Jonathan sighed. ‘All right, I promise. Now what's wrong?’
‘Well, for a start, this isn't Derrick's fault – I don't think so anyway. You know I've been living in the nurses' home at the school for the past twelve months? I'm not entitled to, and there are only four rooms altogether. Well, they've appointed a new nurse, and she wants the room. And she wants it soon.’
‘So you have to go flat hunting?’
‘I do. It shouldn't be much trouble, though. I travel light, I don't need a big place.’
He was thoughtful. ‘I see. You're sticking to your job, though? Not being scared off by Derrick?’
‘Not at all. Not yet anyway, though I might move on soon.’
‘And then what about us? What about me and you, Tania? Wouldn't you miss me if you went?’
‘I'd certainly miss you.’ She didn't even want to think about that. ‘I suppose I'd keep in touch with old friends.’
‘Friends? Aren't we more than friends?’
She knew he was playing with her and she didn't know how to handle it.
‘To be any more than friends would be taking advantage of your condition,’ she said. ‘We'll carry on as we are until … until …’
‘Just say "until",’ he advised. ‘Tania, I know you think my judgement might be affected because I'm blind. I don't think it is. I love your company, I love being with you. But for the moment … I've got something else to think about.’
He brooded for a moment. Eventually he said, ‘You remember how I paid you to go to dinner with me? Because you wanted me to be independent of you?’
‘Something like that,’ she said.
‘Well, I'm going to make you another offer. Free board and lodgings here. In return you give me a certain number of hours' assistance.’
She had to admit to herself that her first reaction was excitement. She'd be living with Jonathan! But then she realised – no, it just wasn't possible.
As she was about to tell him this, he broke in. ‘I'd like you to consider the advantages both to you and me. I admit, the greatest advantages are to me. I often need things read to me – professional journals and so on. You'd be of inestimable help. I know I'm making some progress, but if you were here all the time I know I'd make a lot more. You get a breathing space. It's somewhere to live, you can look around, take your time.’
‘Now tell me about the disadvantages,’ she said.
Jonathan grinned sourly. ‘More for me than for you. You'd live in my house, once again in effect my employee. As you know, there's no way I could …’
‘Take unfair advantage of me?’ she suggested with a giggle.
‘Whatever. It would mean that our relationship had to remain formal. Isn't that what you want?’
‘I think it would be better,’ she said, though she was uncomfortably conscious of a sense of disappointment.
‘It's settled, then. We can discuss terms and conditions later and this can be as formal as you like.’
‘I think it better if we both stick to that.’
‘As you wish.’ He turned his head towards her, and although she knew he was blind, she had the uncanny feeling that he was staring at her. ‘Now, tell me exactly why you want things to remain formal.’
She was a private person, she didn't like talking about her feelings. It made her feel vulnerable. But she did want Jonathan to know exactly how she felt, it was important to her.
‘I think we're getting to … know each other,’ she said. ‘But in spite of being the toughest man I've ever met, I know you're under stress. You don't know whether you'll be blind for the rest of your life or not. So no decision you make now is entirely safe. Especially any decision about your … well, your emotional life.’
‘Anyone ever tell you that you're as hard as a lump of rock, Miss Richardson?’ he asked sardonically. ‘Although, I must say, it's one of the things I love about you. And as for getting to know each other, I think we both –’
The phone rang. By now Jonathan could find his way to it at once. ‘Knight here,’ he said curtly. Then his voice softened. ‘Good to hear from you, Charles … A week on Saturday morning? Fine. And what do you expect to find?’
Tania was watching him and she saw him wince at the reply, but when he spoke again his voice was still perfectly calm. ‘How long before I'll be out? Good again. I'll be there … No, I've got Tania with me. Bye.’ He replaced the receiver, his expression unreadable.
‘Tell me,’ Tania said.
‘You've met Charles, the neurosurgeon. My friend. He wants to do a set of tests a week after the ball. Then he can decide what can and cannot be done in a full scale operation.’
‘Will there be any kind of decision?’ she asked gently.
‘Possibly. He might be able to tell that I'll certainly remain blind. Or he'll tell me there's a chance that I might regain my sight.’
‘So, bad news or the same situation,’ she said. ‘How do you feel about it?’
‘I'm glad things are getting done,’ he said. ‘I don't like doubt. Actually, Tania,’ he went on after a moment, ‘I'm terrified. And you're the only person I'd admit that to.’ She walked over to him, put her arms round him and hugged him. A loving, comforting hug. He hugged her back. ‘You're so good for me,’ he whispered.
She would have stayed there for ever, feeling his strength and his warmth, enjoying the feel of his breath on her cheek, the rise and fall of his chest. But eventually he gently pushed her away.
‘I think I need exercise, Tania,’ he said. ‘Could we go for a walk? I'd really like a run, but I know Joe is busy today. You don't run yourself?’
‘Not like you do.’ She was thinking, considering possibilities, and rejecting the most far-fetched. She could tell he needed to run. Physical exercise was one of the best ways of coping with stress.
‘Go and get into your running gear, put your tracksuit on,’ she said. ‘I've got an idea. You don't mind being whistled at, do you?’
‘Not if it's a whistle of appreciation.’ Jonathan went to change.
She drove him to the beach and then they walked along the sand. Eventually they found themselves again on the great expanse of flat sand where he had run before. Once again the place was deserted – hardly a person to be seen and only the distant sea's murmur to listen to.
He stripped off his tracksuit and did his stretching exercises. Then Tania turned him to face the sea, about half a mile away. ‘Just run,’ she said. ‘Slowly at first and, remember, pick your feet up. But there's nothing to trip over or fall into.’
She blew a blast on the whistle she always kept in the car. ‘Listen for this. One blast means stop. Two blasts means turn left and run. Three blasts means turn right and run. Now I'm going to send you out and see if I can guide you back to me.’
She knew what a strain it would be on him. He was alone, he had no idea what he was running towards. There was no Joe tied to him to act as a guide. The human reaction was to slow down, to reach out to see what was coming.
As she had suggested, he set off slowly at first. But then she could see his confidence growing. He accelerated a little, the tentative jogging turning into an easy long-legged stride.
When he neared the sea she blew a blast and he stopped. She blew two more blasts and he turned to the left, ran easily, parallel to the waves. Then she blew two blasts again and he turned and made his way back inland again. It worked! A final two blasts and he turned, more or less towards her. He had described an almost perfect square. Then she stopped him, and hurried over. ‘You did so well! Did you enjoy it?’
‘A bit frightening at first,’ he panted, ‘but exciting for all that. Do you want to send me round again?’
He did two more big squares. But then he got too confident, tried to run too fast and fell sprawling in the sand. She ran over to him. ‘Jonathan! Are you all right?’ He pulled himself upright, brushing the sand from his face and body. ‘I'm fine. My fault, trying to be too clever. I was going to stop now, but I think I need to do
another circuit.’
She looked at his sweat-gleaming body. The singlet and shorts now did little to conceal the proportions of that wonderfully muscled body. ‘Don't you think you've done enough?’ she asked. ‘You look … warm.’
‘Just taken a fall. I need to run again to make sure I don't lose my confidence.’ Another essentially masculine idea.’
‘All right, then. But just to the sea and back. This time when I whistle, turn right around.’ He did as she suggested, then stood by her, wiping his face with the towel she handed him. ‘Thank you so much,’ he said. ‘That was wonderful and just what I needed. Now, answer me a question. Are you going to move into my spare room?’
‘Yes,’ she said.
‘Then the sooner the better. Will you move in tonight?’
‘Yes,’ she said again. But she wondered if she was doing a wise thing.
Moving out didn't take very long. Tania had expected to go at any time and she didn't have too many possessions. Two cases, four large cardboard boxes and she was packed. She drove to Jonathan's flat at once.
He had given her a key to the front door and the flat and a card to open the electronic garage, where she was to occupy his spare parking place. She took the lift up to his flat. Odd. There was no one there. But this at least gave her the chance to move in all her stuff. She knew he'd be desperate to help her and she'd rather do this herself.
After half an hour she had moved in. She had a quick shower. They had arranged that the main bathroom would be largely hers as Jonathan had an en suite bathroom opening off his bedroom. She put on a new light dress and went to look for him. Probably he would be in the garden, practising his long cane work.
It had been a hot day and it was still a warm evening.
She saw Jonathan at once, though he had his back to her. He was wearing a white shirt and light grey trousers and, of all things, he had a panama on his head.
He was sitting on one of the benches, and with him there was a girl, who also had her back to Tania. She was wearing a pink dress with a pink hat. Tania thought she had never seen anyone hold themselves so gracefully. She also thought she was a tiny bit jealous as Jonathan seemed entranced by what the girl was saying.
Tania walked towards the couple, crunching along the gravel path. When she neared them Jonathan turned his head and called, ‘Good evening, Tania.’
She stopped, startled. ‘How did you know it was me?’
‘Your step on the gravel is unmistakable. I know the, length of your stride, the way you put your foot down. I even heard the little hesitation when you saw I was with someone.’
‘You're catching on fantastically quickly. With most people it takes months before they're as good as that.’
‘Perhaps you have a distinctive footstep.’
Now Tania came to the front of the bench. Jonathan had already risen and the girl with him now did the same. But she wasn't a girl – she was a woman.
Perhaps in her late fifties, a woman who had looked after herself and now knew how to use the best cosmetics to the best effect. Tania thought she had never seen anyone look so gorgeous. It wasn't just the dress, the figure and the face – though all were wonderful.
When she smiled, there was a vitality about this woman that communicated itself instantly.
‘I'm Marianne Knight – Jonathan's mother,’ the woman said. ‘Tania, I'm so glad to meet you. I gather you've been looking after my son.’
And that was the last delight. Marianne had a definite Yorkshire accent.
She leaned forward and kissed Tania – not an ethereal kiss into the air but a hug and a deliberate, proper kiss. ‘Now, tell me what it's like, looking after him. I find it hard myself. You know, I only heard about this … this accident a couple of days ago. When I was in America. He didn't tell me till then.’
‘Tania was the one that pushed me into phoning you, Mum. I thought if you knew you'd only fuss.’
‘Well, of course I'd fuss! And now I'm here I'm going to. That's what mothers are for.’
There was obviously a great deal of affection between the two. Tania remembered her own happy relationship with her own mother, and for a moment felt envious. They were so happy with each other.
‘Have you moved in yet?’ Jonathan asked. ‘I would have been there to meet you, but Mum arrived and –’
‘I’ve taken my stuff upstairs. But since your mother’s here, perhaps I ought to …’
‘Don't you dare say you'll stay away,’ Marianne interrupted. ‘He may not need you, but I certainly will. You will stay, won't you?’
‘I'd love to,’ said Tania.
Marianne sat down, moving her skirt along the bench. ‘Sit here by me,’ she said. ‘Jonathan's been telling me about you. He says you're honest and good for him. Now, tell me – he will get his sight back, won't he?’
It had been hidden so far, but now Tania could hear the anguish in her voice. ‘Jonathan's getting the best possible attention,’ she said. ‘The neurosurgeon is one of the best in the country. If it can be done, he'll do it. And I can honestly say that Jonathan has been the best man I've ever come across at dealing with sudden blindness. If necessary, he'll cope.’
‘You're so supportive.’ Marianne smiled. ‘But now, please answer my question.’
‘The chances of him regaining his sight are about fifty-fifty,’ Tania said flatly. Just saying it horrified her.
She saw the tears in Marianne's eyes.
Jonathan took his mother's hand. ‘Don't let it get you down,’ he said. ‘Life goes on. Now, look as if you're pleased to see me.’
‘I am pleased to see you,’ said his mother. ‘I just want you to see me back.’
Tania said. ‘It's lovely out here in the sun. It's a bit late, but shall I fetch a tray of afternoon tea?’
‘I'd like that,’ said Jonathan.
‘So long as it's clearly understood that next time I fetch it,’ said Marianne.
It was Saturday morning and staying with Jonathan had worked out surprisingly well so far. She got on very well with Marianne – the two shared a similar sense of humour. And Marianne was sensitive. She didn't ask questions or probe into Tania's relationship with Jonathan. Instead, she gossiped about famous people she had met, and Tania was fascinated.
But now it was dress buying time. Joe had been let off the job. At present he was at the hospital with Eleanor and Jerry O'Connor, the new locum consultant who had just started. Jonathan knew Jerry well as the two had worked together in the past. Jerry had visited Jonathan and the two had spent a long morning together. Now Jonathan was reasonably happy to hand over his department – if only for a time.
Marianne was to take Tania shopping. It was a job she said she was looking forward to, and Tania believed her. Marianne had an incredible dress sense – and many of the clothes she wore were simple chain store purchases. But by putting different things together she always managed an effect that was striking and unusual.They took Tania's car to the city centre and walked into Gowns. Tania had never been in a shop like it, but Marianne was instantly at home.
‘Shopping should be a pleasure that is taken slowly,’ she told Tania. ‘It is to be savoured. Never buy anything expensive in a rush.’
An assistant established Tania's size and led them to the rack of ball gowns. ‘We'll browse for a while,’ Marianne told her, ‘then we'll ask for you.’
She turned a sharp eye on Tania, moved her into the sunlight. ‘We must get something to bring out that dark colouring of yours,’ she muttered. ‘You can wear something striking – barbaric even. You've got a face that can take it. It's full of strength.’
That rather pleased Tania. It was obvious that Marianne wasn't trying to flatter her but was just taking the detached view of a woman who knew an awful lot about clothes.
Marianne went on, ‘You have a glorious figure, too. You must feature that bust and that waist. They tell us that the weather is going to stay hot, so I suggest something a little bit daring.’
She
sniffed. ‘To be honest, I don't think much of that dress you're wearing now. That high neckline! You never reveal too much, do you?’
‘No,’ said Tania. ‘I don't like outfits that show too much. They're just not me.’
‘But you have such good skin! You should show it!’
‘No, please, I just don't like things like that.’
‘Very well. Perhaps it's better to hint and suggest than to state.’
They looked at every dress and then selected half a dozen that might possibly do. The assistant put them all on a rack and then asked if the ladies would like a cup of tea or perhaps coffee. ‘Coffee, I think,’ said Marianne. ‘It stimulates the brain more. Then we'll make our choice. Do you want me to be lady's maid, Tania, and help you change?’
That was the last thing Tania wanted. ‘No,’ she said hurriedly. ‘You sit out here and I'll come to you.’ Then she went into the changing cubicle and shut the door very firmly. Marianne mustn't see her undressed. She mustn't see the scarring.
Tania loved trying on all the dresses. She modelled them one by one, coming out of the cubicle, walking up and down, twisting round so Marianne could see the full effect.
Marianne felt the fabrics, assessed the cuts. She found faults that Tania had never even noticed. And there was no need to hurry. This was something to be enjoyed at leisure.
Eventually they narrowed the choice down to two. There was a shimmery silk petrol blue dress, with fitted bodice and waist, spreading out into a bell skirt. It was held up with bootlace straps and had a short fitted jacket. Then there was a black dress in a soft floating fabric. There was a white under layer beneath it, which showed at the neck and the hem. It was high at the front but with a lower-cut back and was split to mid-thigh.
‘You could wear either of those and you'd be a sensation,‘ said Marianne, ‘but I think you'd be a bigger sensation in the black. Don't forget, all the men will be in black and white, you'll be competing with them. That's a dangerous dress, if you know what I mean. Very few women could get away with wearing that. But you could.’
Tania looked at herself in the mirror, pirouetted and stared over her shoulder at the back view. Yes, this dress was really something. In the past few years she'd never done anything exciting like wearing a dress like this.
The Consultant's Recovery Page 10