by Casey, Ember
Sophia gazes after my finger. “Did you spend a lot of time there growing up?”
“Every chance I could get. I still try to make it out there when Twisted Throne isn’t regularly recording or touring. Death Valley isn’t that far from L.A. either, so I’ll do weekend trips now and again, but Joshua Tree is still my favorite.”
When I look down at her, I find her smiling at me. Her eyes seem to be studying me.
“What?” I ask, suddenly self-conscious.
“Nothing,” she says, turning back to watch the horizon. “This is just a side of you I didn’t expect. Who’d have thought the bad boy rock star was so into nature?”
“It’s not that weird. Artists have used nature as inspiration forever.”
She laughs. “I don’t think it’s weird at all. I think it’s endearing.”
“Just what every ‘bad boy rock star’ wants to hear.”
She laughs again, but it’s a warm, bright sound that brings my desire bubbling back to the surface. I pull her into my arms, cutting her off by kissing her deeply.
She melts right against me, throwing her arms around my neck and leaning into me. There won’t be any games this time, no show of insisting that this is a bad idea. We’re past that now. Now, there’s only heat.
My hands are already under her shirt, gliding across her soft skin. They move all the way up to her bra and unhook it.
In seconds her shirt is off. Then her bra. My shirt goes next, and I have just enough mental ability left to think to spread it out on the ground. It’s not much of a cushion, but it’s better than rolling around directly on the dust and stones. Sophia doesn’t seem to care either way. She practically pulls me down on top of her. She undoes my pants as I pull her skirt and panties down her legs.
By the time we’re naked, the sun has completely disappeared behind the horizon. But I don’t need the light to see her—I have my hands for that. They move everywhere over her skin, trying to memorize the shape of her. She, too, seems to recognize that this might be the only chance we have to touch each other for a while. Her mouth moves across my chest, kissing and teasing. Everywhere her lips touch me burns, and it takes all of my will power not to fuck her senseless right this minute.
My resistance only lasts a little longer. I want to drag this out, to make this brief opportunity last a little longer, but it’s a lost cause. I grab my jeans, pull the condom out of my wallet, and barely manage to get it on before my animal side takes over. She pulls me back on top of her, and I bury myself in her in one swift movement.
It’s a good thing everyone in this neighborhood stays inside all night, because I’m pretty sure we make enough noise to be heard two streets over. But I don’t give a fuck. My need for this woman is insatiable, and that drowns out everything else.
When it’s over, I collapse onto the ground next to her. I can feel the sandy dirt sticking to the sweat on my back, but who fucking cares? I pull her into my arms, and she rests her head on my chest.
Above us, more and more stars are appearing. There’s still light pollution out here, but you can see thousands more stars than you can in L.A. And on a clear night like this, I’d swear there are millions.
Not a bad idea, bringing her out here, I think. And maybe now that I’ve introduced Sophia and her brother to my family, Ol’ Nicky will get off my back a little. Or at least let Sophia and me have a little more unchaperoned time. We’re practically courting now, right?
At the thought of this morning’s discussion, my stomach knots. Nicholas made it sound like this was the first step to getting engaged. And judging by my mom’s reaction to the two royals—and the fact that I’ve never brought a girlfriend home to her before—I know the thought can’t be far from my mom’s mind, either. She wouldn’t have sent us off together if she thought this was just some hot fling.
But for fuck’s sake, we’ve only known each other a fucking week. I like Sophia and all, but I need to make sure I nip any engagement talk in the bud the moment it comes up. That’s not happening—I don’t care how hot the sex is, or how much Nicky scowls at me. I’m a fucking rock star. I have a reputation to protect.
Sophia rubs her hand across my stomach. “Is everything okay?”
“Yeah, sure,” I say. “Why wouldn’t it be?”
“You just got really tense all of a sudden.”
“Ah,” I say quickly. “It’s just this position, I guess. This ground isn’t very comfortable.”
She lifts her head. “Do you want to sit up?”
“No.” I pull her back down on top of me. “I want to stay like this a little while longer.” Right now, we don’t have to think about the future. We have this moment all to ourselves.
“Okay.” She makes herself comfortable again. “The stars out here are beautiful.”
“Yeah,” I say, stroking her hair. “Beautiful.”
Sophia
It’s been a week since that evening we spent together behind Pax’s mother’s house. He’s been busy preparing for his tour, rehearsing with his band or whatever it is they’re doing. But I’ve been listening to his album—far more than I should. The more I listen, the more I’m certain that Pax is hiding a deep, dark secret. It almost seems as though the song is haunting me.
The official reviews have not been great. I do wonder if part of the reason the critics have been so harsh on Pax and his band are because of his relationship with me. I’d like to hope that the sales of the new album have exceeded expectations because of how amazing the music is on it, but part of me thinks our sex tape had something to do with both the negative reviews and the amazing sales.
But he hasn’t been here much. The only piece of Pax I’ve been able to have for the past week is listening to that song over and over again—trying to figure out what the lyrics mean. And the more I listen, the more I wonder what it is he’s hiding.
And I miss him. I can’t believe it’s true, but I do. I’d like to be able to at least spend a little time with him.
We still haven’t discussed the upcoming tour very much. I think he’s still planning for me to come with him—and of course, Nicholas will be there, too. But considering Pax and I still barely know each other, I’m having trouble imagining going with him at all. I want to have time with him—on our own. Time to see if what we have together is worth the trouble we’ve already been through.
But Pax has been distant. I know he’s worried about the reviews—he doesn’t talk much about it, but I see his expression every time his phone pings with a news alert, even in the small amount of time he spends here with me in the apartment. And I want desperately to talk to him, to find out what it is that’s bothering him—not to mention wanting to try to find out what those lyrics really mean. But it’s all beginning to seem pointless—I feel more alone now than I ever have. Pax is distracted, and I can’t seem to find a way to get him to open up to me—not with Nicholas watching my every move.
Being alone with my brother is not helping my mental state or to calm my doubts. My brother and I have been spending far too much time together, and it’s all beginning to feel a bit pointless, even if I do want to spend more time with Pax. If I’m going to hide from the media, I may as well do it somewhere a little less confining than Pax’s apartment. Considering Pax and I barely see each other, even when he is home, I’m not sure why I’m doing this at all anymore. I need…more. I need to know about those lyrics. And maybe I just need to go home.
I’m about to text him that exact sentiment—texting seems to be the only way we can have a private conversation with my brother around—when he walks out of his bedroom, grinning at me. “Hello, Princess.”
I rise, walking over to meet him. Nicholas glares at him from across the room. My brother doesn’t even have to say anything these days—the looks of warning he gives to us are enough to remind Pax and me that we won’t be joining together again any time soon, at least not the way we did that evening in the wilderness so many days ago.
Pax gives me a chaste
peck on the cheek. “I had an idea.”
“So did I—”
“Come to rehearsal with me.”
“I—”
“Absolutely not.” Nicholas calls out from his chair on the other side of the room.
My gaze snaps to my brother’s. “What is it you think will happen at a rehearsal, Brother?”
He glares at me for a moment, shaking his head. “I’ve already told you, there will be no more dates—”
“God, you’re still pissed about what happened with Cat?” Pax shakes his head. “That was a week ago.”
Nick growls, but says nothing.
Pax chuckles, turning his gaze back to mine. “Your brother holds too many grudges.”
I glance over at him. “You have no idea.”
Nick pounds his fist against the armchair before rising and walking over to us. “You know, someday you’ll thank me, Sophia.” He glares over at Pax. “And maybe you will, too.”
“Thank you for what? Making things difficult?” Pax shakes his head. “I doubt I’ll be thanking you for anything.” He lets out a long breath before turning back to me. “He can come to rehearsal too if he wants.” Pax rolls his eyes.
“What do you say, Nick?” I grin. “We can get out of this apartment, just like you’ve been on about for the past week.”
My brother works his jaw for a long moment, glaring between the two of us. I can’t believe how much he looks like Andrew, our oldest brother, when he’s trying to be stern with me. “Fine. We’ll go. But only because I’m bored out of my mind in this apartment.”
“It isn’t like anyone’s been keeping you prisoner, Nicky.” Pax winks at him. “And Cat said to tell you that she’s free anytime you are—”
Nicholas cuts him off with another his growls.
Pax chuckles, shaking his head as he smiles before he extends a hand. “Shall we, then?”
“No touching.” Nick glares at me. “Don’t test me, Sophia.”
It’s all I can do not to roll my eyes. “Fine. Can I at least sit in the front seat this time?”
“Absolutely not.” Nick’s gaze darts between the two of us. “And if we’re to go on this tour, we’ll need to discuss the sleeping arrangements ahead of time. I assume—”
“Let’s just go,” Pax interrupts. “Or not. I don’t…” He sighs as he drags a hand through his hair. “I don’t want to do this again. I really don’t.”
Something twists in my chest. I’m still terrified of what is going to happen when I have to face the public alone about the sex tape, but maybe it’s time I do. I still haven’t faced any real consequences for it—not yet. And something still isn’t right between Pax and me. I just can’t put my finger on what it is.
I’m not sure what comes over me—it isn’t the right time or place, particularly since my brother is standing right beside us. “I’ve been listening to your album. A lot. I—”
“It sucks. I know.” Pax frowns. “I don’t want to talk about that, either.”
“It doesn’t suck. It’s amazing. But that song—I’ve listened to it a hundred times. You know, the one about the—”
“Nope. Not talking about that one, either.” Pax shakes his head. “Can we just go?” He glances over at Nicholas. “Or not. I don’t really care either way. I’m just…I’m not getting into it with you two today.” He looks back over at me. “I just thought it would be nice if we could—”
“You’re right.” I interrupt as I force a smile, looking between Pax and my brother. “We probably shouldn’t do this.”
Nick’s gaze narrows—it’s obvious he doesn’t believe me.
“Well, I have to get to rehearsal one way or another. And if your brother is going to be a prick about everything—not that I should be surprised—”
“No, I mean we shouldn’t do this.” I turn my gaze to Pax. “Thank you, though. For everything.”
“You’re…thanking me?” He blinks at me a few times, his mouth falling open.
I nod. “Yes. Thank you for your hospitality. And for…everything.” I shouldn’t feel anything at saying goodbye—especially since Pax has made it clear that he doesn’t really care if I’m here or not—but something twists again in my chest all the same. “I… We should be going. Nicholas and me. We’ve overstayed our welcome already—”
“Well, one of you certainly has.” Pax looks over at Nick and chuckles. His smile falls when he looks back over at me. “You’re serious?”
It takes me a moment, but I finally nod. It’s the right thing to do—to leave all this. Pax is a good man, but he clearly has secrets. Too many. And I don’t know if I have the patience to peel back his layers. He certainly doesn’t seem to want me to. Of course, he’s been wonderful through everything. He’s been at my side since the stupid tape came out, but perhaps it’s time I stand on my own.
I force another smile for him. “You protected me… You stood up for me after…everything happened. And I’ll always be grateful.”
His brow furrows. “Grateful?”
I nod, reaching out to touch his forearm. “You said you don’t want to do this. And I don’t blame you.” I force another weak smile. “I think…I think if circumstances had been different, then maybe…”
He blinks at me a few times. “You’re serious? You…” He frowns. “You’re not coming.”
I shake my head. I wish things could be different, but I know he’s never going to open up to me—things are never going to be more than they are now. This was always meant to be a fling, a one-time thing. Pax isn’t the kind of man to have a relationship, and I’m not the kind of woman who wants to be arm candy for a rock star. He has too many secrets—too much he’s hiding. It’s obvious whatever it is still causes him pain, and it’s even more obvious that he’s never going to open up to me about it.
I never thought I’d be in this situation. I never thought I’d have to make a decision like this, but I know it’s the right thing to do. I’m only going to get my heart broken if it goes on any longer—it doesn’t matter if it’s a rehearsal tonight or the tour tomorrow. Things aren’t ever going to be any different than they are right now.
I look up into his eyes. “No. I’m not coming.”
“And you don’t just mean to rehearsal tonight, do you?”
I shake my head again. “I can’t. I mean…I can’t. But I’ll always look back on this time fondly.”
He closes his eyes for a moment. “Why the fuck did we do any of this?” He motions at my brother. “Why the hell…?” He presses his lips in a line. “You know what? I don’t fucking care. Just…go. Whatever. I don’t give a fuck.” He yanks his arm away from me and turns for the front door, slamming it behind him.
Nick and I stand frozen in place. My brother finally breaks the silence. “Are you sure that was the right thing?”
My head snaps to face him. “It’s what you wanted, isn’t it?”
His brow furrows and he tilts his head. “Obviously. But I don’t think it’s what you wanted at all.”
Pax
My whole band is pissed at me.
Since Sophia left last night, I’ve been distracted. More than distracted. The odd screw up I made in practice when Sophia and I were first fooling around is nothing compared to the ass I’ve been making of myself these last twenty-four hours. Our practice session last night lasted two hours longer than expected because I kept fucking up, and by the time we all left, everyone was cranky. Now this morning, as we pack up the buses and trucks, Rider refuses to speak to me. Even Charlie, who’s normally the cheerful one, is quieter than usual. This was supposed to be our big breakout tour, the high point of our career, and everyone’s grumpy and treating me like I’m the world’s biggest ass.
Which maybe I am. But can’t we at least pretend to be friends? All four of us have gone through asshole phases since forming this band. Rider’s gone through a couple. Can’t they just cut me a damn break?
At least my anger is a good distraction from thinking about Sophia.
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She’s just a fucking chick, I tell myself. You’ll meet someone new this weekend and forget all about her.
I wish I felt more confident about that. I’m still in a daze, trying to figure out what the hell happened. Things were going great between Sophia and me—I took her to meet Ma, for fuck’s sake—and then out of the blue…they weren’t so great anymore. After a week of defending me to her brother, of refusing to listen to him, suddenly she was willing to walk away from all this. What the hell happened? And why the hell didn’t I see it coming?
I try to remind myself that there’s plenty to be happy about—the tour, the fans, the sales of our new album. Reviews continue to be mixed, but our sales have never faltered. They’ve only been going up since the release—as much as I hate to admit it, the sex tape probably helped with that—and I’m hoping they get even better now that our first new single has started spreading through the airwaves. Our tour has been sold out for months, and I know I’ll feel better when I’m up on that stage again, the lights in my eyes and thousands of screaming fans at my feet. I never feel more alive than I do on that stage.
Except when I’m with Sophia…
I shake my head, getting that thought out of my mind immediately. I’m not going to let myself think about her ever again. The only thing I need to worry about is getting the damn lyrics right. I got so tongue-tied last night in rehearsal that an entire chorus fell right out of my head. I was so dazed that I’m pretty sure I forgot how to play the guitar for a whole ten minutes.
This is why you don’t get involved with chicks, I tell myself. One night only, then it’s over. No more chasing. No more dates. And definitely no more taking her home to meet my family. Just this morning, my mom sent me a text asking me to send her a picture of Sophia and me on the tour bus together. I could barf.
I’ve been replaying the last week over and over again, trying to figure out where it went wrong. Where I lost her. But it’s useless. Now I’m just the pathetic sap who let his dick get him into trouble. Part of me wonders if there’s still time to find her, still time to convince her not to walk away…but I won’t reduce myself to begging. I’ve already made a fucking fool of myself, and I’m not going to make it worse.