by Gail Haris
I’m only used to me and one other person on Christmas. Occasionally, we might’ve joined with my best friend Angie and her mom for the holidays. We would get gifts from Aunt Andrea mailed to us. The most decorations we had was a medium size fake Christmas tree. We’d eat a bowl of cereal for breakfast. The most cooking Cindy did for Christmas lunch was a precooked ham that just needed to be heated in the oven. Then we’d lounge in pajamas watching whatever Christmas movies were on television. Nothing like this. This is a scene straight out of a Hallmark movie.
As I take it all in, I’m happy. I’m so blissfully happy. This is all a little overwhelming and surreal, but I’m excited. I’m excited to spend Christmas with my family.
I’m surprised when the doorbell rings. Melissa obviously isn’t surprised because she rushes to the door. “Come in! Come in! Thank you so much for coming on Christmas!”
I peak around the corner to find the photographer whom Melissa has used for the three family photos we’ve already taken since I arrived.
“Mom, I can’t believe you hired a photographer! It’s Christmas,” Trent groans.
“It’s our first Christmas as a whole family, young man. Watch your tone with me. I want every moment captured. I’m terrible with a camera. Your father is even worse. You kids aren’t going to keep up with taking photos. What was I supposed to do?”
She turns to the photographer. “I really do appreciate this. Please make yourself comfortable. I might forget to offer, so help yourself to anything to drink or eat. Seriously, help yourself. I want both natural and staged photos.”
The photographer, Hallmark setting, and room full of people is making me feel dizzy. They must sense my unease because everyone takes turns trying to comfort me. Melissa invites me to help cook. Richard, Trent, and Landon invite me to watch the Christmas movie marathons. Denise asks me if I want to join her while she scans media sites. I spread myself throughout the groups. Before I know it, everything begins to feel natural, and that I almost forgot about the photographer, almost.
It’s not until the photographer leaves that Melissa announces it’s time for gifts. I’m so nervous. Everyone just starts passing out their gifts at once. I gather the ones from me and hand them to each one of them. I didn’t really have money for presents, even though I could’ve asked. I either painted them something or made a design on canvas with mod podge.
For Melissa, I painted a canvas the color of her kitchen and used mod podge to paste a photo she’d had made of a family photo. Denise, I made a fashion collage from magazines she likes with quotes mixed in. Landon, I did what I knew he’d love, a self-portrait of him in black and white. Trent, I did a simple design with a quote about never giving up. And for Richard, I gave him a mix of mod podge and sketches of the houses he’d done.
I open the gifts they got me. Denise got me several athletic outfits. “Because ya know, you play soccer.”
Landon’s gifts have me bursting out laughing. One is a T-Shirt with the Caterpillar puffing out smoke and it reads Who Are You? The other one is a framed family photo that has only the smile and eyes of the Cheshire Cat and reads We’re all mad here. And then there’s a small white stuffed bunny rabbit. I absolutely love it. All of it.
Trent got me a beautiful bracelet that has ‘Randall’ engraved on it.
Melissa got me a ton of art supplies, along with a gift certificate for private lessons.
Richard walks over and hands me a simple red gift bag with white tissue paper. I open the bag and pull out his sketch book. I smile at the tattered and worn edges. I flip open the first page and my heart is in my throat. It’s a sketch of a baby. “My daughter” is written in messy handwriting at the bottom. I flip the next page. There’s a sketch of me. It’s me focused and looking down. My hair hangs loose. Has he been sketching me the whole time we’ve been drawing together? I look at the bottom. “My daughter.” There’s no name. Just my daughter. I look over at him. I want to speak, but I can’t. I lick my lips and try to find the right words, but they just won’t come.
“Does this mean you’re finished sketching?”
He shakes his head. “No.”
“Good.”
His eyes are bright and shimmer with unshed tears. I place the sketch pad down next to me and walk over and wrap my arms around him.
Later that night, Noah comes by to bring me my gift. I can’t wait, so I give Noah my gift to him first, which is a painting of our spot along with a gift card to his favorite store.
He hands me mine and I waste no time tearing into the paper. He bought me a special edition “Alice in Wonderland” hardback book, along with a dangly charm bracelet. There are a few sparkling stones between each charm. I examine each charm: a tea cup, a soccer ball, a paint pallet, a pendant that reads “Do you suppose she’s a wildflower?” and a flower. I love it.
Noah claims he didn’t know me before. But sometimes I feel like he knows me better than anyone. This gift couldn’t be more perfect. He couldn’t be more perfect.
For New Year’s Eve, we are attending the annual party that the local country club hosts. The theme is Gatsby, so we all dress in roaring 20’s attire. Denise and I wear flapper girl dresses, but Melissa goes for a more conservative, long, 20’s style dress that is very dazzling with stones and sequins. The guys get off easy with a tux and bowtie. Trent brings Maggie, Landon brings Rachel, which is a little awkward, and I get to bring Noah. He looks very handsome with his hair slicked back and a white tux.
Landon and Rachel kill the dance floor with their dancing. Landon has the ability to make anyone look great on the dance floor. He drags me out there a couple of times. I do notice Trent’s eyes on Rachel on more than one occasion throughout the night, especially when she does dance with anyone other than Landon. Next, Landon grabs Denise. She’s been pouting a little in a corner sipping her Shirley Temple. She is pushing against him and has her feet firmly planted to the floor. I rush over toward them.
“Denise? What’s going on? You’re normally the life of the party.”
She rolls her eyes and her lips form a thin line. Landon answers my question.
“Clint’s a no show. He apparently went to another party with Isabell Jamerson.”
“I thought you and Isabell were friends?”
Landon waves his hand and shakes his head. “Don’t go there. I told her there are plenty of other guys here that would kill to dance with her. She’s too good for him anyways.”
“I agree. And who needs friends like that? Get out there and forget them. You don’t need a guy to have a great time. I’ll dance with you!” She scowls at me. Ouch. “Hey! I’m trying here.”
“Don’t take it personally. That’s just how our sweet little sister is.” Landon grins wider when Denise continues to scowl.
Noah, Keaton, and Emily come over to join us. I smile at Keaton and Emily, “Hey guys. I didn’t know you two were here.”
Keaton nods toward Emily. “Well, I’m no member of the country club, but Emily’s family is. I’m here as her date.”
Noah nods. “Same here.”
Keaton lightly punches Noah in the arm and they jokingly mumble jabs at each other while I turn my attention back to Denise. I notice she’s standing up a little straighter and has a more pleasant expression on her face. Did I miss something?
Emily sighs as though she’s bored. “Landon, where’s Rachel?”
He points over to the other side of the room. “I think she’s eating her emotions by the buffet.”
Emily nods in understanding. “Trent’s here, isn’t he? I better go fulfill my duties as bestie by joining her.” With that, she turns on her heels and heads toward the buffet.
Landon throws his arm around Denise’s shoulder. “What about you? Wanna go eat your feelings away with them? Might make you feel better?”
Denise quickly slides out from under her brother’s arm. “I’m fine! I don’t have any emotions to eat. I mean, I don’t need to do that. I mean, because I’m not upset over anyone. Bec
ause, I just came here to have a good time. I mean, I didn’t, because-”
Landon tilts his head at her. “Are you okay? None of that made sense. I think you’ve really lost it, sis.”
If looks could kill. Her eyes blazed at Landon.
Keaton chuckled. “What did I miss?”
Landon throws his hands up. “That’s what I want to know, too! She was all pouty over her little boyfriend Clint bailing on her. Now she’s just acting plain weird. Middle schoolers man.”
“Awe, don’t let that little dweeb bring you down. You’re way too pretty and nice for that. If you need a dance partner, I’ll be happy to assist.”
Denise smiles and shrugs. “Okay.”
Keaton extends his elbow, “Shall we?” She blushes and accepts. He leads her out to the dance floor. As soon as there is some distance between us, we all burst out laughing.
“Well, she got over Clint quick. Serves the little shit right.” Noah says.
“Yeah, that was so nice of Keaton to step in.” I smile at Noah.
He smiles back and nods toward his friend. “Sloan’s a pretty good guy. He’s a sucker for a damsel in distress.”
Landon groans. “Which is why he’s with Emily. She’s always in distress. I love her, but she’s so dramatic.”
The night is filled with music, laughter, and a few drinks. However, the night is almost spoiled when Luke approaches me as I’m leaving the restroom.
“May I have a dance?” he asks smoothly.
I smile. “I don’t think that’s a good idea.” I wave with a “Happy New Year.”
I begin walking away, but he catches up to me. “I guess you prefer slumming it then.”
I turn around furiously, but I’m hoping I misheard him.
“It makes sense. You were raised in the slums, right? He’s familiar, more in your comfort zone. I get it. Have your fun with him. When you’re ready for someone more in your league, someone who your family would be proud of, then come to me. I just might take you back.”
He winks as he causally strolls off with his hands in his pockets. I charge after him. I grab him by the elbow, swinging him around to face me. I pull back and slap him as hard as I can. His head flies to the left.
“I’m with Noah because I deserve better than you. If I decide I want to ‘slum it,’ then I’ll come find you, but don’t count on it. I don’t think I could ever get that low.”
I turn my back on him and go find the rest of the group. I don’t tell any of them what happened. No sense in ruining their good time over a loser like Luke.
We’re all gathered together around the fireplace in the lounge. Noah has his arms around me as we shout out the countdown together. At midnight, we kiss and whisper, “I love you,” to each other. It’s our first time saying it. For a moment, it’s just us. But a few bumps and cheers bring us back. We laugh and steal one more quick kiss. Then, we go around hugging everyone else, all of us shouting, “Happy New Year.” We only hang around an hour longer. We all leave exhausted but smiling. My feet hurt, my throat is sore from laughing and yelling, and I can barely hold my eyes open, but what an amazing start to the new year.
SCHOOL RESUMES COMPLETELY DIFFERENTLY THAN when I first arrived. I’m grateful for the new year. Last year, I became two completely different people with two completely different worlds. Now, I walk into school confident and eager for the day to begin.
I have a meeting with my guidance counselor about college applications. I haven’t discussed much with my family about where I’ll apply. They want me to remain local since they just got me back, but I want the full university experience. I could go to the school that Trent attends to meet in the middle. It would be somewhat of a compromise since at least he’d be there. But I’m tired of having them hovering over me. I care about them, but it’s time for me to get to be me. I apply to the same university as Trent, but I also apply to several others that are farther away.
Noah isn’t applying to any schools. He’s planning on going into the military and has been since his freshman year. I knew this before I even came to live here. Andrea had been so worried when she first told Cindy about it. He doesn’t want to add the financial burden to his family, so he’s going to join the military. This way, he’ll be able to attend veterinary school.
We haven’t discussed this in much depth, especially since we just now became serious. I don’t want him to go, but I know I should not expect him to change his plans because we started dating. I’m a little upset that he doesn’t seem that concerned with how him going into the military will affect our relationship. Maybe he doesn’t think it’ll affect us. Maybe it won’t. Long distance relationships work for people all the time, but for some they don’t work. Time will tell which relationship we’ll have.
I decide to leave the issue on the back burner and focus on enjoying how wonderful everything else is at the moment. My school, home, and love life have all been spectacular. I have an extra skip in my step as I walk down the halls.
I pass Rachel in the hall as she slams her locker door. She hurries over to my side and we fall into step together. She adjusts her book bag as she asks, “Have you thought about what you’re plans are after graduation?”
I shrug and explain how I’m still unsure about…well everything.
She tells me as we walk to class that she’s wanting to become a nurse. She’s hoping her and Landon can get an off-campus apartment for wherever they attend together. Obviously, they won’t be able to room together if they live in the dorms. I ask her why she doesn’t room with any of the other girls from our lunch table group, like Emily.
“Emily’s great, but she doesn’t always get me. Landon is my best friend for life. We’ve had this deal worked out for years. We’re each other’s go-to for everything.”
We enter the classroom just as she’s finished speaking. Tara must’ve heard her because she chimes in, “Why won’t you two just admit you’re in love with each other? We all know you and Landon are going to end up getting married.”
Rachel and I exchange a knowing look. We sit down and before anything else can be said, class begins.
At lunch, everyone begins discussing prom. The girls and I make plans to go dress shopping. Landon is more worried about planning an after party. We all laugh at his crazy ideas.
“I feel like we need to do something wild that no class has done before. Let’s go break into a zoo.”
Keaton shakes his head. “Nah man, I think someone has already beat you to it. Didn’t the senior class four years ago do that?”
Noah nods. “Yeah, the ones from the private school.”
Keaton takes a bite of his sandwich. “Dude,” he speaks between chews, “I don’t have enough money for bail. My parents might let me rot. I’m up for wild, but let’s keep it where there’s no chance of getting caught.”
“We could plan a toga party. Surely somebody’s parents are leaving for the weekend.” Emily suggests.
Landon considers it but still doesn’t seem convinced. “We need to keep thinking. Everyone, you have your assignment. Epic after prom. I expect to hear your ideas next week.”
Noah leans toward me and whispers. “I have some ideas for us, but I’m not sharing them.”
“Oh yeah?”
“It won’t be wild, but it’ll be in the wild.”
“Our spot?”
“Our spot.”
“I like that.”
“I guess if we wanted to make it wild you could bring your paint and I’ll be your canvas.”
I shake my head and turn around and he begins tickling me.
“I think we need to think more on it, too.” I tell him.
“Skinny dipping?” He raises an eyebrow.
“Dude, what? Skinny dipping? I’m in. Hey Landon, Noah has some ideas. He just suggested skinny dipping to your sis.”
Landon narrows his eyes at Noah.
Noah clears his throat. “Jeff, get your mind out of the gutter. I was asking if she liked this healthy dip
called Skinny Dip. It’s fat-free…”
“We have to go.” I take my tray and stand up. “Art. Remember? Project.”
“Yeah, art project. Bye y’all.”
We hear their laughter as we leave. I turn to Noah, “Skinny Dip?”
I know I should wait, but I can’t. I decide to address the concern that I have between me and Noah. I want to know where our relationship stands after graduation.
We sit down and I lean on my elbows on the desk. “Noah, what are your plans after graduation?”
He sighs and leans toward me. “You know already. I’m already enlisted. As soon as I graduate, I’m going into the army to pay for school. My options are limited. This is the only way for me to get a college education.”
I try to argue, “What about your grades? You’re really smart. Scholarships? You’re really involved in activities. Test scores? You’ve scored really high. Sports? You’re really athletic.”
He cuts me off, “I’m really poor!”
I’m taken aback by his tone.
His voice softens as he repeats, “I’m really poor. Thank you for all the faith you have in me to get in school by other means, but there’s a lot of competition for those scholarships. The military is a guarantee I’ll have a good opportunity.”
The hurt and disappoint must be on my face. He groans. “I’d already told you that I planned to enlist. I’m sure you knew even before you came here. I know Mom talked about it all the time with Cindy. She never said anything?”
It’s plain he is reminding me I knew this well before we began a relationship. I want to tell him that was before we became a couple. Has nothing changed for him? Several questions keep running through my mind. What do we do after graduation? How long is he going to be away? Are we going to see other people?
I nod in defeat. I finally voice my biggest fear. “What about us?”
The bell rings, sending a crowd into the classroom. I would rather not discuss this with an audience, especially with Eric strutting in. Noah takes my hand and gives it a reassuring squeeze.