“You get around, Monk Buttman, you get around.”
And with that she left to run her errands.
19
It was with some personal interest that I noted the looks on people’s faces when they first set eyes on me after the beating. Joanie freaked out, but that was while I was being beaten. Later she was just worried. Jones and the cops were terribly nonchalant about it. Judith was, I assumed, surprised that Martin hadn’t lied to her, and while she was oddly alarmed by my appearance, she was still kind enough to kiss me where it hurt.
Agnes was just plain shocked.
“Oh my God, Monk, what did they do to you? Are you going to be ok?”
I had gotten used to the puffy black and blue face in the mirror. I figured it would take Agnes a while to adapt to my present condition, so I tried to keep my more attractive side to her. It didn’t work very well. The shocked look was still there.
“I’m ok. It’s getting better and it’s not as painful as it was yesterday, so I’m making progress. I still look pretty bad, but it’s mostly skin deep; sore muscles, bruises; that sort of thing, no broken bones. I hope you don’t find me too repellant.”
She frowned at that and very carefully put her hand on my cheek.
“No, I don’t find you too repellant. I guess I didn’t expect you to be so hurt. I’m glad you’re feeling better. I just wish there was something I could do. Maybe I should go and let you rest.”
I could tell she didn’t want to go. “I’d like you to stay. You look wonderful and you went to the trouble of getting dinner. I say we do what we can to enjoy the evening. Besides, I need the company, ok?”
“Ok.” It was good to see her smile.
Relationships are such awkward things. Our first date was as casual as could be. The second started out a little stiff, but quickly warmed up. I didn’t know about tonight. For some reason, I thought of Judith and how laid-back she was towards me. The differences between Agnes and Judith were obvious, not only in looks, but in approach. The other difference was expectation. Here there were possibilities that didn’t exist with Judith. Agnes and I were both open and amenable to the idea of being with someone on a more permanent basis. I could see it in her eyes. It wouldn’t surprise me if she could see the same thing in mine, at least the one good one.
Those eyes.
That was also part of it, that inexplicable attraction; the curve of her face, the joy in her smile, the light in her eyes. I didn’t get the tan thing. I assumed it was something California women of a certain age did; gotta have a tan. But it was alluring all the same. And she was easy to get along with, always a good sign. Maybe that was the problem, the idea I didn’t want to entertain, the good thing. I wanted more and it bothered me, more than I wanted to admit. I was both attracted and repelled by the idea of love.
I dearly loved Astral, and while I only said it a few times, I loved Joanie. Neither woman worked out. Neither woman would ever be with me again. My heart sank at the thought of it. Love, that baleful cosmic kick in the nuts that everybody sings about; I was certain I could do without it. Joanie had cured me of such foolishness. Yet here I was, staring at this woman and a part of me longed to hold her, love her, all that silly romantic crap.
I was smiling.
“What did you decide on for dinner?” Time to put aside the dopey teenager. I headed for the kitchen with Agnes close behind.
“I hope you like Chinese.”
“I do.”
“Good, cuz for a moment it occurred to me that you may not like Chinese, but I couldn’t fathom anyone not liking Chinese, but you never know, so I’m glad you do, otherwise what would we eat?” She was rambling.
“I agree completely. Where did you go?”
“Johnny said Fong’s, which is right over there,” Agnes stuck her arm out pointing to the left, “was really good, so I went there. Have you been there?”
“I have, and Johnny is right, it’s very good. What did you get?” It smelled quite good as I pulled out the chair for her. She placed the three cartons, napkins, and chopsticks on the table. I grabbed two plates and two forks as a backup to the chopsticks. We sat down to our takeout delights.
“I’m not very adventurous with new places, so I went with the tried and true, sweet and sour pork, General Tao’s chicken, and fried rice. I hope that’s ok.”
“Sounds and smells wonderful.” I realized we had nothing to drink. “Would you like some tea?”
“That would be nice. I thought about bringing some wine, but it might not be good to mix alcohol with your pain medications, but then I completely forgot about something to drink.”
“Not a problem, and sadly, I should abstain from booze for a while.”
I got the tea going and listened as Agnes began to talk. I asked about her kids, which I knew would keep her going for a while. I was curious about them and disinterested in talking about myself. Seemed like a good way to go. She started with Barron. He was mulling whether to re-up or get out. He liked what he was doing in the Army, but wasn’t sure he wanted to keep moving around, and he was wary of the deployments even if he wasn’t a frontline guy. Military life was hard. Agnes worried about him, she wanted him to come home.
Her daughter, Anna, was speaking to her again and she was thinking of going to see her. The problem was having to face Simon and Eric, something she was loath to do. It wasn’t the relationship thing, she insisted, she had come to terms with that; nor the sex thing, though she preferred not to think about it. No, it was the lost time, the lies, the part of life she couldn’t reclaim.
She gave me a mischievous grin.
“I don’t suppose you’d be interested in going with me? I’d prefer to drive, but it’s a long way to go by yourself. I guess I could fly, but then someone has to get you and haul you around and if the situation goes to hell you’re stuck killing time till your flight leaves. Other than Anna and Simon, I don’t know anybody there, plus I’m not a big fan of flying to begin with. It gives me headaches and I think about not being able to breathe and crashing. Of course, if I had someone to go with me, like you, then it wouldn’t be so problematic. Maybe I could make it worth your while.” This was accompanied by a wink and her hand on my upper thigh.
“I don’t doubt that at all. MaryAnn doesn’t want to go with you?”
I was toying with her.
“No, she has other things to do besides hold my hand while I work through my personal problems.”
So you decided to ask me to help you through your personal problems? Maybe that made sense, as I was one of them.
“Tell you what, let me think about it. If I do go, then, as a nod to my personal problems, you have to go with me a little further north to see the old man. I’ve been putting it off for years with no good reason other than I don’t want to. But, like you, if I can con someone into going with me, I might be willing to make the trip.”
“I might be interested in that.” She continued to run her hand along my thigh. I found it hard to concentrate. “I don’t mind being conned every once in a while.”
“Well good.”
“When did you want to go? I just need to give Johnny a head’s up so he knows I’ll be gone.” For a moment the smile morphed into doubt then a wide-open look. “Am I rushing things? MaryAnn told me to not rush things. Am I?”
“Probably.” The wide-open look took a bit of a turn as a corner of her mouth rose into a half-smile. She removed her hand and focused on her dinner. I did the same. The quiet wasn’t ominous, as if I’d killed the mood, but a seriousness took over. It occurred to me that this was as good a time to ask the big question as any. “Speaking of relationship problems, should we make it worse by talking about what we�
�re up to? As a purely mental exercise…”
“Maybe…” The big eyes were back…
“First though, I have a question?”
“What?” …Focused intently on me.
“When we first met, I got the impression you were a kind of tough, no-nonsense gal, certainly when you yelled at the two goons, and even when you asked me to have drinks, but I don’t get that sense now. How come?”
“I do that to keep the goons and some of the riff-raff that come around out of my hair. Johnny recommended that I toughen up around the place for my own good. It would be a better way to do business. It’s an act. Keeps people in line. Plus, it seems to be attractive to certain types of men. And, to be honest, I have been with a few men since Jordan, but they weren’t anything, really, and I found it easy to get through it acting tough, like a broad.”
“I see, and what about me?”
Sweet beautiful Agnes looked me in the eye with all the seriousness she could muster.
“You’re different. I want to be with you. I like you and I believe we could be good together. Even after two dates I think that’s true. I know how that sounds, but I don’t care. There’s just something about you that tells me this is right. You’re not stupid, or full of yourself. You seem like a decent guy, and I like the way you look, the way you dress. I assume you’re not broke. I know you have a job, and I don’t mind that you live a kind of Spartan life. I don’t have a whole lot either. We’re not twenty-five anymore.”
Agnes looked down at her hands before looking back at me. “I know this isn’t the thing to say. MaryAnn told me men don’t like pushy women, or the ones who want to play house too soon. She said I should take it slow, but I don’t see the point. I’m tired of waiting. You asked, so I’m saying. Maybe that’s best. If you’re really not that interested, then it’s better to say so now rather than later after I’ve convinced myself we got something good going on here. I just don’t know that I want to be an occasional good time with you, even though you treat me nice and I’m tired of being lonely.”
Agnes reached out and traced the contours of my hand. I could see the longing in her face. “What do you want, Monk?”
“I don’t know what I want. I know I like you, but it’s been a long time since I was with anyone for any length of time. Part of me is open to diving right in, but another part wants to stay back, although for what, I don’t know. Maybe it’s because I pushed too hard when I wanted to be with Joanie and it went nowhere, but you’re right, we’re not twenty-five anymore. I think you’re a fun sexy woman and I like being with you. Whether or not we’re right for each other, I think, is what we make of it. I don’t think I’m ready to move in just yet, but I’m willing to move in that direction, see how it goes.”
“Are you seeing anyone else right now?”
“No, my dear, you’re it.”
“What if Joanie changes her mind? Wants you back?”
“That’s not going to happen. If she was going to do that, she would have long ago, and right now it’s Mikal that she wants. Besides, I know that once I tell her that you and I are together she would never come between us. That’s our rule; we don’t interfere in each other’s love life. We might tell each other they’re fools, but we let life happen. So don’t worry about Joanie. If anything, she’d be thrilled I have someone to be with.” I held her hand to my lips and kissed it. Corny, but it was that kind of day. “Tell you what, if you’re up to it, we can head out this weekend, nothing like a road trip to see how quickly we can get on each other nerves.”
“It’ll give us time to talk about the wedding.”
I leaned over and kissed her. “No it won’t.”
The rest of the meal was blissfully free of angst, worry, and longing. That was our dating pattern. We would wonder what’s up and then find there was nothing to wonder about and get down to the business of enjoying each other’s company, what we really wanted. We sat at the table talking, mostly about kids, MaryAnn’s disappointment in her son’s boyfriend, and what we would tell people when they inevitably asked how I got hurt. I proffered some choices from I fell off my bike, not that I actually owned one, to duking it out with a biker gang.
She said she would make the hotel arrangements, and I said we’d take my car. It would be a good excuse to take it over to Bernie’s tomorrow. We cleaned up the table and I let her wander around the bungalow. She told me she found it charming and I allowed myself to buy into that. The bed was too small! She hinted that maybe I should consider getting a larger one. I promised to give it some thought. We moved to the living room and sat down on the couch. I put my arm around her and we listened to the sounds of world outside the door. It was rather pleasant. I wanted a drink, but we settled for more tea. Agnes stirred a bit before putting her head on my shoulder.
“I asked Johnny if he had anything to do with what happened to you. He said no. He says he doesn’t like violence as an everyday tool. Says it’s too expensive and it leads to hard feelings, but I know he uses it when he has to. Do you think he had anything to do with it?”
“I don’t think so. I think it does have to do with what I’m working on, and he’s a part of that, but if those had been his guys I’m pretty sure I’d still be in the hospital. So no, I don’t think Johnny had a hand in this.”
“Good.” The hipsters had the jazz playing on their retro stereo. That soft mellow mid-fifties sound: muted horns, brushes on the drums and the bass walking us down that long lonely street. “Would you like me to stay tonight?”
“Well, the bed’s not very big and it’ll be a crumby drive tomorrow morning with rush hour traffic, but if you’d like to stay, I don’t mind.”
“I don’t mind either, and it’s ok if I’m a little late.”
It had been an interesting day all things considered.
20
The night, however, didn’t go quite as I had imagined. It started out fine with a little foreplay. After all I was sore, not dead, and we both found ourselves aroused, but with the size of the bed and the fact that I could only rest on my back or right side; sleep didn’t come easy. Agnes, as I was finding out, liked to cuddle nice and tight, occasionally flopping her arm along my tender arm and leg. I found her a safe spot around my waist, which worked for about an hour, but I couldn’t stay still for longer than that, and then, as if I weren’t uncomfortable enough, my head started to ache. Finally, I loosened myself from her grasp, took a pain pill and fell asleep on the living room couch.
The past opened its arms.
I started dreaming about farming. I was in the field, but couldn’t find the seeds or remember the crop rotation. I kept tilling the same small area over and over. Judah showed up and followed me no matter how hard I tried to get away, continually offering unwanted advice. Astral was off in the distance with Rebekah. I waved and waved, but they didn’t see me. I started towards them as they went into a cabin set along a rise at the edge of the field. By the time I got there it had changed into a large home overlooking the ocean. I thought of Judith and wondered if it was her home? I looked throughout the house, but no one was there. I walked to the end of the yard, watching the ocean churn in the distance. I turned to go back in the house, but it was gone. I wandered along the bluff kicking the grass beneath my feet. I lay down, watching the clouds drifting by. The dream drifted into darkness.
“Monk?” A soft voice was calling my name.
“What?” The room was still dark. Agnes was bent down alongside the chair. “Is it morning?”
“No, I heard you from the other room. You were talking in your sleep. Are you ok?”
“I had a headache and couldn’t sleep, so I came out here. I guess I nodded off.”
“Why don’t you come back to bed?”
&nbs
p; “Is it morning?”
“Come to bed.”
I must have made it back because the next time I opened my eyes it was morning and I was in bed. Agnes was already up and dressed. She leaned down and kissed me.
“I have to get going. Are you going to be ok by yourself?”
Am I going to be ok? Good question.
“I’ll be ok. I have some things to do today. I should get up.”
“You should rest. Take it easy, whatever you have to do can wait.”
Agnes looked really good. I reached for her hand and tried to pull her towards me. Evidently, she got my drift. She stood there smiling.
“There’ll be time for that later. Get some rest. I made coffee if you want some. Call me, ok?”
“I will. It’s possible I might be up in your neck of the woods this evening.”
“Alright, but seriously, take it easy. Bye, Monk.”
Another kiss.
“Bye beautiful.”
I watched her leave with that big smile on her face, waited for the front door to close and her footsteps to recede. When I was sure it was safe, I got out of bed and made for the shower. It was just what I needed. For the first time since those guys jumped me, I felt the urge to move and get going. I dressed and had a cup of coffee. I found my phone. It was flashing, telling me I had a message. After a few minutes of fumbling with the keys, I figured out how to play the message. It was Jones, telling me Dahlia wanted to talk, today if convenient, and left her number. I punched the number into the phone.
“Yes?”
“It’s Monk Buttman; you want to talk to me?”
“Yes.” Short and sweet.
“I have some time at noon. Do you still have my address?” She did. “There’s a diner a block down from here called Pearl’s. I’ll meet you there.”
“Alright, I should be able to get there by noon.”
Where Fools Dare to Tread Page 16