by Tushar Mangl
Robina
Sorry to barge into the story like this, but having known Neelima since fifth grade, I deserve a right to say something here. She has been one my closest friends since childhood. I am a thoughtful Pieces who loves daydreaming, something we both share. Also, we share common interests in music. But one thing on which we both agree to disagree is her closeness to Pushkar. I think he is a bad influence on her. He sounds and looks so old.
I was shocked the first time; Neelz told me that he had fallen for this guy. I mean he looked okay but really, I didn’t like him much. I admit some of it could be jealously, but Ankit, her earlier crush was way better. And rich too. He at that time was a cute little boy who I dare say turned out to be quite handsome. I just saw him the other day at the mall. He has lost the fat but has chiseled into a slim trim well-muscled body.
In the years, we have been friends; Neelima and I have had sad and sweet moments. We have fought a lot, have had amazing fun. We were partners in crime, eating food during class, going on bunks, organizing impromptu parties, and get together. I have vivid memories of our pranks and the embarrassing things we did in school. (Of course, they didn’t sound embarrassing then). But truly, sometimes I feel I would not have could survive school without Neelima. Despite our differences at times and silly fights, she has always provided me a shoulder to cry and words to gossip.
Coming back to Pushkar, well, the first impression was the worst. I am talking to this fellow over the phone and his voice comes off as his barking off something. Coarse. I would classify the guy as coarse. Not suitable for Neelz at all. I always thought that they had this exotic long distance crush type of thing, which will fade with time. But she stood for that guy for so long, I am astonished. Equally surprising is the fact that when Neelz’ Grand Mom passed away and she cocooned into a safe zone, not speaking to anyone. I was the one who messaged that horrible person to do something, to talk to her. I don’t know why it felt at that time that he would take care of her.
I was reading a book when Eti called me. When she got down to what I was doing, I just replied,
“Nothing Eti, just reading a book.”
“Come over to my place.”
“No, I am in bed.” How was your day?”
“Why would you come? Go fuck yourself.”
I don’t know why, but she was clearly cranky. I could always read my book at her place. I let out a deep sigh and went over to her place.
“So, the moron comes home.”
If she was cranky a little while ago, it did not show. She hugged me, more like choked me in a bear-like hug. Eti was a hugger. I was not. I was uncomfortable. But she was pleased to see me and that was what mattered.
“Whatcha you doing Eti girl?” I said in a mock, 60’s Hollywood movie accent. I also gave a full watt smile as I distanced her in a subtle manner.
“Oh, I was just reading this book.” She said as she led me to her bedroom and showed me the book. It was Interpretations of Dreams by Sigmund Freud. Not my kind of read.
“Give me a comfortable thriller any day,” I said as we settled on either side of her bed. Both of us got engrossed in our books.
After some time, she asked, “Would you get up and make us some coffee?”
“Eti, I am in the middle of the story’s climax, I can’t move,” I said, looking at her and pointing to my book.
“Don’t you love me?” She purred, still looking at her book. Perhaps interpreting dreams of some sorts.
“Nops.” My eyes were fixed to my book as well. Stalemate. Both of us liked the idea of coffee. But reading took priority.
“OK fine. Pig” She looked at me and took out her tongue in the tease. Then she dog-eared the page she was reading and closed the book. I don’t like dog ears on books. I picked up the book, straightened the page and put in my book’s bookmark into it.
“Love you Ets” I called out, my attention back to the story I was reading.
The Coffee Eti made was very strong. I take my coffee strong. But this was quite bitter. I foolishly commented this to Eti. She laid the book back from where she had just picked it. Then she went to her almirah, took out a bottle of Royal Challenge maybe to show me or something. Instead, she opened the bottle and poured a large dose in my coffee.
“Is it better, sir.” She chippered like an 18th-century housemaid.
“You okay?” I looked up from my book for a brief second and then went back to my book.
“You should lay off Freud for some time I guess,” I remarked.
“Drink,” She ordered and went back to her book.
“I would drink poison for you, Eti, you know that,” I said as I took a sip. It was definitely poison.
It took me fifteen minutes more to finish my book and half of the coffee. I turned my face towards Eti, my head propped up on my elbow. At that moment, she turned a page with her fingers and I just looked at her fingers move up to tuck a strand of hair behind her ear. She looked so calm, so serene.
“Eti,” I spoke very softly.
“Uh-huh.” Clearly, Freud was more important to her than me. Sad.
“Can boy and girls be just friends?”
“What is this, fifth-grade lunch break?”
“Oh, Cummon. Humor me.”
“Stop being so juvenile and finish your coffee.”
I took the glass and slurped the liquid with as much noise I could manage.
“Stop it. All you want to know is why you can’t have sex with me.”
“An excellent idea, if I may say.” I even made a wolfish grin face to go with it.
“Well, I like it that way.” She gave out a big sigh, meaning she was about to say something important.
“I think sex will just ruin it. I don’t care about the clichés and all. I also think emotions more than sex ruin a perfect relationship.”
“You mean it would set wrong expectations?”
“Yes. I like to believe that people of opposite sex can indeed be very close friends. But most of the times, they bring in their sexuality, or emotions to ruin things.”
“To tell you the truth, sometimes I do think about. Us having sex. I think if and when that happens, I would want it to be in a very special setting. Or maybe not. I don’t know. With you, I don’t feel the pressure. I don’t have to rush. I don’t have to prove or show off. I can be myself with you without any shadow of insecurity.”
“Glad we are comfortable with our inner selves. That helps us being comfortable with each other.” I replied.
“True that boyfriend.” She gave me a mock salute and went back reading her book.
I finished my coffee, rinsed the glasses and quietly let myself out of her apartment, although a bit reluctantly.
Yaad hain wo din?
Jab hum the kitney pass
Sadaa dost rehney ki
Thi humaari aas.
Saath ghumein, saath kheley,
Aur kitni maari gappey
Pata nahi kitni this sach
Aur kitni thi bas lappey...
Wo sunherey pal aur
Who sunheri baatein,
Dekho bhool na jaana tum
Yeh sunheri yaadein.
Hassi, mazaak, baatein
Baney jeeven key usool,
Maaf kar dena mujhey,
Hui ho agar koi bhool.
Prarn liya tha jab humnein,
Aankhon sey paani gaya jhalak,
Saath rahengey hum sada hi,
Chaahey rahein ho jaaye alag.
Samay ney humko murdkar na dekha,
Aur aagey chalta gaya,
Ek chauraahey par khadey hain hum,
Jahaan sey saara jahaan lagey naya.
Akeley ho tum, Akeley hain hum,
Saamney ek naya jahaan,
Par yaad rakhungi mei tumhein,
Chahey mai jaun jahaan.
Anonymous
23rd October 2007
Helloz and welcome to gup shup...a new initiative by me to know more about the netizens and
to h
ear their views and thoughts
Today we have with us miss Neelima
ma’am, please tell us something about yourself
Neelima: huh?
Neelima: Pushkar...!!
Neelima: hmmm
Neelima: d 1 word describing meh wud b krazyy..!!
Pushkar: ohh great so how old are you and ur current occupation
Neelima: student standard 9th
Pushkar: so, what is a kiddo doing in this World Wide Web
Neelima: yaar
Neelima: yeh tough hai
Pushkar: sites u visit
Neelima: orkut
Neelima: hardly go 2 hi5 now
Neelima: but it’s not just ol dis
Neelima: even using it 4 blogging...
Pushkar: blogging...what all u write about
Neelima: straight 4rm d hrt
Neelima: wateva kumez
Neelima: itz on d blogz
Pushkar: Neelima there is a lot of debate these days on minors using the internet
Pushkar: what is your take on it
Neelima: See evry1 has his or her opinion
Neelima: abt everything
Neelima: dey r jus misusing it 2 get publicity or something
Neelima: but 1 may use it 4 stuffz lyk blogging..researching..gathering info regarding various stuffz
Neelima: so it depends
Pushkar: and what about the pornography and social networking sites like Orkut where minors are barred
Neelima: 4rm person 2 person
Pushkar: u think that the moral policing is right
Pushkar: should minors be kept away
Neelima: it again depends 4rm person 2 person
Neelima: its v ourselves
Neelima: hu indulge into things lyk that
Neelima: so..
Pushkar: so, u mean it’s for us to decide
Pushkar: what is wrong and what is right
Neelima: y not but then
Neelima: one has 2 b careful
Pushkar: and what about your parents, do they monitor your internet activities
Neelima: not really. But many a tymz dey ve warned meh abt things taking place nowadayzz
Pushkar: I think we have devoted enough time for the virtual world
Pushkar: Just a last question
Neelima: yeah
Pushkar: the internet is often called as a lawless jungle. Your take on it
Neelima: yes, it kan b called dat
Neelima: there r no such lawzz...
Neelima: plus
Neelima: d more you go in
Neelima: indulge yourself
Neelima: d tough is 2 find your way
Neelima: on d other hand
Neelima: if a person is safe enuf..has a kontrol on himself
Neelima: is still on d edges og dis jungle
Neelima: it’s not dat difficult
Neelima: 2 comeback 2 reality
Neelima: datz it
Neelima: aur nai aata mujko
Neelima: bad interview
Pushkar: so how has been your experience on the net was it good or bad or
Neelima: I actually went on d wrong path 4 sum tym..but den realized mah mistake nd here am i..luckily..bak 2 d edges of d jungle
Pushkar: Coming back to the real world
Pushkar: what are the basic problems concerning youth especially young girls in India today
Neelima: d basic probz
Neelima: hmmm
Neelima: pressure...!!
Neelima: may it b peer pressure or parental pressure
Neelima: regarding something or d oder
Neelima: and dere r many more things
Neelima: 2 distract d youth.
Pushkar: mobile is a friend or an enemy
Neelima: depends on how you using it
Pushkar: sex education is very hot topic of discussion these days
Neelima: sayin it in good sense or bad?
Neelima: hmmm
Neelima: it can b both
Neelima: on 1 hand
Neelima: it seems bad
Neelima: nah
Neelima: ruk
Neelima: by whom yu tokin
Neelima: in skulz and stuff
Neelima: or at home nd stuff
Pushkar: any sex education prg in ur school?
Neelima: nai..not really
Neelima: regarding sex but many oder topikz
Neelima: lyk dat attraction and stuffz
Neelima: touched d topic
Neelima: but it really didn't help
Neelima: I guess
Pushkar: is there a need for sex education in schools?
Neelima: nai. I ve seen d juniors being so stubborn.. ultimately it will lead 2 ntn
Neelima: but ppl
Neelima: gossiping about
Neelima: hey..you kno dis & dat
Pushkar: ok that's interesting
Neelima: dey makin fun. ntn else
Pushkar: then what is the best source of sex education
Neelima: ultimately d person givin it iz embarrassed
Neelima: parents’ r d only 1
Neelima: hu kan not only guide
Neelima: but help dete children
Neelima: outta dis vicious circle
Pushkar: any preaching u got from ur parents
Neelima: nai...!!
Pushkar: ohkk
Pushkar: u reside in which city?
Neelima: New Delhi
Pushkar: very unsafe for gals
Neelima: Kant comment...!!
Neelima: abhi tak to kuch hua nai..
Neelima: lets cc..
Neelima: yea..but yu never know
Pushkar: which ur fav cinema hall
Neelima: Chanakya
Neelima: or
Neelima: 3 czz
Neelima: 3 czz or pvr
Pushkar: what else u do in your free time
Neelima: jot down memories or may b spend tym thnkin
Neelima: something or d oder
Pushkar: ahh intellectual
Pushkar: so, any boy friends
Neelima: hmm
Neelima: hai to...
Pushkar: want to share something about him?
Neelima: no...!!
Pushkar: many teenagers believe sex before marriage is cool
Pushkar: u believe in it?
Neelima: haha
Neelima : ok
Neelima : dis 1 is tough...!!
Neelima : m getting bored
Neelima: khatam karo
Pushkar: ohkk its ok I u don’t wish to answer
Pushkar: one final question
Pushkar: any comments or any other message u wish to send out to readers
Neelima: a must read...!!
Neelima: once in lyftym opportunity don’t miss it..!! nd haan
Neelima: if tid bitz of my interview r being published den don’t read it
Pushkar: ohk that was Neelima speaking to us about wide range of topics Thank you very much Neelima
Neelima: man tu to phaad daalta hai
Way of Life
Pushkar
Things went quite bad when Neelima joined this cult organization Way of Life which was hip with a certain section of society. It was headed by an influential Godman who had quite fan following in the English-speaking countries. It was into meditation and inner thinking things. Most of such sects’ sound too phony to be true.
I felt she was way too intelligent to fall for such things. But she was an eager recruit and attended meetings with her friend Mansi, who had been associated with Way of Life since childhood. Being associated is not bad, but when you become a passionate volunteer where does that take you? I recall she did not even tell me she had joined this group. One day she said she was going out to sell some courses and could I help her with tips? I was surprised and thought she had taken up some job someplace. Then she explained to me that she was to sell these courses for Way of Life. It was part of her volunteer duties. I asked her wha
t did they charge per course. She told me the charge was INR 15,000. 15 Grand, I said, for some course conducted by an NGO promoting peace and meditation? She said I won’t understand. Indeed, I never did.
She distanced herself from me to be able to devote more time to her chosen cause. It pleased her as most of the volunteers were from higher strata of society and hanging out with them was fun. I obviously only saw the world as an outsider, but somewhere deep down I knew this was not meant for her. She always had a heart filled with empathy. Over the years, I have known her; she has worked for suicide helplines, street dogs, and other charitable ideas. She has championed each cause with all her heart and owned them to the core.
I tried reaching out to her the only way I could. By telling her bluntly that I don’t think it was a good idea. Once I decided to try to relate to what was she doing with this sect. I remember trying her number but unable to reach her. When I did reach her after a couple of days I was told that she had been out for Rohan Bhaiya’s birthday party at a very expensive bakery at Khan Market and had ordered Blue Berry Cheese Cake. I asked myself, what the hell was a blueberry cheesecake?
How can I compete against a cult where birthdays are celebrated in such posh places? No wonder she was constantly ignoring me for the cause. I was scared and lonely. Neelu says I was cranky and rude. She obviously did not see through my fear of losing her. To a cult. One day she informed me of her plans to go to Chennai for vacations. To live the Ashram life. I swear if you would have touched the place where my heart is, you would have felt it exploding. She is giving it all up to reside in an Ashram and take up the broom to do sewa. It sounded insane at all levels.
Silver Beads
They want to uproar with a message was what I thought
When I glared at the mystic and dark outline of her eyes-
I should have realized that it was going to be really tough,
But once we're in the maze, all we want to do is get out.
She seemed to be lost in some random melody,
Probably whispering the lyrics of her favorite song,
Clutching something really tightly in her right hand,
And moving like a breeze in an unknown direction.
As she moved further, she slowly uncurled the fingers of her hand,
I stared at it for long and noticed some tiny silver beads.
One after the other, she started dropping them cautiously on the mud,
It reminded me of that fairy tale where dropped pebbles lead to a happy ending.
But I kept on wondering, those
Beads were as small as the tip of a needle
Too small to even notice - but maybe enough
For the one who may come after them one day, I concluded.
After dropping all possible hints,