by K. I. Lynn
“You said she was mine.”
“And she is.”
She shook her head. “The way you said it. Those words. In the park. I wanted you to claim us in front of that bitch, but you didn’t.”
I knew then what she was talking about because they had weighed me down more than once. “I hated those words as soon as they came out. They didn’t feel right then. And they don’t feel right now. Kinsey is mine in the same way you’re mine. All I want is to love you and take care of you.”
“I don’t need you to take care of me! I don’t need a sugar daddy.”
Sugar daddy? I was going to have to circle back around to that one after I got her straightened out.
“I want to take care of your heart, your body. I want to heal your soul. To restore your inability to trust by proving that your faith in me isn’t misplaced. You’ve done so much for so many people over the years. You selflessly opened your home and heart to a tiny baby, despite knowing it would cost you. I want to help you. I want to be your partner in crime. Be your strength when you feel weak. I want you to rely on me.”
Tears flowed down her cheeks.
“I love you, Roe. Not just for now. Not until someone else comes along, because there is nobody else for me. There is only you, and I want only you. I love you, and all I ask is for your love in return.”
Her head swung from side to side, her face scrunched up. “I’m not good enough for you.”
“It’s me who isn’t good enough for you.”
“You should be with Liv.”
“Why the fuck would I do that?” I asked with more of an edge to my voice than I intended.
“Because she’s the right fit for you, not me. You could pick up right where you left off.”
I ground my teeth for a moment to try and calm down. “Where the fuck did you ever get the idea that I wanted to be with Liv?”
“Because you said it! You were all wistful and sad and you were thinking about how things could have been with her!”
My stomach dropped. “Oh, God.” I shook my head, finally understanding my pile of grave mistakes that day. “No, baby, no, that’s not it at all.”
“What the hell else could it have been?”
I set Kinsey back down on the floor and scooted closer to Roe. Reaching out, I then brushed her tears away.
“First—I don’t want Liv. At all. We fought non-stop and I stayed with her to do the right thing for our child. She’s a spoiled, gold-digging rich bitch, and I want nothing to do with her.”
“Then why were you all friendly and agreeing to talk soon and all that?”
“Because we do have history, shared trauma, but that’s it. What I was thinking about involved my son. I was thinking about how if I’d had him you would have opened up to me a lot sooner. That he and Kinsey could grow up as siblings.” I took hold of her hand. “I was wistful about what our life would have been like if I hadn’t lost him. It had nothing to do with Liv.”
Roe seemed to consider it for a moment before asking, “Did she ever call?”
I nodded. It happened earlier in the week. “She did. She wanted to meet and I told her no, that there was no reason to ever seen her again, and to delete my phone number.”
“Really?” she asked, her jaw clenching.
“Really.”
“But…”
“Why do you keep trying to make something out of nothing?”
“Because I don’t want to get hurt again.”
“What about what you’re doing to me? Do I deserve this because of the assholes in your past? Why is it so terrible that I want to take care of you because I want to? I want to be with you because you are the sunshine in my life. I’ve never been happier than these past few months. I love you, Roe, so much. I love Kinsey, more than I thought possible. Part of that is because I see how much you love her.”
The tears kicked up again and streamed down her face as she crumpled, her hands bracing against the floor. I rubbed her back in an effort to help her calm down.
I hated seeing her so broken, but it was the only way to put us back together. I had to make her face her fears before reinforcing my support.
“That bracelet I got you for your birthday was from the heart—you are my everything.”
She sat back up and rubbed her face. Kinsey cooed, her little forehead knitted as she looked at her mother. Kinsey made another uneasy transition to standing before Roe scooped her up into her arms.
“I need to show you something,” I said, then stood.
She looked to my outstretched hand, trepidation in her eyes as she slipped a shaking hand into mine. After helping her up, I kept hold of her hand and pulled her to the spare bedroom.
I gestured to the door.
“Open it.”
Her brow scrunched as she looked at me. “What is it?”
“Something I worked hard on for weeks and was ready to show you when you broke up with me.”
The moment the door swung open Roe’s eyes went wide and her mouth dropped open.
“Thane?”
“Do you like it?” I asked. The awe in her wide eyes and parted lips gave me hope.
“It’s so beautiful,” she whispered as she stepped in, her head whipping around as she took it all in.
“Kinsey deserves the best.”
She turned back to me. “What does this mean?”
“It means I want you both in my life. Originally, this was the first step.”
“What first step?”
“Of getting you to trust that I was in it for the long haul. That I was thinking about our future together.” I pushed a lock of hair behind her ear. “No regerts, remember? I’m the bad tattoo you can’t get rid of.”
“You can’t buy us back.”
“Oh for fuck’s sake,” I hissed. I ran my hands through my hair, gripping the larger strands and pulling to vent my frustration. “Woman, I love you, but your stubbornness to accept my love drives me insane. I don’t want to buy your emotions. Any gifts I give are because I want to, because all I want is for you to be happy and safe, so if a fucking bracelet makes you happy, guess what? I’m going to fucking buy it because nothing makes me happier than to see you smile.”
There was no response and her continued silence was unnerving, so I just plowed ahead.
“Move in with me. Share your life with me. All of it. The good, the bad, and the beautiful. Because that’s all I want. To go to bed with you next to me. To have Kinsey stop me mid-stroke with her cries. To wake on a Sunday morning to make pancakes. I want to be Kinsey’s dad—on paper and always.”
“You don’t really want her to stop you mid-stroke,” she said. The break in resistance and the small shard of the firecracker I loved coming out sparked hope.
“Not really, but if it means you’re both with me, I’ll suffer blue balls again and again.”
“Both?” she asked, her tone a bit dubious sounding.
“You said it before—you’re a package deal. Best of all, I get a ‘two for the price of one’ deal.”
“What kind of deal is that?”
“Love. I get to experience two different kinds of love, with two different, incredible women. I don’t just love you, Roe. I love Kinsey as well. Like she is my own. I want you both.”
Tears filled her eyes and she set Kinsey down on the floor. She stepped around the room taking a hard look at everything.
I stayed where I was, watching her as I gave her some space. She stopped in front of the crib and stared at the sign of Kinsey’s name I’d gotten made.
“It’s so beautiful,” she said.
I couldn’t see her expression, but when she reached up and swiped at her face, I knew she was crying.
Kinsey made a high-pitched squeal as she crawled over to the chair where a stuffed bear sat. Using the edge to stand, she pulled herself up, then reached out for the bear. Once it was in her chubby fist she turned and called out for Roe.
“That’s an adorable teddy, baby boo.” She swall
owed hard, then knelt down on the floor in front of her. “What do you think of this room?”
Kinsey fell down onto her butt and shook the bear at her and she squealed and made some other baby noises.
“Uh-huh. You think?” Roe asked like she could understand. It was adorable.
Some more gibberish, then Kinsey looked to me. “Dada.” She held up her bear for me to see.
Roe swallowed hard as she also glanced my way. “I’m scared.”
My muscles relaxed a bit, and I moved down to the floor with them. “Of what?”
“Of you, of the pain, of being disappointed again. I don’t know how to stop it. The negative thoughts are always there, swirling in the back of my mind.”
Reaching out, I took her hand in mine, and this time she didn’t pull back.
“I don’t know the future. Nobody does. What I do know is that I’ve never felt this way before and that I never want to hurt you.”
“Most people don’t want to hurt another person.”
“I can tell you what I want for my future. I want you beside me every night. I want to take you to meet my family. I want to be Kinsey’s dad, on paper, not just emotionally. I want to one day give Kinsey a sibling or siblings. I want you in my life forever. I’m not above begging at this point—please, let me love you.”
Her face scrunched up again, and she turned toward me as she reached out. I was confused for a moment before her lips crashed against mine.
All the cold and despair that had seeped in flashed out in an explosion of heat and fire that raced through my veins.
She pulled back, her hands cupping my face as her forehead pressed against mine.
“I love you so much it scares me.”
My heart slammed in my chest, and there was nothing stopping me from wrapping my arms around her and pulling her tightly to me.
She loves me. Thank fuck, she loves me.
My heart was no longer pounding. The unease inside me subsided as I held her in my arms. After the best few minutes I’d had in a week, Roe’s voice permeated the silence.
“I’ll move in on one condition.”
“Name it. Anything.” I nearly stumbled over the words I tried to get them out so fast.
“That I get to decorate it and make it feel like a home, and not a show place. I want it to be warm and inviting like this room, not cold and sterile like out there.”
I pulled the wallet from my back pocket and dislodged a card from its slot. Holding it between two fingers, I presented it to her.
“This will help. Go wild.”
She shook her head and covered the card with her hand. “How about we start off with some shopping together?”
I leaned forward and pressed my lips to hers. “I love family outings.”
I was still trying to believe that she loved me, that the last few minutes hadn’t been some elaborate dream I’d summoned. It was all real. I knew it by the tingle of her lips against mine, the hard beat of my heart that matched hers, and the hard dick that was desperate to show her just how much I would love her for the rest of our days.
Finally, things were on the right path again, with my loves beside me. It felt like I could breathe again.
Days later my apartment was full of cardboard and a mile-long to-do list. I agreed to move in, and Thane was determined to “lock it down,” as he said. With my past irrationality, I didn’t blame him. The pain I caused us both was damaging, and no amount of apologizing could put it right. I had to show him how much I loved him and wanted to be with him, just as he had shown me.
Since it was Thanksgiving week, the office pretty much shut down so he suggested we both take the week off. That way I could get moved in and we could celebrate Thanksgiving with my mom at his… our place.
By Sunday, he’d already set up a moving company for Tuesday. It didn’t give me a lot of packing time, but my apartment wasn’t so big that it would really take a lot of time. I’d already packed up my clothes and all my accessories along with Kinsey’s, so the bedroom was pretty much done.
However, it was now Tuesday and things were a mess.
I stared at the stack of boxes, then looked to Kinsey. “Are we really doing this?”
She stared up at me and pumped her arms and legs. “Dada,” she cooed.
Why did hearing her say that have to hit me so hard? If I hadn’t already been on the floor the first time she said it, I would have been. The way she searched him out was a big factor in getting back together with him and agreeing to move in with him. I could see how much he adored and cherished her. I’d seen it before, but my insecurities had kept me from accepting it.
Being with Thane was overwhelming. My feelings for him were stronger than anything I’d ever felt, which was why I was so scared. That fear hadn’t left me, but maybe one day it would. For now, I covered what was left with love and happiness.
A sigh left me, and I nodded in agreement. “Dada.”
“Did I hear my name?” Thane said from the doorway.
As always, I was blown away by how handsome he was. My still-lingering self-doubt tried to whisper that he was too good looking for me, but I quieted it. Or rather the blinding smile directed at me stifled it.
He wanted me. He wanted us. And didn’t Lizzie tell me to find a man who wanted us both? Thane had more than proved that he did. As my mom said when she saw the room he created, “Nobody spends thousands of dollars to make a home for a baby if he isn’t madly in love.”
She was right. I’d allowed all my fears and insecurities to sabotage our relationship. It was something I regretted, but Thane told me not to, that it was just a stepping stone to our forever. I knew that was just him trying to push out the negativity, and it worked.
“Kinsey was just reminding me why I was standing in a sea of cardboard.”
He looked down at her all serious, and her eyes popped wide at his expression. “Good girl,” he said, his lips turning back up into a brilliant smile, which Kinsey returned.
I taped up the box of kitchen utensils and labeled it with a marker before setting the heavy square on top of another.
Thane’s hands landed on my hips when I turned back around, and he pulled me tightly to him.
“Hi.”
“Good shower?”
He nodded and I leaned in, taking a deep pull of his spicy, citrus scent. A moan left me, and I wrapped my arms around his neck and pulled him down. I released an unsteady breath a second before his lips pressed against mine.
I deepened the kiss, wanting it to never end, but he pulled back, making me whimper. He chuckled at my discomfort.
“We have a task today, remember? The movers will be here at two and you still have a lot to do.”
“Whose fault is that?” I asked, giving him a swat on the chest and a scowl as I stepped out of his arms.
“No clue. Being lazy?”
I turned to him, that shit-eating grin on his face, and threw a towel at him. “Lazy, my ass. Every time I tried to pack, you started groping me.”
“You could have resisted.”
I rolled my eyes. “Like that would have worked. As you said, you know my weak spots, and you exploited them.”
He shrugged. “Happy fucks.”
A sigh left me, and I couldn’t keep the smile from my face at his lunacy.
“What furniture do you want to take?” he asked as he picked up a pad of paper and a marker.
I looked around the room, taking in what little I had. With a small apartment came little furniture.
“The bed, dresser, and nightstand from my bedroom. We can set up a guest room in the third bedroom.” They were mine growing up, and I didn’t want to get rid of them.
He nodded. “Good idea. I’ve got a desk in there and some odds and ends, but they can go in the library.”
I let out a small chuckle and shook my head. “You call it a library.” It was an empty flex room on the other side of the kitchen.
He shrugged. “That’s what it said on the floor pla
n. Okay, what else?”
I bit down on my bottom lip. There wasn’t much more. We were buying a new sofa together, so there was no need for mine. It was well worn, anyway. The coffee table had come from my parents, so it was definitely going. There was my small kitchen table that maybe could be used somewhere, and it was small, so why not? Last was my bookcase by the front door. It was a piece I bought with Pete, and there was nothing special about it, so it could definitely stand to be replaced with something bigger and better.
“The lamp?” I pursed my lips before moving to the built-in hutch, a box in tow. “I don’t remember—are there bookshelves in the ‘library’?”
“We can definitely put some in.”
“Built-ins.”
He nodded, then flipped the page, probably to make a note. “They’ll look great.”
I stared at the cabinet before me. It was filled with odds and ends, and I didn’t know where to start first.
“Are you purging anything?” Thane asked as he folded one of the boxes and taped it up.
A sigh left me. “Besides some of Kinsey’s stuff, I don’t know. There isn’t really time to.”
“Are you freaking out over there?” he asked, noting my stare down with the shelf in front of me.
I glanced over my shoulder back at him. “A little.” He closed the space between us and wrapped his arms around me, and I melted into him. “How can you calm me with just a touch?”
He chuckled and pressed a kiss to my temple. “Magic. Now, what has you stumped?”
I looked back at the mish-mash of items. “Do I go through it now or later?”
“Let’s just make it easy and say later. Just get it all in boxes and you can go through it at home.”
Home. I loved the way he said it with ease. It was going to be our home for our family.
I nodded and leaned my head back against his shoulder. “Hey.”
“Hmm?”
“Have I told you today that I love you?”
His arms tightened and his voice was strained. “No.”
“I love you,” I whispered.
A shuddered breath left him. “I love you. So much. And if I haven’t told you today, I’m so fucking happy you’re moving in with me.”
“Are you sure it’s not too soon?”