by tantan
the place intoxicated his senses. The scents of the flowers intermingled with each other, creating a fragrance of such loveliness that Guan Yu just wanted to recline, and keep his olfactory system in continuous action.
"To be or not to be that is the question," said a man, sitting in the lotus position by the pool. "To-morrow, and to-morrow, and to-morrow, creeps in this petty pace from day to day, to the last syllable of recorded time; and all our yesterdays have lighted fools. The way to dusty death. Out, out, brief candle! Life's but a walking shadow." He opened his eyes and looked directly at Guan Yu. "Welcome to Penglai-Shan, Guan Yu. Do you come to join me in my meditations on immortality and its sorrow?"
"Cao-Guojiu, I come to ask for your aid. You're participation in the greatest saga of our time. Will you take on the role of 'hero' and aid me in my quest?"
"But certes good fellow. Forsooth, it's better than dwelling morbidly on death. When do we leave?"
"After I speak to you're brothers."
"Ah. So they too are to have a part in this performance. Prithee, lend me your ears. I did see Han-Xiangzi flying around but a few hours ago over the peach orchard. Perhaps, he is still there, for he is an honorable man, lacking the grievous fault of being where he is not expected."
They went into the peach orchard and saw Han-Xiangzi sitting on one of the branches of a peach tree, playing a lazy melody on his flute.
"Why, this is most profound," he cried on seeing them. "Cao-Guojiu and Guan Yu. The actor and the warrior together. But aren't they always? War is but a massive play, with its tales of tragedy and bravery, written by one man alone. Is that man you, Guan Yu?"
"That man is not I, Han-Xiangzi. It is Monkey. I come to ask your aid in preventing war and destruction. Perhaps the final destruction of all Reality."
"All Reality you say. This is most profound".
"But true."
"Very well. I have nothing better to do. But nothing comes without its price. In return you will have to buy me a new flute. One of those silver French ones, so that I can play some Jethro Tull."
"Done," cried Guan Yu.
And then there were three...
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They walked on to find a woman kicking a drunk and unconscious person on the ground. "Get up you drunken lout!" the woman shrieked. "You're sleeping on my cat!"
"Why darling," mumbled the grounded figure, "it's not yet dark. Not time for a refill yet." The figure went back to sleep in seconds and started snoring loudly.
"He-Xiangu," said Guan Yu to the woman, who was still kicking the prone figure.
"Guan Yu," she said. "Guojiu, Xiangzi. What has happened? Has this drunken lout done something he was not supposed to, again?"
"I come to ask for your aid in a quest," Guan Yu replied. "A quest to save Reality."
"I will come," she replied, "if you can get this idjit off my cat".
"Lan-Caihe," Guan Yu shouted into the drunk's ear.
"Why hello darling," the drunk mumbled, scratching his stomach. "Let's continue this conversation after I get up shall we." Lan-Caihe started snoring again.
"Lan-Caihe," Guan Yu shouted again. "The world needs your help. Reality is being destroyed. Wine, people, everything, will soon be gone if we don't do something."
"No more wine?" Lan-Caihe sat up straight, instantly alert. "We have to do something," he said, in an unusually sober voice. "Umm… He-Xiangu, sorry about your cat," he said, looking at the dead feline. "Please don't tell the RSPCA on me."
"Aargh!" He-Xiangu screeched and chased him throughout the island and then through the sky.
"Don't worry about them." Han-Xiangzi shook his head. "They shall be back when they remember that their roses and wines are in jeopardy. The cat always returns for its pail of milk".
"Umm…" Guojiu muttered, "I wouldn't mention cats anywhere in Xiangu's presence if I were you. Just a warning s'all."
"Spare a little change for the less fortunate," said a dirty man, dressed in rags, who emerged from the shadows walking on a crutch. He gave them a grin and said, "I heard what you said about saving Reality to He-Xiangu and Lan-Caihe. I shall gladly accompany you, if you wish to have my aid Guan Yu."
"Li-Tieguai, your aid is welcome."
"And would you like us to help you as well?" Three men jumped down from the branches of a tree behind them.
"Lu-Dongbin, Zhang-Guolao, Zhang-Liquan, your aid is welcome a thousand times."
They set off, Guan Yu and the Eight Immortals, their faces displaying only readiness for battle.
From Huns to Mongols
Mary and Anne had spent a most uncomfortable two days. They had been bound and gagged by a gang of Huns. Shorty had managed to escape. He had flown away. Flown! Mary and Anne had never seen a thing like it. And now they couldn't see anything at all...They were blindfolded. The Huns had said that the two of them would make a nice gift for Attila(who hadn't met them since he was staunching a nose bleed). They had been fed regularly and taken out for walks, like dogs. If this continued, Anne was scared she'd start howling at the full moon. She hoped Shorty would come and rescue them quickly. But what if he didn't? They would have to start relying on themselves, thought Anne. How could they escape?
Just then, a lot of shouting was heard. And then screams. The sound of horses galloping and arrows whizzing through the air, mixed with screams. Now's our chance thought Anne. She rubbed the bonds of her arms against a protruding rough surface she had found earlier, and was soon free. She undid the rest of her restraints, and set Mary free as well.
"Whew," Mary said, rubbing her wrists. "That took longer than I thought. Where's Shorty?"
"I don't think he's come yet, unless he's brought an army of galloping cavalry with him," Anne replied peeking outside through the tent flaps. "We'd better get away from here."
Anne and Mary snuck through the piles of injured and dying men, making their way slowly to the Yellow Brick Road.
They were almost there when they were grabbed from behind.
"You are now prisoners of Genghis Khan. Your exotic appearances shall liven up his bedroom." Their capturer placed a pair of shackles onto their wrists. "Do not try to escape or you shall be severely punished."
Mary started crying, which surprised Anne as it was totally out of character with what she had seen of Mary so far.
"I'm going to be a concubine," she wailed. "I can't be a concubine. I'm Catholic."
Anne patted her back. "There there. It'll be all right. Shorty will rescue us. As for being a Catholic, I don't see how that matters. Don't think anyone in their right minds would want to be a concubine," she whispered.
Mary nodded, and dried her tears. The Mongol, who had been quite disconcerted when Mary started crying, now nodded and led them to their caravans.
"I shall not chain you," he said kindly, "but if you try to escape, you will wish I had."
The girls promised not to try to escape relieved to be free of any restraints.
A Bouffet of Mutton
Shorty dashed though the sky. I must find help. He spotted some caravans in the distance and people waving at him in the distance. They might help. He landed near the one who seemed like the leader.
Al-Imony stared at the strangely dressed man. "He flies just like Al-Out," he ran forward to greet the stranger.
"Peace be with you," Al-Imony ran forward greeting the stranger. "My name is Al-Imony, leader of this tribe. Will you warm yourself by our fire and share in our repast."
"You betcha," replied Shorty grinning at Al-Imony. "I've been flying for half a day, and boy does that mutton smell good(the sheep had raided their camp, trying to exterminate the butcher. Unfortunately for them, a wolf in sheep's clothing, who had infiltrated their group a few days ago, had warned the camp of their raid earlier). Name's Shorty by the way."
"Ah. I shall tell Al-Acarte, our chef (who only served bouffets), you said so," replied Al-Imony, grinning back at Shorty.
Shorty looked around, gazing at Al-
Imony's people. "Your people sure do seemed trained in the art of war, Al-Imony. How many boys do you have here?"
"Five hundred men. All veterans."
"Oh. In that case, I beg for your aid in rescuing my two young wards. They were captured by a battalion, hundred miles east of here."
"Genghis Khan!" Al-Imony spat on the floor. "That damn slave trader has been sending his army West lately, forcing my people to flee. I will aid you Shorty, if we can get to the battalion before they rejoin the main army. But first we must have dinner. And wait for Al-Out," he muttered under his breath.
Al-Out's Superb Interrogation Technique
Al-Out sat on the sand dunes staring east.
"Father," he said under his breath. 'Your spirit shall soon be put to peace. He drew his sword and practiced the positions he had been taught, and the few he had invented himself. He would leave the camp that night, no matter what Al-Imony said.
He went back to camp and found his comrades preparing for war. "What is happening?" he asked Al-Imony.
"We ride to war, boy. Go prepare yourself."
"War with whom?" asked Al-Out, wondering at the suddenness of the whole thing.
"Well. Not war actually. More of a raid. Genghis Khan has kidnapped two sweet young innocents who we must rescue."
"S'right," said Shorty from the corner.
"Who are you?" asked Al-Out, amazed that so much could happen in the span of a few hours.
"Name's Shorty. And you must be Al-Out. Al-Imony tells me you want to go to Uso. You won't be able to make that journey alone, you know? Brigands and stuff."
"I have ability enough to protect myself," replied Al-Out,