And it was killing me. Even though I was the one who put my foot down. I knew it was the right thing to do, but at the same time, I absolutely hated it. The truth was that nobody had ever touched me so passionately before Alec Slade, and I still wanted him. But I wanted the version of him that I knew I could never have.
"Hi beautiful," Alec said, kissing me on the cheek as Amanda gave us a goofy grin. "Thank you for being patient while I got some business matters squared away. It's hard to get a hold of some of these guys throughout the week."
"It's okay, darling. I was just chatting with Amanda here," I smiled in her direction and she gave me a knowing look.
A server stopped next to us with a tray of tiny finger sandwiches. Alec took one and so did Amanda.
"Aren't you hungry, honey? You haven’t eaten much lately." The way that Alec talked to me seemed exactly like something any concerned and attentive boyfriend would say.
I caught a whiff of the smell coming from the prosciutto, something that normally I wouldn't even pick up on. My stomach turned at the sight and smell of the food. As I watched Alec chew, my hand flew to my stomach as I felt myself getting sick.
"I'm sorry, I don't feel so well," I said. "Excuse me."
I rushed off to the restroom. Alec looked concerned but I was gone before he could say anything. He was right. I hadn't had much of an appetite lately. I guess it was just all the stress but now I was getting downright sick. I pushed open the door to the restroom, thankful that nobody else was in there at the moment. I ran to the first stall and bent over, losing the contents of my stomach.
It had been years since I had thrown up like that, probably since college when I used to try to hang with the cool kids and keep up with them when we played drinking games. This was new.
I dabbed at the sweat that was beaded on my forehead and stepped out of the stall. Dabbing a cotton ball with cold water on the back of my neck, I began to feel a little bit better but I was still reluctant to leave the restroom, should another wave of nausea afflict me.
I must be coming down with something," I thought as I went through a mental back track of everything I had eaten in the last twenty four hours. It must have been the sushi I had for lunch yesterday that was responsible for the state I was in.
I fixed my hair and emerged from the restroom to find Alec. He was waiting for me right outside the door.
'Are you okay?" He asked, putting his arm around me. "You look like you could use some rest."
I nodded. "Yeah, I'm not feeling great. I think I got a stomach bug from the sushi I had yesterday."
"It's okay, let me get our ride ready and we'll go home right now." He brushed a strand of hair off of my forehead tenderly, then took me by the hand and led me out the door, without even bothering to say goodbye to anyone.
I was thankful to be leaving. I really did need some rest. The stress of this impending proposal coupled with the mounting lies to keep up with was starting to get to me in a major way.
Alec handed me a fluffy robe that he retrieved from my closet. It was the softest thing that I had ever felt. "Go get changed. Be comfortable and I'll bring some things in that I think you'll need."
I took the robe and nodded, feeling so worn out that I could just sleep for a week straight. I had never felt so doggedly tired, and it had hit me like a ton of bricks when we were on our way home. I went into my bathroom and slipped out of my dress and into the luxurious robe, padding back into the bedroom and getting into bed. I just needed rest.
Alec came back with a tray. He had a glass and a can of ginger ale, along with some animal crackers and pretzels. I couldn't help but smile as he set the tray next to me and poured me a ginger ale. "I wasn't sure what you wanted, but my mother used to always give me these things when I had an upset stomach so I thought it might help."
"That's so sweet. I'm a little shocked that you have animal crackers in your pantry, but I'll take it," I said, nibbling on a bland cracker. It actually did taste good.
"I keep them around because they remind me of my mother," Alec admitted.
He turned, grabbing the remote. "Want me to put on a movie for you?" he asked.
"You really don't have to do all this," I said, "I'll be fine. I just need to let this bug pass. I -'
He cut me off, taking my hand in one of his and pulling the blankets up around me. "I want to do whatever I can for you. You're sick and I'm going to take care of you and you can't stop me from doing that."
He brushed the hair out of my face and planted a kiss on my forehead.
"Is this how you treat all of your business associates?" I asked in an attempt to lighten the moment and keep myself from tearing up at his display of gentleness.
"No, but you're more than that. I don't care what you say or what we agreed upon. You've become my friend and I care about you. You can't stop me from caring. Now get some rest and ring this bell if you need anything." He stroked my cheek then turned to go.
"Thank you, Alec," I said. He smiled, looking at me like he wanted to say something more, but then he stopped himself, nodded and left.
I turned on my side and closed my eyes. Why did he have to go and be all sweet? Why couldn't he act like an asshole and make me hate him? That would be so much easier than this torture that he was putting me through. I thought things would get better by keeping it professional and taking sex out of the picture, but if anything, it had gotten harder this way.
Because I knew what I really wanted, and it was him. But I wanted all of him. To myself. And I wanted him to want me, and not just because I was his ticket to an outstanding public image and a part of his family business.
I pulled the blanket up over my head. I just needed this whole charade to be over. I thought he would have proposed by now. The anticipation of it happening was stressing me out. He must need to get it done and over with any day now.
I let myself daydream about how it would go. It would be public, as he had said, and I would be the envy of every woman. That made me feel worse because the only reason people would envy me for was going to be fake.
I never dreamed when I was a girl that I would be proposed to by a fake boyfriend. Tears sprang to my eyes. This would all be so perfect if it were genuine. Alec was truly everything I had ever wanted in a man, and I already knew there was no way I would ever find anyone else that could please me in bed the way he could.
But he would never marry me if it weren't for this whole situation. Sure, he might continue fucking me, but settling down? Not playboy Alec Slade.
I'd been so stupid to let myself fall for him. Now there was nobody that I could even talk to about this. Even Anjali would think I’d lost my mind if I told her what a deep shit hole I had dug myself into.
I took another nibble from the tray he had left for me. My stomach was getting riled up again, probably from the stress. I sat up, clutching my midsection, waiting for the nausea to pass. When it didn't, I jumped out of bed and darted to the bathroom, throwing up for the second time that day. I rinsed out my mouth, spitting and sputtering. I felt terrible. Now I was hungry, but I knew that if I put anything else in there, it was going to come up.
I caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror, and I didn't like what I saw. Staring at myself for a long moment, I suddenly burst into tears, watching myself ugly cry in the bright lights of the immaculate bathroom that I found myself in.
I wanted to smash the glass. This wasn't my home. This wasn't my life. This wasn't even a real job. I needed to pull myself together and get back on track. I sobbed until I had no more tears left and then leaned over the bathroom counter.
I’d always wanted everything that I was surrounded by right now - a beautiful house, and a handsome and attentive boyfriend who wanted to marry me. Now that I had both, I was miserable because it was just a mirage.
I couldn't go through with this engagement. I stumbled back to the bed and closed my eyes. My head hurt from crying so much but I knew what I had to do. I needed to tell Alec tomorrow that the
arrangement was off. I owed it to myself to hold out for something real. I didn’t want my face all over the tabloids as Alec Slade's fiancé. What about when I wanted to start my real life? The whole experience of an engagement would be forever tainted for me.
I had to get out of this. I had to get out of here. And I had to forget about my attraction to Alec.
As soon as my stomach felt better and I got some sleep.
16
Alec
"Are you ready for this?" Carter asked. Marcus, Carter and I were all standing outside the elevator, waiting to go up to see our father. His health had been declining these past couple weeks, and he had insisted that we come immediately to sign the papers that would ensure everything was allocated as he had planned after his death.
"I don't think we could ever be ready for this," Marcus said. "We're losing our last parent. It doesn't get any easier with the second one, even though we're all older now."
I agreed. "You're right about that." I remembered clearly how much it hurt to lose our mother. Our father did a good job of hiding his pain, making it unclear how poor his health really was. He’d insisted that he would stay in his own home and let death take him whenever it was good and ready. But he refused to deteriorate in a hospital.
On the phone, he still seemed of sound mind, which was not surprising. A man like my father didn't go down easily.
"Well, let's not keep him waiting," I said, pressing the button that would take us up. Carter and Marcus exchanged a glance, and I knew my crassness was the cause of it. I was nervous, still not knowing whether my father had decided to cut me into the business as a partner.
He hadn't mentioned it since the day I had visited him to show him the ring, and I hadn't brought it up either, knowing that doing so would totally kill my chances. I guess I was about to find out. I didn't think that he would actually be so cruel as to not give me a chance, but with him, one could never be sure.
We entered his home and met him in the parlor where he spent almost all of his time now, in front of the warm fireplace.
He gave a small smile when he saw us. "My sons. Thank you for coming."
"Of course, Dad." Marcus said.
"Have a seat, all of you." Dad gestured to the couch. On the coffee table was a stack of paperwork.
"We can make this quick. I just wanted to get it out of the way. I don't want there to be any confusion after I am no longer here to straighten things out, so I hope you don't consider me too morbid for asking you to help me with this now."
"No, father, we understand," Carter said, glancing at Marcus and I. We both nodded.
"Good. I will explain everything before you sign, although most of it you are already aware of." He picked up a piece of paper.
"I have allocated certain assets to each of you." I held my breath. I just needed to hear him say that he trusted me with the business, like he did my brothers. Marcus and Carter, as you know, you'll both be running the company as co-presidents."
Okay, so he wasn't making me president. Not exactly fair, but fair enough I guess. I could handle being vice-president.
He continued, "And Alec, you will receive the trust fund that you were promised, but it has been increased from the original amount to account for your future family. Now, if you'll all please sign the paperwork that is in front of you, we can make this final and not have to fuss over it ever again." He coughed into a handkerchief, then picked up a cigar and lit it.
"Father, I…was hoping that I would also be included in running the business. After all I do share the same last name. It's a family business, isn't it?"
My father looked at me with weary eyes. "Alec, we have been over this. I am not changing my mind simply because you plan to marry. I have adjusted the trust fund to give you plenty to raise as large of a family as you desire." He said this with an air of disbelief, as if the thought of me raising a family was absurd in and of itself.
He coughed again. I couldn't argue with my sick, dying father. My brothers gave me a warning look, afraid that I would try to do it anyway, despite his condition. My entire family thought I was a selfish monster.
Fine. I signed the document and set my pen down. "There you go. Done."
My brothers signed, and my father collected the paperwork. "You're all good boys," he said. "Each in your own way. I hope you'll all continue to be so after I am gone."
I made it through the rest of our meeting without losing my cool, even though I was dead inside. When we were through, I mumbled a goodbye to my brothers and left, telling them I had an appointment to make.
As I rode home, I realized there was no longer a point in going through with this engagement, or this whole fake life I had put together for myself. I decided to tell Myra as soon as I got home that she was off the hook from all the bullshit that I had dragged her in to. Looking back at it, the whole plan was so fucking stupid.
I remembered the first day I saw her, dusting the shelves in my office, and the way she laughed when I took her out to dinner that night. I remembered the way she had leaned over my shoulder when she showed me how to set up the financial software on my computer, the way she had made it seem so easy and then laughed and joked her way through a tutorial with me.
I never wanted to set this up just to get my father's approval. That was just a nice bonus. I wanted her from the beginning, but I knew there was no way she would ever go for a man like me, so I had manipulated her into at least being my pretend girlfriend.
Like I had tried to manipulate my father into believing I was the man he wanted me to be.
I was just a liar. An irresponsible liar. I had never felt so sorry for myself, so low.
The least I could do was tell her the truth as soon as I saw her. There was no point in wasting any more of her time. Everything we had done together was for nothing. I would let her know that I would gladly support her until she got another job, in her actual career field. I would look after her until she got a new place to live, and then we could both go back to the way we were before we met.
The idea of this was depressing, but it was the logical thing to do.
"Myra, do you have a minute to talk?" I found her in the reading room, curled up with a book. She looked so peaceful, cozy, and cute.
"Yeah, hey Alec," she looked up. "Actually, I wanted to talk to you too." She stretched her legs that had been curled under her, and I noticed she was wearing yoga pants and a comfy tee. She must not have been feeling well still.
"How's your stomach treating you?" I asked.
"Not so good. I have felt like crap for days now. And I can't seem to get enough sleep, no matter what I do."
"I'm sorry," I said. Her face looked a little puffy as well. "If you're not better soon let me know and I will get you to my doctor. He's great."
"Thanks," she said slowly, sighing. "Look, I am going to just rip off the band aid here, and tell you the truth." She wrung her hands nervously. "I can't go through with this engagement." She looked down at the floor as she spoke. "I've been doing a lot of thinking, and I just can't live this lie anymore. I've got to be true to myself and what I want out of life and I can't go through this big public show, then ruin it for myself for when it happens for real. It's supposed to be one of the most magical moments of my life and I want it to be genuine, not some staged show. I am tired of lying to my family, and to my friends. I'm sorry, but I have to back out of this deal. I know it means a lot to you, but there has got to be another way to convince your father without all of this." Her eyes rose to meet mine. "I'm sorry, Alec. I hope you get what you want, but I can't help you."
I didn't know whether to laugh or cry.
I just shook my head. "It's okay."
"It is?" she asked cautiously.
"Yeah. I understand. I should have never dragged you into this mess. It doesn't even matter about the engagement, anyway. I told my father I was marrying you and he didn't care. It wasn't enough to make him trust me enough to give me a part in the business. He won't budge. He does
n't want me in on it."
"I'm sorry, Alec. That must really sting." She gave me a sympathetic hug. She was so warm, caring, and wonderful. Why couldn't she just stay?
"It does," I admitted. "But I'll have to just get over it, won't I?"
She shook her head, "No, it's okay to be hurt. Anyone would be if their father rejected them like that. He's not being fair to you. You really deserve a chance."
"You know who you sound just like? My mother." I swallowed a lump in my throat. "I miss her every day and I know if she were still here she would go to bat for me against him, like she always did. She was the only one in the family who understood me. She knew that just because I wasn't stuffy like my dad or super serious like my brothers that it didn't make me a bad person."
Myra hugged me again. "She sounds like a wonderful person."
"She was. She would have liked you," I said out of nowhere. "You're so much like her. I know you'll make a great mother one day yourself, just like she did."
"That's sweet of you to say," Myra said, wiping her eyes. "I'm sorry, I'm getting all misty eyed I've just been super emotional lately and I have no idea why."
She was so cute. I didn't want her to ever go. Instead of telling her that, of course, I had to change the subject before I broke down.
"Well, since this whole fake life is no longer needed, I guess it's time we put things back in order. I know you're anxious to get on with your career, and I am sorry for taking your time and convincing you to do all of this…crap. Please tell me you'll stay long enough to find a good job again in your field. I can even help you if you'd like. And I know you'll want to find your own place again. But please, don't hurry. I…really like having you here. Life has been a lot brighter since you showed up and I'll be sad to see you go."
Forbidden Neighbor: A Contemporary Romance Boxset (Forbidden Saga Book 2) Page 26