those things give you a temporary buzz. What if I get too intoxicated?”

  “They're not that strong, trust me. Plus, I'll serve you colored water to dumb it down. He'll never know the difference.”

  I thought over her offer and lowered my eyes, thinking over how it would play out.

  “C'mon, Lady, don't tell me Lary's turned you into one of his diehard Followers already,” she said, shaking her head. I took that to heart. That was by far the worst blow I'd ever taken. She continued, “Look, girly, you're better than that. You're better than them,” she leaned in really close and threw her cleaning towel to the side on the countertop of the open bar. “Wanna know why?”

  I shrugged, unsure what to say.

  “Because you're a Lady, and a Lady always knows how to get her way.”

  I heard Josh call me over from a table in the middle of the two spaced rows on the right of the den.

  “I'm in.”

  “Follow me. I'll start you off.”

  I shrugged again. There was something about Gyn that made it so easy to Follow and not ask questions. She knew everything. She was who I was working towards becoming. I sat across from him and Gyn started a conversation before I could get a word in.

  “So, what'll it be, Bleu?”

  “Oh, um,” I widened my eyes the moment my mind blanked. What would it be? When was the last time I even had a drink?

  “I usually recommend your favorite juice and vodka.”

  “That works for me,” Josh pitched in. “You got cranberry?”

  “Yep,” she smirked. “Tick tock, Bleu.”

  A plan came to me then, a plan I knew would make me a step ahead of him. “You know this Josh,” I smiled. “What'll it be for me?”

  “Hm...well, every time I came over OJ never existed in your fridge after midnight, and I was always in charge of sneaking in the good stuff.”

  “So, OJ and vodka?” Gyn looked over at me.

  “Yeah, that was a test,” I laughed to loosen the moment.

  “I thought so,” he smiled.

  Man, that smile brought back good memories. It almost made me hallucinate moving circles floating around in the air.

  “So, one cranberry and one OJ. Got it. I'll go make that extra special for you both,” Gyn winked before she walked away.

  “You two know each other?” Josh asked as if he just figured it out.

  “Maybe,” I smirked, raising my eyebrows.

  He humphed and I looked down. Now, I was limited in conversation. Karma has no favorites.

  “It's good to see you survived.”

  I looked up and he was smiling at me. Just like Josh used to smile.

  “Um, you too.”

  “What do I need to do?”

  His eyes had turned from their usual green to a dark shade of green I'd only seen them when he was on the verge of tears. I had seen that shade of green so many times before; more then I can count and more the Josh would ever know I'd seen. I kept silent, trying not to cry myself. I needed a drink, and I needed one now.

  “When I took off those goggles, it was like...like reality hit me hard. Like, I was playing some video game this entire time that trapped me inside and I got so into it that after awhile I didn't care about escaping anymore. But then I saw you.”

  “So, it felt like you lost your identity?”

  “Exactly like that. I felt like I was somebody else.”

  I took a moment to take that in. I could somewhat relate. Ever since I had arrived in Borealia, I found myself leaving behind the Bleu Dalton of Central Union and becoming the Bleu Dalton of Borealia who asked questions, gave solutions, and didn't take anyone's bull crap. I gave that some thought though and didn't mind my evolvement into who I was becoming. Taking charge and embracing who I was supposed to become didn't seem like such a bad idea.

  “Your drinks,” Gyn smiled as she appeared with a tray of glasses. “Two free Tuesday. Enjoy!”

  “Oh, hey, Gyn!” I said, reaching my hand out touched her arm to stop her.

  “Yes?”

  I gave her a reminder of our plan with the lift of my eyebrow and she smirked.

  “The lady's room is right down there.”

  She pointed in the area on the left of the tavern where there was an opening the size of a door into a small hall where two bathroom doors faced each other on either side. Ironically enough, there was a line outside the men's room.

  “Thanks,” I smiled.

  I was wrong about Gyn before. She was nice, she knew what to do, and her smile was pretty genuine once you got to know her.

  “I'm not in the middle of a set-up, right?”

  “What?”

  For a moment I panicked, wondering how Josh had figured it out so fast. How had all that secret coding and non-verbal planning been translated into a set-up?

  “I said, I'm not in the middle of a deal, right?”

  I sighed for a moment, trying not to show my complete relief. I chuckled nervously to hide any expression that might've looked suspicious on my face. “No, of course not. I don't do that stuff. Drugs are bad.”

  He chuckled nervously next. “It's good to hear Borealia hasn't messed you up too bad.”

  “I don't think anyone or thing could top how much you have.”

  Josh laughed out loud. “For the first time ever, I have no rebuttal! I've gotta admit I've done some damage over the years.”

  We shared a moment of laughter and I almost found myself about to say something that I would've during old times. I stopped myself immediately. I couldn't get too comfortable. I couldn't let him gain my trust that easily. He still had a few drinks to down and a lot of secrets to retell.

  “I'm sure you already know about Marty?”

  A vision of Marty's screenshot
in the NR database hit my mind like the impact of bad news and I squinted my eyes shut to rid of the image.

  “What makes you think that?”

  “Because I know you. You probably tried to search for Blythe too, but she wouldn't come up.”

  “Why not?”

  Josh looked away and instead of being obnoxious and prodding like a typical girl, I decided to be a Lady and pretend I hadn't spoken a word. I stared down his cranberry vodka lined up in a row on his side of the table, all three still so full.

  “First one to down a shot, gets to try the others!” I exclaimed.

  The game was on immediately and like a typical guy, Josh did everything within his power to crush me. For the first time ever, I wanted him to win and didn't mind the defeat.

  “Whatever! You cheated!”

  “What do you think I did? Widen my esophagus intake?”

  I scrunched my eyebrows. “You lost me...”

  “Yeah, I lost myself,” he chuckled. He extended his hand over to my side of the table. “Hand me my shot.”

  I rolled my eyes and laughed. “I guess you earned it.”

  I slid the shot over to his side of the table and it was a few inches short of colliding into one of his shots.

  “Whoa!” he gasped as he took the glass into his hand before he downed it.

  “Nice reflexes,” I complimented him as my planned conversation began to present itself.

  “Thanks. I always had 'em. NR just made 'em better.”

  He's slurring his words already? Man, good job, Gyn, I thought.

  “If I remember correctly, you could barely make it up Mr. Mallback's apple tree when we were little.”

  “Well, climbin' doesn't have anything to do with reflexes, and I was twelve1 I hadn't even hit puberty yet!”

  “Excuses,” I laughed.

  He joined the laughter and I recognized the type immediately; he so wanted to say something else, but his conscience was cautioning him not to speak what was on his mind. I thankfully knew Josh well enough to know a few more shots would change that quickly. I started to laugh the same way as I thought over the possibility of pointing out his special laugh while I thought of the next question to ask him that would bring me one step closer to the end of the night before I entered the danger zone. Multiple thought processes always stressed my brain to the point of an hour lasting headache.

  “Hey how do those guys treat you?” Josh spoke.

  I was thankful that he finally took the initiative and with a simple question. I smiled over. “They treat me great now. They're awesome and actually pretty funny.”

  “Whatdoya mean now? How'd they treatya before?”

  “Josh...don't worry about it, okay? They did nothing you need to worry about trying to hit them back for.”

  “No! What'd they do? I swear, I'll kill them!” he boomed as he stood up.

  His reaction was frightening, but not completely surprising. When Josh got wasted and violent, it was always for some reason. His abrupt rage gave me a bit of a hint about what he may have wanted to express earlier.

  “Josh...how's your father?”

  He stared at me with widened drunk eyes burning red from intoxication like the emergency exit sign a few feet behind him. Then, he lowered his eyes as they began to well up and he plopped back into his seat with his hands covering his face. I ignored the eyes of the scattered bystanders around the den.

  “Josh, what happened?”

  He waited a moment to fix himself up and tried to smirk. “Take a shot, you're gonna need one to numb the pain of the news.”

  Should I? I thought. I needed to concentrate. I needed to use my sober mind against his weak one, but I couldn't just not take a shot. How obvious would I be then?

  “Well!” he shouted as he slammed his hand on the table.

  I sat back in my seat. Now, I was afraid. “Um, I'll be right back. I gotta—”

  “No, go 'head. I knew you were dealing before! How could I be so stupid to think you hadn't gotten hooked on something is this forsaken province!”

  The people in the den looked over at Josh again, some probably outraged by his knock at Borealia.

  “It'll just take a second, okay? It'll just take a...just chill while I'm gone, okay?!”

  “Fine, okay,” he replied as if I was the one embarrassing him.

  I rolled my eyes and walked away. Ever since my stay in Borealia, I always had a long night ahead of me, but already that night had by far taking the record of any previous one, even the night before.

  I entered the bathroom and looked around in search of the pills. Gyn knew I was smart, but I hoped she didn't expect me to be bright enough to know where to look in—then, I found them.

  A huge silver machine titled 'Buzz Pills and Personals' in bold neon blue letters above it stared me straight in the face. It was a quarter a pill and I checked my pockets knowing that all I'd find was scraps of nothing and lint. I smiled when I walked over to the machine and noticed two pills in the small receiver tray along with a note.

  Just place them on your tongue, and let them dissolve. Spit it out that way you'll have the smell and not the buzz. It'll take a minute for each one and it's gonna burn, but what's two minutes of pain for the world? (No pressure). Good luck. -Gyn

  I smirked at the letter written in perfect scratchy cursive on a fresh sticky note embroidered in small red lips. I had to get a set when I saw her again! I ripped up the note and popped the pills into my mouth. Within seconds, I was grabbing for nothing on the white cement wall in a panic that I was losing breath. I tried to catch my breath and each attempt was taken by the sting of the melting pills scorching the back of my throat. My eyes began to water and I clenched my hands around my throat.

  I tripped over my feet as I struggled toward one of the six sink basins lined in the front of the restroom. My first thought was to take up a handful of water into my hands to rinse out the pill dust still trying to dissolve and go the rest of the night on the effect the one minute two pills gave me. Then, my better judgment encouraged me to woman up. I thought back to Gyn's words and repeated them out loud to myself in an out of breath murmur. I felt so crazy.

  After several moments of agony and repeating Gyn's last words, I counted to ten—which used to be the highest I could count until I was that age—and spit out the remains burning the buds of my tongue. I panted, trying to regain a steady heartbeat. I wiped my mouth of the evidence and looked up at my reflection in front of me. I didn't realize that the pills would have such an effect on my appearance. To see myself so messed up scared me, but I figured it was best that I got used to this look. It didn't sound like Lary and I made a one-time agreement about my feministic manipulation being used to scope out information.

  I walked out of the bathroom, almost strutting back with a charge. It was time to stop BSing around. I sat back to find myself alone. I looked around for Josh and he was nowhere to be found, not even at the open bar. He had disappeared and I hadn't gotten a thing out of him. I turned around again to search for Josh at the open bar and spotted Gyn setting up another row of shot glasses to dry on the counter. I made a dash to the counter and didn't waste any time asking what I thought I'd never have to ask again.

  “Where's Josh?”

  “The guy you were with?”

  I nodded my head rapidly, annoyed and wanting to sarcastically put Gyn in her place. Responses came to mind, but I was sure I had thought of nothing that she wouldn't have a comeback for.

  “He left.”

  “For the bathroom?”

  She paused for a moment. “He's gone, Lady.”

  I never thought your heart could skip a beat, but I found out how wrong I was when that oxygen-less moment threatened to make me faint. I ran for the outside yet again gasping for air. I broke there. The moment I saw no trace of him outside and the cold night air hit me. The tears gushed down like my brain had turned on my emotion release faucet. I'll admit, losing Josh wasn't the only thing that had me upset; it
was the thought that I'd never know why he was. The fact that a spot on my tongue was still burning for no reason didn't exactly help the anger that began to build up in me either.

  All of a sudden, I heard a voice. It was distant, at first. I looked around in every direction, trying to detect where the voice was calling from. It grew closer, and I started to hear a familiarity. I knew that voice yet the voice was still so far away that it could've been anyone I knew. I decided to race north and the voice's calls started to sound like cries. I ran faster. They cried my name and all of a sudden, I heard their racing footsteps. With caution, I ran harder in a panic.

  Then, I saw his face. Reno. My savior. The knight in not so shining armor that I never asked for who always showed up anyway. We caught eyes and he smiled. He almost spoke my name until his feet collided into one another and he stumbled to the ground, red soaking his upper body. I saw the end result first and the scattered bullet shots later. The shells linked the shots to a machine gun; one I couldn't mentally pin to any that Lary had hidden in our commune. I ran up to him and held him in my arms, knowing what to do, but not acting upon my instinct.

  What hurt the most wasn't the fact that Reno had taken the bullets. What hurt was that he had taken them for me so undeservingly with a smile on his face, and of all smiles, the same one he wore when he was about to do something that changed how I looked at life and the the aspects that made it up.

  Help came a lot quicker than I anticipated. Like I hoped, help came from Murry's. I looked up and found Gyn beside me, giving me speedy instructions that my mourning conscience could barely keep up with. Other Borealians from the den rushed out with medicine soaked white rags and surrounded Reno to suppress his wounds with them. The only sign of life—my only hope—were Reno's eyelids that continued to flutter, trying to hold on as long as he could withstand the pain.

  “C'mon, please, Reno. Hang on!” I whispered to him though my tears.

  “You know,” Reno strained. His eyes remained closed, but continued to flutter. “This would be a lot easier to take if I had a kiss.”

  In the back of my mind, I was irritated that Reno was joking during such a time like the one we were facing on the edge of death with an army of people on our heel just waiting for us to go over. I guess what irritated me more was how I could never be like him. I could never be so calm and comical after taking multiple shots to my body. Respect. That was the motivation that led my lips into his until I feared I would take his life from his lack of inhale. He smirked and the deepest dimples I ever laid eyes on appeared in the middle of his cheeks.

  “Much better.”

  I laughed as free tears strolled down my face. I wiped them away and placed my hands on top of the section of his stomach where he was woundless.

  “Bleu,” were his last words before he closed his eyes.

  I looked over his body, shaking him, begging him to wake up, but his body remained still. Suddenly, everything felt like my fault.

  THIRTEEN