Jonathan sipped his coffee, his face dark. ‘Enough people know already. They think about me differently, I can tell when I phone them. They speak differently, more slowly even. They think that I'm –’
‘They think that you're handicapped,’ she supplied. ‘It doesn't feel good, does it, Jonathan? But I think you're missing the point. You should phone your mother and tell her. She's going to be really angry when she finds out, and she's going to be hurt that you didn't tell her at once. It doesn't matter that you're trying to save her pain – that pain is her right.’
‘That pain is her right,’ he echoed. ‘What a curious thing to say. But I think I believe you. I will phone her.’
‘I got carried away,’ she said. ‘I'm sorry. I should have said that, above all, it's your decision.’
‘All right, it's my decision. I've made it. But thanks for the help in coming to it, Tania.’
She wanted to talk about something else now. ‘Who is it that's coming this evening, Jonathan? And how am I to help you to cope?’
‘Ah. It's the woman who sent me the flowers – Meryl Chandler.’
‘The actress and the beauty,’ said Tania.
‘Quite. Well, I want you to stay here to stop her feeling sorry for me. If I'm alone I'll be quite happy, but she won't see that. She'll see me as having been deserted and she'll start making mad plans for me that I want no part of.’
‘So am I here as your rehabilitation worker?’
‘Well, yes. And I'd really like a bit more than that. Could you pretend that we were lovers?’
She looked at him blankly. ‘Certainly not! I'm happy to be here as your friend, but that is all. I will not pretend to be your lover!’ Just saying the words made her catch her breath.
‘Then we'll stick to what you want.’
‘We certainly will,’ Tania said forcefully..
Five minutes later she was looking out of the window when a large white car pulled up outside. A grey-uniformed man came round to open the back door, out of which stepped a woman clad completely in white –white dress, white shoes, white hat. ‘I think your friend has arrived,’ said Tania.
In fact, Meryl was very pleasant. When Jonathan introduced Tania as his rehabilitation worker, Meryl smiled and said that Jonathan had always been lucky.
Somehow he always surrounded himself with very attractive women. And even without his sight he could do it! Tania decided she liked the woman. She offered to make them all coffee.
‘This is only a flying visit,’ Meryl said. ‘I'd love to take you out to dinner,, but I've got a meeting in Manchester later this evening and then it's back to the big city. But I heard – and I wanted to see if there is anything I can do.’
‘I'm doing fine,’ said Jonathan. ‘Friends and colleagues are being very supportive. And I've got Tania here who's teaching me how to be independent.’
‘Darling, you don't need to be taught to be independent! Just the opposite. Leam to relax a little and let people do things for you.’
She sipped her coffee, winked at Tania. ‘Would you like to come to London and stay in my flat for a week or two? You could have the spare room.’ she asked Jonathan.
‘Thank you but no. I have to persevere up here.’
‘You've got lots of friends there who would like to call round. Half the good-looking women in television know you,’ Meryl teased.
‘Possibly. But I'm staying here.’
‘That’s fair enough.’ When she spoke again Meryl wasn't joking any more. ‘There is one thing I'd like you to consider seriously. I'm going to New York for a month in two days – in fact, I'll probably run into your mother. When I come back I'll be joining a friend's yacht for a cruise round the Greek Islands for a few days. Would you like to come with me?’
‘I'd fall overboard,’ he said. ‘Meryl, it's good of you to ask me but right now it's the last thing I need.’
‘Well, I asked. And the offer is always open. Tania, do you think I could have another coffee, my dear?’
Shortly after that Meryl had to go. She kissed Jonathan affectionately, and to Tania's surprise kissed her with equal affection. ‘Look after the old grouch,’ Meryl whispered in her ear, and when Tania looked at her she wasn't surprised to see a tear in her eye.
‘It's obvious she's very fond of you,’ she said to Jonathan when she'd watched Meryl climb into the big white car.
‘We had some good times together. All over now, of course, though we're still friends.’
‘I'm glad about that. And she knows your mother. Shouldn't you have warned her not to say anything about your … your accident?’
‘Not necessary. I'm going to take your advice and phone my mother later. She'll probably panic and come rushing over here, but I suppose that's what mothers are for.’
Thoughtfully, Tania said, ‘In families, when a child, say, loses her sight, often it's the fathers who panic, who just can't cope. Mothers know there's a job to be done and they get on with it.’
He frowned. ‘I don't do much paediatric work,’ he said, ‘but I think I'd agree with you.’
She pondered a minute and then changed the subject. ‘How come you know so many beautiful women? Don't answer if you think that's personal.’
‘I grew up surrounded by beautiful women. Have you heard of Marianne Knight?’
‘Of course I have! She was that famous 1960s model, she did those adverts for soap and for. … he's not your mother?’
‘Even famous models can have children,’ he pointed out. ‘And she had me.’
‘Let me look at you!’ Tania took his face in her hands, turning it towards the light. ‘Yes, you've got the same lips. The same big … big … ’
‘Big eyes,’ he supplied. ‘Say it, I can take it.’
‘Well, you do look like her. I've never met anyone who had a mother who was famous.’
Jonathan mused. ‘She was a good mother, always had time for me. Never interested in drugs, didn't like drinking too much, wouldn't waste her money. Just the opposite of a flower child, in fact. Which is probably why she's still happy and working today.’
‘So what about your father?’ The question came out before she had time to think about it. And it wasn't a good one.
He scowled. ‘I never knew my father. Apparently Mother didn't know him for long. When I was twenty-one she offered to tell me his name, said I was entitled to know if I wanted. But I didn't. He'd paid no attention to me for all that time. I wasn't going to look him up now.’
‘I see. But it must have been a hard decision.’ Once again she came up against this hardness in Jonathan. He was tough.
‘It was the 1960s. My mother had quite a lot of male friends.’
‘So you decided to have a lot of female friends?’
She'd said the wrong thing again. ‘Don't try to psychoanalyse me, Tania,’ he snapped. ‘I live my life the way I want to.’
‘Of course,’ she said.
Chapter Four
IT WAS three days before Tania could see Jonathan again. She had other cases – another nine, in fact – and other calls on her time. But when she went she felt – well, excited. Life was never dull when she was teaching Jonathan.
So, she was looking forward to seeing him. But she wasn't expecting that thrill that seemed to gather in a knot in her chest when she saw his tall, smiling figure.
What was wrong with her?
‘I've got some good news for you,’ he said. ‘Well, I think it's good news. You know we admitted Olive Murphy? Apparently, she's thoroughly enjoying being in hospital. The nurses think she's wonderful. And Eleanor has diagnosed what's wrong. It's what I suspected – Olive has tuberculosis.’
‘Tuberculosis! But I thought that had died out …’
He sighed. ‘So did we all. I'll tell you more about it later. But this time we've caught it and it can be treated. Olive will go home again in time.’
‘That's marvellous! Jonathan, you're wonderful. Thank you so much!’ On impulse she threw her arms round his n
eck, reached up and kissed him.
A real kiss, a proper kiss, not on the cheek but on the lips. And then he kissed her back. His arms slipped round her, held her to him and she tightened her grasp on him. It was so sweet to kiss and be kissed like this. Their bodies were pressed together. She closed her eyes and let herself enjoy sensations that had been denied her for so long. But then …
‘Jonathan,’ she muttered, and pushed him away. He let her go at once.
‘I'm sorry,’ he said. ‘I guess I got carried away a little.’
‘It wasn't your fault, it was mine. I got carried away too and, well, it's just not proper, is it?’
He didn't reply at once. Then he said, ‘No, perhaps it isn't.’
There was another pause and then he said, in an entirely natural voice, ‘What are you going to teach me today? May I say that I've practised with the boiled eggs and bacon sandwiches and now I'm an expert.’
‘We're starting on mobility,’ she said, ‘beginning with long cane training. I think you're confident enough now. We've got the use of a church hall, it's about fifteen minutes' drive away.’
‘So let's go. If I'm with you I do feel confident.’
Tania looked up at his face and blushed. ‘Just one thing first,’ she said. ‘Keep still.’ From her pocket she took a tissue and wiped his face. ‘Lipstick,’ she explained uncomfortably.
‘Oh. I thought it was going to be something nice.’
When they arrived at the church hall she led Jonathan inside. ‘I recognise the smell,’ he said. ‘I've been in so many places like this.’
‘It's used a lot at night but we can have it most mornings and afternoons. It's just what we need. Now, this is your long cane. It's not the old-fashioned white stick, it's far more useful than that, but it is coloured white. Hold it here like this, wrap the strap round your wrist and point it towards the floor in front of you.’
He did as she told him. ‘I've seen people using these before,’ he said. ‘Now I really feel blind.’
‘You are blind,’ she retorted. ‘Now, don't go all helpless on me, you're my best pupil.’
She showed him how to hold the stick, how to walk slowly, waving the stick in front of him, sometimes touching the ground to show that there was nothing in front of him, that there was somewhere to put his feet.
‘Now, walk across the hall,’ she said. ‘At the far end there's a wooden stage. When your cane touches it, stop.’
Tania knew this was hard for him. Other blind people had told her how hard it was to walk into the apparent unknown, without a wall to trail or a friend to hold onto. But he set off – slowly as she'd instructed.
And when his cane rapped against the stage he stopped. Then he slid a foot forward till that, too, was against the stage. Then he felt for the edge of the stage with his hand. ‘A stage,’ he said. ‘I would say about three feet high.’
He knocked it with his knuckles. ‘Bare wood and probably needs dusting.’
‘Don't get smart with me, Knight,’ she told him. ‘Now, turn round and come back here. It's a wall in front of you this time.’
Jonathan was a quick study. After a while she put chairs in his way, made him detect them and walk round them. Then she made him walk along a wall, tapping it regularly to ensure he didn't move too far away. ‘Very useful when you're in town,’ she said. ‘Make sure you don't wander off the edge of the pavement.’
She knew it was hard work and it was hot in the church hall. After an hour, in spite of his protests, she made him sit down and fetched them both a glass of water.
‘Enjoying it?’ she asked as they sat companionably on the edge of the stage.
‘It's something new. And I'm sure you know, Tania, it's tremendously hard. What seems to be the simplest thing isn't simple. And I'm always convinced that there's something right in front of me that I'm going to bang into. Will I ever get confident about doing this?’
It was couched as a casual question, but she recognised the need for reassurance underneath. ‘You'll be surprised how quickly you get confident,’ she told him.
There were steps up the side of the stage. She taught him how to use the cane to feel for them, how to know exactly where to put his feet. This was harder. But he persevered and eventually he was moving faster and faster.
‘Slowly,’ she called. ‘You're not using your cane now. You've memorised the steps, that's not the aim of the exercise.’
Soon it would be time to go. She took him onto the stage. ‘Now, this is hard, this is dangerous,’ she told him. ‘You're facing the edge of the stage. Walk towards it … very, very slowly, using the cane to find the way. When your cane tells you that there's nowhere to go – stop. And, Jonathan, if I tell you to stop, do so at once.’
This time she followed Jonathan closely, ready to grab him if necessary. But it wasn't. He found the edge of the stage, stood still as he rapped his cane along the edge, and then said, ‘I'm about eighteen inches away.’
‘Perfect. We'll do it again.’
At first Tania had him approaching the edge of the stage at right angles. But then she moved him so he was approaching at a shallower angle. This was much more difficult and she saw the tiny beads of sweat shining at the edge of his hair. But he persevered. And he managed it.
‘You've done really well,’ she said eventually. ‘One more time and then we'll call it a day. You must be tired.’
‘One more time, then.’ But this time, when he reached the edge of the stage he didn't stop. Instead, he turned sideways and walked along the edge, tapping his cane along the overhang to make sure he didn't fall off.
‘Jonathan!’ screamed Tania. ‘Jonathan, stop now. You'll fall off, you're not up to that yet. Stop! You've come to the corner of the stage!’
He stopped then, and tapped a wide circle in front of him. ‘Oh, no, I haven't,’ he said.
But by this time she had walked to him, taken his arm and dragged him away from the edge. ‘Jonathan! You're getting too confident! You have to take things easy at first. If you have an accident it'll put you back so far!’
He thought about that. ‘I suppose you're right,’ he said. ‘I just like to get on with things.’
‘You'll get on with things better if you take them at the right speed! Now, we're going back to the flat.’
Quite often there were setbacks when she was training people. She'd taught herself to be patient, to make allowances, not ever to get angry. Yet now her heart was beating quickly and she felt a quite unreasonable annoyance. Was this man different to any of the others?
‘I enjoyed this,’ he said. ‘When do we do it again?’
‘As soon as I can get away. And I'd like you to practise finding your way around the flats – just in the gardens, though.’
‘Good. We're making progress.’
She wondered exactly what she was progressing towards.
On the way back to the flat she stopped at a small shopping centre. ‘Just going to get a box of chocolate ginger for Olive,’ she told him. ‘She loves it. Won't be a minute. I'm calling in at your ward tonight.’
‘We're at Shelley's Chocolate Shop,’ he guessed. ‘Next door is the bookshop and then there's a ladies hairdresser's. I come here a lot myself.’
‘You've got a good memory. That'll be very useful. I won't be long.’
But Tania was longer than she'd anticipated. Someone was ordering a speciality box and it took quite a time. And when she got back to her car – the little gold-wrapped box under her arm – Jonathan was gone. The car was locked.
What now? This was quite a busy road, but at the moment there were only a few people on the street.
She looked up and down – no sign of Jonathan. He must have gone round a corner. What had happened? Had he been kidnapped? She realised she was thinking foolishly. The road curved a few yards to her left – he might have turned the corner. So she ran – and there he was. He was quite safe. The relief was intense.
He was safe, he was smiling, the white cane held no
nchalantly in his hand. Swiftly her relief turned to anger then apprehension. Jonathan was talking to Derrick. Where had he come from?
She walked up to the two men. ‘I'm surprised to see you out of the car,’ she said to Jonathan, trying but not succeeding in keeping the anger out of her voice.
He smiled at her. ‘I'm sorry if I frightened you. But the sun was shining, there were few people about, I know this street very well and I just felt adventurous. So I tapped my way along the kerb a way. Here are the car keys, by the way.’ He handed them to her.
This did nothing to calm her. ‘How come you're here?’ she asked Derrick ungraciously.
Derrick was cool. ‘I came to the church hall to see how you were getting on. Obviously I only missed you by a minute so I was coming round to Dr. Knight's flat when I saw him on the pavement. I was rather surprised to find him … unsupervised.’
‘That was entirely my fault,’ Jonathan said. ‘I thought I had made that clear.’
‘Miss Richardson is responsible for you when you're in her care,’ Derrick snapped, 'under all circumstances.’
‘But I trust you're not going to blame her for my foolishness?’
Tania could see that Jonathan was about to lose his temper. Fortunately, Derrick saw it, too. ‘Of course not,’ he said smoothly. ‘These things happen. Now, could you escort Dr. Knight back to your car, please, Miss Richardson, and then if we could have a quick word in private?’
‘I'll be right with you,’ she said.
But Jonathan had a word in private first. ‘If that man tries to tell you off for what I did, I want to know,’ he said thinly. ‘I just won't have it.’
‘You've caused me enough trouble without getting me into more. I can fight my own battles. This time, stay in the car!’
She walked back to Derrick. Whatever he had to say to her, secretly she felt she deserved it. She had been in charge of Jonathan. But what he asked her left her startled and a little bit afraid.
‘Are you enamoured with this man?’ he asked.
Enamoured? Enamoured? Only Derrick could use a word like that. But what was she to answer? She had to pause. ‘Well … I do like him a lot,’ she said. ‘He's good company.’
The Consultant's Recovery Page 6