“I do, Bradford, I do. I think it’s incredible that this is all coming together for you. I know if he is anything like his father, then he’s a great young man!”
“So, what has been going on with you this evening? How are your little man Josh and his bird doing?”
“Oh Bradford, that bird acts like Josh is her mother. She gets on his back and sits while he watches cartoons. She hops on top his tennis shoe and lets him walk around with her. Tabitha thinks it’s hilarious. I am rather pleased we kept Jackie. She really has a lot of character for a bird. Other than that I have had a very busy day myself. I found an interesting letter, Bradford. The homeless man, Walter left it here for me.”
“Really, well what did it say?”
“Oh Bradford, It’s not important. Tell me more about your son, what is his name?”
“No, you go on. It is important and I want to hear every detail of the letter.”
Desiree took another swig of her wine and walked back to the bedroom. She picked up the jewelry box and opened the compartment door.
“Well?”
“Well, he just said basically that he was sorry for entering my home and he made a list of repair jobs he’d done to try and repay me. Remember when I told you my sink had been clogged and I had come home and it was fine?”
“Yes, you mean that was him?”
“Yes, Bradford, and not only that, but he fixed my gutters in the back that were sagging and even glued Tabitha’s rocker back together! He also wrote something about his wife dying and about John’s death and how he just couldn’t go on and would I please forgive him? I feel so terrible now, Brad.”
“It’s okay Desiree. You couldn’t have known he was harmless. It’s not your fault, and besides they’ll find him and maybe we can be of assistance to him?” He heard sniffling in the background and knew she was crying. “Honey, it’s alright, calm down.”
“I know Brad, it’s just this humble, sick elderly man with nowhere to go and now the police are going to throw him in prison and all the while he was just lonesome and heartbroken.” She was slurring her words and not making sense at this point.
“Have you been drinking, Miss Desiree?” He said rather comically.
“Just a little wine, can you tell? Is it that obvious?”
“Well, you are slurring a tad bit. So, does that mean now would be a good time for me to come over there and take advantage of you?”
“Bradford Stiltz, what are you implying? On second thought how fast can you get here?” They both laughed and Desiree wiped her nose with a tissue.
“I missed you tonight, Des.”
“I know, I missed you as well. I’m just so glad that this is all behind you and now you can spend the rest of your life getting to know your son. And I can’t wait to meet him. Does he look like you?”
“Oh, you’ll get your chance to meet him tomorrow night Des. I have already set the whole thing up. Even called grandmom and she has agreed to watch the children.”
“You have got to be kidding me Bradford! You called grandmom?”
“Yep sure did. She says hello.” He smiled knowing that would get her going.
“Bradford, what did grandmom say when you called?”
“She said, ‘It’s about time you took that granddaughter of mine out on a date.”
“She did not?” Desiree blushed, “What did she really say?”
“That is what she really said, oh and to tell Josh and Tabitha she looked forward to seeing them.”
“Gosh Brad, you are something else.”
“I try. Anyway, I’ll pick you up at seven or you can meet me there.”
“What are your plans for the evening, Bradford?”
“Well, I am going to take them to dinner at Christy’s, where you and I met for lunch the first time and then over to Ray’s Pizza Pub they’re having a blues band.”
“Wow, sounds fun, I can’t wait to meet him. Do you think maybe I should just meet you there, in case you two want to spend some time alone afterward? I mean, you never know?”
“Desiree, I hope you know . . . I’m not pushing you aside now that I have met my son. Please know that I want to spend time with both of you. Unfortunately, I can’t ask him to tag along with us everywhere or vice versa. You do realize don’t you? I feel like we are just starting to connect.”
“Of course Bradford, and I’m going to step aside and let the two of you bond.”
“I don’t want you to step aside Desiree, I care about you.” Bradford’s heart was pounding in his chest so hard he could feel it pulsating in his eardrums. He never thought he’d feel so much for her in such a short time.
Desiree was touched. “I care about you, too. Have a great night, Bradford.”
“Sweet dreams, Des.” She hung up the phone and stood in her bedroom shocked and stunned that a man as brilliant and handsome and charming could care for her. She looked into the mirror of her vanity and said, “He really likes me?” She looked at her reflection and wondered how he saw her. What he envisioned when he looked at her? Then she thought about John and . . . “Oh John, I’m so sorry, I do miss you.” She stared at the jewelry box with its hand carved design, and pictures of him began to flood her from her past. They were bittersweet, but how could she get past the guilt and move on without any fault? She had to. She knew in order to start a new life for her and the children, she would have to move on. She pulled the comforter back and stared at the empty closet space where John’s clothes once hung and felt relief to not see them there. She couldn’t explain why it was liberating, but it was. She crawled into bed and propped the pillows up behind her head and wrapped her arms around herself as if she were being embraced. She closed her eyes and tried to shut down her brain.
Left Hand Pocket
Chapter 44
Buddy pulled onto the side road next to a motel with a flashing red sign that said Valley View Motel. Underneath was a smaller sign that said Vacancy. There wasn’t really a view, and the pool out front was closed for the season. He walked inside and told Walter to wait there while he paid for a room. A few minutes later he came out holding a large plastic key with room number 225 on it. They walked past the pool to the far right-hand side and up a flight of stairs. Then Buddy opened the door to their room. The walls were painted a soothing taupe color. The window was covered with floor length green drapes, and each double bed was adorned with a green and tan plaid bedspread. There was a small table and two chairs that sat in front of the window area and a dresser with a television and cable box. The heater was blowing and Walter was thinking it had been long ago since he and Jackie had spent months in a motel similar to this one.
“Walt, it ain't much but it’s clean and warm.”
“I am just thankful, Buddy. I’ll never be able to repay you.”
“Actually, I was wondering if you play pool. They got a nice little pub with the best cheeseburgers and hot wings in town and a couple tables in the back. Whatta ya say we play a game or two, have a little fun?”
“I’m all for it, Buddy, you lead the way.”
“Well, let’s get cleaned up first and head on over there.”
Walter walked to the bathroom and turned on the shower. The water pressure wasn’t the greatest, but it was clean. There were the regular small wrapped bars of soap and plenty of snow white bath towels. Walter could not help but think back to the last shower he’d taken at Desiree’s house. He couldn’t stop replaying the whole scene in his mind. He missed his bird something awful, and he hoped the situation with Josh was faring well. He undressed and stepped in under the warm spray of water. Before he could help himself he was singing:
“Fallen leaves that lie scattered on the ground.
The birds and flowers that were here, now can't be found.
All his friends that he once knew are not around.
They are scattered like the leaves upon the ground.
Lord let my eyes see every need of every man.
Make me stop and always lend
a helping hand.
Then when I'm laid beneath that little grassy mound,
There’ll be more friends around than leaves upon the ground.”
He thought about the words and about Ruthie, who was now laid beneath a grassy mound and how he had not even gone to the graveyard to be with her. His tears just streamed under the warm water and ran mingled with the shower water down the drain.
He was going to have to shake this off and get it together so he and Buddy could have a fine evening because he didn’t know how many more he’d see. He turned the shower off and stepped out to dry off, sure that before too long he would have to turn himself in. You could never continue to run from your problems because they would eventually catch you and overtake you. It was kind of like lying. If you told one you had to tell another and another. Walter knew he had to meet it head on. With two days left until the anniversary of Ruthie’s death, he decided that he would be at the graveyard to spend it with her and then turn himself in.
Maybe Desiree would find the note he had left. Maybe Josh would tell her he was harmless. Maybe as Ruthie had said in his dream, “It ain't over, till the good Lord says it’s over.” Walter knew that God had always been a part of his life, and although many no longer believed in Him or His power, he was sure that He had been with him every step of the way. He never blamed God for Ruthie’s death or her disease. He believed God was good and sometimes bad things happen to good people and, in the end, it would all make sense.
He opened the K-mart bag and looked at the items Buddy had purchased for him. There were brand new underwear and socks, a pair of jeans and even a belt in case they were too big. What a blessing he has been, thought Walter. He dressed and brushed his teeth and walked out of the bathroom to find Buddy sound asleep on one of the double beds. Buddy jolted with a snore and a startled look.
“You want to just stay here, Buddy?”
“No Walt, I’m gonna get ready, just getting a little-shut eye.”
“Well Buddy, I was able to get a lot of sleep, but you were driving and I know you just dropped off a load in Salt Lake City before you picked me up.”
“I’m good Walter, just give me a second to get ready. I just hope you saved me some hot water.” He smiled at Walter, grabbed his clothes off the chair, and headed to the bathroom.
Twenty minutes later they were sitting in a pub with a basket of chicken wings and a pitcher of beer. Walter couldn’t drink much, but he enjoyed a cold beer on occasion. He’d have a couple and then switch to a soda. The wings were tasty and the jukebox was playing an old Merle Haggard tune. The bar area was completely full and at least half the tables. “You ready to play a game?” Buddy asked looking at Walter with that eye toothy smile.
“Ready as I’ll ever be.” They headed over to the tables and Buddy racked up the balls. “I sure am glad you picked me up, Buddy. God only knows where I’d be right now.”
“It’s okay Walt, truth is I’ve been pretty lonely and pretty depressed. You have helped me get my thoughts straight, and as soon as I drop off this load I’m going home and take care of some things I have needed to do for a long time. I have a daughter Walter, and she needs a father. I haven’t been around much because her mother hurt me pretty bad. I been thinking about how it sure wasn’t Emily’s fault and I haven’t done right by her. You know, I was always proud of the fact that I always paid my child support, but that’s only one part of being a father. I really want to get to know her and spend quality time with her. You made me think about how important it is to spend time with the ones you love because you never know when you might lose them and there is more than one way to lose them.”
Walter chalked up his stick and hit a red striped ball in the right-hand pocket like it was the easiest thing in the world. He walked around the table studied it for a minute and then hit the yellow striped ball in the left-hand pocket. He began to whistle a tune to Merle Haggard and study his next shot. Buddy laughed and shook his head.
“You didn’t tell me this was going to be like The Color of Money. Shoot we should hustle some of these boys up and make a penny or two.” Walter looked up and smiled.
“I guess I should have warned ya, Buddy.” Just then the sound of another ball going in and a hearty laugh that Buddy had not heard out of Walter. “I play a pretty mean game of pool,” Walter said with a smile that was downright contagious.
Door Ajar
Chapter 45
Marcie sat at her make-up table and plucked at a few unruly eyebrow hairs. She put dark black eyeliner on and thick mascara. Then she removed her glasses and put in her contacts, something she rarely did. Marcie loved meeting new people and going to eat at new restaurants. Christy’s was new to her, and she was just as excited about the pizza pub with the live band. She loved music and getting dressed up. Benjamin had called Clark and invited him to the pizza place to meet his father and hang out for a bit. Marcie wasn’t sure how she felt about that because he tended to annoy her on some level. He was always sizing her up and smiling a smile that was more than just a friendly greeting. Her new black velvet pants and boots would look great with her new purple cashmere sweater. Pulling her long blonde hair up, she made sure that every detail in her appearance was perfect so that every eye would be on her tonight. The attention always gave her a rush. A half an hour later she was pulling into Benjamin’s apartment. They had planned on meeting there and having a few beers first. They weren’t legally old enough to drink, although they both had fake ID’s, and they both didn’t want to drink around Ben’s father. Marcie knocked on the door with a six pack in her hand and a look that made Benjamin suck in air. “Hello there you,” Benjamin said while eyeing her up and down seductively.
“Hey Benjamin, are you about ready, because I . . .” She got no further than that when he had grabbed her and kissed her with such passion that she almost dropped the beer. It was very unexpected although it was nice and it wasn’t what she was used to getting from him. The Benjamin that wouldn’t come clean, the Benjamin that stood her up on Saturday night or forgot to call was the one she was attracted to. It was the chase or the game that really kept her there. She knew it was a sickness, but she couldn’t help it and thought somehow it stemmed from her father or lack of one.
“Well, what a nice greeting, Ben!”
“Marcie you look smoking hot, and I don’t even care about going to meet them. We could just call it off and stay here.” He smiled at her, wondering if she would go for that. “Ben you look really nice too.”
“We did all this beatification just to stay in doors?” she said, flirtingly turning around to entice him more. He was wearing a dark gray silky shirt and a black pair of jeans. Something about him was different, but she couldn’t pin it down. After careful consideration, she noticed he had shaved.
“So Benjamin, you’re not ready to go through with this, are you?” She could see it in his eyes. He had those sad puppy dog eyes, even when he was cheerful they appeared sullen. Marcie could get lost in those big puppy eyes if she wasn’t careful. “So are you?”
“I guess as ready as I’m ever going to be,” he said a little sarcastically.
“Are you chickening out, or what?”
“No Marcie, it’s just not something I’m good at and why should I just let him get over?”
“What do you mean, get over?” Marcie grabbed a beer and uncapped it.
“Why should he just get away with leaving me with Larry Stewart for a father? Come on Marcie, my life was hell, and he was probably on a ski lift in the Alps or tanning in the Bahamas!” Marcie handed the beer to Benjamin and grabbed one for herself. She walked to the ugly green refrigerator and placed the carton on the shelf.
“Benjamin, are you ever going to forgive him? I mean he’s trying here. He already told you it wasn’t his choice. It is your mother that you should have this anger towards! She’s the one who gave you up, not him.” Marcie took a swig of beer and began to pack down her cigarette pack.
“Yeah, well, so he says
. I dunno Marcie, I just hate putting on an act for him and his girlfriend. I mean you know me, I’d rather go in there high and drink a few pints of beer and be myself, but I can’t do that and I don’t even know what to talk about.”
“I know, Benjamin, but you can’t let this man out of your life, you can’t push him away. I mean you saw how much he loves you.”
“I did? And when was that Marcie?”
“Remember how he hugged you and how his eyes were so bright when he saw you?”
Benjamin thought back to that night and how good it felt to finally look into the eyes of his real father, but part of him still had so much anger towards him.
“I heard more excitement in his voice than I have heard from my own father in my entire life!”
“Okay, okay, I’ll try, but I can’t make any promises.” Why does she even care, he thought, is it because then I could be at her level with a father who’s a big shot like hers. He felt sick inside.
“Clark’s meeting us at the pub when we leave Christy’s, is that okay?” He needed Clark there so that if things went sour he could just disappear. Anyway, a guy friend was always better than a girl. They stuck by you no matter what.
Marcie loathed the idea of Clark, but she nodded in agreement. She pulled out a compact mirror and applied some lip gloss and pulled a couple strands of hair down around her neck. “What time is it, Benjamin? We have to be there at seven and I don’t want to be late.”
“Well, I don’t want to be early. I want them to already have the table ready and be seated.”
Marcie lit a cigarette and inhaled deeply. Hanging out with Benjamin sober was new. They were always high or drunk and this was all new to her. She wasn’t even sure if she knew what she wanted anymore, and for some reason, the whole evening seemed like a drag all the sudden.
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