by Gail Haris
“Noah, didn’t you and Landon used to get along really well? Nah, you were closer to Trent. Since y’all were both so competitive in sports. Landon ain’t much into sports I don’t figure.” Brad asks his son.
Brad doesn’t speak much but when he does, it’s always with a deep drawl and very country.
Noah’s only response is to shrug and nod.
“Landon participates in track and cross country.” I inform him.
He nods and focuses his attention back on his sandwich. Andrea encourages me to continue speaking. I go on to tell her I still keep in touch with Angie.
She gives me a sad smile. “Sweetie, I hope so. Maybe when you get older and on your own it’ll be easier. Won’t be that much longer, now will it?”
I smile at her, and she begins talking about how she can’t believe we’re about to graduate.
Something has been nagging at the back of my mind. “Aunt Andrea?”
“Yes, Luv Bug?”
“Cindy was married before?”
I watch Aunt Andrea swallow and her eyes have trouble meeting mine. “Yes.”
“His name was Michael?”
“How did you know?”
“I…” I don’t want to mention the journal. “I heard someone talking. Briefly. I didn’t catch his last name though. Would you tell me, please?”
“Snyder. Michael Snyder.”
“A tiny little girl wrapped in a blanket that had ‘Karlie’ sewn on it.” Cindy’s journal entry. Karlie Snyder is Cindy’s ex-husband’s daughter? I just needed the confirmation. Now that I have it, it doesn’t really change anything does it?
Noah reminds me that I should be getting back. “They’ll be worried, and we don’t want them to have any reason to take away your driving privileges.”
I give a teary goodbye hug to everyone. Noah walks me back to my car. Before he turns to walk away, he gives me a peck on the forehead. All the way home, I ponder that kiss. Was it meant to be intimate? Was it out of sympathy? Was it meant to be comforting? Or was it simply a kiss like Andrea or Brad would give me?
The days have been going smoothly, so I’m a little surprised when out of nowhere, Noah apologizes again for how he acted over Luke.
“I’m sorry. I was kind of a jerk about the whole thing.”
“It’s okay. I’ve been acting a little immature and petty. So let’s just let the whole thing go.” I accept his apology and decide to take this opportunity to ask him if he knows anything about the bullying at Luke’s school. “Since we’re discussing Luke, do you know anything about him bullying kids? Maybe any guy named Marcus?”
“Ha. You’re so subtle.” I roll my eyes. “He was good buddies with Landon so I’m guessing you’ve already heard some of it?”
“I want to hear what you know.”
“It was two years ago when Trent was a senior, Landon was a freshman, and Luke and Marcus were sophomores. It happened at the private school. But it was so bad, that we all knew about it. I heard a few of the pranks were covering the inside of Marcus’s locker with gay porn and leaving suckers in the shape of a penis on his desk. The school didn’t get involved very much since all the kids had important parents.”
I don’t even know Marcus, but I want to cry. That could’ve easily been Landon. Nobody should have to go through that.
As soon as class is dismissed, I find Landon in the hallway and rush to hug him. Fighting back tears, I whisper, “I’m so sorry what Marcus went through. If you ever come out, know that I’m here for you.”
He shifts uncomfortably while returning the hug. He pulls away and looks me in the eyes. “Who’ve you been talking to?”
My eyes grow big as I realize he must think I’ve been talking about him. “Oh! I just asked Noah if he knew of Luke being a bully. What he said about Luke was horrible and cruel.”
He nods in agreement. The bell rings so I hurry and give him one last bear hug before heading off to my next class.
In Art, I’m doodling a landscape while I wait for class to begin. It’s missing something, but I can’t figure out what it needs. I smile to myself as I imagine what Bob Ross might suggest. Maybe a happy little tree over here.
Noah plops down in the seat next to me and leans over my shoulder. He’s intrigued with my love for art, especially my sketches. He tells me he has a surprise for me and to meet him in the supermarket parking lot after school. I keep pestering him to give me a hint, but all he’ll tell me is I’m going to have to ditch my car and phone. That doesn’t sound suspicious at all.
After school, I let Landon know I need to go to the store. He offers to go with me, but I tell him I enjoy my few little private trips of freedom. Thankfully, he lets it go.
As I’m about to pull out of the parking lot, he leans on my car and says, “You know, I’m not stupid. Nobody gets excited about going to the store for supplies. Also, didn’t you just go to the store the other day? Might I suggest, you’re going to Rachel’s for a study session? Hhmm? Don’t worry, I’ll cover for you.” He holds his hand out. “Your phone. I’ll leave it at Rachel’s house in case they track it.” I give him my phone and he puts it in his back pocket. He winks and walks over to his Jeep.
I drive to the supermarket parking lot where I leave my car and hop into Noah’s truck. Before I shut the door, he tells me to go ahead and grab my bag. I give him a quizzing look but go with it. He drives about twenty minutes outside of town before I ask, “Where are we going again? How far away is it?”
“A little bit further.”
“Not going to give anything away, huh?”
He doesn’t take his eyes off the road as he speaks through a smile. “Nope. It’ll ruin the surprise.”
We drive another couple of minutes and the scenery before us begins to change. Gone are the flat lands as far as the eye can see. The road begins to curve more and have hills. It almost feels like a roller coaster. I look out my window and marvel at all the trees with their red, gold and brown leaves. There’s rolling hills with a few cows scattered lazily about. Noah takes an exit, but I miss the name since I was so distracted by the beautiful scenery. The first sign of civilization since we left Lumberton is a Subway connected to a gas station. We pass it and find a couple of farmhouses on down the road. Noah makes another turn, and the road becomes rougher.
The road is one you would’ve had to have been looking for and known was there. It’s easily hidden by all the trees, and it’s more of a dirt path than a road. As we drive down the narrow path, I smile with excitement. It’s almost like something from a fairytale. The plain dirt road seems like a secret passageway that must be leading to someplace enchanting with how there are so many trees stretched over the road. It’s a sunny day but with all the thick trees, the road is mostly shaded with the exception of few rays of sunshine poking through. The gold leaves gently drift down from the trees and a few sprinkle over the truck. I stretch up in my seat and it seems the road is this way for as far as the eye can see.
Just as before, Noah suddenly turns onto another path that could easily have been missed. It’s an even more narrow and bumpy road, but not as long. No sooner had he turned the truck, we’re up a small hill and then parking the truck in a clearing. Noah grins as he shuts the truck off.
“C’mon.” With a smile and nod to exit, he opens the truck door. I hop out and take in my surroundings. The ground is covered in leaves and large, gray, moss covered rocks are scattered about. Noah takes my hand and begins leading me on what I think used to be a path, but it’s hidden by all the leaves. I look up to the tall beautiful trees as the sun shines through the different fall colored leaves. A few red and gold leaves fall as we walk.
We’ve only walked a short distance when I faintly hear flowing water. He pulls my hand and leads me off the path between some trees until we come to an opening on a hill that has a stream running through it. On down, I can see that there’s a small water fall on large, misshaped rocks. The water cascades down into a small bank that would be a great spot for
sunbathing. The stream continues down for as far as the eye can see. This may actually be a small river. I’m not very good with geography, so I’m not exactly sure. The water does seem deep, and I bet this spot is popular in the summer for swimming. As opposed to right now, I’m sure the water is freezing. The location is beautiful and peaceful. There are colorful trees everywhere except for where the water is. It’s almost like they’re protecting and hiding a secret hidden fountain. My imagination runs wild creating my own little fairytale. I can’t wrap my mind around how beautiful and magical everything seems, and it’s barely an hour away.
Noah tugs at my hand again and begins to lead me down a small slope. The leaves are everywhere and hiding some of the rocks. I try to watch exactly where Noah places his feet. I step but my foot slides on the leaves and I also feel a rock come loose. I try to grab a tree branch nearby to catch myself, but I’m not fast enough. My eyes squeezed shut waiting for impact, I feel two strong hands on my waist and as a reflex, I reach out and grab two biceps. I hear Noah chuckle.
“You okay there? I should’ve warned you to wear outdoor shoes, but I didn’t want to give anything away.”
I slowly open my eyes prepared to answer him that I’m fine, but my words get caught in my throat. He’s so close to me. His warm hands are practically burning through my sweater. We stare at each other and I think we’ve both stopped breathing. Noah really is handsome. His eyes are so warm and kind. His lips look so soft yet firm. He is both tender and strong. My stomach suddenly feels like it’s in knots, and I swallow and part my lips. He seems like he is inching closer and his eyebrows pinch. He searches my face.
Is he silently asking to kiss me? I nod, and my hands squeeze his arms. Yes, kiss me.
He clears his throat and in a husky voice says, “Good.” He sits me upright. He clears his throat again and in his normal good humored voice says, “I was almost afraid I hadn’t caught you in time. We’ll go a little slower. It’s not much further.”
Oh right. He was asking if I was ‘alright.’ Suddenly, I feel foolish for thinking Noah was about to kiss me. He probably doesn’t see me that way and might never. Despite us not actually being related and never having a family bond, he probably still thinks it would be weird to be attracted to me. I’m grateful for his friendship, either way, and it was really nice for him to bring me out here. This place feels special. I wonder if it’s special for him. I’ve been here five minutes, and I love it. Slowly, he leads me down a few more feet, and I find a tree that’s fallen. It must’ve been down for a long time with all the moss and vines that’s wrapped around it. He opens his backpack and pulls out a blanket and snacks. He lays the blanket in front of the tree and we sit, using the tree to rest our backs against.
“Surprise.” He nudges my shoulder with his. He gestures out to the scenery before us. From this spot, we have the perfect view of the waterfall and stream, with all the vivid gold and red from the trees that form a beautiful backdrop. “You seemed to really be struggling with that landscape. Maybe you’ll get some inspiration from here.”
“It’s beautiful,” I gasp. I nudge him back. “Do you ever swim here?”
His eyes brighten. “You bet. Wanna go for a dip?”
I laugh and indicate my clothing. “You should’ve told me the surprise, and I would’ve dressed appropriately.”
He waggles his eyebrows at me. “Swimsuits are optional out here. And I wouldn’t recommend getting your clothes wet, might make for a cold ride home.”
He grabs a bag of chips and casually pops one in his mouth. I struggle to get my blush under control. Was that Noah flirting? Maybe that was a matter of fact; we are out in the country. Deciding to quit dwelling on it, I open my satchel to take out my sketch pad and colored pencils. I flip open the pad and stare at the scenery before me. I grab my pencils and lightly outline the stream. Then, I focus on the scattered trees.
As I’m making outlines of the landscape, I feel Noah’s eyes burning on my face. I don’t take my eyes off my paper, but I let out a nervous laugh. “What?”
He’s still staring. “Nothing. I’m enjoying watching you draw. I think I enjoy watching you as much as you enjoy doing it.”
“And why’s that?”
He leans back on his elbows. “You make goofy facial expressions.”
I immediately drop my pencil and look over to him. “Excuse me?”
He laughs. “Nah, I’m just messin’ with you. You do make a lot of different facial expressions. They aren’t goofy, though. They’re cute. Sometimes, you raise your eyebrows like you’re surprised by what you see, even though it seems you’ve been looking at the same thing for twenty minutes. Sometimes, you look angry, like you can’t get it the way you want it. Sometimes, you seem happy and content, relaxed and at peace.” He leans forward and places his thumb in between my eyebrows and pushes the skin down. “My favorite is when you do this. When you look like this, you look like a pissed off bulldog pup.”
I slap his hand away and then push hard on his shoulder. He falls to the side with a laugh.
I shoo him away with my hand. “I appreciate you bringing me here, but you can leave now.”
“I would, but how’d you get home?”
“I can call you to come back or call someone else for a ride.” I pick up my pencil, but before I begin sketching again, he sits back up but closer this time.
“One, you couldn’t call someone else. No service. Two, you said Landon has your phone. Three, I wouldn’t want you to call someone else. It wouldn’t be a good idea, anyhow. Melissa would ask how you got here.”
Noah puts a strand of hair behind my ear and gives me a sad smile. “I think your family is afraid I’m going to kidnap you.”
Before he can pull his hand away, I lean my cheek against it. “It wouldn’t be kidnapping if I went willingly, would it?”
He stares at me for a moment, looking like he’s fighting an internal battle. Suddenly, he leans forward but pauses momentarily with his lips barely touching mine. I’m not sure if I should move or not. On instinct, I close my eyes and wet my lips. With my eyes closed, all my senses are heightened. I feel the warmth of his breath, the smell of the grass, the sounds of the trickling water, and a bird chirping in the distance. I also hear Noah’s breathing. I can tell he’s as nervous as I am, with his hand slightly shaking. His hand suddenly becomes firm against my cheek, and he pulls me slightly closer. His lips are soft and gentle. I want more, but I’m too scared to do anything. He pulls back, and I open my eyes.
“We kissed.” I’m so lame. Obviously, we kissed.
He stares at me a moment and slowly responds, “Yes…we did…”
We both stare at each other, waiting for the other one to take the lead. There’s a light cool breeze. I stare deeply into his eyes. I look down to his semi full lips. They’re parted. I notice the contrast between the cool breeze and his warm breath. We’re so close. If I was to lean an inch closer, we’d kiss again. Or if he was to lean in an inch. I want him to. I like Noah. I like him. Not as a family member. Not as a cousin. As a girl liking a boy. We’re not related. Our relationship wouldn’t be weird. Him being my cousin was a lie, but my attraction to him is real. I know it is. He must feel the same since he kissed me? But he isn’t moving. Finally, he gets up and gathers our things.
The kiss was perfect. It couldn’t have been more perfect, but suddenly we become silent and awkward with each other. I hurry behind him. He helps me through the path back to the truck. I do the only thing I can think of. I go back to familiar ground. When he starts the truck, I mention, “I’d like to see Aunt Andrea again.”
He slams his hand on the steering wheel and turns the truck back off. I don’t understand his sudden outburst. I’m still holding the seatbelt barely above the buckle because I’m too nervous to buckle it in case I need to hop out of the truck quickly.
He unbuckles his seat belt and turns to face me. “Dammit! You need to quit referring to my mom as your aunt. I agree with your parents on tha
t one.”
I’m on the verge of crying because I don’t know where this is coming from. I’m dumbfounded and hurt. He’s sending so many mixed signals. The seatbelt slides out of my hand and pops when it hits the interior of the truck.
He continues in a firm voice like he’s scolding a child for the hundredth time. “Cindy wasn’t your mom. Your parents are Richard and Melissa Randall. Ben and Andrea Wallace are in no way blood related to you. Hell, they aren’t even related to you by marriage. Therefore, in no way are we related, do you understand?”
I’m blinking fast and trying to hold it together as I nod.
He’s breathing heavily. “Good. Good because I need you to understand that it’s been driving me crazy, this cousin bullshit. It makes what’s about to happen seem wrong and weird.”
Before I can even comprehend what he just said, he has his hand behind my head and crashing his lips to mine. I wrap my arms around him and crawl up the seat to get closer to him. We’re both breathing heavily and touching each other everywhere. His tongue pushes its way into my mouth. My body is already pushed up against his, but I want to be closer. I need to be closer. I’m so relieved and excited that he does feel the same way. I wasn’t crazy. We have a real attraction to each other. I keep pushing against him and running my hands all over his body. He starts to get impatient and pulls my shirt over my head. He begins kissing my neck but then suddenly stops.
“Shit,” he sighs.
Once again, I’m dumbfounded. Who sighs, ‘shit’ while making out? I’m not following his train of thoughts today. Mixed signals!
“I’m sorry. I’m rushin’ this. You deserve more than a hot and heated session in an old pickup.” He hands me my shirt.
Frustrated with him, I ask, “What do you mean, Noah? Are you saying you do or you don’t want to be with me?”
I’m getting really irritated, but he looks at me like I’m missing something that should be plain as day. “Of course, I want to be with you. Did you miss the part where I was about to take you in my truck? If I didn’t stop myself when I did, I would’ve tried to go all the way with you. Right now.” He pushes his body against mine.