by Gail Haris
Trent nods. “Yeah.”
Landon doesn’t sit there a second longer. He pushes himself off the couch as he asks me if I’m going with him. I shake my head.
His eyes are hard as he glares at Trent. Then he offers me a tight smile. “Well, I’m late for a very important date.” He gives me a small wave as he heads out the door.
Trent sighs and puts his head in his hands. I feel sorry for him because this seems to be eating away at him.
“Have you apologized to Rachel?” I tentatively ask.
He doesn’t look at me. “I’ve tried, but it’s so awkward whenever we do cross paths. Whenever I bring it up, she abruptly changes the subject. I feel like I can’t fully apologize because she doesn’t see how wrong the whole situation was. I’m so ashamed. She was sixteen at the time.”
I stare blankly at him.
“The worst part is she still has a thing for me. I wasn’t thinking when I…” he raises his head up to look at me, “I was selfish and a jerk. I’ll never be that person again because I do care for Rachel as a friend. I’ve known her since we were kids.”
He goes on to explain how that’s why he barely drinks now and doesn’t sleep around anymore. I can’t help but feel at least some good came out of the incident.
Trent raises up and sighs. “It seems I’m determined to hurt this family.”
“What?”
“I hate when Landon’s mad at me. And I knew—I fucking knew—sleeping with Rachel would hurt him worse than anything. But I did anyways. Rachel is a part of this family too. She’s grown up with us. I can’t believe I did that.”
“You didn’t do it to deliberately hurt them though, right?”
“No. But I knew it would, so what does it matter the why of it?”
“It matters.”
“Well, I didn’t mean to be a distraction and run off so you could get kidnapped, but does that matter? You still got taken. Because of me.”
“You were a child. A toddler, for crying out loud. Stop with the self-guilt. I’m sure Landon will forgive you and I forgive you. I know Rachel has already forgiven you because she’s in love with you.”
“She needs to stop. It’s never going to happen.”
“Why?”
“I made a mistake the first time with her, Sarah. I can’t do that again. She’s too young. She always has and always will be Landon’s girl. I know they’re back and forth a lot but that doesn’t mean I should just swoop in. I think she has a crush. Once she got me, she wouldn’t want me.”
“Why do you say that?”
“Why would she? I’m bound to hurt her, and I couldn’t live with myself if I hurt Rachel. I already have once out of a moment of weakness. I’m tired of letting the people I love down.”
He flips through the channels until he finds a Friends marathon. Unsure where to go from that conversation, we fall into silence while watching television. After a couple of moments, we’re lost in the show and laughing. Finally, we transition into idle chit chat, but for the most part, we sit in a comfortable silence.
When it starts to become difficult to keep my eyes open, I yawn. As I’m standing, Trent stops me, “Before you go to bed…”
I sit back down and give him my full attention. The way he says it makes me become wide awake and alert.
“…I was wondering if you have a date for homecoming?” He is completely serious when he says this. Is he offering to escort me?
I can’t help it, but a laugh escapes me. “No…are you offering to be my escort?”
He gives me a half-hearted smile. “No, but I don’t like the way Eric was behaving last night. I know guys like him, and I know him. I have a buddy that goes to the private school. Monday, sign him up as your date in the office.”
I’m so confused. And slightly annoyed. “I don’t understand…Let’s back up for a second.” I point at him. “You seem to think I need a date for homecoming because Eric was creeping around my room?”
He nods.
“I can handle myself.”
“What’s wrong with me finding you a date?”
“Because I don’t need you to find me a date. Am I going on your resume as another charity work?”
“No, my plan-”
“Your plan is to have one of your friends be my date? Let’s also note that you weren’t the best type of guy, so I’m gonna guess you hang out with similar guys. So, we’re going to substitute one creep for another? No offense.” I give him a sideways look and raise my eyebrows. “Do you see how I’m struggling to understand where you’re coming from? Also, what do you mean by ‘sign him up in the office’?”
He actually gives a half-hearted chuckle. “Good points there. First off, anybody that comes from another school needs to be signed in at the office before the dance. The school likes to have time to call the other school and check them out beforehand. Next, Eric isn’t the type to back off. He’s going to be creeping around you throughout the whole dance. I don’t want you to have a bad time. I also don’t want Eric to lay on the charm and you fall for it.” He notices the look on my face and chuckles again. “Something tells me his charm won’t work on you, though. Anyways, he would definitely back off if he thought Luke was talking to you. And, I need this. It would make me feel a lot better since I can’t be there.”
I assume Luke is the potential date. A date would be nice I guess, especially one with no expectations attached to it. It seems everyone that I hang out with has a date, so this would prevent me from being the third wheel. What bothers me is that he thinks I can’t handle Eric on my own. I know I can handle Eric, but I’m going to agree to Luke being my date since I’d like a date with no strings attached. It’s a win for both of us. I let him know as much. I almost wonder if this is why Trent has been coming home so often. Is he trying to make up for my kidnapping? I’ll ask Landon tomorrow if this is normally how often he comes home.
I almost bend down to hug him, but I stop myself. Instead I give a little wave and say goodnight. I don’t know why I waved, that was probably more awkward than the hug.
With that awkward note, I scurry out of the room. I’m so exhausted that I don’t even bother brushing my teeth or reading any journal entries.
THE SCHOOL IS FILLED WITH energy on Monday. It’s homecoming week. It’s homecoming week back in Colorado as well. Angie messaged me telling me that Aaron Lancaster is taking her to homecoming. I’m so excited for her—not jealous at all. I’m happy. Yes, I’m happy that my best friend is getting to go to homecoming with my crush. Not like he could take me, right? So, she should definitely go. I’m so lost in my thoughts when I get to my first hour class that I didn’t even notice that Noah had been walking next to me.
I’m startled when he greets me, causing him to laugh. “You were in such a hurry to see me that you didn’t even notice me? I’m flattered, Liv.”
Liv. He calls me “Liv” when it’s just us. I love it. I don’t exactly know why I love that he calls me by that name, but I get a rush of excitement every time. I look into his gorgeous blue eyes…Wait. When did his eyes get so gorgeous? There’s little specks of different shades of blue and even a little green. His lashes are so long and his dark eyebrows emphasize the light color of his eyes. I feel warmth spread to my cheeks and feel little butterfly flutters in my stomach. I shake my head. No. No. This is Noah. I’m being so weird right now.
“Um,” I quickly avert my eyes from his face and slide into my desk. I pick at the corner of my notebook. “How was your weekend?”
“I went to a party and just hung out with friends.”
I perk up and look over at him. “At Rachel’s?”
His eyebrows raise in surprise. “Yeah.”
I nod and smile. “Landon went too.”
“Yeah, um, I saw him. We didn’t hang out any though.” He looks down and taps his pencil against the desk. “You should’ve come.”
A little part of me kind of wishes I had gone now. Maybe next time I will.
“I have a d
ate for Homecoming.”
“Really?”
I release a chuckle. “Don’t sound so surprised.”
“I am. I mean, not because—it’s just you just got here. I guess I shouldn’t be since…” He shakes his head and gives me a shy smile. “Who’s the lucky guy?”
“One of Trent’s friends. Luke Jamerson.” I notice his demeanor immediately changes. His jaw hardens, and his body becomes stiff. “I assume you know Luke.”
“He’s an alright guy, I guess. Extremely cocky and stuck up, but since he’s doing Trent’s bidding, he’ll be on his best behavior with you. Hopefully.”
I smile, but he still doesn’t seem at ease. “Then why are you still upset?”
He tries to tell me it’s nothing, but I push.
Finally, he sighs, “I guess I’m nervous he’ll be taken with you and forget he’s only there to be a guard dog.”
I think about it for a moment. It’s interesting that he doesn’t want anything more to happen from this date. Is it because it’s Luke or would he feel this way about anybody? If it were any other guy, I’d think he was jealous and wanted to date me. If Noah could take me to the dance, would he? I pause my rambling thoughts a moment and stare at Noah’s handsome face. Where did that come from? Noah taking me out on a date? I feel myself blush at the thought and decide to focus back on Luke. What if Luke is cute, sweet and nice? Maybe I’ll want him to like me.
“So, what if he does? I haven’t met him yet, but I don’t know. I might want this Luke character to be ‘taken with me,’ as you put it.” I tease him but he isn’t finding any humor in this.
His only response is to shake his head. I decide to let it go and change the subject to his mom. “I wish I could visit Aunt Andrea.”
“It’d be so much easier if you had a car. We plan a trip to the store. Tell them you’re used to going shopping by yourself. Surely, they’ll understand and respect that,” he offers.
The bell rings dismissing class and I tell him I’ll try to figure out a way to gain private access to a vehicle.
I open my locker door but it immediately slams back shut. Stunned, I stare at the perfectly manicured slender hand holding my door shut. Karlie Snyder leans her shoulder against my locker door and tilts her pretty blond head. “Listen, I don’t know who you think you are, but I’ve been patient with you since you’re new and all. That ends today, though. So, to avoid any confusion, I’m gonna lay it out for you—Noah Wallace is off limits.”
“I’m sorry but—”
“I don’t think you are sorry, but you will be. Your deer in the headlight, sweet homegirl from Colorado routine isn’t going to work with me.” I open my mouth but she holds a hand up. “We’re done. I don’t want to hear another word out of you, especially to Noah.”
And with that, she spins around slinging her blond ponytail in my face and walks off.
What. A. Bitch.
As I sit across from Rita, I can’t help but be more annoyed. Why me? Why does every aspect of my life have to be so confusing and complicated? Why am I seventeen and in therapy already?
“Care to share your thoughts? You look like you’re concentrating hard over something.”
I turn my head to meet her eyes. “How long do I have to come here?”
“As long as you want.”
“Really?”
She smiles. “Yes. I’m here to try and help you, Sarah.”
“Help me what? How are you going to help me? There’s a girl now at my school who hates me simply because Noah is being nice to me. Every time one good thing happens something bad follows.”
“I can’t stop the girl from bullying you, but I can help you work through your feelings. Help you with how you respond. I can also just be someone you talk and vent to. Does Noah know how this girl is treating you?”
“Somewhat. I’m not sure he knows how psycho she is. My best friend is going to Homecoming with my crush. I’d hoped that would’ve been me. I feel betrayed even though that’s stupid because it’s not like I could’ve gone.”
“Your feelings are not stupid. You liked this person and the person you trusted is now going with them. It’s okay to be upset. Don’t downplay your feelings. Don’t treat your feelings as though they’re not important.”
“Aaron would’ve gone with Olivia. She’s gone. I’m Sarah.”
“You’re you. He would’ve gone with you. Have you still been drawing?”
“Not much.”
“Draw me something. Next week.”
“What do you want?”
“Anything.”
While sitting at supper, everyone shares tidbits of their news. I’ve been content to listen and enjoy my meal.
“Sarah, how’s school?” Melissa takes a bite of salad.
“Good. It’s really going well.” I take a sip of my water to hopefully gives someone a chance to jump in on the conversation.
“Rachel got the position for yearbook editor.” Landon never fails to step in.
Melissa beams. “I’m so proud of her. She’s such a dedicated and hardworking young lady.”
Denise rolls her eyes. “Is she only doing this to make sure y’all are on every single page?”
Landon chuckles. “That, and to ensure an embarrassing photo of Karlie is published.” I can’t help but grin. Landon catches me and nudges me with his shoulder. Melissa doesn’t miss the exchange.
“Karlie? Is she still being rude to you, sweetheart?”
“Oh no. Everything is cool between us.” If you don’t count her slamming my locker door and threatening me to not speak to Noah.
Denise scoffs. “Yeah, right. I’m in junior high and even I’ve heard that she has a mark on your head.” Landon shoots her a scowl but she ignores him. “Everyone knows that even though they’re not a couple, she’s claimed Noah as hers.”
The clanking of Melissa’s fork dropping to her plate is the only sound. She exchanges a look with Richard. Landon shoots daggers at his baby sister. Denise shrugs and goes back to eating.
Melissa clears her throat. “I’m afraid I’m struggling to keep up. What does Karlie liking Noah have to do with Sarah?”
Landon starts to speak but Denise beats him to it. “She’s convinced Sarah is after Noah. Apparently, he’s like extra sweet to her something. Completely ignores Karlie if Sarah is in the room.” Denise turns to me and gives me a smile like I deserve a high five. I want to crawl under the table.
I turn to Denise. “How—how do you, um, who told you this?” I look to everyone at the table. “Noah is just a friend. Ha. He doesn’t like me like that.” I don’t know if I can say the same for me. I hope nobody can read through me, I’d be mortified. What would Aunt Andrea think if she thought I liked her son? Can Karlie read through me?
Denise rolls her eyes. “Karlie’s cousin is in my grade, April Snyder. She said Karlie has been complaining about you.”
“Sarah?”
I turn to look at Richard’s questioning face. “Noah’s being extra nice because… I think it’s a misunderstanding since people don’t know our history.”
Melissa frantically shakes her head. “There’s no history between you two. Not really. I was afraid he’d cause trouble.”
“Mom,” Landon’s tone is pleading. “It’s Karlie. She’s obsessed with the guy. If he even acknowledges a cat over her, she’d lose it.”
I frown at him and he gives me a sheepish smile. “Bad example? Sorry.”
Denise, Landon, and I start laughing. Soon Richard and Melissa join us. Denise begins discussing a jacket she saw online.
It’s Landon and Denise’s turn to wash dishes so I go on up to my room. I finish some homework and then decide to go ahead and go to bed.
After tossing and turning for about an hour, I finally throw off the covers. I slide out of bed and go downstairs for a glass water. I creep downstairs, not wanting to disturb anyone. I tip toe into the kitchen and open the cabinet. I pause when I hear a voice.
“You were determined to
have her part of your family, weren’t you?” she slurs.
My stomach drops. Oh no. I ease further toward the other end of the room toward the voice. It’s dark in the house but not pitch black. I see a lamp on in the living room. I peak my head around the doorframe to find Melissa on the phone. I have no idea who she’s talking to, but my heart rate picks up.
“She. Is. My. Daughter. And no matter what you do or how much you try, she’ll never be yours. She’s mine!” Melissa is slurring, but her words carry a punch with the venom she spews in them. “Olivia? That’ll never be her name. It’s a nickname. You sent your sneaky, no good son after her. She is vulnerable and confused! He swoops in and charms her.”
I turn back into the kitchen and slide down the wall, falling onto the floor. I lay my head into my hands to try and stifle my cries. My shoulders shake uncontrollably. I’m so emotional with my loss of Cindy, my loss of everything I thought I knew, and now I may lose what I have with Andrea and Noah. I thought we were moving forward. I don’t want to keep being reminded that the Wallaces are supposed to be my enemies when I don’t feel that way. I don’t want to keep being in the middle of this battle between Melissa and Cindy. Cindy’s gone. The battle should be over. I don’t hear what else she says. I can’t hear over my own cries and screams inside my head.
I feel strong arms wrap around me and envelope me in warmth. It’s Landon. I sink in and momentarily calm down. He whispers words of comfort in my ear. I cry harder. My body is beginning to hurt, and I’m sure there are no tears left. Eventually, I black out.
When I wake up, I’m in my bed. My head hurts, probably from all the crying. Melissa is never going to move past her grudge. I don’t blame her, honestly. However, this isn’t the life I want to live.
I check the clock and it’s four in the morning. At this point, I don’t know if I have the strength or motivation to care. I decide to read until it’s time to get ready for school.
I finally get to the journal entry of the day of my kidnapping. I get chills as I read.