“Not going to Maris, you mean?”
“Yeah. It’s just with Kara there, I don’t know; I feel kind of odd.”
He claps me on the shoulder. “Jennings, if you feel that way, then I can go over and…” His sentence trails off. “No.”
Brad and Nick step up next to us. Kody immediately demands, “Brad? Did you have a clue, you asshole?”
“A clue about what?” I ask. I start to turn around to get a bead on what they’re seeing that I can’t.
They all hiss, “Don’t!” simultaneously.
A small part of me wishes I hadn’t. Not then. Not when I was supposed to be grieving Jed.
I must be seeing things because a tall boy steps out of the hallway and moves immediately into the arms of my ex-girlfriend. Kara’s face trembles for an instant before it firms up as her head tips back when she lifts her hand to cup the cheek of the handsome kid. She strokes his cheek and jaw tenderly before pulling him down as she raises up to brush a kiss on his cheek.
Like she did to me a million times.
I can’t make out what they’re saying, but the love that’s there is obvious.
So is the fact that if I were to fly home to Seattle and pull my high school yearbook out of storage, he’d be my damn spitting image.
I feel hot fury and cold rage all at the same time. “How?” is all I manage to get out.
Brad steps in front of me. “I swear to you on my life, on Rainey’s life, I had no clue, Jennings. I don’t know—”
“There’s not a doubt in my mind.” Is that my voice that’s so flat, so lifeless?
“What I was going to say is, I have no idea if Jed knew,” Brad says carefully.
Time freezes much as I imagine my body is. “No,” I immediately deny. “There’s no way he would have known and…” I watch another set of well-wishers approach the two women.
Nick growls, “It’s pretty obvious to me Maris knew.”
“I’ll be back.” Brad leaves us to approach. I turn back to face Nick and Kody, both of whom are pale.
The three of us stand in our small circle. The room is too warm, and my legs are quivering. I’m about to excuse myself when Brad comes back over. The perspiration on his brow needs to be wiped off.
“Well?” Kody demands whispering.
Brad claps me on the shoulder. “Let’s get out of here.”
Nick, ever the smart-ass, fires off, “You mean we’re not going to pay our respects?”
“I think our friend here is going to have plenty to think about by the time we get back to the B&B without you deliberately baiting someone in grief,” Brad says diplomatically.
I hold up a hand. “Just tell me this. Is that boy my son or not?”
Brad solidifies the night as one I know I’ll never forget. “She never confirmed either way. But she admitted he’s her son.”
“What did you find out?” I demand. This time, I turn and look over my shoulder. The young man is devastated. His hand is clamped down on his mother’s shoulder. He has my dark hair, my nose. Hell, from this distance, I can even see he has my jaw.
I’d bet every plane in my fleet he’s mine.
Kody and Nick lean in.
Brad hesitates before admitting, “I found out the reason why Kara’s glued to Maris. She’s not just anyone. She’s Jed’s sister-in-law; his husband, Dean, is Kara’s brother.”
And the overly warm room spins as the implications of all the secrets Jed’s been holding starts to sink in.
And at that moment, Kara’s eyes and mine lock across the room full of grief-stricken people. Her chin lifts with something else I can’t name. Daring me to come at her, her son, to what? To cause more pain and destruction when there’s already so much occurring? There’s only one way I know I can avoid that. Turning to the men I’d do anything for, I beg, “Get me the hell out of here before I lose it.”
“You got it.” Nick grabs me under the elbow and drags me for the nearest exit, Brad and Kody bringing up the rear.
The minute we’re all safely in the car, I turn on Brad. “Is. He. Mine?” I demand.
He clutches the steering wheel for a moment before he faces me, disclosing, “She didn’t deny it.”
I thought I came to Alaska to pay my final respects to one of my closest friends. I didn’t think I’d end up so angry my throat feels too tight to speak, and there’s an ache in my chest worse than when I found out Jed was gone. I barely manage to get out, “Let’s go,” before I lapse into a silence.
I don’t hear anything being discussed around me. All I can think is, Jed, you bastard. Why didn’t you tell me?
Jennings
I should be paying attention to the words of the minister, who’s talking about the life enriched by love Jed led, but I can’t. Because my mind is still reeling with the words of condolences he offered to the members of Jed’s family spoken a few moments ago.
First to his last relative by blood, his sister, Maris—a long-standing member of the Juneau community.
Then he went on to give his condolences to Kara Malone and her son, Kevin of Ponte Vedra, Florida, nephew of Jedidiah Jonas Smith Malone.
How the fuck didn’t I know? How could he not tell me?
Kara’s head is dropped, so all I see is the arch of her slender neck. The new cut exposes a neck I remember spending hours kissing. When during one of the many times I made love to her that summer did we make him? Did her amber-colored eyes blink up at me like an adorable owl after we made him? God, Owl. I called her that so many times. How did I forget?
What else did I forget? Protection? I frantically try to remember, but damnit, it was close to sixteen years ago. I feel myself overheating in the small sanctuary. I want to howl in frustration, grab her by her slender arm, and drag her out to demand all of the answers. But I can’t.
Her shoulders are shaking with silent despair as the minister says prayers over the urn. She turns her head and lifts her hand to wipe under her eyes. As she does, the light streaming through the church windows glints off her tears. After her fingers brush back and forth, she wraps her arm around the boy sitting next to her, who is sobbing so openly, it echoes in all parts of the vestibule. His dark, mahogany hair stands wildly on end, as if no amount of hair product can tame it. Only a good haircut will, son. My heart burning, I force myself to look at him again.
Kara’s son. My son. No matter how much she may try to protest, there’s little doubt in my mind.
The conflicting feelings inside my chest are threatening to cause me to collapse. I want to howl in pain over Jed’s loss and somehow breathe life back into those ashes so I can kill him all over again for not telling me.
But a tiny voice whispers in my mind, Did he try to?
I guess I’ll never know, I think brutally, tuning back in to the minister’s words.
And then I’m stunned for a second time. “The life Jed shared with his husband was vital to him. He wrote these words to be read: ‘I was a man whose heart was bound by promises in two very different worlds.’ He hoped everyone understood that no matter what, he loves them. Now, for all of eternity, he and Dean will be together, as they were in life.”
My lips part in shock when I hear the minister’s words. Jed’s husband, Kara’s brother, is gone too? My heart softens a bit, remembering the look she shot me across the room last night, as Kara slips her other arm around Maris and pulls her tightly against her as well. I can barely hold on—how is she standing?
Brad leans over to hiss in my ear, “What do you think—”
I cut him off with, “No idea,” before Nick punches me in the arm to shut me up. What’s supposed to be a light tap will likely leave a bruise.
I don’t get pissed. It’s the first real thing I’ve felt since seeing Kara and her—our—son last night.
Their combined ashes have been buried under a tombstone with simple words. Beloved husband, son, brother, and uncle. Loyal and loving until his last breath.
As the ashes are placed, both Kara and M
aris, who had regained their composure, use handkerchiefs to dab at their faces again. The boy, Kevin, hasn’t stopped crying once. It’s a tribute to how much love he has for my friend, for his uncle, and it makes my heart ache. At the same time, I’m infuriated by the fact I want to run up behind my ex-girlfriend and our son, tug them into my arms, and assure them things will eventually get better. But how can I when I’m so pissed I can barely speak to the men who have had my back for fifteen years.
Fuck.
A stream of light lands between Kara and me, right across Jed’s grave. And just like the funeral home last night, our eyes connect as we’re both drawn by it.
Hers hold a depth of pain that almost throws me backward by the force of it. It’s so naked and raw, it intensifies my own tenfold. If grief is the price to pay for love, then Kara loved Jed and her brother with everything she had.
Then her face changes. Her lashes lower briefly before they open and meet mine again. The pain is temporarily masked. Instead, I see determination and pride. There’s no anxiety, no fear. Nothing from a woman who deliberately kept her child away from the man who fathered it.
The little voice growls, Maybe he isn’t yours.
The hell he isn’t. Even if he didn’t look like a replica of me when I was at that age, there’s something drawing me to him. Shoving the thought aside as I jam my hands into my jacket pockets, I try to tune in to the final blessings. Encountering the folded letter from the attorney requesting my presence at the will reading, I control my breathing. Maybe I’ll have answers later.
Because I sure as hell can’t leap across a dead man’s grave to demand them, no matter how much I want to.
I’m stunned not to find Kara waiting at the attorney’s office later that afternoon. Maris, whose coloring is so reminiscent of Jed’s, is conferring with the attorney when we enter the conference room. Her head twists in our direction. She gives us a brief nod before taking a seat. “Brad, Kody, Nick.” It may be my imagination, but her lips curl a bit when she says my name. “Jennings.”
We all murmur, “Maris,” before sitting down.
The attorney opens a file and slips out a thick document along with two sealed envelopes next to a box.
“Denise, if you could please get the door on your way out?” The attorney jerks his chin toward the front of the room. “Ng and I have it from here.”
“Yes, Mr. Isler.” The young woman quietly exits the room, closing the conference room doors behind her.
Kody speaks my thoughts aloud. “Are we not waiting for Kara?”
The attorney and Maris exchange a speaking glance. “Ms. Malone was in consultation with her brother and brother-in-law at the time their wills were made. She is aware she is not a beneficiary of Mr. Smith’s will. Subsequently, there is no need for her presence.”
“What the actual fuck?” I breathe. A million thoughts go crashing through my brain. What does Kara do now? Does she have enough money to raise my son? I immediately think of the changes I’ll need to make to my own estate planning when Isler’s voice breaks into my thoughts.
“If that is unacceptable, we can delay the reading until a later time.”
“That’s not necessary,” Nick pipes up.
I’m stunned silent, unable to speak to give my assent. What did you do, Jed? The thought whispers through my head as the lawyer nods before beginning. After a brief introduction to the paralegal in the room, the lawyer begins.
We all shift uncomfortably when the lawyer declares, “And so, I leave the following.”
“All properties previously divided in fifty/fifty ownership between myself and Maris Ione Smith become hers solely. This includes Smith’s Brewhouse in Juneau, Alaska, and our childhood home our parents left us upon their passing. This does not include Hook and Ladder Beachside in Jacksonville Beach, Florida, as ownership will revert to my investors with the proceeds going into my irrevocable trust. My sister should know she was the light of my life, and should she precede me in death, my world has been a dimmer place for not having you in it until the end, Little Mari Sunshine.”
Maris sniffles as she nods, likely none of the lawyer’s bequests coming as a surprise but her brother’s words grabbing her beyond the grave.
“To my husband, Dean Kevin Malone, I want you to know words can’t capture the miracle of the love I found with you. To you, I leave my irrevocable trust with the understandings associated with it. Should he precede me in death, the trust is to be split evenly between my sister and my nephew by marriage, Kevin Jennings Malone, with the understanding the trust is not to be touched for any reason until his twenty-fifth birthday except furthering his education, medical necessity, or as agreed upon by the executor of the estate as necessary to maintain his current standard of living.”
My fists clench and unlock upon hearing my son’s full name. Kara named him after her brother and me. I’m not given much time to process that as the lawyer continues.
“To my sister-in-law, Kara Malone, I leave my eternal gratitude in sharing the Malone love. I just wanted you to know, you will never know what it meant for you to open up to me when you had every right to keep yourself closed off. From now into eternity, know I had a special place in my heart for you. Even in death, I have to try one last time for both of your sakes. If it doesn’t work out the way I think it will, don’t think ill of me in your memories years from now.” The lawyer pauses. “A copy of this will be provided to Ms. Malone, per Mr. Smith’s wishes, which is why her presence was not required here today.”
Maris whispers, “God, Jed,” before her entire body shudders. Since I’m the closest to the tissues, I slide them across the table. But I’m stunned speechless when instead of sadness, I find anger sparking in her eyes.
“Maris?” I ask hesitantly.
“Be quiet, Jennings,” she hisses, her voice awash with bitterness. “This isn’t over yet.”
With a twisted feeling in my stomach, I face the lawyer.
“To Bradley Meyers, I leave my boat in Florida and a two-year fully paid tender. Take Rainey and the kids on a vacation out of the cold, my friend.” Brad gives a watery chuckle.
“To Kody Laurence, I leave my travel journals, sketch books, and drawing kit. There’s also an open-ended monthlong trip paid for at the retreat we went to in Montana. Inside one of the journals, you’ll find a drawing of a tree house I thought would be perfect there. Make that happen, will you? Sorry, Kody, the sketches suck. My skills were never up to yours. If I could wish anything for you, it’s to see there’s more than houses that needs your magic touch.” Kody scrubs his head in his hands as he nods up and down. Ng, the paralegal, comes up behind Kody and hands him a box which Kody accepts.
“To Nicholas Cain, I leave my gold cross and chain. There was never a day I didn’t wear it. Faith was important to me. You need to believe something, my friend. It wasn’t me who saved you. It’s time for you to accept that as you look in the mirror. Maybe if you’re wearing this, you will.” Nick looks away, a tic in his jaw. The lawyer clears his throat. “Mr. Cain, this is for you.” The lawyer stands and walks around the table. When he reaches him, he presses a small box in Nick’s trembling hands. “Thank you” is choked out, but it’s not the lawyer he’s addressing. It’s Maris. Because Jed told it true: he was never without that necklace, and he has to know what Jed leaving that to someone else must do to her.
She shrugs as if it doesn’t make a difference to her while Isler reseats himself and gets his bearings.
Resuming his location in the will, he continues. “And finally, to John Jennings, I leave the contents of these two envelopes. It’s my ever-loving hope you understand the meaning of them before you do something beyond forgiveness.” The lawyer slides both envelopes toward me, the first small, the second much larger.
The first one says READ ME NOW in Jed’s distinctive scrawl.
I immediately tear open the back.
Jennings,
Before you fly out of control, a few things to think about.
/>
Kara tried to contact you about Kevin; yes, you asshole, if you didn’t pick it up from the service—that’s your son’s name. She has evidence to prove she did which surprises me considering she was perfectly content raising him alone. As much as it frustrated the hell out of me when I found out, I understood why Kara made me promise not to tell you. To her, the bonds of family are sacred—with good reason.
If you use your brain, you’ll remember I tried every possible way to get you to come visit me in Florida. I figured once you ended up in my sphere, there would be no way you wouldn’t end up seeing her and all of this would be unnecessary. Remember me practically begging you to fly down to Florida—that I had something amazing I wanted to show you where I lived?
Consider this the slap upside the head you said I could give you one day.
Welcome to the best parts of life.
Friendship.
Fatherhood.
Love.
I’ve made some arrangements (and you’d better figure out a way to make this work, company or not). If Kevin is under 21, Kara has agreed to stay in Alaska with him for the summer after my death (if he’s of age, he’ll be asked to spend equal time with you at his convenience).
You have a clear sky. Unlimited visibility. It’s all on you to fly or fall now that you’re in the air.
I’ll just be watching from much higher.
I love you, man.
Jed
I can’t say a word as I read the letter a second, a third time. Swallowing is difficult. Finally, I fold it, tuck it back into the envelope, and lay it on top of the other which is much thicker.
It’s also stamped PRIVATE. Beneath it Jed printed “OPEN ALONE.”
“Thank you,” I manage to choke out. Maris lets out a growling noise. My head swivels to meet her devastated face. “I’m sorry,” I whisper. I don’t just owe her those words; I owe them to Kara.
And so does my son.
Maris blinks rapidly before her mouth firms. “Are we finished?” she asks Mr. Isler haughtily. “I’d like to check on my family.”
Return by Air (Glacier Adventure Series Book 1) Page 5