Skin Nation
Page 34
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For the first time in months, I found myself alone. The night still remained the same though. Fire outside my small window, gun shots and screaming, my heart thudding in my chest a thousand miles a minute, and an empty cold stillness that never left the commune no matter who dwelled in it. It reminded me of life and it's way of stripping every ounce of hope we scraped together just to survive away from us.
All of a sudden, I wanted to be in that room again. I wanted to have a joint in my hand taking in the drug for the first time with a sense of hope that it would make everything alright, and lack of knowledge that it truly wouldn't. I closed my eyes, feeling myself embrace the past. If only...so many if onlys that should be regrets by now. I heard a gun shot explode nearby and realized that it sounded louder than the others because someone had just shot into the commune. My heart started racing wildly. No way was it anyone I knew. Everyone was dead and gone. Dead or gone.
Then, my worst nightmare entered the room. They grabbed me before I could take one last breath of freedom. They bound me before I could fight back. And, before I could scream for help that I knew would never come, they silenced me with a sharp injection of a drug heavier than the one I'd been craving to take me out before their arrival. I didn't think I'd ever wake up.
An unknown amount of time later, I woke up to lines of white flashing, coming and going, above me. Rows and rows of white lines, but not the kind Josh got hooked on with the other Mass admins, the kind that were signs of a test or a rescue. Lights. I racked my brain for memories as my vision tried to familiarize my surroundings. I searched the space, trying to examine the people out of the corner of my eyes and only recognized one. Z. Z? Of all people, I couldn't believe it was him.
“You came for me?”
“You're one of us, Bleu.”
It was all he said and all he needed to say. It was all I needed to hear. I turned my body over and found myself close to the ground. I was in the cradle of his arms. How had I missed that? I had to be dreaming. No moment in real life could ever be this perfect. I decided to stay in his cradle, and felt myself sink backwards into the cradle of stiff leather. I smiled when I recognized the roof of the hearse.
“How'd you find me?”
“Finding the H2 was a pain, but finding you was easy.”
“And, how's that?”
“Check the bottom flap of your balm.”
Z started the H2 and I sat up slow in the backseat scrimmaging hastily through my pockets. I lifted the back tab of the tube and smiled at the blinking white light inside the pink colored glass stuffed with even more colorful wires. Oddly enough, I wasn't surprised to see the tracker.
“I don't know if I'm super creeped out or super relieved to see this thing.”
“As indecisive as you are, let's just say you're feeling both.”
I met Z's eyes in the rearview mirror and smiled when I saw his own for the second time in two days. Smiles looked nice on Z, they suited him well. I started to feel myself get lightheaded and drift in and out of consciousness.
“You okay back there?” Z asked.
“Where's Reno and Lary? Reno's okay, right?”
“Bleu, Reno...”
Things started fading, shapes that made up my vision started distorting and all of a sudden everything faded to black, darker than the night sky Z was driving through. As much as I knew that I was only exhausted from the OD caused by my second NR capturing, I wanted to believe that I was dying. I was okay with that fact. I would die knowing pretty much everything I wanted to know about life. There were some memories that I would never make and experiences that I'd never survive to scratch off my to-do list, but I was totally content with that. I was content with never living.
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